Chasing the Stars, page 20
“You know I love Mexican food,” I said as I ate a chip.
After we both began eating the amazing takeout, I thought back to the few times that Hayes and I had sat on the dock. It was such a beautiful place. “You know this was where we had our first date, right?”
“Of course I remember,” he said arching a brow at me as if I were stupid. “We ate at Harold’s first then we came here.”
“I haven’t eaten at a Harold’s since I left Maverick.”
“Me either,” he confessed.
“Really?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine Hayes being sentimental about things that we had shared.
He broke a chip in half. “If it reminded me of you, I stayed away. Shit, just being outside on a clear night made me feel like I was dying.”
“Then why did you date Kennedy? You said she reminded you of me.” I absolutely hated the thought of him dating Kennedy but it was a fact that I’d have to accept.
“Kennedy caught me on a night I had been drinking. Heavily. I thought she was you, but of course she wasn’t. I don’t even remember the night to tell you the truth. I just remember the next morning,” he said wincing.
I could feel my blood turning to ice because I wasn’t stupid, I knew exactly what that meant. They had sex then he woke up next to her.
I stayed mute as he went on with his story. “I was rude to her and mad at myself. I felt like shit for sleeping with her, but the longer I stared at her, I realized something. You had left and you weren’t coming back. You had left me. And I decided at that moment that I’d just use her. If I couldn’t have you, the one person that I wanted, I’d settle for someone else if it meant that I wouldn’t be in constant pain.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks that had begun falling as he told his story. “I’m so sorry, Hayes. I’m sorry for not trusting you and believing in you. For not believing in us.”
He gathered me close and stroked my jawline. “It’s okay. If I had seen another guy kissing you, I’d have probably felt the same way.”
“I love you,” I blurted out.
I felt his body tense as he stared at me. He didn’t say anything just stared at me as different emotions filled his eyes.
Why is he not saying anything?
“Hayes? You don’t have to say it back. Or even feel it back,” I whispered even though I was confused. He had told me several times that he still loved me.
We both sat there for several minutes as he gazed at the stars in the sky. I tilted my head back as well, and watched the night sky light up, trying not to think about his silent rejection. If I thought about it, I’d cry and ruin everything. Ruin the night and ruin the friendship. I couldn’t let that happen because Harley needed us to remain friends at the very least.
“You can’t love me. I’m a horrible person,” he finally whispered.
“What do you mean, I can’t love you? Yes, I can because I do. And you’re not a horrible person. You’re a great man.”
He shook his head. “No. I became someone awful while we were apart. I did something that if you knew… you’d take Harley and run far, far away from me.”
I cupped his cheeks with my hands. “I don’t believe that. Are you talking about Kennedy? Using her was wrong, but you were hurting. Because of me. That doesn’t make you a horrible person.”
He grabbed my hands and removed them from his face before standing up. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
I stood up with him. “Then tell me! Fucking tell me what you’re talking about!”
“I almost killed someone!”
Everything stopped.
I couldn’t really process or understand what he had just told me. Almost killed someone?
“What are you talking about? You would never kill someone.”
He took a deep breath. “The night of graduation I went to a field party. I couldn’t get you out of my head so I left. On my way home I saw your dad.”
I sucked in some air at the mention of my dad, but didn’t say anything. Instead, I squeezed his hand, letting him know he could go on.
“I watched him stumble out of the bar, drunk, and I let my rage take over. I pulled over and before I even realized it, I had pulled him out of his truck. He said some things that pissed me off further and I hit him. I kinda blacked out and the next thing I knew, some guy was pulling me off your dad. Blood was everywhere and your dad was unconscious.”
“You said almost killed someone. Is my dad okay?”
“Yeah, he came to before the ambulance showed up. He told the witness to say it wasn’t me. But if the guy hadn’t pulled me off you dad, I would have killed him. I would have killed him and never even cared. I’m just like him. No remorse.”
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I was frozen in place.
Hayes had beaten someone. Beaten someone so badly they could’ve died. Just like my dad did to me.
But…Hayes had beaten the man that had hit me for years. Did that make it okay? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything.
“I’m sorry,” he said as tears swam in his eyes. “I blamed him for you leaving. You were gone and he was carrying on with his life. I snapped.”
He moved toward me, but I put my hand out to stop him. I needed a minute. A minute to think and to understand.
“I’m going to go inside,” I told him slowly as I placed my hand over my heart. “I need to think. Time to absorb what you just told me.”
“Okay, but please, don’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” I told him before I turned around and raced inside the house and ducked into Luke’s old room.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed the one person I knew that could help me figure this out.
“Hello?” Brad answered.
“Hey. Were you sleeping?” I asked as I sat down on the bed. I hated bothering him while he was recovering, but I didn’t know of anyone else to call.
“No. I’m watching old episodes of Sons of Anarchy. What’s up?”
“Hayes just told me something and I have no idea how I should feel about it.”
“Oookay,” he said slowly.
