Say It's Forever, page 32
My heart pulsed.
“Why don’t you take a shower?” he suggested when he turned back to me. “I’m going to make some calls and get someone over here to keep watch tonight, and then I’m gonna get our Little Bee fed. I want you to relax and know you’re safe. Okay?”
My nod was soft.
“Good.”
Jud edged up and pressed his mouth to mine.
Soft and sure.
A promise.
He stood, those eyes raking over me, a glint lighting from the depths.
My chest tightened and a bubbling of desire sprang from within.
With a soft touch of my jaw, Jud turned and strode for my little girl, his big boots eating up the floor.
So intimidating and fierce.
So tender and sweet.
This destructive charm that had ruined me. Crushed up the places inside me that had hardened to stone when he took Juni’s hand in his and led her into the main room.
I went into the master bathroom and turned on the shower. As soon as it was warm, I stepped into the spray.
I closed my eyes beneath it and lifted my face to the pelting water.
And I believed.
Believed there was something better for my daughter.
Believed there was something better for me.
I let the rivulets whisk over my body and soothe away the storm. Let the warmth settle into my bones.
And I knew I needed to trust Jud with it all. I had to give him every truth and every sorrow. He needed to know the whole of it so he could understand what we were up against.
The fracture cleaved inside me throbbed. That chunk of my soul that would always remain missing. One that could never be filled or healed or restored. But one I could no longer allow to be made in vain.
Resolved, I washed with Jud’s soap, pressed it to my nose, cherished what we’d found, then I rinsed, feeling brand-new when I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body.
A faint smile pulled at my mouth.
One that felt permanent.
I dried and changed into the sleep pants and tee I’d packed in my overnight bag, then I slipped out of Jud’s bedroom, coming to a stop right outside the door.
The television was on and Finding Nemo played on the screen. Juni was on her knees at the coffee table, enraptured by the show while she ate a slice of pizza.
But it was the voices in the kitchen that stalled my feet and piqued my ear.
I edged to the end and peered out. Jud and Trent stood at the island, their conversation hushed and heated and hard.
But they weren’t at war with each other.
They were at war with my enemy.
One they didn’t even know.
“Doesn’t sit right,” Jud muttered. “Oily rag was in the seat. Sure, it could have been forgotten, but then what? It’s not just going to catch fire.”
Jud shook his head before he continued, “And the amount of time that alarm was going off until I got down there? Car should’ve been completely engulfed in flames.”
“You think the alarm was a warning?” Trent said it like he was already right there, a partner to Jud’s speculations, seeing it for what it was, too.
A token.
A premonition.
My spirit dampened and swam. I tried to remain steady. To keep the dizziness from whirring through my head. Still, apprehension clutched my chest in a fist.
“Yeah. I think someone set the alarm. Salem freaked out that it might be Juni’s father who she’s been dodging for years.” He roughed an agitated hand through his hair before he met Trent face on. “I think it was her brother, though. He’s the one who has access, and whoever it was knew exactly how to stay out of line of the security cameras. The dude was pissed this afternoon when he realized things were getting real between me and Salem, and if someone actually wanted to set fire to the place, they would have. He knew I’d find it quick and put it out.”
My spirit shivered with the impact of what Jud implied.
Darius?
Would he do that to me?
I blinked against the staggering pain the thought evoked. I didn’t even want to process or contemplate it.
Trent sighed. Somehow it sounded of relief. “Reckless, but understandable. I mean, I’d want to burn your shit down, too, if you got your dirty paws on my little sister.”
He cracked a grin at that.
I wasn’t smiling. I couldn’t fathom that Darius would do something so awful. So hurtful.
Gulping, I forced myself to listen.
Jud chuckled and threw a targetless punch at his brother. “Fuck you, man.”
Trent laughed then sobered as he shifted gears. “But that black car…”
“Yup. That’s what is tripping me up. I have to figure out what’s going on there, but this? Tonight? The fire? My gut tells me it’s Darius.”
“Thinking you’re probably right. Dude’s most likely pissed and making his feelings known. Thinks he’ll scare you off. He’ll get over it. I’m going to post Milo out front, though, just as a precaution.”
“Thank you. Just…have to keep them safe, Trent. Whatever that means.” Savagery quivered through Jud’s words, steel lining his voice.
Trent tucked his hands into his pockets. “You accept it yet?”
Jud’s big chest widened on a heavy exhale. “What? That I love her?”
But it was my lungs that locked up. Locked in a hope that I’d never expected. One I had never dared dreaming of since I’d started this fight.
And I guessed he must have known I was there the entire time because those eyes found mine where I was eavesdropping off to the side.
Obsidian flashed with desire.
With greed and goodness.
With everything I’d had no idea I’d needed.
He stretched out his hand in my direction. “Yeah. I did.”
Intensity flickered through the glare of the lights.
I felt seen.
Adored.
Understood.
I edged out from behind the wall and shuffled that way, my head lowered in a bit of embarrassment since I’d been caught unabashedly listening to their conversation.
