The Halfwit Halfling: A Bard's Tale, page 16
For the sake of survival, I needed Perception and Control. I expected all my current Masteries besides Mana Wielding to add to them. I’d need Mind and Arcana once I got an Attunement, but I had no idea how long I would have to wait before finding an entity or place of power. After suffering the Pacifist Trait’s debuff, I understood the importance of investing in the other stats. Again, we got lucky in the caves.
“You don’t have any Weapon Masteries?” Walter asked when I listed the contents of my screen. “I know your kind aren’t keen on fighting, but surely, you learnt something to defend yourself.”
“I never had to until now,” I told him. “We as a people, stick together or surround ourselves with friends that can do all the fighting for us. Weapons training detracts time for the more fun things in life.”
“Yes, yes, you don’t have to tell me about jovian ethics. I hired an older man of your kind to help on the farm for a season. As soon as the sun dipped beyond the horizon, he would disappear to nurse his ale. You’re not one of those jovians, are you?”
“You don’t have to worry. I barely drink.”
“Not what I heard,” he mumbled.
I tried catching Walter’s eye, but he turned his attention to the darkening road ahead and didn’t look back at me again. Did he know something I didn’t? I recalled several full-blooded humans drinking in Klinkle’s caverns. Maybe Walter heard rumours and pieced things together. Or, Hyacinth knew more than she claimed. It didn’t matter either way. Blacknail’s Table and Hunter’s Watch were now behind me.
I did feel bad for Lefa; none of this was her fault. We just came from different cultures. Though the impending threat of invading champions worried me, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit: they were merely an excuse. I was the asshole here. How the hell was I supposed to know the Heart Lily—Tulip, whatever, signified proposal. Bloody hell, after making it clear that she didn’t want a relationship after our night together, why did she even say yes?
At the end of the day, I could justify the matter however I wanted, but my conscience would likely need a lot more time to excuse my actions.
Chapter 24
A Meeting of Deities
We encountered several checkpoints along the road which connected straight to the capital No wonder Walter laughed off my concerns of bandits and thieves. However, given the distance between the military installations, I worried armed men and women were ready for us among the bushes. On second thought, that was paranoia born of my initial impressions of Game World.
A near-endless expansion of tall grass surrounded us, occasionally punctuated by wild-canopied trees and farms. I imagined hiding amongst it wouldn’t be an easy feat. Whenever we crested a hill, I’d spot woodlands in the distance. I guessed the more dangerous creatures that I expected of Game World limited themselves to the darker corners. The frequent patrols we saw likely kept adventurous predators at bay.
It was well past midnight before we stopped for the night. Someone had trimmed down the grass to create a circular clearing by the road. A log cabin sat far to the side serving food and drinks to people seated on the tables placed outside. The horses and other pack animals stood tied by a long trough on the opposite side of the clearing. And a bonfire burned in the centre with several carts parked around it.
Walter tied the horses with the other the beasts of burden while keeping Curry isolated in a far corner.
“His kind like to pick fights,” he said. I could guess why. Like me, most organisms didn’t enjoy getting headbutted over and over again.
After my long day, I was ready to pass out as soon as we took a seat by the fire. If Walter didn’t offer to share the picnic he bought at Hunter’s Watch, I probably would’ve. I didn’t mind partaking in the meal. He claimed she always packed extra and it did look like three portions. According to Walter, we’d reach our destination by evening the next day, so we didn’t have to worry about rationing.
Looking behind us, I could no longer see Hunter’s Watch, but the mountains it kept an eye on were still visible. Blacknail’s Table would be on the other side. I guessed Grog and his people would have caught on to Lily’s cat trick by now. Maybe they were sending riders into the wilderness looking for us. I hoped the military garrison did its job and kept the oversized capper from coming after me. The wargs could likely blend into the grasslands perfectly; their riders would stick out above the tall grass like sore thumbs. Hopefully, the patrols would probably get them before they got as far as us into Eldar’s Plains.
