Say It's Forever, page 14
Um wow.
Someone was excited.
Realization settled over me.
What tonight meant to my daughter.
Juniper had never experienced anything like this.
Our celebrations had always been just the two of us. Our adventures ours, even when neither of us had wanted to take them.
Reliant on the other.
Apprehension mixed with the hope. With these building dreams that I tried not to allow to terrify me.
Juni squeezed my hand like she felt my reservations. A calm slipped through my blood.
“Wow. Those must be some cupcakes,” I finally managed to say.
“I think they gots diamonds in the frosting.” Juni whispered it, even though she dipped her chin in an emphatic nod.
“Diamonds?” I gasped our secret.
“Um…did you see the sparkles? They gots to be.”
Amusement tugged at my mouth. “It sounds like we’d better get to our spots so we can have the best party ever.”
I led Juni over to the table where the rest of the guests gathered.
A silent groan clamored in my chest when I saw Jud was seated directly across from me.
I glanced to the left at Tessa who tried to hide her smile as she started passing out hand-painted signs that had different sayings of congratulations on them.
Definitely a set up.
I peeked back at Jud.
Without shame, those darkened eyes raked over me. Hot coals that flashed with greed and something else I’d be a fool to diagnose.
Because that tension pulled and yanked and tumbled through my rattled spirit.
It felt as if it called out to the broken pieces. The pieces that had come to life under his touch—under his care—pieces I refused to let him shatter.
Dinner was amazing.
The table was full of Eden and Trent’s friends and family who were there to share their joy.
Eden had been shocked, tears springing to her eyes when she’d come in to her surprise.
Her new fiancé continually pressed kisses to her cheek, her temple, her knuckles, her mouth.
Love poured from them.
I was thankful to be a part of it, but I couldn’t stop the waves of unease that kept rustling through.
I didn’t do this.
I hid.
I lurked and concealed.
I existed along the fringes.
I didn’t step out to become a part of something big and beautiful this way, but I was having a harder and harder time pretending like I didn’t want to be there.
Eden’s father, Gary, sat to the right of me, the man so warm and genuine as he’d chatted with me throughout the meal and made me feel as if my daughter and I were a part of this tightly knit crowd.
The entire time, Jud kept peering at me from over the table. Watching me as if I mattered. As if something inside him had shifted and taken new shape during the two hours that had passed.
When I looked up and he pinned me with the severity of that gaze again, I set my napkin next to my empty plate, pushed my chair back, and stood. “Excuse me for a moment.”
Gary looked up at me in worry. “Everything okay?”
I sent him a feigned smile. “I just need to get another drink.”
He grinned and winked toward Juni. “I’ll hold the fort down while you’re away.”
Gratefulness spread through my veins, and I gave him a little nod as I moved to the bar set up on the far side of the room. I ordered another glass of champagne. I was going to need it to make it through the night.
Because I felt myself getting closer to an invisible barrier my heart kept trying to break through.
I accepted the flute then jumped when I felt the hand on my elbow. I whipped around to Eden who stood there wearing one of her soft smiles.
“Eden. Hi.”
“Hey, Salem. I had to sneak over here so I could tell you how happy I am that you’re here. That you and Juni came to share this night with us.”
An unsure breath crept free. “I wasn’t sure we should come.”
Her smile deepened. “I hope there’s no question now…that you belong here.”
My chest pressed full, and I thought to deny it, to act as if this little family across the street hadn’t already marked themselves on my heart, but the confession bled out. “And you have no idea what that means to me.”
“I think I might.”
Tears burned in my eyes, and I stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. “I realize I don’t know you that well, but I do know you and Trent belong together, and I’m so grateful to get to witness it.”
“I still can’t believe it. I feel like I’m floating. I feel like the luckiest woman alive,” she admitted when I stepped back.
“I think you might be.”
She gazed at me with the gentle smile she always wore, though her attention kept peeking over my shoulder to the force I suddenly felt pressing in from behind.
Commanding and potent.
She squeezed my hand again, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “I think sometimes we stumble upon it when we least expect it.”
She angled her head toward Jud and moved his way, and I swiveled just in time to see the emotion crest on Jud’s face. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he curled his arms around her shoulders, holding her head against his chest.
I was sure it was meant only for her, but I could hear him mumble the words, “Thank you for seeing him for who he is and not what he’s done.”
She mumbled into his chest, “I couldn’t have seen anything else.”
Energy pulsed through the air. I tried to look away, tried to remind myself it was none of my business, that Jud and Eden were sharing a private moment, but I felt like I was snared.
Held as he looked at me in remorse from over her shoulder. I fumbled back, only I bumped into another body. I whirled around and another set of big hands shot out to catch me.
“Logan. Hi.”
I’d quickly been introduced by Tessa to the third Lawson brother before the party had started. He was as handsome as his two brothers, but different, as if he held all his intimidation in the lines of his arrogance.
