The Halfwit Halfling: A Bard's Tale, page 9
The new sense lit up the world around me. Unfortunately, it stopped an arm’s length from my body. However, the first second of it being active gave me more information than the half hour I’d spent scouring the corridors. Standing in a doorway, I sensed glowing wisps of energy lining the frame.
A screen popped up, displaying the Mastery ranking up. A lot had changed over the past couple of days, so I checked the menu.
『
Cooking: Apprentice Rank 5
Mana Wielding: Novice Rank 1*
Mana Sense: Novice Rank 3*
Musician: Journeyman: Rank 3S
Sneaking: Novice: Rank 4
』
I saw shimmering wisps of purple, pink and ruby. They danced around golden circles lined with runic symbols. None of it made sense. Breaking out of prison wouldn’t be easy until I understood what the magic did—I needed someone who could give me more information, and I knew just who to approach.
I needed to wait until Gor’s day off before I could proceed. Grog still hadn’t delivered on his promise to provide more Mind Magic Resistant totems. So the middle-aged capper left me his locket made of bone and hair. I pricked my finger on the totem’s jagged end to activate it, expecting a rush of power or a glow, but I felt and saw nothing. Bloody hell, would I have to wait until someone assaulted me with Mind Magic to know whether the totem was functional or not?
I needed Hruk’s help to carry the food cart through the facility. He had me wait outside the capper-only section of the prison while delivering breakfast to the inmates. Then, he did the same while I met with the aelf woman. The prospect of Mind Magic terrified him. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me too, but cowering in fear wouldn’t get me anywhere.
“Are you reconsidering my offer, jovian?” the aelf woman asked as soon as she saw me. I felt a probing energy assault my psyche but an invisible force flared from the locket, repelling it.
I responded to her question with another, “Do aelves not need to eat? Can you sustain yourself on dungeon air and good looks?” The woman accepted the bowl of stew with a slice of bread and attacked it hungrily. I gave her a moment to eat before continuing, “This life debt. How does it work?”
The aelf didn’t answer my question. Instead, her eyes flashed, and a blue screen appeared in front of me.
『
Lily Dawnstar has offered you a life debt.
If you help Lily escape her cell, she will be in your service until she saves your life or the debt is repaid.
As long as Lily is indebted to you, she may not betray you or actively put you in harm’s way.
However, nothing is stopping her from finding a non-violent escape from the pact. You’re really out to make a splash, aren’t you?
』
“Last time, you got dragged away before the system registered my offer. You planning a prison break, jovian?”
“The name’s Perry,” I told her, “and of course. Much like you, the less time I spend here the better. The Champions of Pestilence are on their way to Blacknail’s Table.”
“That is bad news,” Lily said. “Dwez scrot! I really would rather not be in a prison when a plague hits. What’s the plan?”
“None yet. There’s magic lining every major doorway and junction connecting different parts of the facility.” She nodded along to my explanation as if it were common knowledge. While I spoke, she sauntered over to the bars. I liked the way her hips moved. “Could you disable them?”
“I’m a Mind Mage, not an Enchanter, unfortunately. That’s not my forte.” Lily reached through the bars, grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in for a kiss. For a moment, I tried to pull away but didn’t resist for long. That was a damned good kiss. Clearly, such intimacy was her forte. Then, I felt a tug around my neck and grabbed her wrist.
“I’m not that easy to manipulate,” I said, snatching the locket out of her grip. My right hand curled into a fist, but I stopped myself before throwing the punch. I’d never hit someone of the opposite gender outside of Martial Arts tournaments. Pacifist trait or not, I bloody well wasn’t going to start now. “We’ve just met, and you’re already trying to violate the life debt.”
Sighing, she returned to her cot. “The life debt doesn’t come into play until you directly or indirectly help me escape this cell. Seems like we’ll only get out if I enchant one of the prison staff...”
“There has to be another way.” I backed away from the bars. “These cappers are good people. I don’t like the idea of you using one as a puppet.”
