Chasing the Stars, page 18
I chuckled a bit. “No, I guess I just tune her out when she talks. Which is way too much.”
“Well, good luck with that tonight,” he said before rolling back over and snoring a short time later.
***
After my second class finished, I decided to swing by Target and pick up some things for Harley that could be left at my dorm. I was hoping I’d get to watch her at night, during Mackenzie’s late shifts at the diner.
I had never really paid any attention to the baby aisles before because I had no need to. As I perused the aisles, I realized babies needed a lot of shit. They required their own mini sized bathtubs, special soap, and, shit, there were a million different types of bottles to choose from. Why was there a need to sell that many different bottles? Didn’t they all do the same thing? Feed a baby?
I walked down the aisle where all of the stuffed toys were displayed and paused as I saw a small, plush star with a face wearing a nightcap. It reminded me of Mackenzie and I’s star gazing dates. I had missed those so much. I had always felt so peaceful as I held her in my arms and looked at the dark sky.
I placed the star in my cart along with some other baby toys before I strolled to the next aisle. I checked out each pack ‘n play and decided it would be nice for me to keep one in my dorm. I could fold it up and easily store it in the corner and unfold it when I kept Harley. It would create a safe place for her to nap and play.
Already thinking like a parent.
I had to laugh at myself, because of all people, I wasn’t one that came to mind when you thought of parent or dad.
I finished grabbing a few more items before I decided to checkout since I needed to study for an exam, and then get dressed to take Kennedy out. I was not going to call it a date. I was simply taking her out.
On the drive home I checked my text messages which contained five from Kennedy reminding me about that night and one from my mom checking in. I realized at that point, I needed to tell my parents about Harley and Mackenzie. I also realized that I needed to tell them in person.
As I lugged the baby items up the stairs to my dorm, I decided I needed to drive home the next day and talk to them. I knew they’d be excited to know they were grandparents, but I also knew they’d worry.
I stopped short as I rounded the corner of the hallway. A huge smile spread across my face as I walked closer to Mackenzie and Harley. They were both so completely beautiful. “Hey,” I told Mackenzie as I kissed Harley on the cheek.
“We were in the neighborhood.”
I opened the door to my room and held it open for them to enter. “In the neighborhood, huh?”
“Okay. Actually I wasn’t, but I knew someone driving to the University. I was bored and thought…”
“You thought you’d come by and see me? Please, come by anytime you want. I love seeing both of you,” I told her as I placed my purchases in the corner. I grabbed the star toy out of the bag. “I actually went shopping today in case you guys ever came over, or you ever let me watch Harley for you.”
I held the plush star in front of Harley and she immediately grabbed it. “I’m glad she likes it. I had no idea what I was doing…” I trailed off as I watched Mackenzie stare at the plush toy.
“You got her a star?” she whispered.
“Does that upset you? It reminded me of you and…us. I thought it would be nice for her to have something that represents our past.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “It’s perfect.” She wiped the tear away with the back of her hand as I took Harley from her arms. “I can’t look at a star without thinking of you.”
“I know what you mean.” I watched our daughter gum the plush toy before I gazed across the room at Mackenzie. “You know, star can mean destiny. Harley, us being connected through her, that was always our destiny.”
She peered out the small window as she softly spoke. “She’s our little star.”
“I’m still a stud,” I said lightening the mood.
She laughed out loud before my phone started ringing. I glanced at the screen. Kennedy. I hit the ignore button and shoved the phone back in my pocket. “Look, I need to take a quick shower, but you can hang out in here, okay? Carson texted me earlier and he won’t be back for a while.”
“Um…Let me see when my ride is headed back to the city.”
I pointed to the corner. “I bought a pack ‘n play today. Let me set it up then I’ll take a shower.”
I handed her Harley before I walked over to the box and began opening it. “What are you doing tonight?” she asked.
“I promised Kennedy I’d take her to some date party,” I said absently as I looked over the contents I’d pulled from the box. It didn’t look like I needed to put anything together, just unfold it.
“Oh,” she whispered. “You know what? My ride is ready to leave. Sorry you got that out for no reason.”
“You have to leave already? You just got here,” I said dropping the pack ‘n play in the floor. As I stepped toward her, I could see her eyes filled with tears. “Mac? What’s wrong, baby?”
“I’m not your baby or your Mac. I have to go,” she said grabbing the diaper bag off my bed.
I grabbed her arm to stop her. “Hey. I’m sorry I called you those things, but whether you like it or not, you will always be Mac to me. And as far as the baby part, it was a slip of the tongue. I’m sorry. It’s hard to be around you and still love you and not call you that.”
She shook her head slightly. “It was a mistake to come here. You have your own life and we have ours. Have fun tonight.”
It finally clicked. She was upset because I was taking Kennedy out. I couldn’t blame her because even though I knew she deserved someone better than me, I’d probably beat the shit out of any guy that tried to date her. “Mac, Mackenzie. Look, tonight means nothing to me. I broke up with her last week, but she asked me this morning if I’d still take her. She couldn’t find anyone else on such short notice. I was trying to do the right thing and be nice since I practically used her.”
