You Wouldn't Dare (Khaos Trilogy Book 1), page 21
“Let’s just agree to cross that bridge when it comes to it. The most important thing is proving myself to you, so you let me be a part of your lives.” He placed a hand over my stomach, his face shining with hope.
“I’d never deny you your right to be a father. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as far as this relationship is concerned, but from the moment I heard the news, I knew that you would be a good father. You have nothing to prove to me.” He pulled me down into his lap, cradling me close to his chest.
“I need to do this right, Violet. I can’t make the same mistakes my parents did, I need to end my tragic lineage once and for all. No child deserves to bear that burden. I want to bring joy and happiness to this family for a change, I can’t have my child growing up hating me.”
I caressed his cheek, my thumb grazing over his lower lip. “You’re nothing like them, Khaos, please never think like that. Our baby will love you as much as you love them, I promise.”
“I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to mess up and do all the wrong things.”
“That makes two of us, buddy.” He kissed the palm of my hand, his teeth lightly grazing the sensitive skin.
“We’ll get through it together,” he assured me, “we’ll find a style and rhythm that works for us both.”
“Do you promise?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around his neck and tucked my head under his chin.
“I promise.”
I sighed, “we still need to talk about Logan and our separation this week. The baby doesn’t mean a magic wand has been waved and we have erased the past.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know. But for now, can we leave it? Nothing is going to be resolved straight away, and everything is still too tense. It’s going to take time. You know why I did what I did, and I’m sorry, but I won’t apologise for acting like a wolf. I thought someone was stealing my mate from me and there is not a wolf in the world that wouldn’t have acted similarly.”
“I know that, but--”
“There can be no buts about it. Don’t make me apologise for being true to what I am.”
“Okay,” I sighed again, “so what about this week?”
“What about it? We had a break. Everyone deserves a break. Heck, there are people in this very pack that live in separate houses despite being mates. We don’t have to check ourselves into little boxes of what’s normal and what’s not. This is our relationship, no one else’s. We will decide what works for us and what doesn’t. If that means we take breaks from each other, then so be it. So long as we know that we belong to each other, that we stay faithful and true, always returning to each other in the end, what does it matter?”
I remained silent, contemplating what he just said.
He was absolutely right.
Why did I feel as though I always had something to prove? Those ridiculous romance books had schooled me from a young age, warping my innocent, naïve mind into what was expected of a relationship. It mortified me that people knew what Khaos and I had gone through, that they didn’t see us as picture perfect, a couple to look up to.
What did it matter what other people thought, so long as the relationship dynamic was perfect to us?
We lay like that for some time, both of us content to just be with each other. I could hear Khaos’ steady heartbeat beneath my head as he slowly rocked me in his arms in a gentle sway that soon had me drifting off to sleep.
“Can I ask a big favour?” He murmured against my hair. He stood up with me still in his arms and carried me over to the bed. “Come away with me. I have a cabin in the mountains we can go to. Just for two weeks, a month tops. The pack are more than capable of fending for themselves for a while. Let’s escape, just you and I, and really get to know each other.”
“I’d like that,” I agreed. I was ecstatic with how well this had gone. I had been expecting the worst and yet here he was, forever surprising me.
I should have known it was too good to be true.
Khaos stepped away from me, guilt flashing behind his eyes for a brief moment.
“What? What is it?” I demanded. “Don’t lie to me either. I know that look in your eyes,” I snapped when he opened his mouth. “I’ve had enough apologies off you for that look to be branded into my mind forever. What is it this time, what else can you possibly be sorry for?”
“I kissed someone else.”
“Excuse me?” I got up on my knees and grabbed his jaw. “Repeat that,” I growled, the anger coursing through my veins. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t fucking that!
The one thing I had been sure of was that Khaos would never, ever cheat. Not after Ryssa and Drake. After Louisa. He would respect the boundaries of our relationship.
How much of a fucking fool was I?
“It was in the other pack. We were dancing, and she invited me back to her room and we kissed. Nothing else hap--” I silenced him with a stinging slap around his face, the sound ringing out and echoing around the room.
“Don’t you dare stand there and say nothing else happened! As if a kiss isn’t bad enough on its own!”
“Violet--” I slapped him again, pushing him far away from me. My wolf growled out in her fierce temper but remained under control. She knew we could not shift during pregnancy.
“Don’t fucking “Violet” me! Goddess! You have the fucking nerve to lecture me about finding another partner, guilt tripping me about how you wouldn’t be able to handle it! You had the gall to tell me that so long as we remained true to each other we could make it work! And all the while you were fucking throwing yourself at the first available whore you could find! To think, you made me feel guilty over Logan when nothing even happened! You said this time apart was for us to think, Khaos! To see what we wanted! As far as I was concerned, we were still together!"
“I’m sorry--”
“Don’t! I’m sick of your apologies. It’s the same old routine, isn’t it? You fuck up, apologise, and stupid little me always forgives! How much of a doormat do you think I am? How many more mistakes do you really think you can get away with before I reach my limit?”
