“I’ve never made it for any other guy.”

  “Another first. I like that.”

  “Don’t get too big a head, Coach. I am not a chef like you. I only have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

  “So, what’s in this recipe?”

  “I’m not telling you. It’s a secret family recipe that will remain secret,” I said adamantly.

  Bending down, he brushed his lips along the shell of my ear. “I won’t tell anyone.”

  “It’s gonna take more than an ear nibble to get me to give up the goods.”

  Butler sat his beer down. Holding my gaze, he lifted me, placed me on the kitchen island, and stepped between my legs. With his lips brushing mine, he whispered, “Tell me your secret, Evie.”

  For a split second my mind went to my real secret. The one Butler had no clue about. The one I’d go to great lengths to keep. Tightening my legs around his hips, I pulled him closer. My hands traveled up his chest, and around his neck. Butler ran his fingertips just underneath the hem of my shirt, causing goosebumps to pop along my skin.

  “My lips are sealed,” I said.

  He pressed his mouth to mine, the tip of his tongue gliding between my lips and coaxing them apart. Every part of me was impatient for Butler, my heart, my soul, my mind, my body. I opened my lips and our tongues met. Swirling my fingers into his hair, I pushed on the back of his head, bringing him deeper into my mouth. There was no denying how much we craved each other.

  Butler broke the kiss, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I have a hard time controlling myself when you’re around. You cooked this amazing meal for me and here I am attacking you.”

  “I think there’s mutual attacking happening here. Besides, you know what they say about spaghetti. The longer it bubbles the better it tastes. That sauce hasn’t been cooking all that long. It’d probably be even better later.”

  “If you think that would be best…I wanna do what’s best for the sauce.”

  I pushed on Butler’s chest, causing him to step back. Hopping off the counter, I grabbed both his hands and walked backwards pulling him toward the bedroom.

  “My grandmother would admire you for putting the sauce first,” I said.

  “Whatever makes Granny happy.”

  Standing at the entrance of the bedroom, I looked up at Butler’s lustful gaze. “Once we go in there,” I tilted my head in the direction of the bedroom, “let’s cut the grandma references.”

  “Agreed.”

  Cupping the sides of my face, Butler devoured my mouth as he walked me backwards into the bedroom. When the back of my knees hit the mattress, we broke the kiss.

  “I want to watch you undress,” he said in a husky tone.

  My insides quivered at his words as I nodded my answer.

  Slowly, I undid each of the buttons on my shirt, and let it fall open. Butler sucked in a sharp breath with the appearance of my purple lace bra. Slipping the shirt off my shoulders, I inconspicuously tugged the ends of the sleeves with my fingers, helping the shirt the rest of the way off and letting it fall to the floor. My entire being burned for him.

  Dropping to his knees, Butler pressed his face between my breasts, and inhaled. His hands moved up the back of my thighs to my ass, giving it a hard squeeze. My core pulsated, needing friction desperately between my legs. Sitting back on his heels, Butler watched as my fingers hooked around the waistband of my pants, slipping them down my legs. The cool air snaping at my skin was a welcome relief. I was so hot and wet that it felt like standing in the middle of the rainforest. Holding onto his broad shoulders, I steadied myself as Butler helped me out of my shoes and my pants, tossing both to the side.

  Standing, Butler let his gaze leisurely roam up and down, tracing every line of my body. When his gaze locked with mine, he raised his hand and gently ran his fingertips from my temple down the side of my face to my chin.

  “I knew there was something different…special…about you the second I found you sleeping on that sofa.”

  “That I was lazy?”

  He smirked. “I knew I was in trouble and out of my league.”

  The sincerity mixed with lust in his gaze was almost my undoing. My heart filled with so much love for this man. He was strong, confident, caring, and honest. He was a good and decent person. I thought men like him only existed as the unobtainable leads in fantasies.