According to Walter, it was close to midnight. It felt like a lot later given the distance we had covered. To be fair, the road barely had any traffic and was well maintained, so nothing had slowed or obstructed our journey so far.
The plains weren’t as cold as the plateau I’d left behind so I only needed Gram’s cape to keep me warm as we went to bed. The small roll of spare clothes Hyacinth had provided served as a decent pillow.
I dreamt of the massive tree again. This time, I didn’t just feel the strange presences but could see them straight away. Front and centre stood a woman that reminded me of my mother—middle-aged, arms crossed, and brow wrinkled from constant frowning. Though she stood barely taller than me, the woman carried a gigantic and powerful aura. I knew instantly that my charm wouldn’t get me anywhere with her.
A younger woman stood to her left. She looked a lot like a wood aelph—minus the cheeriness. Unlike the first woman, her skin was smooth: no wrinkles, crows feet, or laughter lines.
Behind them in the shadows lurked a third unfamiliar presence, and Maka sat on the tree trunk above. This time, her spider form had taken on a more colourful display. Instead of a hairy, brown tarantula, her new body had more slender features. I didn’t know how, but I knew it was her straight away.
“I was just telling my friends, Perry,” she said. “You’re an individual worth noticing.”
“Where were you?” I asked, not caring that the individuals present were likely gods or deities. “We had an agreement! You were supposed to help me until I was out of Blacknail’s Table and safe. I almost died back there!”
“But you didn’t die, did you?” I couldn’t be sure where Maka’s solid-black eyes were looking, but I could feel them boring through my very existence. “Besides, you left the agreement open-ended. Unlike in your homeworld, safety is an almost nonexistent concept here. Your best chance at safety would start with finding a patron, which I’ve been working at tirelessly. You should be thankful.”
“That sounds like excuses and a whole lot of bullshit,” said the presence in the shadows.
“You’re one to talk!” Maka exclaimed. “Lord of Shadows. Your entire existence is based around deceit, assassination, and thievery. I’m not sure I can stomach getting told off by you.” she returned her attention to me. “Like the Cosmics, our influence in the world of mortals is limited. No one can act outside their domain or in the absence of a conduit. It’s not that I didn’t want to help you, Perry. I couldn’t.”
“Excuses,” the older woman said. “Always with the excuses. I swear, you young ones never own up to mistakes.”
“Excuse me, Demi, I believe spiders and story-telling came long before anyone on Game World started harvesting crops.” Maka’s retort set the woman off scowling. “Shadow and I are much older than you. Just because you choose to look like a wise old woman, it doesn’t mean you are one.”
“At least I’m still remembered and worshipped, Maka.” I could feel her fury raging within like a rushing flood threatening to wash us all away. “Only the worst of the worst follow Shadow. While you. Nobody remembers you. Not even bedtime stories mention you now, Maka.”
“Now that’s just hurtful.” Maka’s tone suggested otherwise. “I know we’ve had our differences, Demi, but let’s forget that for now and focus on why we have assembled. None of you has Champions at this time, and you all have aspirations to ascend. You need Outworlder blood for someone to carry the title, and we have that right here.”
“Hold on a second,” I interrupted, taking a step back. It didn’t make a difference. We were in a dreamscape. I could retreat however much I wanted, but there’d be no getting away from them. “You need my blood? I’m not willing to ally with anyone that needs my blood. My blood stays on the inside, alright?”
“Calm down, Perry.” Even though her eyes didn’t move, I was sure Maka just rolled them at me. “I didn’t mean it in the literal sense.”
“God-like entities talking about blood gives me a reason to worry. My planet’s history is full of communities practising ritual sacrifice to appease their gods.”
“Maybe that’s not the worse idea,” Demi said, with a slight day-dreamy gaze. “I’ll need to talk to my acolyte about that.”