“He told me that he beat my dad up. Almost killed him.” Just saying it out loud made me feel sick.
“He told you?”
I stood up and began to pace in front of the window. “Yeah. What do you mean, he told you? Did you know about this?”
He cleared his throat. “Mackenzie, I’m a cop. A detective. Of course I knew about this.”
“I thought you said you only looked at his Facebook page?”
“I lied. Besides he was only listed as a witness. Never charged with anything. I’m not an idiot though, I knew it was him.”
I sat back down on the bed because pacing was doing nothing to calm my racing mind. “Remind me to kick your ass when you’re feeling better.” I paused for a moment. “Brad. Tell me what to do.”
“What do you mean? He knocked the shit out of the guy that beat you for years. I would’ve done the same thing.”
“Hayes thinks he’s just like my dad now.”
“Well, he’s not. He’s a guy taking up for the girl he loves. I hate to say this because I’m supposed to be against this type of thing, but your dad got what he deserved. Kenneth Blanchard is a worthless piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to be called your dad.”
“I know my dad deserved it,” I told him but that wasn’t what was really bothering me. “I’m scared that Hayes’s rage might come back. That he might hurt Harley or myself like that just because he’s mad or stressed or whatever. He said seeing my dad made him mad and he blacked out while he was hitting him,” I sobbed into the phone.
“Mackenzie,” Brad said softly. “I can’t promise anything because you never know what someone is capable of doing, but I really don’t think you need to worry about Hayes hitting you or Harley. Kenneth and Hayes are polar opposites. Hayes did what any man would do. He hit Kenneth because Kenneth deserved it.”
“So what should I do?” I asked as I went into the bathroom to find a tissue.
He sighed. “I think that if you really love him, you need to give him a chance.”
I cleaned my nose and threw the tissue in the trashcan. “Thanks, Brad. Whoever finally wins your heart will be a lucky girl.”
“I know. You okay?”
“I will be. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“You better bring Harley to see me. I miss her little face,” he laughed, “and yours.”
“Bye,” I told him before walking into the bedroom and collapsing on the bed.
I was tired. Really tired.
Chapter 32
Hayes
I sat on the dock, staring at the sky knowing I’d completely lost Mackenzie. She probably wouldn’t even want to be friends with me after what I had told her. I couldn’t blame her.
I was sure she wanted to get herself and Harley as far away from me as possible.
You lost her. Again.
A part of me wished I hadn’t told her. She probably would’ve never found out. The other part of me knew I had done the right thing. She needed to know that I was the type of person that could snap and hurt someone badly.
Kenneth Blanchard deserved so much more than I gave him
That was the problem. Just thinking of Kenneth Blanchard turned my rage up, and I lost the ability to think about anything other than inflicting him with pain. Lots and lots of fucking pain.
I wasn’t sure if I should go back to the house and offer to take her home, or just give her the space she needed. I opted for space. She’d let me know if she wanted to go home.
I added some wood to the fire pit before lying down on the blankets. I’d eventually sleep in Luke’s room, but I wanted to stay outside a bit longer. Clear my thoughts.
“Hey,” I heard Mac say from behind me.
I turned around to see her tear stained face with a smile spread across it. She’s smiling? “Hi.”
“Can we talk?” she asked as she stepped closer to me.
“Whatever you want.” This was it. She was going to tell me to stay away from her and Harley.
“I’m sorry I left earlier. I just needed to think about what you’d said.”
“And how’d that go?” I asked as she sat down next to me.
“Well, I had a million thoughts going through my head. But, I figured out that the one that was scaring me the most, wasn’t really a problem. And I think it scares you too. That’s why you think we can’t be together.”
I had absolutely no idea what she was going to say. “And what is that?”
“That you’re just like my dad. You’re scared that you might hit me or Harley just because you’re mad or upset about something.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I am scared of that. The two of you are the last people I want to hurt.”
“You won’t. The rage you felt when you were hitting my dad wasn’t because you can’t control yourself when things don’t go your way. That rage was directed at him because he deserved it. I’m not saying it was the right thing to do. I don’t believe in hitting people. I’m just saying that it was an isolated incident.”
“That’s what you really think?” I wasn’t sure if she was right, but I wanted to believe her.
“Yes, it is. I wish you hadn’t hit him because now you have to live with this guilt of almost killing a person. But that’s not you. You’re a good man. You’re an amazing man.”
I pulled her on my lap. “So where does that leave us?” I asked.
“I want you, Hayes.”
I was positive my heart jumped out my chest at her declaration but I wanted everything to be clear. “What does that mean to you?”
“It means that I want us to be together. I don’t want to just be your friend.”
I gave her a firm kiss on the lips before I pulled back. “We can be a real family? You, Harley, and me?”
“Yes,” she said as she crushed our lips together. Kissing her earlier had been amazing, but knowing she was mine, completely mine, was a thousand times better.
