You Wouldn't Dare (Khaos Trilogy Book 1), page 20
Who knew that the somebody would be her?
Without even trying, she had done what so many before her had tried to do.
She had defeated me.
I was broken in a way I hadn’t even realised a man could be broken.
It was as though the other half to my soul was with her. I could feel her pain and sense her suffering. I wanted desperately to go to her and make things right.
I didn’t regret the way I chose to live my life, my determination to find my birth parents, but I regretted that I had dragged innocent people into it.
Violet had been right. I didn’t need to attack so violently every time I had a new lead. There were other ways I could go about things, different ways that I could gather information.
But what were they?
All my life I had been raised on the concept of being the strongest wolf in the room. If you weren’t, you left yourself open to attack, and you had no one to blame but yourself. A wolf’s reputation played a huge part in that. If they were feared, they were less likely to have an attack sprung on them.
If they were weak, they were used and discarded.
I knew that only too well.
I skipped dinner on day three. If I had to watch Duke as he stared at Grace with love-sick eyes or refuse another offer from Stephen, I would lose it.
Besides, I was too sick to even attempt eating, especially after I had spoken to Jasmine and I knew how much Violet was hurting. I had sensed her pain, but hearing from someone else, someone who was having to help Violet through it, someone that wasn’t me, had me lashing out in defence. Jasmine had pleaded with me to come home and I had roared at her, telling her to stop bothering me. That Violet wasn’t my problem anymore. She hung up, openly crying, and cursing my name.
After all I had thought about that day, the way I had reflected on my behaviour and the ways I could change, I blew it at the first opportunity.
I wasn’t capable of change. I knew that now.
Day Four
Day four was the day I smashed up Duke’s packhouse. He ordered all women and children to the safe room as I tore through the building, breaking everything in my path. My wolf strained to be free, but I held him back, knowing there would be no stopping him once he was out. He would run back to Violet and either mate with her or kill her. He wouldn’t let anyone else have her if we couldn’t.
I knew it was wrong, that it wasn’t the fault of any member in this pack I was hurting this way, but I refused to see reason.
Years of suppressed emotion had finally burst free. I had been unloading onto Violet in slow, steady drips but without her here and with no way to stop the flow, the dam burst. In hindsight, my life, my decisions, had moved too quick.
I hadn’t taken the time to process what had happened to me before I started my pack and pushed my wants and needs to the back of my mind as I made their happiness and safety my priority.
Violet had been my release. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had been clinging to a shred of hope that this was just a blip. I was being arrogant, but I didn’t genuinely believe she would leave me forever.
Then I had spoken to Jasmine again.
Violet was happy, she was praying in the Moon Goddess’ garden and for some reason, this angered me. She had given me four days before deciding to move on with her life. Even Louisa had given me longer than four days. I really was pathetic.
So, I gave in to the emotions that were surfacing, and poor Duke was paying the price.
He stood aside as he watched me destroy his pride and joy, neither him nor his warriors daring to stop me.
I got to his office and saw the beautiful face of his mate and came to my senses. She didn’t deserve this. None of them did.
For the first time since I left Drake, I sank to my knees and cried like a baby, hearing the Alpha order everyone away as he quietly closed the door, respecting my grief.
It wasn’t long later when Duke’s mate came to visit me, bringing me warm food as she asked how I was doing.
I looked at her. Really looked at her.
I saw what she was desperately trying to hide. That feeling of shame that never quite left us, even though we knew it wasn’t our fault. She had experienced some of the same things I had and it was for that reason that I permitted her to stay, listening as she told me I shouldn’t hide my feelings, that honesty was always the best policy.
“Have you been completely honest with Duke? Does he know what happened to you?” I asked, startling her.
“He knows… some of it.”
I scoffed, turning away from her, “he doesn’t know then.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It never is.”
“Khaos--”
“No, Grace, just stop. I know what you’re trying to do and just stop, okay? Don’t preach to me about the truth when you’re hiding from your mate just as much as I am. Worse, you’re hiding in plain sight. Violet knows everything there is to know about me, but can you say the same for Duke? I might have run away, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. You’re not even going to give Duke the opportunity to accept what happened to you. You’re living a lie.”
She went to leave me then, opening the door without another word, and that pissed me off. I felt as though she was dismissing me, and so before I could help myself, I called out to her, “you know people like you and I can never change. What happened to us? It broke us. We can’t be fixed. Not by a pack, not by our mate, and certainly not with happy fucking endings. There are no happy endings for people like us, and deep down you know it.”
She closed the door.
I was an arsehole.
Day Five
Day five I went through the normal motions. I hid behind my mask as I helped repair the damage I had caused and made my apologies.
I dealt with rebuilds, painting, decorating. I played with the pups and smiled at the she-wolves. I would forget Violet. No matter what.
I had responsibilities. People relying on me. I couldn’t wallow in self-pity forever. I was never the type of man to wallow in self-pity, and I wasn’t about to start now.
