Say It's Forever, page 20
Fire hit my cheeks, and I pressed my lips together as the memories assaulted me.
“Oh my god, he did.” She pressed her hands to her face. “I was just messing with you, and he did. Tell me. This girl needs details.” She frantically gestured at herself.
“This is true. Only because her lame boyfriend doesn’t have a clue how to do her right.” Eden said it from behind her glass, taking a sip like she wasn’t the one responsible for the words.
“Hey.” Tessa pouted and smacked Eden’s arm. “It’s Karl’s birthday, no dogging him tonight.” She looked at me and overexaggerated that pout. “Even if it’s horribly, terribly, devastatingly true. But I love him,” she peeped.
Eden widened her eyes at me in clear disagreement, mouthed, He’s a total douche.
I choked on my surprise.
Well then, I guess I had become a part of their trio.
Tessa pointed at Eden’s face. “I heard that.”
“Heard what?” Eden giggled.
And there I was, caught up in that whirlwind again. Unsure of where it would take me or where I was going to land. Because Tessa took my arm and jerked me all over like the goof she was. “Well, tell me! I haven’t had an orgasm in like…five years. I need to know. Did he do it right? Treat you right? Is he your wild card?”
Confusion dented my brow. “My what?”
She sighed in exasperation. “Your ace? The one you didn’t expect?”
Nerves rattled through my being, and my stomach clenched in a bid of want while my mind spun with warnings.
You have to be careful.
Trust no one.
And whatever you do, no matter what, do not fall in love.
I looked at my new friends, that trust no one thing kaput, and whispered, “He’s definitely the last one I expected.”
Tessa squealed. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go get your man.”
I stumbled out behind her. Wishing it could be that easy. That I could love a man and he could love me in return.
That I could exist in his life.
But the sad, devastating truth was I was afraid that one day, I would disappear.
TWENTY
JUD
I sat at the booth tucked in the farthest corner of Absolution nursing a beer. Dim lights were strung across the cavernous space, the club two stories of luxury spiked with a dose of dive.
Gave it a dark vibe, like there might be evil lurking in the shadows. Temptation at every corner. Wouldn’t be all that far from the truth.
As usual, the place was packed. Line at the door and people vying for the perfect spot to watch the band that was prepping to take to the stage. The DJ was currently blasting a dance beat through the speakers, amping the mood for the main event.
Trent had insisted I come since there was some big band playing tonight. Since Logan and I were part owners, it looked good for us to show our faces. Not that it usually took a whole ton of coercion to get me here, but truth be told, I’d been craving a whole different sort of revelry tonight.
Namely the kind where I got lost in a black-haired beauty with curves for days and thunderbolt eyes that speared me to the spot.
But considering I’d been permanently friend-zoned, and not the good kind with benefits, right here was probably exactly where I should be.
Searching for a distraction. For a way to scratch this itch that was slowly and steadily driving me insane. The way the girl waltzed around my shop like a perfect fantasy, spellbinding me with each step.
More concerning, though? It was the way the demon writhed.
The way it clawed and jerked and howled to go on the hunt when she would constantly look over her shoulder.
My gut told me she was in fear of being watched, and I knew, without a doubt, I’d gladly chase down whatever bastard had written terror on her spirit.
Fuck. She’d gotten under my skin, and in a bad, bad way.
Because there wasn’t one face in this entire place that I found more interesting than hers.
Hell, mesmerizing was what it was.
I was taking another gulp of my beer when my brothers came busting through the throng of people who were gathering close to the stage.
They both slipped into the booth opposite me.
“About time,” I said, smirking at Trent who grunted at me as he roughed a tatted hand through his hair. “Rough night?”
“If something could go wrong, it went wrong tonight. New barback somehow toppled an entire fuckin’ wall of vodka, at least 10k worth, and he denied it and tried to blame it on Leann, so Sage had to fire his ass. Dude threw himself a pissy fit and said he was going to sue. Caused a giant-ass scene. Leann’s in tears. Two of the men’s toilets clogged. Oh, and the drummer for tonight’s band is smashed. Like, straight-up, stumbling into the walls, smashed.”