He smiled down at me with these sparking emerald eyes, a tease and something wicked in their depths. “We didn’t get a chance to talk, so I thought I’d come over here and remedy that.”
Jud suddenly was at his side, smacking Logan on the back of the head.
Logan rubbed at the spot, laughing and glaring at Jud. “What the hell, man? Why always so violent?”
Jud grunted, staring his brother down while somehow glancing at me. “Don’t.”
Logan’s brow lifted, and there was a grin playing around his mouth as he looked between Jud and me.
“Don’t…what?” A tease was woven into the words, a ribbing that made the muscles in Jud’s arm bulge.
“Just…don’t.” Jud’s words were hard, and that lump in my throat grew tighter.
Because Jud kept looking at me in a way he shouldn’t.
Possessively.
Indulgently.
Intensity lapped.
Lifting and burning and wrapping me into this confusion that I couldn’t afford to feel.
“Ahh.” Logan smirked. “I see how it is.”
“Not in the mood, Logan.” The rough warning scraped from Jud’s mouth.
“Well then,” Logan said.
Jud grunted again, though he tipped his chin at Logan.
The two of them shared a silent conversation.
I shifted on my feet when they both looked at me.
“It was nice to meet you, Salem,” Logan said as he backed away, amusement playing across his features as he did.
“You, too.” I forced the strangled words from my throat, then I turned and darted for the hall so I could escape.
I needed a breath. To clear my head. To rid myself of the mayhem the man incited.
Only it grew as his heavy footfalls echoed behind me.
Out in the desolate hall, I whipped around and lifted my chin. “I don’t know what it is you want from me.”
Jud stepped forward and backed me against the wall. My heart ravaged in my chest. I should be afraid, and I knew I had a problem when it had the opposite effect. When I wanted to sink forward and press my nose to his shirt.
“I’m sorry.” His words were sharp.
I forced myself to remember his reaction from Wednesday night. “It doesn’t matter, Jud. Just forget it.”
“Maybe I don’t want to forget it.”
“Why?” I challenged.
Those eyes glinted beneath the hazy lights that hung from above. “Because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”
“You can’t hurt me.” The defense was out before I could stop it, even though it was a lie.
From the banquet room, I could hear the clinking of a wine glass before Eden’s voice echoed down the hall.
“I want to thank you all so much for being here to share in one of the most important days of my life. I can’t express what it means to see you here. I love you all. Every single one of you.”
A round of cheers went up before the clattering stopped again.
“Since everyone we love is here, we have something else we’d like to share with you,” I heard her say.
“Jud, you should be in there. With your family.” I needed him to walk away. To leave me there like he had Wednesday night.
Only he inclined closer instead, his breath caressing my face, his hand coming up to touch my jaw in that way that slipped like comfort through my veins. Fire streaked through the connection. “Yet, here I am, with you.”
“We’re having a baby.” Emotion wobbled through Eden’s distant voice.
Surprise and excitement banged through the space.
Jud’s eyes went wide, and I was taking his moment of stupor to duck out from around him because all of this was too much. “We should go back in.”
I rushed for the doors like the man wasn’t single-handedly wrecking every boundary.
I felt him behind me, meeting me step for step.
Longing slipped from his fingers as he brushed the small of my back as he passed by and edged around the table.
Shivers raced.
What did he want with me? He’d already shown he didn’t want anything to do with Juni. My one purpose, and that was never going to change.
Gage jumped to his feet on his chair, shouting around the cupcake he had shoved in his mouth. “I get a new baby and a new mommy?”
“You do,” Eden whispered. Adoration poured from her being. Wave upon wave.
I stumbled back to my chair and dropped to the seat. Juni was on her knees. She jerked at my shirt. “Mommy! Gage gets a news baby!”
I chose to focus on the devotion that poured through the room and not the man who was stealing the air from it. “That’s wonderful.”
Trent scooped up Gage when he scrambled off his chair and went running to them. “It’s the best day of my whole life.”
“Mine, too, Gage, mine, too, and every single day that I get to spend with you.” Eden choked over the words.
A band of devotion wrapped the three of them tight.
Oohs and awws filled the room.
It was beautiful.
Real.
I touched Juni’s cheek, and she smiled over at me. “I likes it here, Mommy.”
“I know, Juni Bee. I know. I like it here, too.” Probably too much.
Gage clamored down and went racing for his uncle Jud who had stood and hugged Trent tight, clapped him on his back and uttered something low.
Trent squeezed his shoulder.
Their loyalty fierce and true. There was no mistaking it.
I struggled to breathe.
Jud glanced at me once before he hoisted Gage into his arms. Joy and pain split through his expression.
It pierced me in the chest, and I tried to look away, but my eyes couldn’t help but see deeper. To the sorrow, to the grief, to the torment written underneath.
Don’t do this, Salem.
Don’t fall. Don’t fall.
Tenderness took over his ferocity when he tossed Gage onto his back. Gage laced his arms around his thick neck and shouted, “I’ll take you down, Uncle!”