“Think about it,” she replied. “Take some time. Me taking control of our beloved jailor is the best way out I can think of.”
I didn’t like her idea. Ever since I found out about the existence of Mind Magic, its morality had me concerned. And like a certain over quoted saying goes, “with great power came with great responsibility.” Lily didn’t just want to peek into Gor’s mind. By taking the bracelet, she wanted to turn him into a puppet and use the jovial capper to facilitate our escape.
I recalled what he and Warden had told me about her. Lily had enough power to mind control an entire squad of cappers. Once she repaid the life debt, she could just as easily do the same to me. Long story short, I couldn’t trust her.
The human prisoner accepted the stew and bread without me having to say a word. He shot me a knowing smile, probably having heard my conversation with Lily. Much to my surprise, he didn’t ask me to include him in any escape plans.
Chapter 14
Oh! I Want To Be Free
After growing up glued to a screen and controller, Game World had everything I could ever want. Stats, Magic, Traits. I could’ve made it work despite the Pacifist trait, but why did the Devourer of Worlds have to put me in prison? What a bitch move. Sure, Boots had tried to help, but Maka had proven herself to be a flake. I didn’t know what she was up to, but nothing she had done so far helped me out of my predicament.
In games, I always picked one of two builds. My first choice would always be the assassin; I sucked at it due to my impulsive tendencies and lack of patience. Still, sniping a target with a bow or getting a satisfying stab from the shadows always got my heart pumping. If not that, I’d go for meaty mage-type characters that abused spell-vamp items or magic.
In Game World, I’d probably pick the latter even though it was my second choice. As a stealth reliant individual, I didn’t trust myself to not make an impulsive move and get myself killed. Unfortunately, neither dream would come to fruition. I did have Sneaking, but I wouldn’t be using it to kill anyone. To be honest, I didn’t have the stomach to kill anyone. On Earth, I used to be short and skinny as well. Mum had enrolled me in Shotokan Karate so I could stand up to bullies. Even though I would often get to the semi-finals in competitions, when it came to real-life fighting, I’d always pull my punches. The thought of seriously hurting someone scared me.
None of that mattered now. The crypt troll said he’d return in a few weeks. The Champions of Pestilence would be in Blacknail’s Table any day now. I needed to get out as soon as possible.
As I continued working in the kitchens, Cooking Mastery eventually progressed to the Sixth Apprentice rank. All my Masteries, except for Musician, experienced a little growth as I continued to explore the prison looking for some way to escape undetected. If my captors believed I was still in the building, maybe no one would think to look for me in the city until I was far from it. Then again, after my performance at Klinkle’s and bedding Lefa, most of the city probably knew a fair bit about me.
“What’s with the human prisoner?” I asked Hruk one afternoon. Cook left us alone to take a nap while we did a deep clean of the kitchen. “I’ve seen him twice now, and he doesn’t talk. What’s he in for?”
“Angering the shaman,” Hruk answered. “He arrived in Blacknail’s Table a month ago, claiming to be a scrimshaw and diviner. At first, the rambans went crazy for his bone trinkets and artwork. Then, one morning he started telling people about having a vision of the future. Only the shaman can look into the future. They denounced him as a blasphemer and accused him of seeding chaos before throwing him in here.”
“That’s pretty stupid, isn’t it? What kind of vision did he have?”
“He claimed that a champion would soon arrive in the city and cause great violence and sorrow. True or not, people don’t want to hear that. We have scouts out there to warn us if any champions approach our borders.”
All of a sudden, the man’s knowing smile made a whole lot of sense. Was he talking about the Champions of Pestilence, or me? I had always thought astrology, clairvoyance and diving to be scams. In Game World atheism would involve blind ignorance. If spirits, Cosmics and deities existed, people with the ability to peek into the future probably walked among us too.
My following day off came at Grog’s request. He’d not long returned from a raid and wanted to spend a lively evening at the tavern. So he wanted the only bard in town attending the gathering to provide music for his war party.
