The Daughter-in-Law, page 26
‘Who’s “D”?’
Edie stopped cutting up tomatoes, racing through possible explanations. She read the part message on the home screen of her iPhone, feeling as if the temperature in the room had dropped to freezing. She had always been so careful, never left her phone lying around… ever. Except for this one time.
The flat isn’t an option open to us any longer. Shall I book our favourite hotel?
She deleted it immediately – as if that would stop Paul having seen it and doing any harm. Too late.
‘So?’
‘So, what?’ She pretended a nonchalance she didn’t feel at all.
‘I asked you who D is?’
Edie’s mind was racing. ‘Dinah.’ She picked up her knife again. At least she’d had the foresight to shorten Daniel’s name on her phone, just in case.
Think. Think.
‘You’ve never talked about anyone called Dinah. Who is she?’ Paul looked puzzled.
‘A friend of Ana’s I met recently. We got on so well that we thought we might all three have a couple of days away together. Just a quick break.’ Convincing improvisation was a talent she had developed at work.
She turned away from him to put a saucepan of water on for the pasta.
‘You never said.’ He obviously wanted to believe her, but was unsure. His fingers tapped a rhythm on the counter.
‘Nothing’s been set in stone. We just had the idea.’ She hoped the panic she was feeling didn’t show on the outside but his stare was disconcerting.
‘Why are you being so odd?’ His head tipped to one side but his gaze never left her.
‘I’m not.’ Whatever she said came out sounding stilted, her voice pitched wrong. ‘I was going to tell you tonight. Do you mind?’ She was making it up as she went along, her mind working quickly.
‘If you’re going away, what about the girls?’
‘Hope would come over to help you. Jen too.’
‘When we’re in the middle of all this family rumpus? How can you even suggest that? We should be pulling together now, not pulling apart.’
‘I’m not pulling apart. I didn’t think I needed to put my plans with Dinah and Ana on hold because of what’s happening in your family. But okay, I will. I’ll tell her that it’s not going to happen.’ And then there’d be no way Paul could be suspicious.
‘You will?’
‘Of course. I didn’t realize you’d mind so much.’ She started frying the onions and garlic.
His face relaxed. ‘Thank you. I don’t like the idea of you going away just now.’
Had she persuaded him? She couldn’t tell for sure, but it seemed so.
Too many people knew about the affair now, Edie realized, and Paul had just come so close to finding out. The look he gave her reminded her of what she could be throwing away. Paul really did love her, and Edie was tired of trying to manage the affair and its potential fallout. She knew where her responsibilities lay and must stop vacillating. This wasn’t fair on anyone. She would talk to Daniel when she next saw him, in whichever hotel he chose. Just one last time. And she would end it, although the thought of living without him was too devastating to contemplate. She didn’t trust herself to go through with it.
‘What do you think I should do?’ asked Paul.
Edie dropped the fusilli into the boiling water and tipped the tomatoes into the pan with the onions, grateful he had changed the subject.
‘About Hope?’ She paused to think. ‘Talk to her.’
‘I don’t think I can. Not again.’
She didn’t like seeing him looking so careworn.
‘But you must. Tell her what you’re feeling, but listen to her too. Listening can be just as therapeutic as talking.’ Hope might be able to give him what Edie couldn’t at that moment.
‘You think that’ll work?’ A new note of optimism entered his voice.
‘Perhaps. It’s what the therapists advise all the time.’ She bent to pick up the toys scattered on the floor. Paul’s problems were Paul’s; she couldn’t solve them for him.
When her phone rang, she was quick to pick it up and look at the name of the caller. ‘It’s Patrick.’
‘Really?’ he said, surprised. ‘What can he want?’
‘Shall I ask them over, then?’ She moved in the direction of the door, not wanting to have this conversation in front of Paul.
‘If you really want to, I give in. But how does he know your number?’ He went round to where she’d been standing and took over chopping the parsley for her.
