Rumspringa's Hope, page 19
Mark looked down at his able hands, which had been idle too long. When he lifted his head, he stared at Emma. “I’m not ready yet.”
Emma’s heart sank. He left her no choice but to go and leave him here. Her time was up, and so was his.
“I have one more thing I have to do.”
“Ach, what might that be?” Zeb seemed curious, and impatiently waited for Mark’s reply.
“A friend of mine is in the hospital. I’d like to see him one last time before I go.” Mark’s facial expression resembled one Emma hadn’t seen for a long while, so she paused long enough to see the boy in him again. She missed how he’d been when he was younger, before adolescence had taken over and he decided to grow up right that minute. She would imprint that image in her mind, as a reminder to a better time between them.
“Is this person Amish?” Zeb glanced at Emma.
She shook her head.
He slowly turned to Mark with the authoritative stance she knew well. “Well, then, it’s not your responsibility, Mark.”
Mark stood, frowning. His eyes shifted to Emma. “I’ll be ready before sunup. And when I get back, I’ll go home with you.” He turned away.
“Spoken like a true Englisher.” Zeb shook his head as he watched Mark walk out. “I’m sorry to see that he is still causing you trouble.”
Being away from Zeb made her think about what it would be like to be married to him. Before she’d found comfort that he was older than she was, but after being away Emma found him to be rigid and judgmental. After what she’d been through, that was exactly what she didn’t want.
He stuck his hands on his hips. “So who runs this place if Alex and Caleb aren’t here?”
The door creaked open, and Monique came in, but then stopped short when she saw Zeb. “I heard you were here.”
“Zeb, this is my roommate, Monique.” Her skin looked healthier and her hair well-kept, braided down her back.
“Monique, I didn’t know Emma had a roommate.” He glanced at Emma. “I’m finding out all sorts of things.” He forced a smile, but she didn’t.
“Emma didn’t tell you about me, huh?” A tinge of bitterness seeped into her words.
“I haven’t told him a lot of things.” Emma didn’t want to get into it at that time. She would need to prepare Zeb before telling him everything that went on here. Some of it bad, most good, but for an Amish man with his life experience she felt sure he’d be upset. When she let herself think about it, she would be too.
Zeb turned to her, all facial expression gone. “What happened here?”
This wasn’t how she wanted to tell him. Emma wanted to be far away from here when she told him, back at the farm, sitting on the porch swing creaking, drinking lemonade, knowing it was all over and she was safely back home.
“A lot, Zeb. More than you want to know.” Emma looked down at the floor, knowing how she would feel if the tables were turned. She’d have wanted to know, to help, to be there to support him. She hadn’t let him do any of that. He had every reason to be upset with her.
Why didn’t I ask him for help? Why did it come down to Caleb asking?
She let out a long breath, tired, but knew it was only right to tell him. “Monique, can you get us some coffee?”
Zeb held up a hand. “Get some sleep. You’re exhausted. We’ll talk about it in the morning on our way home.”
She didn’t miss the last words, but decided she would deal with that later. “It’s time you heard the truth of what the last few weeks have been like.” She paused, unsure of how he would respond to her next comment. “I won’t be able to sleep until Caleb is back, anyway.”
She waited to see if he was offended or jealous, and received confirmation in the way his eyes widened and his nose twitched.
“You haven’t been here that long, Emma. Six weeks and five days, but that’s longer than you should have.”
Had it only been that long? She didn’t know. It had all become a blur. “Seems longer.”
She led them downstairs and grabbed two mugs full of hot coffee. Her body surged with a reserve of energy. She’d pushed herself to a place where her body floated through the exhaustion—a strange feeling that she couldn’t compare to anything other than manual labor on the farm, but this wasn’t the same. “Please don’t blame anyone for what’s happened here. It’s no one’s fault. If it wasn’t for one person, everything would have been manageable.”
“But still not good?” he said as a question but meant as an answer.
She nodded and continued. “Monique is in a rough relationship.” She waited to see how that bit of information affected him. He sat quietly. “We’ve all done what we can to help her, but he won’t leave her alone.” It was so unlike him not to share his opinion or ask a question. He either didn’t care or was trying to be polite.
“Can’t the police deal with this?”
“They have, but he knows the system and has connections. Besides, the police don’t bother with this type of situation here.” She stopped and watched his brows pull together. “What is it?”
“You sound like an Englisher in the way you talk about these things.”
They were speaking Pennsylvania Dutch without her even thinking about it. It was so natural, she hadn’t noticed when the English stopped and Pennsylvania Dutch began.
“I’ve asked all of the same questions you probably have. What it comes down to is, the English don’t take care of their people the way we do.”
“Jah, I believe that to be true. But we slip up at times too.”
She wondered what he meant by that, but he didn’t continue, so she did. “It’s been a tug of war since I got here, and I don’t see an end to it.” She wanted a magic answer to appear. She’d thought maybe it would be Zeb, but all the things that had concerned her about him before she left were now twofold.
What would it be like to leave this place?
Leaving Monique would be hard. Emma would have to know she was in good hands. But that was just one of many different things and people she thought about here.