  Blinking back tears, I said, “I’ve never met anyone as wonderful as you. You could have anyone, and I can’t believe that you choose me every time. I wasn’t looking for you, but you found me, and I’m so incredibly happy you did. You’re out of your league? I’m not even in the same atmosphere as you, Butler.”

  Starting at my lips, Butler kissed his way down my neck along my collarbone, to my shoulder. Grabbing the hem of his sweater, I pushed it halfway up his chest and Butler peeled it off the rest of the way while I got busy kissing his chest and sucking on his nipples. I dragged my nails over his ribcage, stopping to undo his jeans. Taking a slight step back, Butler rid himself of his pants and returned to touching me.

  His hand traveled up my thigh to between my legs. Moving my lace panties to the side he slipped one of his large fingers inside me as his mouth covered mine. Moaning into him, my body jolted, my nails digging into his shoulder to steady myself. His thumb slowly messaged my clit as the first wave rolled through my body. The next thing I felt was the tug and rip of my panties.

  “I’ll buy you a new pair,” Butler whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear.

  Moving his finger in and out of me slowly, Butler wrapped his other arm around my waist, lifting and lying me back on the bed. My knees fell to the sides, opening me up wider for him. I’d never allowed myself to be so vulnerable with anyone like I was with Butler. I’d let him do whatever he wanted to do with me. No matter where we were, in or out of bed, I felt safe with him.

  Settling by my side, Butler’s fingers continued their magic between my legs. He pulled my bra down, freeing my tits.

  “What do you want me to do to you, Evie?”

  “Suck my tits.” I raised my arms over my head, bringing my chest closer to his face.

  “Hard?”

  Arching my back, I moaned, “Yesss.”

  Wrapping his lips around my nipple Butler did as he was told. I thought the top of my head was going to blow off. The combination of his mouth, his finger, and his thumb working in unison was masterful. My muscles tensed, from fingers to my toes, as wave after wave of pleasure took over. Suddenly, Butler’s fingers vanished from inside me and his mouth found a new home between my legs. I rocked against him until tremors took over, and I had my second, third, or fourth orgasm. I was losing count.

  Butler’s lips made their way up my body. His gaze bored into my soul as he began to push into me. Though no one had ever looked at me that way before, I knew what it meant. Squeezing my eyes closed, a tear seeped out from the corner.

  “Evie, look at me.” His smooth warm voice drifted into my ears.

  I hesitated. I didn’t want to look at him. This was too much. He was too much. Not only could I not have him, I didn’t deserve him.

  “Open your eyes.” His voice was more commanding.

  As if my body was separate from my mind, I did what Butler asked.

  “I’m in love with you, Evie.”

  Tears streamed out the corners of my eyes, as this perfect man filled me, mind, body, and soul.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know how much you mean to me.”

  “I’m in love with you, Butler.”

  I couldn’t believe I let the words slip from my mouth, but it was true. Somehow in a relatively short amount of time I had found and fallen in love with my cute nerd. When I looked up into his eyes, I knew my heart was Butler’s. Squeezing my arms and legs around him, I held on for dear life. I wanted every inch of me to be consumed by him. With our moaning, our heavy breathing, and our loud cries of perfect bliss filling the room, we expressed our love for each other.

  Present

  “Damn, woman! This is the second best thing I’ve tasted today,” Butler said, shoveling another forkful of spaghetti into his talented mouth.

  “Butler!” I said, nudging his leg with mine.

  Wearing only his black sweater, I narrowed my gaze and smiled at how much he was enjoying my cooking. The sauce had stewed for a couple of hours longer, while we said sweeter things and did naughtier things to each other. Once we were completely depleted, Butler and I felt huge amounts of carbs were in order. While I filled a big bowl with a heaping pile of pasta and sauce, he grabbed another beer and refilled my wine glass before we headed back to bed for a pasta picnic. Looking over the bowl at him, I couldn’t remember a time when I felt this happy.

  A devilish grin took over his face. “It’s the truth.” He paused. “I have something to ask you.”

  “Shoot.”