I lifted my beer his direction. “So, you’re saying you’ve been in there lapping that vodka up to ease your pain?”
Logan cracked up and grabbed Trent by the shoulder, rocking him around a bit, dude all grins and easiness. “Now that’s what the asshole should have been doing, but he’s been storming around here like the devil he used to be. Ruining my night. I mean, come on, look at this place. There are no bad nights. Look at all that deliciousness waiting out there for us to taste.”
I think Logan actually whimpered as he gazed out at the women prancing around half naked on the dance floor. Funny how a month ago I would have been game. Find a nice, warm body. Make her feel as good as she made me feel, part ways a few hours later, and leave it at that.
I had always left the door wide open so if my life someday returned to me, there would be no connections.
No obstacles.
I shifted, unsettled by the thought.
Logan turned his smug face back our direction. “Here I was, sacrificing all my nights to watch this guy’s son so he could get this place up and running—not that I minded or anything because I love the fuck out of that kid—but now that I’m not playing babysitter any longer, it’s my turn to have a little fun. And lo and behold? Who is trying to wreck it for me? It seems our resident funsucker has returned.”
Logan’s head shook in feigned affliction.
Trent grunted again, then a fucking grin was spreading to his mouth just as I felt the world shift.
My flesh shivered with a rush of intensity, like the crowd had parted and there was only one thing I could see.
Salem.
My stomach dropped to the floor.
She was here.
She was linked elbow-to-elbow with Eden and Tessa, the three of them strutting our way.
She wore this tight black dress that hugged every curve. A slit rode up the side and the neckline dipped low between her perfect tits.
All that devastation wrapped in a black, seductive bow.
Black hair loose and wavy, those eyes taking in the place, jumping all around, but inevitably landing on me. Like neither of us had the choice.
Gravity.
I forced myself to take a gulp of my beer while the expression on Trent’s face shifted from glum to glee.
Lovesick fucker.
“Oh, I see how it is,” Logan whined, elbowing Trent in the ribs. “Now you’re going to fucking smile? And here I thought you loved me?”
“Barely.” Trent grinned, all teeth.
Logan pressed his hand over his heart. “I’m hurt.”
“I’ll show you hurt.” Trent could barely contain his laughter.
“So violent, the both of you.”
Eden, Tessa, and Salem stumbled up to the edge of the table, giggling and whispering under their breaths.
Fuckin’ cute, the three of them.
“We made it! No thanks to this one.” Eden sent a scowl at Tessa who waved her off.
“Pssh, don’t listen to her. Have you seen us?” Tessa swished a melodramatic hand down her body, then she swept it toward Eden and Salem. “Come now. Tell me all of this wasn’t worth that extra time.”
Tessa wasn’t lying.
No matter how hard I tried to stop it, my gaze devoured Salem where she stood next to the table.
A vixen.
A fantasy.
That sweet, sweet enchantress singing her spell.
My stomach tightened in a fist of lust. Dick shouting yes, please.
Salem eyed me like every inch of her was singing the same.
I gave her a jut of my chin, a real easy, “Hey there, darlin’.”
Super casual like seeing her was no big thing, while this girl had me so twisted up, I was pretty sure all it would take was a brush of her hand, and she’d make me forget my name. Forced myself to keep my ass sitting because if I stood, I’d cross the line she’d told me we couldn’t cross again.
“Let me up,” Trent ordered, nudging at Logan to let him out so he could get to his fiancée.
“Hey.” Logan stumbled out of the booth like Trent had shoved him. He popped up onto his feet and straightened out the black button-down he wore. Dude looked like that model again, all grins and charm and…yeah, fucker was slanting all of that at Salem.
My hand curled around my beer bottle, and my knee got to bouncing a million miles a minute.
Didn’t mean for the growl to get loose, but it did.