‘He must have got it from Hope.’ Edie went to the living room where she could have the quiet conversation she wanted. Having established Patrick and Clem would come for supper, she attacked her other problem. ‘I was wondering whether you’d talked to Paul recently.’
‘Not since we went to the pub, no,’ he said, his voice smooth in her ear. Did he know what she was really asking? ‘I was going to call him.’ So, almost certainly, Paul didn’t know a thing. She felt herself relax as the weight lifted from her shoulders. ‘Why do you ask?’
She realized that she couldn’t bring herself to tell him directly. But, as it turned out, she didn’t need to.
‘If you’re worried about me telling him about my flat, don’t be,’ he said.
‘What do you mean?’ Protesting her innocence was hard and pointless.
‘I mean that I know about your arrangement with Sandy’s friend. Paul’s my brother, but I don’t want to be the one who tells him what’s going on. If anyone does, it should be you. See you next week.’
29
Hope had been surprised and relieved to hear from Paul suggesting she come over for tea. He said that he wanted to talk, and that Edie would be out with the girls. She was pleased to have another opportunity to put things right between them.
‘Just explain the whole thing to him again,’ had been Vita’s advice. ‘He probably didn’t take it all in the first time. Now he’s had time to absorb it, he might listen properly.’
They had been prepping ahead for a dinner they were catering for the following day, and were taking a break for lunch, sitting inside watching the rain fall. Summer was almost over.
‘I hope you’re right,’ she said, but Hope didn’t feel confident.
‘I know how hard this has been for you, but things will improve. Martin and Paul will come to understand better what you did. It’ll just take time. And meanwhile, you’ve all this work to distract you.’
However unhelpful Vita’s advice was in theory, it was true; work was helping Hope get through.
When Sunday came round, Hope was nervous but ready for the fray. Paul answered the doorbell so swiftly it was as if he’d been standing by the door waiting for her. ‘Mum.’ He hugged her stiffly before pulling away. ‘Betty’s party’s been cancelled so the girls and Edie are here after all. A friend’s coming over with her daughter. I thought we might drive out to Epping Forest for a walk instead. What do you say?’
‘That would be lovely.’ This was something they’d done together for years on the occasions they wanted to talk about something – before Paul met Edie. Once there, they would be surrounded by ancient woodland with only a distant hum of traffic in the distance. It crossed her mind that she was being pushed out of the house without a chance to see her granddaughters, probably at Edie’s insistence. Although she was disappointed, she decided not to show it. Instead, she closed the top of her bag so he couldn’t see the Frozen comic she’d brought for Betty and the knitted mouse for Hazel.
‘We’ll come back for a cup of tea after and you’ll see the girls then.’ He read her mind as he led the way to his car.
On the drive, they kept off the subject of Patrick, talking instead about Betty and Hazel and what they’d been up to, which was one of their favourite topics of conversation. By the time they were on the M11, any awkwardness had thawed between them, although Hope was only too aware that The Conversation still loomed. Just as they took the Debden turning towards Loughton, Paul said, ‘I’m thinking about giving up my work.’
This was completely out of the blue.
Hope was astonished. ‘You’re not serious? But you love it, and you’re very good at it.’
‘I need a more reliable income for Edie and the girls.’
‘Is that what Edie thinks?’ She wondered whether his wife had finally grown tired of being the breadwinner and had delivered some kind of ultimatum. She wouldn’t put it past her. But Hope knew how much Paul loved working with wood and, despite her initial reservations when he decided to follow such an unpredictable career, she wanted him to do whatever made him happy.
‘I can’t expect Edie to carry us on her own. It isn’t fair.’ His eyes were fixed ahead on the road as he circled a small roundabout, turning right towards the centre of the forest.
‘But has she prompted this?’
