Chasing the Stars, page 10
Chapter 15
Mackenzie
I left second period and took in all the Homecoming banners, balloons, and streamers. Apparently, Homecoming was a big deal at Maverick High. I had just made it to my locker when I heard giggling behind me. I turned around to see Candy and two of her friends chatting. She turned as I glanced over at them and I noticed what she was wearing with her cheerleading skirt.
Hayes’s jersey.
I hadn’t been at Maverick High during Homecoming before, but I had attended other high schools and knew that jerseys were reserved for girlfriends or very close friends.
I turned around peering into my locker at nothing. Why? Why would he pick her of all people to wear his jersey? Why couldn’t I have worn his jersey? I knew we were being discreet about our friendship as well as dating, but was he trying to hide our friendship completely?
I couldn’t breathe.
I needed out. I needed to leave school because I knew I couldn’t face Hayes next period. I slammed my locker shut and turned to my right to find Candy standing there with a smug smile on her face.
“What?” I asked angrily.
She gestured to the jersey. “Don’t you think that Hayes’s jersey looks good on me?”
“It looks amazing. Too bad it can’t cover up that nasty breath of yours as well,” I spat out. I had no idea if she had bad breath, but I knew my comment would bother her whether she showed it or not.
Her nostrils flared and I tried not to laugh. “You’re just jealous that you’re not wearing it. You know he just feels sorry for you. You’ll never be anything more than his friend if you can even call it that. We made plans for tonight’s party and I’m sure he’ll be with me come tomorrow morning.”
“Right. I’m sure he’ll be kicking you to the curb,” I said as I walked away, trying not to cry. They had made plans for a party tonight? He hadn’t even mentioned the party to me.
I walked to the exit as I heard, “Hey!” in Miranda’s voice. I turned to see her jogging toward me. “I kinda overheard. Are you okay?”
I smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?” I still hadn’t told her the truth about Hayes and I’s relationship. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to tell her or not, even though she was my best friend.
“He doesn’t feel sorry for you. I mean that’s not why he’s friends with you. I don’t think Hayes feels sorry for anyone.”
I shrugged as I spoke. “I don’t really care. She can have him.” Tears welled in my eyes and I forced them back. I wouldn’t cry over Hayes. I had no idea if Candy had been lying to me or not about them making plans, but one thing I did know: he had given her his jersey. He had chosen the girl that had talked trash about me and given me the nickname of “trailer whore” to wear his jersey for homecoming.
“Wanna ditch this hour?” I asked Miranda.
She scrunched her eyebrows together in an apologetic way. “I can’t. I have a big test and I’m already late.”
“Go. I don’t want you to miss the test because of me.”
She bit her lip and asked, “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. I’ll see you later?” I asked as I put my small jacket on.
“Yeah.”
I watched her walk back inside the building and I headed toward the highway. I needed to clear my head and I knew my parents wouldn’t be home. I had barely made it to the end of the parking lot when my phone buzzed in my bag. I pulled it out, already knowing who it would be.
Hayes: Where are you? Are you okay?
Like you fucking care.
I didn’t respond and placed the phone back inside my bag. I was beginning to wonder if I had just been a conquest to Hayes. He could have anyone he wanted so why would he choose me? I was just a poor trailer park girl. It wasn’t like I was sexy or had anything to offer. After seeing Candy wearing his jersey, all I could rationalize was that I was a challenge to Hayes and that he had felt sorry for me.
By the time I had reached the trailer park, my phone had buzzed several times. I knew he was stuck in Chemistry class and therefore couldn’t look for me. I had no clue what he would do after class ended though. Maybe he would look for me, maybe he wouldn’t care, or maybe he’d find Candy and take her into the storage closet like he had me.
I opened the door to the trailer and locked it behind me. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do with the rest of my day, but I sure as shit wasn’t leaving my room. The Homecoming game was on a Thursday night because we were out of school on Friday for fall break. Thursday’s were my normal night off and I had been excited about watching the game. I decided I’d take a nap then walk to the diner and see if I could pick up a shift. It would get my mind off Hayes.
I changed into some comfy shorts and cami then climbed into bed. I heard the banging on the front door as soon as my head hit the pillow. What the hell?
“Mac! Mac, are you in there?” I heard in Hayes’s deep voice.
I didn’t want to see or talk to him. I needed time to wrap my mind around everything. Time to tell if I had been overreacting or if I had been blind to the real Hayes.
I curled up in the covers, placing a pillow over my head as the tears started falling from my eyes. He began banging on my window. “Mac, if you’re in there please open the window. I’m getting worried.”
I knew that he had no clue if I was in here or not so I didn’t move or make a sound. He knocked on the window again. “Mac, please.”
After fifteen minutes, I heard his Jeep start and the crunch of the gravel as he drove away. I hated this. I hated not knowing his real feelings because either everything had to stay hidden or everything had been a lie. I had no idea which to believe, but I knew which made more sense to me.
He had used me.
I had been a dirty little secret. The poor girl that lived in a trailer that he had wanted to have sex with, yet he was too embarrassed for anyone to know. He had told everyone else that he wanted to be my friend because he felt sorry for me. He had told me he wanted to be my friend then later my boyfriend. He had told me he loved me.