“How about we focus on what matters?” Maka brought the conversation back on track. “Demi, jovians are your favourite folk. What do you say? Perry could be a great candidate.”
“Do you have any interest in farming?” She asked me.
“No,” I answered.
“Then, we won’t work out. My champion would need to work the land. All my gifts would revolve around improving his yield and defending his territory. As a deity of harvest and floods, there is little I can offer him.”
“What about you, Hershey?” Maka turned her attention to the younger female deity. Throughout the exchange the aelph had stood still, studying me. “Perry here just risked his life saving a beautiful aelf girl from a horned up capper. He could have easily run to safety and left her behind. That’s the kind of champion you’d want.”
“He also proposed to a capper woman and then ran for the hills,” Hershey replied, her eyes had a pink glow about them as she studied me. “No. Someone that’s okay with doing anything of the kind won’t do. Besides, my gifts of scorn and spurned advances are designed for women, not men.”
“Then why did you bother answering my call?” For the first time ever, I sensed Maka’s irritation.
“I’ve waited quite a while for the chance to turn you down, Maka.” Hershey lips spread into a thin, tight line. I guessed that’s as big as her smile got.
“Yeah, everyone knows what you’re like,” the spider retorted.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Having already moved onto the final attendee of the meeting, Maka ignored Hershey. “What about you, oh great Lord of Shadows? He is little and sneaky; surely, you can use him.”
“I thought I could until I met him,” Lord of Shadows said.
“Oh, he’s just young and new. I’m sure if you try hard enough, you could turn him into an excellent thief.”
“It’s not that, Maka.” The mass of darkness shifted, resembling a cloud of smoke more than a person. “You failed to disclose his Pacifist Trait. Perry is a magnificent candidate, but I can’t have a champion incapable of getting his hands dirty.”
“I can get my hands dirty,” I said. Given the power emanating off my current company, I had lost my voice for a while. However, thinking about how good a match Lord of Shadows and I would be, I forced myself to find it. “I killed the capper. If necessary, I’m willing to pay the price of going against the Pacifist trait.”
“I can tell, child.” The cloud of smoke rippled and I could see a person within it. “You have great potential, and we’d be a great match. I’ll reconsider my stand if you ever shed the Pacifist Trait. Unfortunately, I just can’t afford to invest in you until then. Even if you swear off banditry and assassination, thievery and espionage often demand the spilling of blood. I can’t have you disabled and weak like you were in the cave. Your opponent was weak and crazed. Luck is a fickle mistress. Next time she may favour your opponent instead.”
The cloud dispersed, Lord of Shadow’s presence faded, Demi’s body exploded into dandelion fluff which floated away, and Hershey simply walked off into the woods.
“Well, that could’ve gone better,” Maka said.
“This feels pointless. I’m sure you knew none of them would want to back me.” The pressure exerted by their presence had faded, but the experience left me spent and gritting my teeth. “Are you scraping the bottom of the barrel? Hershey, the Deity of Scorn and Spurned Advances? What makes you think she and I would be a good match.”
“Watch your tone, Perry,” Maka’s jovial tone turned icy. “Do not forget, to me, you’re no more than a fly. Meeting a deity in any form is an honour. Thanks to me, you have now met four. You’re not exactly champion material. So, the candidates are those desperate or bored enough to answer my calls.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, realising my error. Maka was right. Given her status and the help she had already provided, she deserved my respect.
“Besides, the point of this exercise was to get you noticed,” she continued, sounding friendly once again. “They might be lesser gods and a far cry from the Cosmics other champions serve. But, they are beings of power at the end of the day. They can still grant you blessings, make the rewards of an achievement favourable, or provide assistance if you amuse them.”
When I woke up the following morning, we were already on the road. Since I’d fallen asleep in the back of the cart, Walter didn’t bother waking me. I got to admire the beautiful countryside, but nothing of interest occurred during the remainder of the trip.
