The Crash Box Set, page 115
part #1 of EMP Crash Series
Hank noticed on a few occasions that this sailor gazed longingly at the church, and he was doing so again. Before, Hank had left the ball in the boy's court, but after what had happened, Hank thought he should take the initiative. So, he walked up to him. When the sailor saw Hank approaching he turned to move away, but Hank was too quick, and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. Now that he was so close Hank could see just how young the boy was. He was quite shocked, but he also saw the pain in the boy’s eyes.
“I'm Hank. I've noticed you around. I've been trying to get to know the new people around here. What's your name, son?”
“Oliver,” the boy said, stammering a little.
“How are you finding being back on land? I imagine it must be difficult to be surrounded by so many people again, and to have all these buildings around you rather than the endless sea.”
“It's a little strange, but it's okay,” he said.
Oliver had a small voice, and every word was said quickly, as though he was afraid if he didn't get them out of his mouth as quickly as possible the words all would be lost in the ether. His eyes rarely met Hank's, and they darted about furtively. It was clear he wanted leave. However, now that Hank had him he was not going to let him go, for this was clearly a soul in need of help.
“Are you religious? I only ask because I've seen you looking at the church a few times.”
Oliver rolled his lower lip under his teeth. “Yes, I mean...I was, but I'm not sure I am anymore.”
Hank gave him an understanding smile, and placed an arm around Oliver's shoulders. “I've heard that many times before. Let's go inside and have a chat,” the preacher said, leading Oliver into the quiet church.
Hank could sense Oliver's fear, and told him it would be alright, but what he didn't see was that something had caught Oliver's eye, something that made him tremble. Flint was standing in the shadows, and was looking directly at Oliver. The young sailor felt the weight of the stare, and his eyes sank to the floor. He started to tremble, but when Hank asked him what was wrong, Oliver shook his head. Then he raised his gaze again, and saw that Flint still was there, standing menacingly, but Oliver didn't know what to say to break away.
When they were inside Hank led him through to a side office where they could have some privacy, just in case anyone else wanted to use the hall to pray. Oliver gazed at the religious artwork on the walls.
“Some of those we found in houses, others were painted by people of New Haven. They give the place a certain aura, I think. I don't suppose you're creative at all?”
“Not really,” Oliver said.
They moved through to a small room and Hank gestured for Oliver to take a seat. Oliver perched on the edge, hands in his lap, looking totally uncomfortable. The preacher sat opposite him, and didn't really know what else to do to set him at ease.
“There's nothing to be scared of here, Oliver, you're in a safe space. I just wanted to speak with you. It's my job to remind God's flock of his love, and I get the feeling you may have your doubts, or may have strayed from the Lord's light. I want to tell you that it's perfectly fine, and natural, especially with everything that you've been through. We are flawed beings, and we have our doubts. God can give us many challenges in life, but he also gives us the strength to overcome them.
“Faith isn't something that is always going to stay strong. It is going to be tested, and it is going to waver. Still, what is important is that we take time out of our lives to invest ourselves in our faith and remind ourselves why we believed in the first place. I am sure it may feel as if God has abandoned you, but I hope you can see he was with you all along. He led you to this place, which is filled with good people, and hope for the future.”
So far there hadn't been any response from Oliver, until Hank mentioned God being with him all through his ordeal. At that point, he finally spoke. “He wasn't there. He couldn't have been, because if he had seen what had happened, he'd know that we weren't worthy of his love or his forgiveness.”
At this Hank's mood shifted. There was clearly something bothering Oliver, and it seemed like something he and the rest of New Haven should know. He licked his lips and lowered the tone of his voice in an effort to be more soothing, trying to tease out the truth. He leaned forward to get closer to Oliver, and reached out a tentative hand to place on Oliver's arm, although the boy instantly drew away.
“Tell me more,” Hank said, “what happened out there, Oliver? What is it that God would be so ashamed to see?”
Hank could see the weight of the burden that had been placed on these young shoulders, and he felt pity for the young sailor. Oliver was twisted up with anguish, and Hank wondered what the other sailors had done to put Oliver's conscience into such chaos. All he could do was wait until Oliver felt ready enough to open up. The moments between them stretched out, and Hank became acutely aware of the sounds of their breathing. It had come to the point where the preacher wondered if Oliver ever was going to speak again. He was about to try prompting him again but instead Oliver spoke.
“I can't tell you what happened. The Lord knows, and he will make sure our punishment is fitting. I know it's going to come...I'm just waiting...waiting. But I can't say. Nobody ever can know, apart from God. I give myself over to him. He can do whatever he wants with me. I am his servant and I will do whatever he asks of me.”
“The thing most important to God is the truth,” Hank said. “Please, tell me, I promise that whatever you say here won't leave this room.”
Oliver's head rose and his bloodshot eyes met Hank's. Hank actually felt a trembling fear creep down his spine. “No, I can't tell you what happened. Only God knows. We did something terrible, something so, so terrible, and if you found out… This place...no… nobody can find out, nobody.”