‘No! I haven’t spoken to her about it yet. I want to have a plan when I do. I don’t want to present it as some sort of whim, with no idea how to put it into practice. She won’t like that.’ He turned right into the small car park, parked and led the way through some scrub onto the wide downward path that took them towards a stretch with a view across open forest. Nothing was said until they reached the top of the next hill, where they were surrounded by ancient beech trees.
‘What are you going to do?’ said Hope.
‘Retrain, I think.’
‘But you love what you do,’ she protested again, stepping aside to let a couple of mountain bikers ride by.
‘I do. But I could still have my own workshop on the side while I earn more doing something else.’
Just then, a deer ran out from their left and crossed the path right in front of them, disappearing into the forest.
‘Wow! Look at him go,’ Paul exclaimed.
They stared after it.
‘Would Edie want that, though?’ Hope didn’t want to drop the subject, but to get to what lay behind Paul’s thinking.
‘You know what? I think she rather wishes she’d married a higher flyer now instead of a lowly craftsman earning virtually nothing beside her.’
Hope tried to put her arm around him, but he stepped to one side.
‘Hey! Come on! But she knew who she was marrying. She chose you.’
‘People change, circumstances change. I’m old enough to know that.’ He kicked a stone that skittered ahead of them. ‘Perhaps we’re both different people now.’
They hadn’t talked so intimately for a long time, and she was touched he was sharing all this with her. They might not be discussing Patrick’s appearance in their life, but this was every bit as important to him. She couldn’t help wondering whether there wasn’t something else underlying his sudden decision to change direction.
‘So, what are you thinking of doing?’
‘An MBA.’ He kicked at another stone.
‘Business!’ She couldn’t help her surprise. ‘Really?’
He turned his head to give her a small smile in acknowledgement of her badly hidden surprise. ‘I know. But I thought I might as well make use of what I’ve learned so far. I’m thinking of applying to the London Business School for a two-year course. I wanted to know what you thought.’
‘Two years?’ She stood to one side as two bicyclists panted their way up the hill. ‘Can you afford it?’ How much of a mother she still felt.
‘Well,’ he hesitated. ‘I was going to ask you if you’d help me out. Dad has said he will, and I’ll apply for a scholarship. It would only be a loan,’ he added hastily. ‘I promise I’ll pay you back.’
‘I don’t know,’ she said, disappointed that he’d gone to Martin first. ‘How much do you need?’
The sum he mentioned shook her, but she would do what she could to help him achieve the life he wanted. His life and those of her granddaughters were what was important now, and his following the career he wanted would be part of that.
‘Are you sure this is what you really want to do?’
‘No. But it might make things easier with Edie. I need to talk to her first, but before I do that I want to know that I can somehow raise my own finance. I don’t want to have to lean on her anymore.’
‘She is your wife.’ Her eye was caught by a grey squirrel that jinked through the trees and up a tree trunk, pausing halfway up to look around, tail twitching. ‘Partners often support one another financially until they both get on the right track.’
‘I think she might be having an affair.’ He came out with it, just like that.
She stopped dead. ‘What makes you think that?’ He would be destroyed if he discovered that was true, especially coming so hot on the heels of her own revelations. One betrayal after another. She dreaded the hurt he would suffer and the inevitable fallout. But should she tell him what she knew? She hesitated. Were secrets really always better out in the open? If Patrick was able to influence Edie perhaps Paul need never know about her betrayal. Perhaps it wasn’t too late for the two of them to get back on track. Would Hope telling him be more destructive than helpful?
‘I saw a text. I could tell she was lying about who it was from. She looked so uncomfortable, though she was trying hard not to. That just made it worse. I’m not sure what to do or how to make her love me more.’ He stuffed his hands in his pockets.
‘Oh, Paul. I don’t know what to say.’
This was the moment to say what she did know. But, seconds later, she had missed the opportunity.
‘You don’t have to say anything, but I’ve got to tell someone I know can keep a secret.’ He gazed at the ground, slowly shaking his head.
Another secret. Hadn’t they had enough?
‘Do you know who with?’ She pictured the man in the restaurant, smart and moneyed.