  “The Blue Devils homecoming game is next week, and I was hoping you’d be able to come.”

  “Butler, are you asking me to be your homecoming date?” I smiled.

  “Yes, I am.”

  “I’ve never been asked to homecoming before.”

  “The guys in your class must have been idiots.”

  “You’re very good for my ego.” I gave him an air kiss.

  Picking up his bottle, he took a swig of beer, eyeing me the entire time.

  I swallowed a mouthful of food, licked my lips, and said, “What are you looking at, Coach?”

  “The best part of my life.”

  I felt lightheaded and dizzy, the pure definition of swoon.

  “You’ve got to stop saying things like that to me,” I said, pushing back the tears that threatened again.

  “Not gonna happen, babe. I could say I love you every second of every day for infinity, and it still wouldn’t come close to how I feel about you, Evie.”

  As hard as I tried to stop it, one tear broke free, running down my cheek. Butler noticed, setting his bottle and the bowl we were sharing on the nightstand. Taking me by the waist he pulled me onto his lap.

  “What’s with the tears?” he said, slowly rubbing my back.

  I kept my gaze focused on his bare chest. My emotions were whirling like a tornado. I meant it when I told Butler I loved him. I didn’t just get caught up in the moment. I couldn’t help saying it to him any more than I could help falling for him. Even though I knew our relationship had a definite time limit, that wasn’t the reason I was a mess. Butler’s unconditional caring occupied every inch of my heart and soul. I’d never experienced this level of love before, other than from my mom. Over the years, dementia had built an impenetrable wall between Mom’s world and mine. I thought I had become numb to the lack of connection, to the lack of love. I guess if you still have a beating heart, you can never be completely numb.

  I sniffled. “It’s nothing.”

  Placing his index finger under my chin, Butler tilted my head up, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Talk to me, Evie.” He placed a soft kiss on my lips. “You can tell me anything.”

  Biting the inside of my cheek, I carefully contemplated my words. “It’s just…um…my mom…” I swallowed a sob. “I haven’t had anyone care this much about me in an awfully long time. I thought I didn’t need it anymore, but I guess I was wrong.”

  Butler tightened his hold on me. “Other than when you told me your parents were divorced, you haven’t talked about your mom. All I know is, she must be incredible because she had you.”

  A slight chuckle escaped me. “She was incredible, and not because of me. She was strong, confident, and independent. But wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable or admit when she was wrong. She was funny, kind, and generous. She loved being silly and would do anything to make me laugh.”

  It felt good to talk about her, to share true things about my mom with Butler. Lately, I spent so much time complaining about what I’d lost, it was nice taking the time to appreciate what I had. So, I kept going.

  “She never shot down anything I wanted to try, even if it was ridiculous. Like the summer when I was eight years old and I wanted to open a type of lemonade stand, only instead of lemonade I wanted to sell index cards that had quotes from my favorite books. She got me the supplies and helped write out some of the quotes. When I had zero customers, Mom said not to fret. I was just ahead of my time. She was a professor of English Literature.”

  “Like you want to be,” he said, kissing my forehead.

  “She also published books and papers. She had so much work to do and still found time to help me with my stupid little project. She was my best friend, my north star, and every time she looked at me, I knew I was loved. So, when you look at me, I feel loved again.”

  “You will always be loved by me, Evie Chapman.”

  I stared into Butler’s eyes for several seconds before realizing I’d told him more about my mom than I had anticipated. With the heel of my hand, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “God, what a blubbering fool I am.”

  “You’re just a daughter who misses her mom. How long has it been?”

  I blinked away residual tears. “Since what?”

  “Your mom passed away?”

  Trying to hide the surprise on my face, I said, “She’s been gone about six years.”

  Shifting, I leaned my back against Butler’s chest, his arms folding around me. Any jury in the land would find me guilty of technically lying. And while there was a part of my heart that realized what I had done was dishonest, deep down I wasn’t wrong.

  “I’m so sorry, Evie. I wish I had been there for you. I never met your mom, but I know one thing, she’d be so proud of the woman you’ve become.”