We stopped at a small town for the night. Walter picked an inexpensive inn. He covered the cost of the room, but I paid for my meals. In the morning, he tried selling Curry again, but by noon when no one showed any interest, so we continued our trip.
I could no longer see the mountains behind us. The thought of Grog being beyond the horizon put my mind at ease. I played my guitar to pass the time and much to my disappointment the Mastery didn’t see any growth. However, since I kept it active at all times, Mana Sense gained a rank.
As sunset approached, I noticed the grass surrounding us was considerably shorter than it was when we started our trip. Farms became a more common sight and often appeared in small clusters. We reached Walter’s home at nightfall, and after dinner, we went straight to bed.
Chapter 25
A Goatherd’s Life For Me
We started our day early on the farm. Walter’s son, Samuel, and I let the goats out of their enclosure into a large fenced field. They ran off to stretch their legs while we cleaned the barn.
Growing up, Mum joked if I didn’t get over my wild fantasies and focused on academics, I’d end up working the fryer at some fast food joint. I never understood what the big deal was. I loved french fries, chips, and everything else of the matter. Maybe a kebab shop that did chips with cheese and gravy would work better.
I wondered how Mum would react if she saw me shovelling shit now. No. She deserved more credit than that. Mum wouldn’t put me down. She’d give me a big hug, a kiss on the forehead and tell me everything would be okay. Mum would assure me that there was nothing wrong with shovelling shit. All manner of work had value. If it didn’t make me happy, sooner or later I’d find a way to pursue something I liked. Mum would tell me she believed in me. The thought of never seeing her again made my chest tighten up; never having another mouthful of chips with cheese and gravy hurt almost as much.
Once we finished piling the goat shit into carts, we refilled the barn’s troughs from the nearby well. The non-stop work had me sweating bullets and soaked my clothes through. Unused to manual labour, my knees wanted to collapse in on themselves. My shoulders and waist weren’t far behind. I imagined it’d be much worse if not for my massive jovian feet’s support.
After finishing the morning chores, I sat on the fence eating a breakfast roll filled with scrambled eggs and bacon. It reminded me of home. Every morning on my way to classes, I’d grab such a sandwich from my local cafe; fortunately, Game World already had one of my favourites. To help forget the homesickness, I focused my attention on the goats.
The females had long, sleek necks and narrow frames. They stuck together, watching their offspring. The youngest of the kids was my height. They bleated and played chasing one another.
I spotted six goats with almost no neck, giant heads, and chipped horns. Given their distinctly bulkier bodies and bigger size, I guessed they were the males. The billies kept their distance from one another. In contrast, the kids of Curry’s age hung out together, charging one another with their stubby horns. Despite my position on the far side of the field, I’d hear their skulls thunking on collision. I guessed that’s how the adults chipped their horns.
Curry stood in a far corner watching the kids play. He stood at two-thirds the height of the other males. Occasionally he’d approach one of the others and headbutt them lightly the same way he did me, but they’d ignore him. The kid reminded me of Hruk. Both struggled fitting in due to their status as the runt. The capper’s issues were probably more nuanced, but I still couldn’t help but draw parallels.
“He’s too small,” Samuel said, riding upon a horse. He wiped at his running nose, sniffing hard to clear his nostrils. “Da doesn’t give them enough credit. They’re not stupid. The kids understand Curry is too small to partake in their charging games.”
“Poor guy.” I sighed. I remembered being the third shortest in the year and among the skinniest. My classmates would often leave me out of their games.
“Do you know how to ride?” It was then I noticed the much smaller animal behind him. The boar had similar dimensions to Curry but packed a lot more muscle. Both the horse and boar had a short pike strapped to their saddles, and Samuel had a bow slung over his shoulder. “Don came to us from a hobgrem rider. We got her for mum, but since she passed, he’s mostly been helping us forage for truffles.”
“I’ve ridden before, but I remember being bad at it,” I answered honestly. “If you’re asking whether I have the Mastery or not, that would be a no.”