“Nice to see you again, gorgeous.” Logan held her by the hands, looking her up and down, voice elevated above the din of the club.
“Nice to see you, too,” Salem shouted back at him, though she glanced my way.
The air shivered and shook.
Remaining sitting was brutal. The urge to get up and stake my claim near uncontrollable.
Logan eased over to Eden and gave her a hug. “Big sister, looking mighty fine tonight.”
He was lucky Trent didn’t snap his neck.
Turning to Tessa, he ruffled her hair. “Tessa.”
She tossed a punch to his chest. “Logan! What is wrong with you? You are a total jerk. Do you know how much time I spent on this immaculate design?”
She tried to straighten her hair out.
“And only half a second to muss it up, but I figure this hand is way more pleasure than you’re going to get from limp dick tonight, so you’re welcome.”
He wiggled his fingers in her face.
She smacked them away. “Ewww. And rude. It’s Karl’s birthday. I expect all of you to be on your best behavior.”
She pointed at each of us.
A chuckle rumbled out. No question, Logan was a douche. But not close to bein’ the douche that Tessa’s boyfriend was. Dude was a grade A dickwad.
Pretty boy type who thought he walked on water but needed his ass drowned in the lake.
“Okay, we’re off to get drinks. Can we bring you anything?” Eden asked, glancing at me, then Logan, straight-up joy lighting her smile when Trent finally slid all the way out and came to wrap his arms around her.
He pulled her tight. “You don’t need to serve us, baby.”
“Maybe I miss working here,” she teased.
“And maybe I just want you sitting on my lap…or maybe laid out on my desk.” Dude drizzled a row of sloppy kisses along her jaw. If he got her any closer, their embrace was going to turn obscene.
Tessa pushed at his arm. “Ugh, rub it in. I hate you.”
Trent smirked at her.
Eden giggled and unwound herself from his hold. “We’ll be right back. You wait right there and be a good boy.”
Trent sent her a pout.
Sappy asshole, happy as could be.
“Hurry back,” Logan sang, full of suggestion as the three women started to wind through the crush.
Irrational anger surged.
Trent and Logan slipped back into the booth. Logan pitched me the most innocent look as he settled into his seat. “Why do you look so…tense, brother?” He angled his head farther, a razzing in his voice. “Hell, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you are two seconds from going on a murder spree. Something bothering you?”
Yeah, man, I’m losing my ever lovin’ mind.
“Think I made it plenty clear last weekend,” I said instead.
The confusion on his face was nothing but a sham. “What ever are you talking about?”
I took a sip of my beer. “You know what.”
Couldn’t help my eyes from following Salem where she moved through the mob. Girl the only damned thing I could see.
“Oh…that,” Logan drew out with a wayward toss of his hand in the air. Like he was just catching up. He scratched at his temple. “You know, I thought I got the message, but then, you see, this hot as hades chick walked up, and I mean scorching, and you just sat your sorry ass over there like she didn’t mean a thing, so I figured, like every other dude in the place, that she might be looking for a little fun tonight. I mean, if you’re not interested, then I can’t think of a better option than me. Well, we all know I’d be the better choice, anyway.” He patted Trent on the chest. “Am I right? Tell me I’m right.”
Trent chuckled low.
A snarl got free.
Laughing, Logan hit the top of the table. “Look at you, over there about to bust out of your shirt, all Hulk style. Think you should just come out and say it. You want her and what…you’re too fucking shy to do something about it?”
“Shy?” I deadpanned. “Look shy to you?”
“Well, I’d say she turned you down like any sane woman would do, but I saw the way she was looking at you, too, so I’m thinking that can’t be it.”
“Nope. She’s going for sane.”
While doing it was slowly making me lose my mind. But I guessed I’d been the one who’d fucked up. Laid down those lines. Kept pressing the friend thing because if I was being honest, I was scared shitless. Scared of the way she made me feel.
Girl was making me question what I was living for.
“Fuck.” Grumbled it aloud. She really was and that was the most terrifying part of all.