She shrugged. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Hayes.”
“Yes, I do. Everything I do affects Harley, which affects you.” I placed my hand on her cheek and she didn’t flinch or bat it away. I began softly stroking her cheek with my thumb. “I’m going to be completely honest here, okay? I am still one hundred and ten percent in love with you. I never stopped. I don’t want anyone else. But…I know I can’t ever have you again, even if you decided to want me again.”
“Hayes—”
“Just let me finish. After you left, I died on the inside. I was completely numb. I did something that I know would tear you up if you ever found out. And that’s saying something since you know how I used Kennedy. I’ll never be good enough for you again. That doesn’t stop me from wanting you, though.
“Taking Kennedy out tonight, trying to be nice…it’s my way of trying to right some wrongs I’ve done over the last year. But, if you told me not to go, I wouldn’t. You don’t ever need to worry about me choosing another girl over you. Besides Harley.”
We stared at each other for a moment, the only sound coming from Harley as she chewed on her toy. Since she still hadn’t pulled away, I decided I was taking my final kiss from her. I let my thumb trail from her cheek to her bottom lip, before I slowly leaned forward. She closed her eyes right before our lips met. My eyes closed as well as I felt her lips pushing against mine. It was a light kiss, neither of us trying to push it further, but it was an amazing kiss. I pulled back slightly, not wanting to push my luck, but she surprised me by wrapping her free hand around my neck and pulling our lips back together.
I could have stood there with our lips pressed together all day, but Harley had other plans. She moved her arm and began pushing on Mackenzie and I’s faces as she gibbered and screeched. I pulled back from Mackenzie and we both began laughing. “She’s the master at perfect timing.”
I smiled at her then spoke to my daughter. “You’re supposed to be on Daddy’s side. Not ruin it for him.”
“Have a great time tonight, Hayes. And I don’t believe what you said. You’re way too sweet and caring to be dead on the inside or do something that I wouldn’t forgive.”
Chapter 29
Mackenzie
After waiting for another hour on a bench outside some building on the University of Oklahoma’s gorgeous campus, my friend Joy took us home to Connie’s house.
I had hitched a ride with her to campus after she had told me she was attending a lecture there. I had thought it would be nice to let Hayes see Harley and maybe let myself see Hayes.
It hadn’t went as I had expected, it had been better. My heart had shattered when he told me he was taking Kennedy to a date party. After he told me why, my heart melted at his sweetness, and my mind raced with what he could have possibly done during my absence from his life. Then he had kissed me. It was a sweet, gentle kiss, but it was still an amazing kiss.
While Harley slept in her crib that night, I settled in my bed to watch reruns of Friends. The shows main run was before I was old enough to watch it, but now the reruns were my favorite thing to watch. I pulled the covers over my chest as my phone began to ring. Tina flashed across the screen and I knew I needed to answer it since she never called me at night.
“Hello.”
“Mackenzie?” she cracked and I knew she was crying.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s… Brad…he’s been shot.”
“What do you mean he’s been shot?” I screeched as I flung the covers off my body. I needed to get dressed.
“He was at work. He needs surgery,” she told me before letting me know which hospital he had been taken to. I quickly hung up and began dressing myself as quickly as possible. A sleeping Harley caught my eye, and I hated the thought of waking her. I ran down the hallway to Connie’s room and knocked.
“Come in,” she yelled.
“Connie?” I said as I began to cry.
“I guess you heard about Brad?” she asked walking toward me before wrapping me in a huge embrace. “He’s going to be fine.”
But what if he’s not? I can’t lose Brad. I nodded as I sobbed into her shoulder. “Can someone please watch Harley? She’s asleep.”
“I’m sure Joy won’t mind. I’ll ask her. Who’s driving you to the hospital? I would, but the doctor said I can’t drive until at least another week,” she explained, referring to her foot surgery.
I hadn’t thought that far ahead. My mind was racing and I hadn’t thought of my one big problem. I didn’t have a car.
I reached in my pocket for my cell phone as I told Connie, “I can call Harley’s dad.” Even though I had told myself that Hayes didn’t love me or want me for the last year, after that kiss earlier, I knew I had been wrong. Hayes would always be there for me if I let him.
I pressed his name in the contacts and waited for him to pick up.
“Mackenzie?” he answered with music blaring in the background.
Shit! He’s at that party with Kennedy. “Hayes?” I said shakily.
“What’s wrong? Is it Harley?” he asked as the background music faded.
“No. It’s Brad. He’s been shot,” I sobbed.
“What do you need me to do?” he asked softly.
“I need a ride to the hospital.”
“Are you at your house? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Thank you,” I cried.
I placed the phone back in my pocket as I peered into Connie’s sweet brown eyes. “He’s going to pick me up.”
“Good. You don’t worry about Harley. We’ll take care of her. But will you please keep me updated on Brad?”
“Of course,” I told her as I went back to my room to grab my purse.
I made sure Harley was still sleeping peacefully as I sat up the baby monitor. I kissed her one last time before I quietly left the room. I had never been away from her at night, making me feel some apprehension about leaving her.