At this Oliver drew his legs up into his chest and started to rock back and forth on the chair. He pressed his forehead against his knees, and kept repeating his anguished moans. Hank was filled with concern and fear, trying to think of what could have driven Oliver to feeling like this. He thought about the other sailors, trying to see if he could glean any clues from his memory, but there was nothing that came to mind. It was something that had to be brought to Mack, though, for if the safety of New Haven was being threatened, it needed to be dealt with. And Oliver needed help as well. Hank hated seeing such a young person be so torn with emotion that he was unable to function.
But there was another young man who was having a tough time of his own, although in vastly different circumstances. He had had little opportunity to learn anything of his friends since being taken captive. Although, from what he could gather, there were just a handful of sailors left on the ship. Had the others planned an assault on New Haven? It didn't seem likely, given that they would have been severely outnumbered. Tristan knew Mack would have seen it coming, but then why hadn't anyone been sent to rescue him yet?
An oil lantern hung from the ceiling, and as the ship gently swayed, this did as well, sending a stream of light across the room. Tristan was scared. He called out, but only one person answered. They had a brief conversation, but neither of them knew what was going on. They had been fed routinely with a small amount of fish that evidently had been caught near the shore, and Tristan was growing tired of having the same thing to eat.
His body ached from being tied to the chair, and his mind was frazzled. If they wanted to kill him, why didn't they just do it? He hung his head in misery and thought about his mother. Was she still alive? Did she even know he was here? Perhaps the sailors had told everyone else that he and the others had suffered a terrible accident and had drowned. Maybe that's why nobody had come looking for them, and nobody ever would.
The thought of being at the mercy of the sailors for the rest of his life was a dreadful one, especially since he didn't know how long the rest of his life was going to be. At that point, he was in such anguish that he didn't want to it be long, and almost wished one of his captors would come in and slit his throat to put him out of his misery. There were points when he struggled against the twine that bound him, but he was getting weaker by the day, and it was a futile effort. All he had was the dim light of the lantern for he was locked in the bowels of the ship, without hope or any idea what the sailors were going to do with him.
Chapter 5
Grace was standing at one of the barriers, looking out at the city. She was feeling restless because of what was going on with her and Luis, and couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that had burrowed its way into the pit of her stomach. So far, their relationship had been easy. This was the first time they had encountered a problem, and it was a serious one. It seemed as though the two of them had completely different ideas regarding how things should be, and Grace was left feeling hollow as she tried to think about the future and what it meant for the both of them. For so long, while she had been focused on surviving, the future had been a luxury. What mattered was the here and now, and the just to come. Anything further was tempting fate. She hadn't put much thought into the future, but now that New Haven was established, she could afford to think about the months and years ahead. However, she wasn't sure that it involved her and Luis being involved in a relationship.
She didn't want to feel like that, and it would have been easier had she felt differently. Being her first relationship, these feelings still were raw, and they took on a greater weight than if she had had boyfriends before Luis. She loved him, she was sure of that, but was love enough?
As she stood on the barrier she looked out over the bleak city. The buildings looked so lonely. It was funny to think that only the better part of a year ago this place had been teeming with life as people went about their day to day business without a care in the world. They would have been preoccupied with money, with time, with a whole load of other things that simply didn't matter anymore. Now most of them were gone, and the people who were left struggled with survival, and yet there were still some of the same problems as well. She and Luis never would have met if it hadn't been for the end of the world. She was thrilled by how close they had grown, and yet she couldn't shake this feeling that something was wrong, that whatever they had wasn't enough.
She also knew she wasn't going to find the answers she sought by gazing out into the lost city. She turned and walked back into New Haven to find Maggie and Anna to have a chat. The three of them had grown close over time, and Grace counted on them for good advice. The two women were older and had experienced many more things than Grace. She looked up to them with great respect, for they were also so confident and content in their own skins. Grace was only just beginning to feel comfortable in hers.
The three of them sat outside. Anna was painting, Grace was trying to sketch, and Maggie was sitting with some cocoa, a rare treat for the sheriff. It was cold, but the chill was not biting, and for once they had some privacy from the sailors.
“Can I ask you something?” Grace began. Maggie and Anna glanced at each other with knowing smiles. They suspected that something was happening between Grace and Luis, and had been waiting for the young girl to bring it up. They nodded. “How did you know things were going to last between you and the men you ended up with?”
“You wanna go first?” Anna offered. Maggie shrugged and sipped from her drink before she began to speak.
“The truth is that I didn't. I've never believed in all that talk about soulmates and true love and destiny. I figure that there are so many people in the world the best you can hope for is to find someone who wants the same things as you and who wants to make you happy. That's what love is, really, wanting to make someone happy more than you want to make yourself happy. Anyway, it didn't happen overnight for the two of us. I was busy with work, and he was busy with his studies. Still, that being the case, he apparently saw something in me that he really liked because he kept on coming back, and eventually he asked me out.