I swept my tongue inside her mouth, coaxing a few moans from her lips. She moved to straddle me as her hands began peeling my jacket off. I let my hands slip away from her as she finished taking my jacket off.
She took her coat off as well, before returning her lips to mine. My fingers traveled up her back, feeling her skin under her shirt. I could feel her shiver beneath my fingers as she whimpered.
“Cold?” I asked pulling back.
“No. Very, very warm, actually,” she replied in a sexy tone.
Oh hell! She was turning me on faster than ever before, and I knew we had to stop. I had just gotten used to the fact I was a dad to one child, I didn’t need another. “Mac? We have to stop.”
“Why?” she asked trailing kisses up my jaw.
Fuck! That feels good. “Because I don’t have a condom.”
“I’m on birth control.”
“You are? Have you needed it?” I questioned. The thought of her sleeping with another man made me sick and fucking angry.
She began laughing. “No. I haven’t had a need for it. I’ve just become a cautious person.”
“This is my lucky night. I got my girl back and now this.”
She started to kiss me again but I stopped her. I needed to make sure of one little thing. “You said you loved me earlier.”
“Yes and I meant it. I love you.”
“I love you too.” I kissed her softly on the lips. “I just need to ask you something. Earlier, when I came back with the food you were talking to Brad. You told him you loved him. I need to know exactly how you feel about him.”
She cupped my face in her hands as I braced myself for what she would say. “I love you, Hayes Morgan. With all my heart. What I feel for you? Nobody else even comes close. Brad is like a brother to me. So yes, I love him, but it’s nothing like the way I love you.”
“God, I love hearing you say that,” I told her before kissing her again. This time I had no intention of stopping. I was going to show her exactly how much I loved her.
***
That night I crawled into bed next to Mac and breathed a sigh of relief. After all the mistakes I had made over the last year, she still wanted me.
“Can I ask you a random question?” she asked as her hands trailed over my chest.
“Um, sure.”
“Carson seems different. He used to be a little more…reserved or something back in high school. Or maybe I just didn’t know him very well.”
I let my fingers smooth over her back. “Do you remember Sam?”
“Yeah. I met her at a party one night. She basically told me to drop Jace because he was a dumbass and date you.”
“I need to find her and thank her for that,” I said before dropping a kiss on her head. “Although Carson would kill me. She messed him up. He was completely in love with her or so he thought. I don’t know. Anyways, the same night that everything happened with you, she dumped him. She didn’t like being strapped down.”
“That’s awful.”
“It wasn’t the first time, but it was the last. They dated off and on all through high school. After she dumped him, she slept with some other guy maybe thirty minutes later. And then she kept sleeping with other guys, but it was like she wanted to throw it in Carson’s face. Now he hates the idea of a relationship and has embraced the single life.”
“What a bitch,” she said as she rolled onto her back. “I have another question.”
“Okay.”
“Earlier you were kinda pissed off about something. Then you told me you overheard me tell Brad that I love him. Was that why?”
“Maybe,” I told her as I flipped over and hovered above her. She smiled at me as I brought our lips together again and let my hand stroke her breasts.
I was going to spend the rest of the night reassuring myself that she was mine. And only mine.
Chapter 33
Mackenzie
“How are you feeling?” I asked Brad as I sat down on the couch at his apartment the following afternoon.
He was lying in his recliner with his left shoulder bandaged while he drank a Dr. Pepper. “I’m feeling good. I hate being cooped up though. I need to get back to work.”
I grinned. “Looking forward to desk duty?”
“Don’t even say it. I can’t even think like that,” he said before taking a drink. “So tell me what happened?”
“I thought about what you had said. Hayes is nothing like my dad. Not in the slightest possible way.”
“Good to see that you listened to me for once.”
I glared at him. “Shut it! Anyways, we talked and…we’re going to try and be a couple again.”
“Aww. Y’all two kids going steady? I bet if you give him a little something, he’ll let you wear his letterman jacket.”
I tried to contain my laugh but I couldn’t. I started laughing so hard that I snorted which only made him laugh harder at me.
“I hate you!”
“No you don’t. You love me.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes. “Yeah. I guess I do, but you love me too.”
“Yeah. So where is lover boy?”
“He is having a daddy-daughter date. He’s really accepted having a daughter.”
“I won’t say I told you so.”
We both sank into a silence as we watched some gory movie on the TV. I must’ve nodded off a bit before the movie ended because I heard Brad whispering, “Mackenzie?”
I cracked my eye open to see Brad leaning over the recliner, looking at me. “Yeah?”
“It’s six ‘o clock. I don’t want you to be late for your date,” he said referring to the date Hayes and I were having. Our real first date since becoming a couple again.
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Oh shit! I have to go.”
He laughed at my sleepy state of mind. “Who’s watching Harley tonight?”
“Amelia.”
“Okay, cool” He held up his key. “Let’s get you home.”
***
I finished applying my mascara and took one last look in the mirror. I looked good. Better than I had in a long time and it didn’t have anything to do with my makeup. It had everything to do with Hayes.