I saw the shutters come down once more as he took offence at my words. “It was a mistake. Don’t blow it out of proportion, nothing happened. I stopped it before it got that far. Besides, I didn’t need to tell you, I chose to be honest. I could have kept you in the dark.”
“Kill him, Violet. Bad wolf. Mate needs to be punished!”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I screamed, feeling anger like I had never felt before. “Don’t act like you’ve done me a favour, and don’t you dare twist this on me like I’m being unreasonable! I’ve put up with a lot from you. I’ve been humiliated in front of the pack for something I didn’t do! In fact, the only cheat in this room is you!”
“I was thinking of--”
“Of what? Of me? Well, isn’t that just the perfect cliché! Let me guess, you stopped when you realised it wasn’t me. Just in the nick of time! Well, thank you for your consideration, Khaos! You cheated, but at least you had me in your thoughts!”
“It’s not like that! I was just using her; I was hurt, and I thought--”
“And I wasn’t hurt, was I not? I wasn’t sat in this room feeling like my fucking heart was breaking. I wasn’t crying every single day you were gone?”
“I thought I had lost you, Violet!”
“You just might yet.”
“Vi--”
“Fuck off, Khaos. You knew we weren’t over. The break was to get our thoughts in order, to take sex off the table and enable us to think clearer about what we both wanted! Is that what you decided then? Is that what you want? To be with other people? Don’t let me or the baby stop you!”
“You’re being ridiculous, of course that’s not what I want. I turned down so many wolves whilst I was there…”
“Oh well, thank you for that. It means so much to me that you had women throwing themselves at you left, right, and centre, but you turned them all down. That’s fantastic news. So, what was it about this one then? What made her so fucking irresistible?”
“No, that came out completely wrong. What I meant was--”
“I don’t care what you meant. I can picture it well enough.”
He reached out for me, pain visible in his strained face. I hardened my gaze, refusing to be swayed by him. He had brought this on himself. I marched over to the door and flung it open, letting it bounce off the wall behind him as I gestured into the hallway.
“Get out.”
“Vi...”
“Get. Out.” I muttered through clenched teeth, my entire body shaking with anger. He hung his head low and walked towards me.
“What about the cabin? Do you still want to go?” He asked in a pathetic, self-pitying tone.
“I’ll guess you’ll find out if I’m packed and ready to leave tomorrow, won’t you?” And with that, I slammed the door in his face.
Chapter 20
Violet
I packed and unpacked my suitcase a dozen or more times throughout the night, eventually leaving it unpacked but with my clothes neatly folded on the bed next to it. I sat in the chair I was beginning to hate, and stared at the pile of clothing as though it were going to bite me.
Even my wolf was pissed, constantly growling her anger, and cursing the day we were ever paired with a fickle, shallow cheat. I knew it was bad when even she was hating on him; she was always the one who begged me to forgive him.
I wanted to go to the cabin. I wanted to explore the chemistry me and Khaos had found between us, but I didn’t want to do it at the expense of my self-confidence and respect. I was under no illusion that this relationship was borderline toxic. How many other couples had the constant back and forth we had? How much longer could I excuse his behaviour because of his childhood? Eventually he would have to learn that whilst what he experienced was tragic and inexcusable, it wasn’t a “get out of jail free” card that could be expected to forgive anything he did. It was the current Khaos that had kissed someone else. Not his childhood, not Ryssa or Drake, and not Louisa. It was a conscious decision that he had made. He knew that it would hurt me, that it would damage the fragile trust that had only just blossomed between us, but he did it anyway.
On the other hand, I knew despite all my inner self-doubt; I had to go. I would forever resent myself if I didn’t give it this one last shot. I owed it to myself and the baby.
Then again, how far was I willing to take this? What was I willing to sacrifice in return for the baby having two parents?
I eyed up the phone that was sitting on the pile of clothes.
Well, that’s one way to distract yourself from Khaos.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I reached over to snatch it up. A little voice niggled in the back of my mind, reminding me I should have done this days ago. If I wasn’t so selfish, avoiding confrontation all the time, Logan might still be alive.
I bit my nails as I waited on an answer, the ringing sounding as loud as a drum to my ears.
Eventually, after endless rings, a familiar voice picked up. “Atlantis.”
“Mum. It’s me.” Silence. “Mum? It’s Violet. Are you there?”
There was a heavy sigh, a sigh I knew all too well. Then she kicked in. “Honestly, Violet! You’ve been gone a little under three weeks, no phone call, no mind-link, nothing! You could have been murdered for all we knew! Then you have the nerve to call the house at this late hour when you know how much my sleep routine means to me! It’s never too young to start, you know, you can’t rely on your wolf to keep you young forever, ageing will kick in eventually. Might I suggest you start with a nice moisturising cream... Which reminds me, I picked up this wonderful youth serum yesterday...”
The woman was crazy. Completely crazy.
She had no idea what could have happened to me, but she just had to chastise me before launching into yet another of her obsessions.
Youth.
It was a script I had heard many times before. So much for having changed!