“Not a chance, Gage in the Cage.” He wrestled around with him.
Before I could stop her, Juni hopped onto her feet and blazed around the table.
“I’ll help you, Gage!”
She threw herself at Jud, too.
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
But he caught her and tossed her onto his opposite shoulder.
They shrieked and held on tight as Jud playfully roared and spun them. He had both hands on their backs to keep them steady. To ensure they wouldn’t fall.
Dread thudded through my veins, taking this stupid hope with it.
“Hurry, Juni Bee, we gotta get him. Chokehold!” Gage shouted.
Juni laughed and wrapped her arms around Jud’s neck, too, and Jud dramatically fell to his knees, careful as they all toppled in a pile onto the ground.
They flailed around, pinning him.
“Victory!” Juni shouted.
My chest clutched and my head swam.
Torn between the urge to rush for my daughter and steal her away from this place.
Where it wasn’t safe.
Where we were treading into unknown territory.
Into territory where our hearts were at stake.
All while every cell in my body clutched in a swell of longing.
I jumped when a warm hand covered mine where I had a death grip on the arm of my chair. I looked to the right to find the sympathy written in Gary’s gaze.
“Sometimes the scariest journeys are the ones where the lost finally find the right path to lead them home.”
My brow curled, and my head shook.
He squeezed my hand tighter. “It’s okay to be afraid. The courageous always are. They just understand taking the chance is worth the fear and the risk.”
Emotion locked in my throat, my spirit a disorder, and I was jerking again when Juni and Gage were suddenly jumping at my side. “Guess whats, Mommy? Gage just asked me if I wanna have a sleeps over at his house, and his mommy said YES! Oh please, oh please, oh please.”
Juni weaved her fingers together in a prayer.
“Please, Miss Salem! We’re gonna take really good care of her and I got a fort and we can even sleep in it.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Juni.”
“Please, Mommy, I’ll be soes good, and I never even had a friend before.”
My heart seized in a bolt of sorrow, and the word was wheezing out before I gave it permission. “Okay.”
What was I saying? What was I thinking? Giving my trust to people I didn’t really know?
But my soul?
It promised they were good.
And I knew we had to take a chance if we were ever going to hope for a normal life.
“Yay!” Juni and Gage shouted it at the same time.
Eden edged up behind them with that knowing smile on her face. She set a hand on each of their shoulders. “We’d love to have her. Gage has been asking for a sleepover since the moment he met her.”
My mind raced to find an excuse. Why this was a horrible, horrible idea. “Are you sure it’s not too much trouble? Don’t you and Trent want to spend the night alone?”
There.
That was a good excuse.
A valid reason when I’d let myself slip into insanity.
Eden giggled. “Um, Trent wore me out last night. This will be a good distraction.”
My lips pressed together as I warred.
“How’d you get here?”
I jolted when the low voice hit me from behind, and I shifted to look at Jud who stood there like a fortress. I swallowed the rush of desire that rose in my throat. “We got a Lyft.”
His nod was tight. “I’ll give you a ride home.”
“That’s not—”
He leaned in, his hands on the back of my chair, his mouth at my ear. “I’ll give you a ride, Salem. I at least owe you that.”
FIFTEEN
JUD
“Are you ready?” I rumbled low.
I looked on from where I stood behind her. Chills skated down Salem’s arms while she watched Juni drive away with Trent, Eden, and Gage.
The party had wrapped, and Eden’s trunk was loaded down with the presents people had brought. Friends and family had drifted off into the night, everyone high on the life Eden and Trent shared.
Slowly, Salem shifted. Felt the ground quake when she did. Energy blistered through the dense night air.
Girl stood there in that skirt and blouse, and fuck, my insides took a tumble into greed.
“I’m sorry.” My confession toppled like stones.
Hard and jagged and heavy.
It was the truth.
Salem’s gorgeous face blanched, that body flinching like she didn’t know what to believe. “Why are you doing this, Jud?”
Confusion thick, my head barely shook. “Don’t know. All I know is I can’t stop thinking about you. Can’t stop going back to the shop. To your fear. Way it felt when I touched you.”
The edges of that seductive mouth quivered, and she hugged her arms across her chest like she could block this out. “And we already established it doesn’t change things, though, does it?”
“Doesn’t it?”
Attraction blurred the lines.
Whipped and lashed and curled, rising around us like a dark, dark storm.
Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. “My daughter is and will always be my first priority, Jud. It’s clear you have a problem with that.”
Agony staked through my chest. Yeah, it’d hurt like a motherfucker when I’d first seen that precious thing come flying out the door. When my mind had gone there, taunting me with that penalty I could never fully pay.
But I thought the wall that had gone up between me and Salem might have hurt worse.
I forced the brittle words from my tongue. “I was just surprised.”
Her face pinched. “And you are a liar.”
Nerves rocked me back, and I rushed an agitated hand through my hair, blinking toward the ground like it would hold an answer.