Jud didn’t seem to mind. He just wrapped an arm around me and tugged me close. He dropped a kiss to the top of my head and spun my heart up all over again.
“Yeah,” he murmured. The sound vibrated through me like a warm caress.
Trent smiled at me from where I peered out.
“Good.” He returned his attention to Jud. “I’m going to get back to the club. Give me a call if you need anything at all.”
“Will do.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Trent’s expression shifted. Firm affection. “It’s what this family does, Salem. We stand for each other, until the very end.” His eyes snapped to Jud for a beat before they were back on me. “Seems you’re a part of that now.”
A lump lodged itself in my throat.
Home. Home. Home.
The promise of it swam and sang.
I barely managed a nod.
Trent and Jud bumped fists and then Trent was gone.
Jud pressed his mouth to my temple. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”
I stood at the doorway while Jud took his turn tucking my daughter into bed. He knelt at her bedside, his low, gravelly voice rolling through the dense air.
Filling her ears with a tease and a play.
Sweet, sweet comfort.
Little giggles lifted from her mouth, and he tickled her softly as he kissed her forehead, while I felt his spirit winding through the room.
There was a vehemence scored into the middle of him.
His strength, his power, his loyalty, given to her.
I felt it tremble the floorboards when he stood, when he pulled the covers up higher over her shoulders, when he whispered, “Goodnight, Juni Bee.”
“Night, Motorcycle Man.” Juni’s voice was sleepy, lulled into the peace of the evening we’d spent together.
For hours, the three of us had been curled on the couch like a family.
A depiction of what I’d once thought an impossibility.
Affection rode on those waves of intensity. It softly batted against the walls and radiated from our spirits.
It wound around us with each pass.
Knitting.
Weaving.
A slow, steady binding that threaded us together.
I felt the tether of it yank when Jud turned in my direction.
The man hulked my way through the shadows of the room that Juni had claimed as her own.
Eyes as dark as the night flashed in the bare light that glinted from the hall.
My heart panged as he stalked my way.
This man who was so obscenely gorgeous.
Forbidding.
Intimidating and raw.
A ruthless fortress.
A wicked savior.
One I’d never believed could be mine.
Then the beast of a man had to flash me that sexy, devilish smile. His voice was a low scrape when he uttered, “Darlin’.”
My stomach fisted in want.
He backed me the rest of the way out of the bedroom, and he pulled the door shut halfway, leaving it mostly open as he edged me the rest of the way to his room.
There, he shut the door and locked it. He set his phone on the high table just inside, the security system alight on the screen. “I have all the monitors on. Milo is posted outside. She’s safe. You’re safe. You don’t have to be afraid. Not anymore.”
I guessed he read it in my eyes. That I couldn’t fully accept his claim. As long as Carlo still roamed, I knew we’d never truly be safe.
“Who is he?” Jud demanded, his voice a growl.
“A monster.”
Dark shame dimmed his features for the barest second before rage rushed in to burn a path through his expression. He edged me deeper into his room. His hands slid up and down my arms in a soothing fashion.
It didn’t matter.
I could feel the violence skate through his veins.
Palpable.
Volatile.
“Don’t want you to be afraid of me.” Grief struck through his features.
“I’m not.”
He kept coming closer, encroaching, forcing me back with each towering step he took.
“When Kennedy left me, I locked it all down, Salem. Swore I’d never hurt another. Swore I’d never bear the weight of new blood on my hands. Swore I would never kill again. Thought I could be good enough, and one day she would come back to me and see me as someone else, and I was going to be ready for when she did.”
He inhaled a shaky breath. “So, I stuffed the demon down deep. Chained him. I kept him hidden from everyone except for my brothers who’ve always known. But he’s right here, and I’ve let him loose. For you, Salem. For you and your daughter. He’s going to fight for you. I just need a name and this ends.”
I should be terrified of his admission.
Grim.
But I was only terrified of what it might mean for him. Of what he was asking. Of the direction I could feel him aching to go.
From where I stood at the edge of his bed, my hands curled into his plain white tee. I clung to the fabric like it would forever tie him to us. “No. Not like this, Jud. He’s already stolen too much from me. I won’t let him take you, too. You can’t just go rushing in there.”
I knew if I gave Jud a name, he’d disappear into the night. Right then. No hesitation.
Lines of hatred dented Jud’s face. “I can’t stand to see you in fear any longer.”
My throat constricted, sorrow racing the length. “I know, Jud, I know. But we have to be smart about this. He’s…” I blinked, tried to suppress the memories, the things Carlo had done. The hole he’d carved out in the middle of me. The vacancy that would always wail.
Excruciating.
I set my hand on Jud’s face, my thumb brushing the defined cut of his cheek, this beautiful man who had no idea of just how good he was. What I saw when I looked into his eyes. When he let me see way down deep into his kind, giving soul.