I joined in the nights’ festivities, revelling in the attention of the young Omega who rubbed her body seductively against mine. I went back to her room and shoved her against the door.
She wrapped her legs around my waist, whispering her dirty words in my ear.
With a blonde-haired angel in my mind, I nibbled on her collarbone and pushed my hand up her skirt, seeking out the damp patch in her panties, already hard at the thought of how easy it was for me to get her wet.
She threw her head back and moaned my name, her face coming into focus.
Shit.
I pushed her away, muttering my apologies as I left the room.
She wasn’t Violet and I was kidding myself thinking I could get over her. Like it or not, I was head over heels in love.
And I had just royally fucked up.
Day Six
Day six I tried to avoid everyone around me, especially the she-wolf from last night. I didn’t dare stay in my room in case she came to look for me, so I took the coward’s way out, remaining in the training grounds with the warriors.
Day six was the day that I got the excited shout from Grace that my phone was ringing. I knew who it was, just as she did.
Violet was finally calling me.
Like the ridiculous love-sick wolf I was, I ran to the bedroom the minute I heard, praying to the Moon Goddess that she wouldn’t hang up before I had the chance to answer. Grace grinned as she handed the phone to me, assuring me that Violet was still there and that she sounded eager to speak to me.
Thank the Goddess!
“Hello?”
“Hey. It’s me…”
Chapter 19
Violet
“I’m pregnant,” I said, sucking my lower lip into my mouth, waiting for the inevitable.
I knew Khaos wouldn’t take this well. No doubt he would scream and shout about how this was all part of my scheming, knowing he never wanted children.
I was so prepared for this that I had even been working on my responses, not willing to be taken for a fool any longer. I wanted him to be a part of this baby’s life. I wanted us to find a way to co-parent, even if that meant that we remained as friends and not as true mates.
It was almost as though I had been hit by a lightning bolt. I realised that the clichés were true – your life really could change in a moment.
As soon as the doctor had confirmed the news, my life had ran through my mind, sweeping me away with the notion that I had to grow up. I was going to be responsible for a whole person – a baby. A baby that would one day grow up to be the Alpha of the Dragonheart Pack or Luna to another Alpha. They had to be raised in the right environment so they were able to lead their pack to greatness – with a string of bad examples in our families, we had to find a way to end the curse and create a pack that was full of change. Our baby would not lead through fear and they would not be like me, hiding away from their problems or becoming a nightmare to live with when they didn’t get their own way.
So, with those thoughts in mind, I was so ready to have Khaos argue with me. So ready to be the one who had matured so that I could point out all the errors of his ways.
It didn’t occur to me that the same lightning bolt would strike twice.
“Has the pack doctor confirmed it?” He asked quietly. I pulled the phone away from my ear and glanced at it suspiciously.
“Yes, of course, I have the blood work results here.”
“I’ll be home in a matter of hours, see you soon.”
“Wait!” I shouted before he could hang up. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“We’ll talk when I get home, Violet. I’m not discussing our baby on the phone.” He hung up without another word.
Well, shit.
Not quite what I was expecting. I had known he would come home, but was I really ready to see him again? What mood would he be in when he walked through the door? His few words on the phone were not enough, his tone gave nothing away.
I ignored my wolf as she chuffed at me. She knew as well as I did that the most burning question on my mind, whether I was going to admit it, was whether or not Khaos would be happy to see me.
I spent the next two hours pacing my room, my anxiety rocketing through the roof. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I knew this was a good thing, that everything happened for a reason. I knew Khaos and I didn’t always get along, but we both needed each other to see this through; we needed to be harmonious to one another. I had no fear that he would let me down; I had already seen his nurturing side with how fiercely protective he was and how he loved the pups in this pack. I also knew I had all the love in the world to give to this baby and that I would learn from my mother’s mistakes, letting them make their own choices and not forcing my opinions or ideas on them.
However, I also knew I could not protect them, and neither could my mother’s pack. But Khaos could.
That’s why we needed to find a way to get along, and not just because we were mates. There could be no more volatile explosions of temper because I had to stay here in this pack and co-parent with him. We had to put the baby first.
Plus, it was obvious now that we completed each other. He would be the tough parent; he would guide his children to remain on the road to greatness. He was the one who would be able to teach them all the ways of the world. He also had a lot of love to give, and he would have no problem showering his kids in affection.
It was only adults that he struggled with. Children didn’t have an agenda.
I would be the parent that would be more relaxed – I could point out when Khaos was being overbearing, pushing the children too much. I could easily laugh with them, teach them, show them how to hold their own, no matter the social situation. Khaos would probably roll his eyes at this, but it was true. Social skills were important, especially when it came to pack dynamics and hierarchy. Mother took this too far, but she had a point. Reputation played a vital role in one’s relationship with the world.
Funnily enough, Khaos thought this way too, which was why he attacked other packs the way that he did.