Cook expressed his displeasure regarding the request. He’d planned on taking the day off but didn’t have it in him to stand up to the chieftain. After helping him with breakfast, I headed out into the city. It had gotten colder. Jovian cold resistance seemed limited to the feet and lower leg. Despite Gram’s cape and jumper, my entire body trembled as I trudged through the town.
On my way there, I decided to pay the stables a visit. I needed to study the gate and plan an exit strategy. Maybe, if I saw any merchants leaving town, I could bribe them for a lift or stowaway in their cart unnoticed.
Blacknail’s Table had not long woken up. Most of the shops were closed, stalls and food carts only beginning to set up. There were barely any cappers around. I spotted the occasional human and kobold milling about, but that was it. A few amongst them waved at me, and I waved back. None of their faces was familiar, but I guessed we had become acquainted during my evening at Klinkle’s.
Following the main road towards the city walls, I walked through the Tinkers’ district. Much like their contraptions, the buildings they inhabited looked like they were made from scrap hastily bound together. On Earth, a few of them would probably count as modern junkyard art. It was like weaving through a woodland full of nettles where a scratch could result in tetanus.
I spotted a half-capper brushing snow off his cart. Its side had a cartoonish likeness of his face painted onto it with a milk moustache. The sign below it read: Milky Pete’s Dairy Farm. Of the vehicles exiting the city, only his cart appeared to have room for me to hide in. Unfortunately, a one-eyed bear of a man stood screaming at him like a petulant child while the farmer faced him bored and expressionless.
“What do you mean you won’t give me a ride out of town?” He growled. “You know who I am? You don’t say no to the great Cosmic Penguin’s Champion.”
“No money, no ride,” Milky Pete replied. “You want me to go out of my way, which will make me late getting home. I ain’t adding a day to my journey, especially with that attitude of yours.”
“But I’m a champion! You have to help me. It’s the rules! Haven’t you heard of my exploits?”
“What rules?” The half-capper laughed, and the one-eyed bear man’s face reddened. “Sure, I’ve heard of you, Thorne. Weak and powerless, relying on divine intervention to solve your problems. You don’t scare me.”
Thorne squealed like a pig, stamping his feet like a spoilt brat denied his ice cream. “I’m a champion, and you’ll do as I say. Take me to Eldar’s Port!”
“Go cry to your patron.” Milky Pete poked Thorne’s chest with a long skinny finger. “You don’t scare me.”
The second Milky Pete poked him again, a flash of light illuminated the stable’s darkness. Holy hell. Was that a chubby little penguin I saw? It honked and squawked, making the poor farmer jump.
“See! I’m a champion!” The bear-shaped man looked mighty proud of himself. “Will you help me now?”
Milky Pete appeared dazed, as if he had no control over his body anymore. Moving like a marionette, he waved Thorne over. With an entitled grin, Thorne climbed into the cart, and it rolled towards the gate. The penguin shifted its attention to me, and for a second there was worry in its eyes. Was I not supposed to see what had just happened? Right. Maybe Cosmics weren’t allowed to influence Game World directly, and that’s precisely what it had done. The creature honked again and disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving me unsure of what to do next.
During their exchange, Thorne and Milky Pete had drawn a fair bit of attention. Many pairs of eyes had met mine as well. Among them was an armoured capper guard, riding a massive yet simultaneously ugly canine. In proportion to me, the creature was as large as a horse. It had shaggy fur no different from a wolf’s but had a hyena-like face and giant fangs no different from a sabre-tooth tiger’s. That had to be a warg. As soon as the rider egged his creature onwards in my direction, I turned heel and headed towards Klinkle’s pub. No point in looking for an escape vehicle when my captors could run us down in no time.