As I was walking down the stairs, I noticed headlights pull into the driveway and I picked up my pace. I quickly walked outside and jumped into Hayes’s Jeep.
“Thank you,” I told him weakly as I reached for my seat belt.
He grabbed my hand. “Anytime you or Harley need me, I’m there.”
The only other thing I could manage to say was the name of the hospital as we drove over. Hayes kept my hand in his, giving me reassuring squeezes every few minutes.
I ran inside the ER entrance where a lady behind a desk directed me to the waiting room for emergency surgeries. We walked down a long hallway, hand in hand, until we found the correct room and Tina. She was sitting next to a man that looked extremely tired. She stood up as soon as I reached her and we both began crying as we hugged each other. After a few minutes, we pulled back from each other. “We haven’t heard anything yet. It’ll be a few hours.”
I nodded and sat down on a small, worn couch in front of her. Hayes sat down next to me and I immediately felt a bit better. I scooted closer to him, needing to feel his warmth. He’d always made me feel safe and in that moment, I needed that feeling more than anything. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I leaned my head against his chest.
“What happened?” I finally managed to ask.
“I think he was making an arrest, and the suspect shot him in the shoulder. That’s really all I know.”
“Okay,” was all I could manage to say. Knowing he had been shot on the job made me feel sick.
I peered at the man beside Tina that was offering her little comfort. He resembled an older Brad and I realized the man must be related. I knew it wasn’t his father because Brad’s father had died a few years ago from cancer. Brad didn’t like to talk about his dad so I didn’t know much else about him.
“Tina,” the man said in a gruff voice. “I’m going to step outside and smoke.”
“Okay,” she said giving him a forced smile.
Hayes and I watched the man walk away as Tina explained, “Brad’s uncle. My husband’s brother.” She didn’t say anything else as she stared at the wall, lost in thought.
“Would you like me to get you some coffee, Tina?” Hayes asked after a few minutes. I’m sure he felt uncomfortable watching people he barely knew cry.
“That would be great. Thank you,” she said before staring at the wall again.
I couldn’t just sit there and stare at the wall with Tina. “I’ll come with you.”
We stood up and he took my hand as we walked around the corner to where the coffee was located. “Come here,” he said pulling me into a hug. I let my body melt against his as I laid my head on his chest and inhaled.
It was the smell of home.
He placed a kiss on the top of my head as he stroked my back. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something or say something to make this better. But I can’t.”
“Just keep holding me,” I told him as he leaned his body against the wall.
“I’ll hold you as long as you want me to.”
I closed my eyes and tried to think positive. Brad was healthy and stubborn. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t, leave me. He knew I needed him. He knew that Harley needed him.
“I can’t lose him,” I whispered.
He kissed my head again but didn’t say anything. We both knew he couldn’t say anything to make the situation better.
“He’s my best friend. He’s been there for me so many times I can’t even count,” I said as I began to sob again.
I clung to Hayes’s shirt as he pulled me tighter. He slid down the wall and gathered me in his arms, allowing me to cry.
I cried for what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes before I pulled away, and wiped my nose on my shirt sleeve. “Hayes?”
“Yeah?”
I peered into his green eyes. “Thank you for being here. I couldn’t do this without you.”
He placed a hand on my cheek then kissed me softly. It was a short kiss, but it meant everything. “I’m here for you, Mackenzie. Always.”
“Mac. I’m your Mac.”
“Thank goodness you finally realized that. It was hard remembering to call you Mackenzie,” he said, smiling.
“I missed you so much.”
He kissed me again. “Me too.”
After I had finished crying enough tears to fill a lake, I disentangled myself from Hayes and stood up. I found a paper towel and began trying to clean all of my smeared makeup from my face.
Hayes moved in front of me and took the towel from my hand. He put some water on it from the water cooler than cleaned my face for me. “You know even when you have black makeup all over your face, you’re still the most beautiful girl in the world.”
“Please don’t lie to me right now,” I told him as I stared into his bright, green eyes.
“It’s the truth.” He swiped the paper towel below my right eye before saying, “There. Perfect.”
“Thank you,” I said as I stepped away. “I need to find a restroom and blow my nose.”
“Okay, I’ll go give Tina her coffee.”
I walked slowly around the corner and down a small hallway until I found a bathroom. I opened the door and quickly locked myself inside. This had to be one of the worst days of my life. A part of me wanted to lie in the floor and cry and cry until I knew that Brad was okay. The other part of me couldn’t even wrap my mind around the fact that Brad was lying on some hospital bed fighting for his life.
I took deep breaths for a moment, trying to calm myself down as I took a tissue out of the box on the counter. I blew my nose and took more calming breaths.
He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay.
I had to repeat it over and over to myself because if I didn’t, I’d fall apart.
I crept back to the waiting area and sank down beside Hayes. “Have you heard anything?” I asked Tina.
“No. I’m telling myself that no news is good news. That’s what they say, right?”
“That’s right. Besides, he’s Brad. He’s way too strong for anything bad to happen in there.” I couldn’t say the word “die.” The thought of using that word in reference to Brad made me sick.