Couldn’t let her.
Had to get it together.
To remember my purpose.
“I’m with Logan here.” Trent swatted Logan’s shoulder. “Two of you both looked like you were about to lose your cool.”
On a groan, I scratched at my beard, took a long pull of my beer.
“Think I’m fucked,” I finally admitted. Didn’t see a point in denying it then. Two of them could see right through me, anyway.
“How’s that?” Logan asked, sitting back in his seat.
Disbelieving laughter rumbled out, spite in the words. “Two of us figured we should just be friends.”
Logan howled, smacking the table again like it was the most hysterical thing he’d ever heard.
Part of me agreed.
“Friends. Oh my god. That’s fuckin’ priceless.”
I glowered at him. Dude just laughed harder.
“A word to the wise, brother. Friends doesn’t work. You really think you’re going to ignore all of that?” Innuendo lined the question as Logan twirled a finger through the air, like he could stir that energy that raged between us.
“Well, considering she works for me, I’m thinking that’s all she can be.”
Among five thousand other reasons.
“Uh…hello…Trent over here is actually marrying Eden, and you know he had his tiny dick all up in her sweetness the whole time she was working here at Absolution.”
Trent grunted. “Watch it.”
Logan raised both of his hands. “Hey, man, just telling it like it is. Tiny included.” He mouthed the last.
“Will knock your ass out,” Trent warned, though there was a smile cutting at his mouth.
“Terrified.” Logan grinned.
Trent shook his head. “You’re a disaster, man. Tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do with you.”
Logan hooked his arm on the back of the booth and jostled his index finger of that hand in my direction. “Nah, man, I think it’s our brother here who’s a disaster.” Tone of his voice shifted, filling with a real question, pushing at the marrow. “Are you going to make a move or what?”
Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on the table, rubbed my fingers over my mouth like it could wipe away the truth of the words. “You know I can’t.”
“Yeah, and why’s that?”
“You know why.”
Logan scoffed as he came to the realization of what I was getting at. “Are you kidding me? Tell me you aren’t still waiting on her?”
I couldn’t answer.
Disbelief shook Logan’s head. “Kennedy deserted you, man. Took your kid and ran and didn’t look back. She doesn’t deserve you. I know it sucked balls when she left, but anyone who doesn’t see you for who you are isn’t worthy to stand at your side, and that’s the goddamn truth.”
“And who am I really?” Challenge left me on a low punt. “A beast?”
A grin split his face. “Yup. The teddy bear kind.”
Fucking Logan. But that was the thing about him. Dude didn’t know the half of who we’d been. The half of what we’d done. The sins we’d committed and the atrocities we’d perpetuated.
We’d hid it from him, protected him the best we could, though there was no question some of that bullshit had seeped below the surface.
I shook my head and looked away, into the throbbing mass as if it could offer distraction. “Hardly,” I muttered.
“You said it yourself, Jud.” Trent leaned forward over the table, tatted finger jabbing into the wood, voice just loud enough to be heard over the roaring beat. “This place? It’s our second chance. The whole reason we came here.”
Agony clawed through my consciousness, and I looked between my brothers. Two people who meant the most to me. Only ones who could truly get it.
“And I already used up that second chance, didn’t I?”
Trent’s tongue dipped out to wet his lips. “Fuck that, man. Like Logan said, Kennedy didn’t deserve you. Not for a fuckin’ second.”
Old misery left me on a scoff. “It was me who didn’t deserve her or my daughter.”
“Bullshit,” Logan spat, leaning forward. “You’re the best. The fucking best, so don’t you dare let any of that get in your way. Yeah, it hurt. I know it, man. I know it.” His face blanched. “But we only have this one life, and we’re fucking lucky that we do, and it’s your duty to live it. Go after what makes you happy. And wallowing around in your misery waiting on someone who didn’t take the time to really see you? Fuck, Jud, I know you want to live for what’s right, but I think it’s time you figure out what that really is.”