“At first I just thought it was fun to date. Most of the guys I knew from the academy were all the same, and I didn't want to date anyone in the workplace. So, it was nice to have someone different, and at first, he said he was fine with the demands of the job. We saw each other when we could, and then it became more serious. I don't know if there was a single moment where I can tell you that it became something more, we just fell into it, I suppose. Both of us were happy with what we were doing and where we were going with our relationship. Then we got married and had Tristan, and I got a promotion at work, and that's when the problems started.”
“But you two still loved each other?” Grace asked.
“Oh, of course, but other things take their toll on love. That's another thing I think is total bullshit, the saying that love conquers all. It doesn't. There are circumstances and mistakes people make that can conquer love. I know I wasn't the best wife or mother, and I paid the price for that, but I don't think we ever really stopped loving each other. I think we just lost the ability to work out our problems. We became two separate people again instead of a couple. It's sad, and I wish I had done things differently. Yet, what some people don't seem to understand, and I blame movies for this by the way, is that the relationship doesn't just take care of itself after you say you love each other. You have to work at it. Love isn't magic, and it's not going to fix all of your problems.”
“She's right,” Anna said, “but that's not necessarily a bad thing either. Having one of those really difficult conversations with someone brings you closer together, and actually strengthens the love you have. Although sometimes it also will show you that you really have a different way of thinking, and don't want the same thing at all. For Mack and me, things went pretty quickly. I had had a few serious boyfriends, but none of them worked out, and none of them felt quite right. Until I met Mack, and after just our first date I was sure he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Wow, that quick?” Maggie said in amazement.
“Oh yeah, it was a hell of a date,” Anna replied with a knowing smile, “but I wouldn't say I fell in love with him at that point. I just knew he was the kind of man I wanted to be with. He was mature and confident, and he wasn't afraid to talk about things that made him look vulnerable, which was a godsend considering he was in the army. And over the years it was not easy. He was on deployment, and we had to work to stay close through video calls, and because of the nature of his work he had to keep secrets from me. That was difficult as well because honesty is one of the most important qualities for me.
“Yet, we both knew we had something worth fighting for, so we kept at it, and it worked out. Well, we didn't exactly plan for this, but otherwise it worked out just fine. But it's not like Mack was my first boyfriend. I learned over life that relationships are there to be learned from. When you have one that doesn't work out, you can look to it and see the reasons why it ended, and know that it's not something you want from a relationship. Like, if I hadn't been able to handle the long distance between Mack and me, then I would have made sure not to get involved in something like that in any future relationship. Like Maggie said, love isn’t a guarantee, despite what we're constantly told and everywhere else we look. And relationships are there to help you discover what it is you want and need to make you happy. What is it you want?”
It had taken a moment for Grace to realize Anna actually was asking her a question. She tapped her lower lip while she thought about an answer. “Well, I guess I want someone who isn't going to start a huge fight,” she chuckled, but then turned more serious, “and I want someone who isn't going to get jealous, and I want someone who is going to be okay with me doing what I want, even if it means I might be putting myself in danger.”
“Is that the problem between you and Luis?” Maggie asked.
Grace nodded. “He'd rather I stayed here where it's safe than go out on patrol. I don't mind that he's worried about my safety, but it's like he'd rather me sit and do nothing while everyone else goes out there and puts their lives on the line, and all I'd do is sit here. I don't want that. You've worked with him, I'm sure he's mentioned this to you,” she said, directed at Maggie, who looked down at her coffee. “I guess what I really want right now is just to get out of New Haven and clear my head.”
“It'll be okay between you two,” Maggie said. “You're still learning who you are and what it's like to be in a relationship with each other. As long as you're honest with yourself and each other you'll be okay. I'm sorry for changing the subject, but I wanted to ask you about Tristan. I haven't really had a chance to talk with you about it since you got back. Was he okay?”
“Oh yeah, he was fine. I mean, Tristan is Tristan, so he was a little lost in his own thoughts, but he did well. He didn't make any mistakes, and he was super excited when he saw the ship come in. I tried to talk him out of staying there because I knew you'd be worried, but he insisted and I didn't really have the heart to say no, not with all he's been through.”
“No, it's good, he always did like ships,” Maggie said with a wistful smile.
“Speaking of that, I need to go talk to Mack about something. Thank you for the talk, it's been really helpful.”
“We're happy to help,” Anna said, and watched Grace leave before turning back to Maggie.
“So, what's it like to have a child in this world? I know Tristan is almost grown up, but can you try to give me some sense of it?”
“It's not easy, I'll tell you that. Even before all this happened I was worried about him all the time, and now that's increased. It's been hard to see the effect the world has had on him. All you want to do is protect him all the time and make sure nothing bad happens, but this world doesn't let that happen. They're going through a harder life than we ever did growing up. I look at him now and the things that have happened have taken such a toll on him. I try to do my best, but I am worried about what he'll be like in the future. Why do you ask? You and Mack thinking about it?”