I was pulled out of my thoughts as the most delicious smell came wafting through the door. My stomach growled, reminding me how little I had eaten this past week. The last meal I had kept down had been the deer that Khaos and I had shared. The baby would need more than this if they were to be healthy.
Khaos entered the room, carrying a tray of food, and my stomach let out a vicious rumble as I spotted the succulent, tender meat.
He grinned at me, waving the plate around under my nose in a slow circle, the smell hitting me stronger than before. I was almost sick as my hunger pain hit me with full force. He laughed out loud as I almost tore his arm off as I ripped it from him, swallowing whole chunks of the juicy beef. Goddess, this was amazing! Pregnancy appetite had already kicked in!
I realised how rude I was being, and my mother’s training kicked in, demanding I display better manners. With my mouth full I glanced in Khaos’ direction, ready to offer him some food – even though my wolf was growling at the mere thought of it.
As soon as I drank in the sight of him, I almost choked.
He stood in just a pair of shorts with his arms folded over his bare chest, gazing at me with a soft, fond expression. His hair was still slightly plastered to his forehead and his entire skin had a fine coating of sweat. He must have run the entire way here.
His muscles rippled under his skin, skin that was shining in the light thanks to the wetness coating him. My mouth watered, and this time it wasn’t the food.
He twisted his lips ruefully and gestured to his attire, “sorry. I ran here. This was all I could find within easy reach.”
I simply nodded, unable to take my eyes off his ripped body. I swallowed down my last bite, pushing the tray to the side, no longer feeling hungry.
At least not for food.
I gave myself a mental kick and forced my eyes off him.
The blood in my veins burned as his scent hit me, and it was all I could do not to throw myself in his arms. “It’s just hormones, Violet. Ignore it,” I scolded myself.
The air around us crackled, almost taunting me. I could feel my body being pulled forwards. It had a life of its own, needing to be near Khaos, unable to resist the urge. My throat dried up, the tension growing so thick I could almost taste it. I moved my hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, and my arm felt heavy. It was as though we were being surrounded by a fog that made the air almost unbearable, the walls closing in on us.
Why did this happen every time? What was it about us two that made everything else seem so insignificant? Even when we had a mountain of problems, the chemistry was undeniable, always ready to ignite at any moment. The flames of desire licked away at me, filling my bodies with a need that could only be satisfied in one way.
Khaos cleared his throat, moving away from me to sit in the chair, discreetly tucking his erection into the waistband of his shorts. He had noticed my arousal. Of course he fucking did.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, giving me a concerned glance from head to toe.
“Happy. Excited. Scared. Overwhelmed. You name it, I’m feeling it.” I admitted, figuring I may as well lay all my cards on the table. “How are you?”
“Happy. Excited. Scared. Overwhelmed.” I gave a small chuckle, slightly relieved to hear him admit I wasn’t alone with my feelings and fears. “It’s not about me though, it’s about you and the baby. What can I do to put your mind at ease?”
My head flew back with shock. “You’re not angry?”
He frowned at me, a look of adorable confusion on his face. “Why would I be angry?”
“Isn’t it obvious? You don’t want children...” He held his hand up to stop me.
“It takes two to tango, Violet. I was there, I knew the risks that came with you being in heat. I’m not angry in the slightest, I don’t blame you and I don’t regret what happened. I take full responsibility for this. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I should have had the strength to hold back, but I am beyond delighted that I didn’t.” He sank to his knees in front of me and took my hands in his. “That night could not have been any more perfect to me, and though I wish I could have had you to myself for a few years, I’m glad we made our baby during such a special time for us.”
“Do you really mean that?” I asked softly, my eyes shining bright with tears. He raised my hand to his lips and placed kisses along my knuckles.
“Of course I do. Please don’t doubt me when it comes to our baby. I will be there for you in whatever way you want me to be. I promise.” I gave him a hesitant smile and asked the question that was burning in my mind.
“Will you still feel the same way if I don’t mate with you?”
“I can’t pretend I’ll be happy about it but yes, I will still feel the same. Just know that there will never be another male in your life, I can’t have someone else raising my child.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
“No, you’re right. It’s an incredibly selfish thing for me to say, but it’s true. I can’t watch you with someone else. The mate bond will always be between us. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if you fell for someone in this pack, but I also couldn’t live if you were to leave and take our child with you.”
“Khaos--”
“No, Violet. I know I’m being unreasonable, and I swore that I wouldn’t do this, that I would do things by your rulebook. If you want to see someone else, I can’t say I’ll be happy or that I’ll even understand, But I won’t stand in your way. I will have to make them stay on the side-lines, though. You can see him when the baby spends their nights with me – I’ll go along with your custody agreement so long as you promise to stay in this pack.”
“None of that will be necessary. I don’t want anyone else, Khaos,” I admitted with a sigh. He waved his hand as though to brush the conversation away.