  I snuggled into Butler’s arms, closed my eyes, and wondered what was I worse at, being a daughter or a girlfriend.

  Memories

  It could have been a reaction to Dad leaving or just happenstance, but once it was only Mom and me at home, the dementia seemed to ramp up. It was becoming more difficult for me to leave her for any length of time without her getting into things.

  The list of motherly-mayhem activities grew exponentially until I could hardly keep up: Pulling open every drawer in the house and hiding the contents. Filling a mug with water, placing it on the stove, and turning up the burner full blast. Moving lightweight furniture around. One morning I found two dining room chairs in the bathtub. The next day, I found Linus sitting on top of the closed toilet waiting patiently for one of the humans he lived with to come rescue him.

  Then there was the morning I opened the fridge to find it completely empty, only to open the cabinets and find all the refrigerated items shoved inside. Mom took wet clothes from the washer and lined them up on the sofa and chairs, soaking the furniture. The list went on and on. My stress level went up and up. And my patience disappeared completely. That was when I finally caved, realizing I wasn’t Superwoman, and needed help.

  “I take it the agency filled you in on my mom?” I said, looking at the bleached-blonde woman sitting across from me and Mom at our kitchen table.

  Squirming in her chair, she responded in a thick Irish brogue. “They just told me to show up at this address, so here I am.”

  Patricia was an older woman who had been sent to the house by the home care agency I had hired. Her pale blue eyes shifted back and forth throughout the meeting, and each time Linus moved even a millimeter she jumped out of her skin.

  “Well, my mom has frontotemporal dementia.”

  “Alzheimer’s?” she asked, rocking from side-to-side, and shoving her hands halfway under her thighs.

  Trying to ignore the weird behavior, I continued, “There are some aspects that are similar.”

  “I don’t screw somebody’s peaches,” Mom added, making me chuckle.

  Linus left his spot beside Mom to investigate the newcomer, causing Patricia to scoot closer against the wall.

  “I gotta be honest with you.” She eyed the wiggling furball. “I’m scared of dogs. My son has a big dog. I don’t know what it is, but it looks like a wolf.”

  “Then I’m not quite sure why the agency sent you. I told them the caregiver had to be okay with dogs. Linus is incredibly special to my mom.”

  “They always send me to homes with dogs. One time a lady asked me to wash her big dog. I’d never washed a dog before. I didn’t know what I was doing. The dog didn’t want a bath. Your dog doesn’t seem to be too bad, though. We can try. As long as I don’t have to touch it.”

  I should have sent Patricia packing right at that moment. Even without the dog issue, I got a weird vibe from her. But this was my first experience working with a home care agency and hiring a caregiver, so I didn’t know what to expect.

  “Mom needs help with things like getting dressed in the morning. She wears adult diapers—”

  “I’ve never done that.”

  “Done what?”

  “Dressed anyone and I don’t think I can handle diapers.”

  “Feeding?”

  “No.”

  “Taking her for walks?”

  “I’m not a fan of the sun.”

  “Maybe it would be easier for you to tell me what you do,” I said, annoyed.

  “I’ve run errands for clients, and there’s one old man—I order his lunch and eat with him. I think he just likes to eat lunch with someone since his wife died.”

  “So, you eat lunch?”

  “And run errands.” Patricia smiled big.

  Linus sneezed.

  Patricia jumped pursing her lips.

  “Have you gone buddy wawn?” Mom said.

  Next.

  “Most of the time, Mom—”

  “Hold on one second,” Angelina said, with her head down looking at her phone. Suddenly, she burst into laughter. She turned her phone screen toward Mom and me. “Look. My boyfriend just sent me this video. It’s hilarious.”

  The video was of a middle-aged man riding a skateboard and lip syncing some old song from the 1970s. Impressive? Slightly. Hilarious? No. Inappropriate to be watching it while I was trying to explain Mom’s needs? Absolutely.

 

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