Lies. All lies.
I was all alone so I cried and sobbed uncontrollably. Letting all of my emotions be taken away with my tears. My hope was that I would wake up feeling numb.
***
I woke up at six feeling drained. I wanted to go back to sleep but I knew that would only lead to a sleepless night. I knew the best thing to do, would be to walk to the diner and see if I could pick up a shift. I needed to busy myself so I wouldn’t have time to think about anything else.
I got dressed and walked to the living room where my parents were eating dinner on the couch. I immediately steeled myself for whatever mood my dad was in. They both glanced up in my direction as my dad asked, “Where the hell are you going?”
“I’m on my way to the diner. I’m going to pick up a shift.”
“That’s good,” he said as he started watching TV again. It was very strange but I didn’t question it.
“Bye, honey,” my mom said as I opened the door.
“Bye.”
I stepped off the porch and zipped up my jacket. It had started to get chilly but I’d deal with it. I wasn’t going back in the trailer for my heavier jacket. I’d much rather freeze.
As I walked down the road of the trailer park I realized I had left my cell phone inside my backpack. I wondered if Hayes had tried to contact me again. Of course, my mind went to images of him and Candy together, not worrying at all about me.
I entered the diner and headed for the kitchen. I knew that Jan would be back there helping out. “Hey, Jan,” I said as I entered the room.
“Isn’t tonight your night off? Why aren’t you at the game?” she asked as she placed a plate in the dishwasher.
“I’m not really a football fan. I was wondering if I could pick up a shift tonight?”
“I don’t think I have enough on the payroll, honey. I’m sorry.”
Shit! I tried to think of anything I could do that would keep me away from going back home. “Can I just hang out here? I’ll help you back here for free.”
“You wanna hang out here and wash dishes for free?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
I smiled. “I do.”
“Be my guest, honey,” she replied as she dried her hands. “Oh and before I forget, Hayes Morgan was looking for you. He said to have you call him.”
“Oh, okay,” I said as I grabbed an apron. “Jan?”
“Yeah?” she called from the door.
“If Hayes comes back, can you please tell him I’m not here?”
She pursed her lips. “Sure. I won’t even ask what this is about.”
“Thank you.”
I spent the next few hours loading and unloading the dishwasher numbly.
Load.
Unload.
Load.
That’s all I allowed myself to think about.
“Mac!” I heard as Hayes barreled through the kitchen door.
What the hell? “I didn’t say anything. Loretta did because she didn’t know not to tell him,” Jan said as she walked through the door behind Hayes.
Hayes and I held each other’s stares as Jan left the room. “You left school. You didn’t answer my calls or texts. You didn’t come to my game. I’ve been worried to death.”
Worried? He’d been worried about me? “Why?”
He stepped forward, anger flashing through his eyes. I had never been scared of Hayes, but I instinctively took a step back. “Why? Your dad fucking beats you. That’s why!” he roared.
I stepped back again, hitting my butt against the counter. “Please calm down,” I whispered weakly.
He ran a hand through his hair. “Shit! Are you scared of me right now? You know I’d never hurt you.”
“Please, just leave,” I begged as tears leaked from my eyes.
“Mac, please talk to me. What’s wrong?”
I wasn’t sure what to say, but I heard myself blurting, “She wore your jersey.”
He took a step toward me, “Mac…” I held up my hand and shook my head. I didn’t want him any closer. “Just let me explain. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t need to explain anything. I was a challenge and you won. You fucked me. Now you can leave.”
Mac—”
“Don’t Mac, me!” I said cutting him off as anger bubbled inside me. “You lied to me. Convinced me that we had to keep our relationship a secret because of your dad. I was stupid enough to fall for it. But it was a lie. A fucking lie. You were really too embarrassed to admit that you wanted to fuck the white trash trailer park girl. That’s why you kept us a secret.”
“No! God, no! It wasn’t like that at all.” He said wrapping me in his arms. I pushed on his chest but he was too strong to fight. “I promise you, I’m not embarrassed of you. I love you.”
“No you don’t!” I screamed into his chest. I began sobbing as I felt him slide to the floor against the wall. He held me close to him as I cried. I couldn’t remember a time that I had cried this hard.
“Shh. I’ve got you,” he whispered into my ear.
I wanted to pull away but I couldn’t make myself do it. I knew it was stupid but I wanted to absorb being held by Hayes one last time.
Chapter 16
Hayes
I let Mackenzie cry for about fifteen minutes before I got to my feet and carried her out of the kitchen door into the dining room. I didn’t care who saw me. My dad’s election could go straight to hell. I had fucked up with the whole Candy thing, and I wasn’t going to let Mackenzie feel like this anymore. I needed to make this right and the kitchen of a diner wasn’t the place to do it.
“I’m going to take her with me,” I told Jan as I passed the counter, carrying Mackenzie.
She gave me a stern look. “Okay. Take care of her.”
“I will,” I said as I kept walking toward the exit.