I pulled the phone away from my ear, rolling my eyes as she continued her monologue. I could picture her now, as perfect as always, sat at her vanity table with the curlers in her hair for that perfect, shiny bounce - but, no heat, obviously! No self-respecting beauty queen would damage their hair in such a way! She would be staring at her cosmetics collection, each labelled with the date she opened them, so she never, ever applied an out-of-date product to her skin. I grimaced as I glanced at my own hazardous make-up collection and heat styling products. We really were polar opposites.
“Hello to you too, mother,” I muttered dryly when she finally finished her tirade.
She gave a small ‘humph,’ before replying. “That attitude isn’t becoming in a young lady, Violet. So come on, out with it. When shall daddy and I pick you up?”
“That’s not why I’m calling mother, I’m not coming back home.”
“Don’t be silly, darling, of course you are. You can’t possibly mean to stay with that monster? How utterly preposterous!” She gave a small laugh before continuing. “Although, it is slightly inconvenient to pick you up straight away. Daddy couldn’t possibly leave the pack without notice - not with all the drama going off at the minute. I also have an extremely important luncheon with the ladies tomorrow. You really did some damage to our reputation, you know, Violet, swanning off with that lunatic like that. There’s been an awful lot of damage control that we’ve had to do, it’s aged me horrendously.”
“I suppose you’ve forgotten the fact that your lives were at stake if I hadn’t gone?”
“Yes, well, maybe that would have been for the best in the current situation. The rumours are positively ghastly, you’ve no idea the stress we’ve been under. But let’s not dwell over your silly mistakes, it’s water under the bridge. So, shall we settle on a date then? How does two days sound? Now, obviously, you must meet us somewhere, darling, we cannot possibly storm onto his lands unannounced, and he wouldn’t let you just up and leave with us.”
“I’m not a prisoner, mother.”
“Don’t be silly. As I was saying, you must meet us, so you’ll have to think of some excuse, but we’ll get you back home and settled in no time. Right back where you belong. Now, do you think a dinner party with the ladies on the evening of your return will be too soon, or shall we settle for a nice brunch? I would personally recommend dinner, Violet, they’re all expecting you to return half mad! You’ll want to nip that in the bud as soon as you can, I’m sure. I am, coincidentally, already hosting a small gathering that evening, so the opportunity could not be any better! Then there’s the slight matter of resuming the preparations for your ball. It cost us a lot of money to cancel that, you know, and I’m sure half the bachelors are no longer interested as you’re bound to be seen as damaged goods, but that’s something you’re going to have to live with. Another thing--”
“Enough, mother!” I barked, one step away from pulling out my hair. I should have known this would be an utter disaster. “I am not coming back! Khaos is my mate and I’m staying with him!”
“I don’t appreciate your tone, madam. Might I remind you he killed his parents? You would do well to remember that.”
“For the love of the Goddess! That is all I ever hear! Yes, he killed his fucking parents and let me tell you, they deserved everything he did to them! There are three sides to every story. Your side, their side, and the truth. I’ve heard enough to form my own judgement why that murder took place, and I believe Khaos when he says it was justified!”
“Goddess, Violet, what on Earth has gotten into you? I can’t believe you would say that about two innocent wolves that did their best for that beast you call a mate! If you are not ringing to inform us of your imminent return, I fail to see why you would be so rude and disrespectful to ring us in the middle of the night. Have you had an argument? It wouldn’t surprise me, but you know daddy and I do not approve, and we will not be your sounding off boards. You will not ring us to vent your frustrations.” I rubbed between my eyes, massaging the bridge of my nose, pinching it between my fingers to relieve the immediate tension headache I got from speaking to her.
“I’m not calling to vent. I’m calling to tell you I’m going away for a month.” It was on the tip of my tongue to inform her of the pregnancy but something held me back, some gut instinct warning me that that particular conversation was a disaster best saved for another day. Possibly years from now when the baby was old enough to introduce themselves, and I could escape responsibility completely.
“Well, that’s hardly middle of the night news, Violet! Goodness, I’m in shock at how much your respect has deteriorated! You haven’t contacted us in weeks, I dare say we wouldn’t have noticed your absence for a couple more.”
“Fine. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. I just thought I should let you know, that’s all.” I let out a deep sigh as I braced myself for my other piece of news. “Also, I need to tell you about Logan.”
My mother sucked her breath in sharply, “there shall be no mention of that boy, thank you.”
“But--”
“No buts! We are well aware that he has been killed. Your father felt the pack bond between them break. I told daddy years ago he should tune that out, as I have. It’s much more peaceful without having to hear every whine and complaint from the idiots in this pack. Anyway, darling, Logan’s parents also felt the family bond shatter. It didn’t take a genius to work out he had been killed on Dragonheart pack territory; he sounded off for days about his intention to rescue you. Alone. I will not grieve for such stupidity.”
“How can you say that? He was the son of the Beta!”
“Yes, and a fine job they did of teaching him if that silly example was anything to go by. I have to go now, Violet. You know I need at least eight hours sleep. Already you’ve played havoc with my skin. It will take weeks to recover from this. Goodbye, darling, try not to be so dramatic next time. We don’t need a phone call every time you decide to take a little holiday!” She laughed and hung up the phone without another word, leaving me open-mouthed and dumbfounded.