“Who is this man who has you all under his thumb?” Zeb leaned forward, not knowing what he was asking. She hated his name rolling off her tongue, and she wondered whether Zeb would have the same reaction once he heard it.
“Caleb’s brother, Absalom.” His expression changed from a curious frown to angry red. Everyone in the community knew of Absalom but didn’t speak of him. His mamm and daed considered him dead to them.
“This is no place for any of us.” He pursed his lips. “We leave at daylight.”
Chapter Thirty-One
A be took one shot to Caleb’s gut.
Caleb bent over, gasping for air.
One of Abe’s goons stepped forward, but Abe put out a hand. “He’s mine.”
Caleb tried to stand upright, but the ache stopped him. He took a couple deep breaths and stood against the pain. He met Abe’s eyes, standing firm.
Abe’s irritation grew when Caleb didn’t respond. “Don’t just stand there, make a move!” He punched him in the jaw. Caleb’s head snapped to the side. His eyes watered, but he stood his ground.
Abe chuckled with a bitter tone. “What is this? Your vow of no resistance? You’re not Amish anymore. You don’t have to follow their rules.” His ghostly pale-blue eyes pierced Caleb’s.
The comment stung as badly as the hit Caleb had just taken. He may not be considered Amish by the bishop’s terms or Abe’s, but Caleb would always consider himself so.
What Abe didn’t understand was it wasn’t just the Amish vow he held strong to that kept him from fighting back; it was also Emma. With no hope of being with her, he had no hope at all. The minute Zeb had shown up, it had all come to a head. She would be gone come daylight, and he wouldn’t see her again. He couldn’t; seeing a home that he didn’t build, seeing children that weren’t his. Zeb’s, of all people.
A sting brought him back to the moment. Abe’s blow to his cheek brought out such anger he raised his fist. Abe grinned and stood there waiting. But Caleb would never be like him, no matter what he had to lose.
He dropped his fist and took a step back. Abe reached for him, but Caleb yanked away so hard Abe’s smug expression morphed into shock. That was a vision Caleb would keep tucked away in his mind. He heard Abe cussing and hitting one of his thugs.
“This is over, bruder.” Caleb turned away from Abe’s foul response and continued walking until he got to the subway. The whizzing sound and motion of the train made him tired. His body was spent, and his mind was a blur.
How could I have lived such different lives, growing up Amish and then as an adult living in a metropolitan city?
He made the decision to come. Thought he could be his brother’s keeper. But it seemed nothing could make him change.
The train came to a halt. The doors opened, and Caleb climbed out. The air was warm—too warm for his liking. The adrenaline still pumped through him. He wiped the sweat off his brow.
He went into the building and took the elevator to the fourth floor and was glad he had something to smile about when he went into the room. Mark’s head drooped to the side as he sat in an avocado-colored hospital chair, snoring.
“Hey, Caleb.” Adrian held up his fist to do the Jamaican handshake.
“You feeling better?” Caleb knew he shouldn’t sit. He’d never get up again, so he fought through the exhaustion.
“A lot better. Going home tomorrow.”
The word home sang in Caleb’s ears. Thanks to his crew at the Stock Pot, Adrian had a place to live with his three siblings and parents, and Caleb would go back to the church.
The room spun a little.
“You don’t look so good.” Adrian frowned and stared. “What happened to your face?”
“Ran into a door.” Caleb grinned. It hurt, and he winced.
“You better sit down.” Adrian pointed to another chair beside him.
“I think I will. Danke.” Caleb didn’t know where the Amish word came from, but Adrian got a chuckle out of it.
Caleb’s cheek throbbed, and his stomach was empty. Emma was with Zeb, and Abe would be after him sooner or later. For the first time in a long while Caleb felt distant from God, at a time he was in need, when everything was going wrong. He shut his eyes.
If you’re pulling away from me, Gott, at least tell me what You want me to do.
Caleb heard a voice in his head. Sometimes I calm the storm. Sometimes I let the storm rage, and I calm My child.
That was the last thing he remembered.
Caleb woke to a slap.
“Wake up!” Mark tapped him again as if he were putting on cologne.
Caleb’s eyelids stuck together, and his mouth was dry. He rubbed his face with both hands. “What time is it?”
“It’s morning. What are you doing here?”
Caleb sat up and leaned over, staring at the grimy, white linoleum floor. “I could ask you the same thing. You’re supposed to be leaving this morning.”
“And what happened to your face?” His eyebrows furrowed as he inspected Caleb.
Caleb lifted his head. “Your sister know you’re here?”
“Jah, I do now.” Emma walked to Caleb, put both hands on either side of his head, and stared at the shiner on the right side of his face. “Abe?”
Caleb nodded, increasing the headache that already pounded in his head. When he looked up to see Zeb leaning against the doorjamb, the throbbing increased. Caleb wished he could curse at Zeb, tell him to leave, and make Emma stay. None of that was going to happen, but it made him feel a little better to think about it.
Emma came back with a cloth, bent over, and pressed it on his cheek. His eyes bulged when he felt the chill and the pain. When he looked into her eyes, she was staring back at him. He’d gotten used to seeing those big, brown eyes.