“I know you want to put yourself on the same level as him, that you somehow think you’re wicked. You’re not. You’re not. I see you, Jud, like you’ve seen me, and the two of us are so much greater than our circumstances. So much greater than the wickedness that those who should have loved us and protected us shaped us to be.”
It was a wickedness I’d run from. The kind of wickedness to which Jud had believed he’d succumbed.
My hand tightened in emphasis on his face. “He’s the demon, Jud. Cruel and callus. Without thought and without care. He is nothing like you, and you are nothing like him. And he will destroy anyone who gets in his way.”
Anyone.
And despite Darius’ reassurances, I knew Carlo still believed that job was incomplete.
Jud pulled me closer. Torment radiated off him in waves.
His face was pressed to my neck as he breathed me in. As if I had become his rock. His anchor. Juni and I the reason for this life. “I need you to tell me, baby.”
My arms wound tight around his neck, my head rocking back as he began to kiss a desirous path down my throat. “And right now? Tonight? I need you to love me. Because I’ve never truly been.”
“Salem.” It was a grunt. A plea. A confession.
“Jud,” I murmured back. “Love me. Love me the way I love you. In a way that can’t be broken.”
“Forever,” he said. He kissed my eyes. My cheeks. My soggy lips. “I love you, darlin’. Love you with every piece of me. Every hole and every scar and every hope. Everything belongs to you. To you and Juni. Do you understand what that means?”
His tongue stroked over my lips.
A moan echoed in my throat.
Edging back an inch, he watched me while those big hands peeled my shirt over my head. Then he knelt to drag my sleep pants and underwear down my legs.
Cool air brushed my flesh. Need spread out to touch every cell in my body.
Jud straightened to his full, massive height, and the man stood before me as he wound himself out of his clothes.
Nothing was said.
The room was silent except for the heated whisper of our breaths and the thunder of our hearts.
He lifted me onto the mattress and came to hover over me. He gazed down at me through the lapping shadows, one arm rested above my head, the other on my face.
“Do you understand what that means?” he reiterated, his voice low and deep.
His thumb traced my scar. Energy crashed as he rumbled the words, “It means I have you, darlin’. I have you.”
His promise rained down.
It seeped through my skin and became one with my blood.
He pushed himself inside me.
Stealing my breath. My body.
But my heart?
It was already long gone.
For a moment, we just stayed there. Joined as one.
Then I nudged him and urged him to roll to his back.
He took me with him, and I straddled this man who’d changed everything. The man who’d taken a broken, shattered life, the pieces strewn all over this country, and held the rest in the palms of his beautiful hands.
I stared down at my wicked savior as I moved over him.
As our bodies connected so perfectly.
As he touched me.
My stomach. My hips. My breasts.
Our breaths synced. Our spirits joined.
And for the first time in my life, I felt a part of someone.
Physically.
Spiritually.
Like I was not just tied with his soul, but I was a part of his existence.
“Salem.” His big hands circled my waist as he guided me in a slow, desperate rhythm.
I splayed my hands over his wide chest. “Jud.”
He rolled us again, until I was pinned, those massive arms around me. The longer pieces of his black hair fell across his face, his eyes feral, gleaming and bright, his beautiful body thrusting into mine.
“It’s you and Juni now. You’re mine. I’ll fight for you, live for you, die for you, whatever it takes.” The words grunted from his mouth. “Do you understand?”
And I lost myself to it.
To this surrender.
To his belief.
His love.
His life.
“I love you, Jud. I love you.” And I gave him the one thing that was the hardest part. “I trust you with it all.”
THIRTY-TWO
SALEM
TWENTY-ONE YEARS OLD
The lights were dimmed, and the tiny room was quiet. The only sound was the steady whooshing that pulsed at a quickened beat as the technician held the probe to Salem’s swollen belly.
Salem was sure her heart was just as big as her protruding stomach, pressing at the confines of her ribs as love overwhelmed.
As it overcame.
As her purpose became clear.
With that clarity came the devastating fear she’d waded through for the last year. A dark, ugly current that lapped at her ankles. Rose higher and higher. She knew if she didn’t learn to swim, she would drown.
Salem gulped as the technician sent an encouraging smile back at them. “Everything sounds perfect. Would you like to know the sex?”
“Yes,” Carlo insisted as he hovered over the side of where Salem lay.
“A girl…and a boy.”
His pride ballooned bigger than the rest. He turned to take Salem’s face in his hands, and he looked at her as if he adored her. “You did it. I knew you would give me an heir. A man to carry on my family name. A son to follow my path.”
Salem forced a trembling smile, tears blurring her sight and running down the sides of her face.
Carlo leaned in and kissed them. “Good girl,” he whispered before he turned and left.
They were parked at the curb on the quiet neighborhood street, and Salem struggled to breathe as she peered out at the unassuming single-story house that sat behind a white-picket fence.
Oaks grew proud and tall, their thick, full leaves dappling the ground in shadows as rays of sunlight shimmered through the branches. Birds flitted through, and the sound of children laughing and playing in the distance echoed in her ears.