‘No. But the message came from someone signing themselves “D” about some hotel arrangements. She said the D stood for Dinah, a friend of Ana’s, and they’re planning a weekend away together. She’s never mentioned it before, and I’ve never heard her talk about a Dinah. She was so obviously struggling for a story. Anyhow, that’s all I know. I can’t believe that she’d do it though, especially now we’ve got Betty and Hazel.’
‘Perhaps you’ve got it wrong.’ But, of course, she already knew he hadn’t.
‘It’s as though she’s changed gear with me, and I don’t like it. She’s pleasant but distant at home and so tied up in her work again. Perhaps she’ll realize how much I care if she sees me trying to make changes for her sake. Perhaps she’ll come back to me.’
She felt the gruelling weight of his distress. She heard Vita: Take a step back.
‘I don’t know. I’ve just got this feeling. So you mustn’t mention this to her. Promise?’
She nodded. ‘I promise.’
Her knowledge weighed heavy but before saying anything, she wanted to ask for Patrick’s advice now he was involved too.
They continued through the forest along a path lined on either side with more majestic beech trees, a cloudy sky above them. After a prolonged silence, they began to talk about anything and everything that didn’t lead back to Edie or Patrick and Martin.
After a while, he told her about Betty receiving a prize at nursery for attendance. ‘The one thing she can’t do anything about.’ He laughed.
‘I remember you winning a prize for English. You were supposed to be given a choice, so you asked for something special – was it Mr Nice, that autobiography of some drug lord? But they insisted on giving you Great Expectations?’
‘Biggest disappointment of my school life.’ He pulled a face.
And so they continued, swapping reminiscences and stories of his children. Hope began to feel that their relationship was getting back on the same familiar footing as before. But what was she to do about Edie’s secret? She hoped Patrick would help her.
It wasn’t until they were in the car and back on the motorway that Paul finally brought up the subject of Patrick. ‘We’ve met a couple of times now and we get on okay. But what I still can’t understand is why you didn’t tell Dad and me about him, especially Dad.’
Hope looked out of the window as the traffic rushed by. ‘Everything we’ve done together as a family was real. Of course it would have been different if Patrick had been there, or you’d known about him, but that just wasn’t possible. And Martin and I both loved you more than anything. Nothing can change that.’
‘Did you ever think of him? On birthdays, Christmases – times like that?’ Did he hope she’d deny it?
She took a deep breath. ‘Look, let me try and explain again. All of it. From the beginning.’
To her, the story sounded tired. Yes, she almost certainly would never have said anything if Patrick hadn’t made the first move, and, yes, she had thought of him, and not just on special occasions, but every day of her life. Yet, somehow she’d been able to compartmentalize him so he was nothing to do with the life she was leading – quite how, she had no idea.
By the time they pulled up outside the house, Hope could see Paul was struggling with it all over again. He couldn’t have completely forgotten the closeness they’d had on the walk. So much bound them together, including the way they’d supported each other when she and Martin split up. When she had finally arrived in London, she didn’t want to lean on her son or interrupt his new life, but Paul had helped find the house she still lived in, while she and Vita set up Booking the Cooks. He had kept in touch with her pretty much every week to check on her until he was satisfied she was standing on her own feet.
‘Cup of tea?’ Paul interrupted her thoughts.
‘I’d love to see the girls,’ she said, realizing Edie might not welcome her but – what the hell? ‘I won’t stay long.’
She followed him to the front door. As Paul turned his key in the lock, she could hear the yelling going on behind it.
‘Daddy! Daddy!’
By the time the door was open, Betty was standing there, looking thrilled to see him. He swung her on to his hip and kissed her cheek.
Nothing made Hope happier than seeing Paul with his daughters. There was a special pleasure in seeing how much he loved them, and the pleasure they gave him in turn. She followed them down to the kitchen, listening to Betty chatter on before she was put down and dashed off.