“Put me down. Someone will see us together,” Mackenzie mumbled.
I continued out the exit. “I don’t give a shit.”
I walked to the passenger side of the Jeep and placed her inside. After I made sure she was buckled in, I shut the door and strode to the driver’s side. I wasn’t sure how to explain my actions to her. Anything I said would come out hurtful and that was the last thing I wanted.
“I’m taking you home with me,” I said as I put the Jeep in drive.
“No. I don’t want to go to your house,” she spat angrily.
“Then where do you want to go? We have to talk.”
She wouldn’t look at me and I couldn’t really blame her. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“You don’t have to. You have to listen while I talk.”
“Fuck you, Hayes!”
“You already have.” As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I had messed up. It was the worst possible time to be a smart ass.
She shook her head as tears streamed from her eyes.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m an asshole.” I was a huge fucking asshole. I had screwed everything up.
“Yeah, you are,” she agreed just as I pulled into a parking space at the local park.
I unbuckled her seatbelt, and drew her onto my lap. I needed to touch her and know she was okay. I had hurt her which made me sick, but I was still relieved that she hadn’t been hurt physically by her father.
“Please just let me say what I need to say. If you still don’t want to be near me when I’m finished, I’ll drive you home.” She nodded but wouldn’t look at me. I wanted her to look into my eyes and see my honesty, but I wouldn’t push my luck by asking her to do anything but listen.
“I swear to you that I’m not embarrassed to be with you. I don’t give a damn whether your poor or not, or whether you live in a trailer or mansion. All I care about is being with you. I love you. I know you don’t think I do, but I’m completely in love with you.” I inhaled a large breath before continuing. “I thought I could keep it quiet for my dad’s sake because during elections every little thing our family does can be taken and twisted to make my dad look bad. I try really hard to not make things harder for my dad, so when he asked me to keep our relationship a secret, I agreed. I didn’t think it would matter because we were just friends at the time and I didn’t know if we’d ever be together.” I cupped her cheek, bringing her icy blue eyes to meet mine. “When we got together, I thought it would all be easy. I’d get to be with you in private. Which in my head was anytime we weren’t stuck in school. I was trying to please everyone. You, my dad, and me. Fuck, Mac, all I want is you.”
“No—”
“You said you’d listen,” I said cutting her off. “Wednesday morning Candy asked to wear my jersey because we were both single. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell her the truth. Then she started talking about you and I knew that if I gave you that jersey she’d make your life miserable. She’s a nasty bitch and I didn’t want her to hurt you by starting some rumor. I mean, she called you a name that went all over school and even though you never admitted it, I know it hurt you. In my head, I thought by agreeing to let her wear some jersey that I sweat like a damn pig in, I was protecting you.”
I waited for her to respond in some way but she didn’t. She just stared at me with a blank expression on her face. I didn’t know what else to do so I leaned in and kissed her. If she wouldn’t listen to me, maybe she could feel me.
She responded, kissing me back gently. I stroked her tongue with my own as I cupped her cheeks. I tried my hardest to show her how much she meant to me through the kiss without taking it too far. I didn’t want her to think my feelings for her were just sexual.
She pulled back, looking into my eyes. “She said you had made plans for the party tonight.”
“I may have said that I’d see her there or something like that. I don’t know. I hadn’t even thought about the party. All I had thought about was being with you. I wanted to do whatever you wanted.”
The corners of her mouth turned down. “You let her wear your jersey.”
I cupped her chin, stroking it with my thumb. “Maybe I’m an idiot or maybe I’m just a guy, but I had no clue that it was that big of a deal. Seriously. It’s just a high school football jersey.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She inhaled a long shaky breath then slowly exhaled. “I’m sorry I overreacted. I let her words get to me. It’s just…I just don’t get why you want to be with me. I have nothing to offer. I’m just a poor girl that has horrible parents. I’m not sexy, I’m not…I just don’t get it.”
I guided her face to meet mine. “I want you to look in my eyes. I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You are completely sexy to me. As for you being poor, I don’t give a fuck. I have money and I’ll take care of you. I’d gladly take care of you for the rest of our lives. In fact, I have a trust fund and I’ll pay for your college if you don’t get a scholarship.”
“I would never ask you to pay for my college.”
“Exactly. You’d never use anyone. That’s just one of the many things I love about you. I want you to know that I’d do it though. I would give you anything if you’d just ask. And the thing about your parents. That’s on them. What they do to you? That doesn’t make you unlovable or anything like that. That makes you a survivor. Which again, is just another thing that makes you loveable.” I kissed her forehead and continued, “Don’t you see? You are very, very loveable and I’m the luckiest guy on the planet because you’re mine.”
“I love you, Hayes.”
“I love you, Mackenzie.”
“Take me to the party,” she told me as she lifted herself off my lap, making her way back to her seat.
“Why?”
“Because I want to see Candy’s face when you walk in with me.” I was confused by her asking to go to a party. “I’m not asking you to tell everyone about our relationship. I understand about your dad. I just want you to bring me and take me home. As a friend.”
I’d gladly take her home. “And take you home? What exactly did that bitch say to you?”