“Yer the lad with the wall ballad, aren’t yee?” An elderly capper stopped me on the road. She carried a bouquet of bright pink tulip-like flowers. I peeked over my shoulder. The warg rider had followed me from the gaze. He appeared relaxed, but his mount maintained a healthy distance. “That was a lovely song, laddie. Reminded me of the day I met me husband.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Miss.”
She burst into an almost-girlish giggle and smacked my forearm playfully. “You’re as charming as they come,” she said. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
“Not enough I’m afraid,” I answered, putting on my best smile. I could feel the warg and its riders eyes burning a hole through the back of my head. “I’m on my way to Klinkle’s now. Why don’t you come around and have a listen?”
“Oh no, I still have a lot of flowers to sell.” Then, she picked a flower out of her bouquet and tucked it into a frayed stitch near my collar. “Here. If ye have a special lass in your life, give her one of these. Won’t just loosen her legs but win her heart too.”
The capper’s statement jolted concerns of the guard out of my mind. I almost forgot how open their society was on the subject of sex. On Earth, I’d never have expected to hear such a statement from someone old enough to be my grandparent. Then again, my parents were immigrants. Born in the old country, during a different time; their parents had a more orthodox way of thinking. I remember hearing stories of everyone protesting their marriage due to the difference in caste. Long story short, they were old school, and these almost tribal goblinoids came across as very progressive.
“Thank you,” I told her before continuing towards my destination.
On arriving, I found half a dozen wargs standing around outside the tavern’s entrance. Growing up, we always had dogs in the house. My father taught me how to care for canines; how to groom them and when it was required to force medicine down their throats. So, I was familiar with the odours that followed dogs. However, I wasn’t ready for the assault on my senses when I got near them.
While the cappers didn’t live up to the goblin stereotype, their mounts definitely did. I almost gagged at the smell of rotting meat when the closest beast’s horrid breath hit my face. The warg’s big tongue hung out the side of its mouth as it seemingly smiled at me. Chief’s mount, I guessed. Not only was it the biggest, but the saddle on its back had polished steel guards on the front and back. As ugly as the beast appeared, looking at its friendly expression, I couldn’t help but pet it.
That’s right. The sweet point between the ears always worked. The big guy closed his giant yellow eyes, and a pleasure-filled rumble sounded from deep within his throat. I ducked when the warg tried to lick me. He took it as a game and jumped at me. It was then I noticed how my speed and reaction time had changed over the past week.
A few days ago, I would have stumbled and fallen on my bottom, but now I had no trouble adjusting my landing. It was the increase in my Control stat. Waving goodbye to the warg, I entered Klinkle’s, and friendly shouts and hooting welcomed me.
Chapter 15
Wish You Were Here
Despite it being early in the evening—morning for cappers, Klinkle’s tavern didn’t have a single free table. Armed and armoured cappers alongside humans occupied most of the room. They came in all shapes and sizes: short, tall, round, stick-like, and a few combinations that didn’t make a whole lot of sense.
Among them, I spotted a handful of kobolds and a couple of me-sized human-like individuals. Unlike jovians, they had rounded ears and pastel-coloured facial hair. I couldn’t tell whether their polished, bald heads were a life-style choice or natural. Like capper tinkers, they carried strange metal gadgets. However, instead of scrappy, theirs had a more sleek and well-crafted appearance.
Before I could investigate them further, the room noticed my presence and cheered. “Wonderwall lad is here!” Grog yelled, and a pair of bony cappers wearing hide armour swept me off the floor. Their scaly palms scraped my skin, but I managed to hide my discomfort. Considering their rough appearance, I worried complaining would encourage more manhandling. “What took you so long lad?”
“I’m sorry, Chief,” I said, scrambling to think up an excuse. “I didn’t think you’d be here this early. Since I’m not going anywhere any time soon, I thought to have a look around my new home.”
“Sure.” Grog grinned. He probably had an exceptionally high Perception score. I’d need a lot more Charisma to pull off such a lame lie. Maybe Fact Begins With Fiction would help me out? “Nice flower you got there. Trying to look good for a lass, are ya?”