“How could you be so careless?” She held the cloth with one hand and covered her face with the other, holding back tears. “I was up all night worried about you.” Her whisper rose to a low growl. “I’m sorry. I had a lot of thinking to do, and—”
“Jah, well, so do I, but I didn’t leave and worry everyone to death.” She closed her eyes and took in a breath. “Oh, Caleb.” She stood and rushed out of the room, leaving him with only the sound of her shoes clacking behind.
Zeb watched her go, and then stared at Caleb. “What did you say to her?”
Caleb ignored him and stood to find her. When he got to the door, Zeb put out a hand. “I’ll go fetch her. You’ve obviously done enough.”
Caleb slapped his hand away and mustered up the energy to catch up to her. “Emma, stop this.” When he got close enough, he took her by the hand, led her outside the hospital and to a bench. “Come sit down.”
“Nee, Caleb, there’s nothing to say.” Her eyes filled, and she wiped her nose with his handkerchief.
“Yes, there is. I did a lot of thinking after I sent that letter. I know you’re set on going back to the farm. I told myself I wouldn’t try to change your mind. But are you sure?” He waited to be chastised for asking, but instead her tears fell.
“Being here has been hard. I know it’s not always this way. Abe makes it harder than it needs to be.” She looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. “You serve a purpose here, Caleb, but if your brother wasn’t involved would you still stay?” Caleb started to speak, and she stopped him. “What I’m asking, Caleb, is would you ever come home?”
Just hearing the word almost brought tears to his eyes. She had no idea how much he’d love to grow a family on a farm. No one had the faintest inkling of what he really wanted. He didn’t believe it himself, at times. He was so sure this was his calling. If it wasn’t for Emma, he might still feel that way, but after the damage that had been done, it was more than he could handle.
“If things were different,” Caleb said as Zeb’s face flashed in his head, telling him to tread lightly. “But they’re not.”
She wiped away tears before he saw them fall and nodded. “Then I should go.”
“How is your asthma?”
She furrowed her brow. “It’s better. You know that.”
“Does Zeb? Did he even ask?” Caleb moved his hand forward. She was so close, reachable to touch and hold. But did he have that right? “Was there any other choice for you to marry?”
She held up a hand to stop his words. “I don’t know, Caleb. Was there?”
His mind tinged, going back and forth with mixed emotions. “I don’t know if you want what I do.”
Emma took a second to look him in the eyes, as if she could see the regret he held. “Why did you send Zeb that letter?” She stood and ran quickly to the door where Zeb was waiting and never looked back.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Honk! A taxi flew by bringing Emma back for a moment, as she waited for Zeb to take them back to the church.
Her heart broke a second time. The first was when Caleb left. Now, feeling she had no choice but to leave him, it shattered again.
You knew better than to come here in the first place. It wasn’t about Mark so much as it was about Caleb.
She had lied to herself about her motivations for coming to the city and look what it had done to her. Their time together at the farm before they both left had given her hope about what it would be like, but being in his world did not sit well with her. She understood that it wasn’t always this intense, but she couldn’t reconcile living this way when she had a peaceful farm to live on. It would just be with Zeb, not Caleb.
That thought made her cry again, which would make Zeb even madder at Caleb.
Zeb walked with her to the subway, which he had made known he detested.
“What did he say to get you so upset?” Mark grudgingly followed behind them and found a seat.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said firmly, not wanting to talk about it with him.
“I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’ll be glad to get you and Mark safely home.” Zeb kept a protective gaze on her until they got to the church. He wasn’t street savvy but at least he was trying.
“There’s one more thing that I need to talk to you about.” She sighed.
“Ach, what’s that?”
Mark stared out the window, having left his friend who he would probably never see again.
“We are ready to leave,” Emma said. As a matter of fact, she was looking forward to it. Or was that just the disappointment of Caleb’s answer?
“Gut, because I’d be bringing you both home even if you weren’t.”
“Zeb.” She squeezed her eyes shut and said what she needed to. “I want to bring Monique with us.”
There it was, out of her mouth and flying into Zeb’s mind. She waited, praying for the best.
The train turned, and Zeb lost his balance. He grabbed one of the steel poles to hang on. “You mean that girl who caused all these problems?”
“Jah, Monique.” She didn’t try to explain where the blame truly went. Emma just wanted to make sure Monique went with her.
He was either shaking his head or it was bouncing along with the movement of the train. “I don’t know—”
“Zeb, it’s the only thing I ask of you. Please, I can’t leave without her.” She was begging and shouldn’t have to, but right now what mattered was that all four of them went home.
“Ach, Emma.” His face tightened and his mouth opened and shut quickly.
He had to know her conviction to making sure everyone was safely home with her. “All I care about right now is getting you and Mark back to the farm.” He paused. “Soon enough, we will have our own haus.”
She didn’t know whether he meant the situation wasn’t permanent or his words were just a reminder of their commitment to each other. Emma had questioned her life with Zeb, but there was not another option anymore.
When they got to the church, Alex motioned for Emma to come to him. He went around the kitchen door to meet her. “Abe is on the prowl.”
