Say It's Forever, page 25
Fingertips found my face. “I am scared that I need you, Jud. That with you, for the first time in my life, I feel safe.”
“I’ll kill anyone who even thinks about hurting you, Salem. I will.”
It should have scared her.
But this girl? She snuggled into my side.
Grim.
And I guessed for the first time in my life, I was thankful I was him.
TWENTY-FOUR
SALEM
EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
“Pupa.” He whispered her name like a secret. “My wife. My love. My life. You’re mine. Forever.”
Her stomach twisted as she looked up at her husband’s face.
She still couldn’t believe it.
She couldn’t make sense of how she’d ended up there. As if it’d been destined. Maybe planned.
Her fears had only amplified when she’d voiced reservations, and she’d been silenced. Carlo had attempted to assuage her concerns by telling her she had no need to worry at all. He’d promised to take care of her. Give her a life that she could only dream of. One that she had yet to discover.
But it’d felt rushed. As if she wasn’t given time to decide for herself. It’d felt wrong when he’d laughed when she’d asserted she still planned on starting college in the fall.
Mimi had been the only one to try to stop it. She’d warned it was a mistake. Salem had only truly begun to believe it when she’d said she wasn’t ready, when she’d begun to believe this wouldn’t be the life she’d want at all, and Carlo had shown and taken her to the chapel, anyway.
With a smirk, he’d told her it was cold feet, but Salem was more afraid that her heart didn’t warm when he was around.
That there was a piece of her that felt frozen.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you,” she said back, unsure if it was a lie.
Because truthfully?
That love she’d once thought she’d felt?
It now came with a heavy dose of fear.
“You do whatever it requires. Am I clear?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Salem pressed her back to the wall as she listened to the conversation Carlo was having with Darius. She tried to press her eyes closed even tighter. Like maybe if she did, none of this would be real.
Her life wouldn’t be a nightmare.
A sad, cruel joke.
A moment later, Darius ducked out of the room. When he saw her cowering there, he sent her a worried scowl. But he didn’t say anything as he headed down the hall. The front door clicked shut behind him when he left.
Chills lifted on her arms when she felt the presence beside her. Carlo traced them with his fingertip. “What are you doing out here, Pupa?”
The tone of his voice was a soft accusation.
Salem gulped. “I was checking to see if you were ready for dinner.”
Hooking his thumb under her jaw, he studied her face. “That’s all?”
“That’s all,” she rushed.
He angled his head, pressed his mouth to hers, and muttered, “This mouth…this body…this mind? They’re all mine, Salem.” He angled back, rubbed the pad of his thumb on the middle of her forehead, stared at her when he said, “Be sure not to let it run places it shouldn’t. It’s dangerous out there.”
Salem forced a smile. “I’m happy right here.”
His smile was slow. Appraising.
Fear spiraled down Salem’s spine.
“Good, my love. Neither of us would want me to have to waste my precious time if I had to come and find you, now, would we?”
“Where would I go?”
He tapped her chin. “Good girl.”
Then he turned and strode down the hall toward the kitchen, calling out, “It smells delicious. I’m starving. Let’s eat.”
She waited until he turned left at the end of the hall then breathed out a pained breath.
She tried not to weep.
TWENTY-FIVE
SALEM
“What’s this?” My fingers played along the dress that was sitting on the end of Jud’s bed while I held the sheet to my chest with the other.
The palest light floated in through the square windows that ran high along the wall behind his bed. Dawn had barely broken the night, and the barest rays filtered through the darkness to give a token of the coming day.
I’d woken with Jud’s massive arms curled around my body, the man holding me tight, his steadying breaths filling my ears and my spirit and my lungs.
It’d taken my all to peel myself away from the sanctuary of his arms, but I needed to get home before Juni woke and Darius and Mimi realized I hadn’t come home all night.
Before my heart got any deeper.
Before I fell any farther.
But there I was, careening through the air, no ground below.
Diving into his dark abyss.
My fingers traced over the material. My heart stuttered. This man cared for me in a way no one else had done in my life.
I felt him shift from behind, and I looked back to watch the giant sit up in his bed. The covers slipped down around his waist. He roughed his fingers that worked magical things through his sleep-rumpled hair.
My stomach fisted in a bid of want. In a crash of affection. He was beautiful. In every way.
After last night, I’d never been so sure of anything.
He squinted in the glow of the morning at the things that were laid on his mattress.
“Uh, Logan texted a few hours ago to check how you were after everything went down. He asked if there was anything he could do. I figured you might not want to go slinking back into your house wearing your trashed dress from last night and those heels, so I asked him to pick up a couple things. Not the best selection in the middle of the night, but hell, the man’s got shopping skills.”
Jud chuckled an uneasy sound. Clearly, he was unsure of his actions.
I glanced back at the dress and noticed there was a box with a pair of sandals tucked inside and some toiletries.
“Hope they fit.”
I shifted back to look at him. I couldn’t keep the edge of my mouth from tipping up in a slow smile, returning to the day that had changed everything. “I thought I told you if I fucked you there would be no shame to it?”
Jud grinned, though it was soft, his handsome, rugged face kissed by the morning light, hair lit up in the glow where errant pieces were sticking up all over his head.
“No shame at all, darlin’, but I figured what happened last night is between you and me.”
My heart panged, and my chest squeezed.
Crap.
I was in so much trouble.
I had crossed a line that I was terrified to have crossed.
Trust no one.
But I wasn’t sure I could cling to that any longer with him.
With this man who had me crawling back up to him until I was pressing my lips to his wicked, sexy mouth. “Thank you.”
A big palm found the side of my face. Obsidian eyes flared as he edged back to meet with the truth in my gaze. “The pleasure is all mine, darlin’.”
My teeth clamped down on my bottom lip. What I really wanted to do was curl back into this bed with him.
Let him ravage me all over again.
The way he’d done time and again last night, neither of us sure if it would be the only chance we would have. And those moments? Those hours? They’d belonged to us.
I didn’t want them to end.
My chest squeezed with dread, the reality that in a blink, in a second, I might have to leave him behind.
Run, the way I always did.
Because as much as he promised to stand for me, if it came to it, there was no way I’d drag him into the line of fire.
“I really need to get home.”
He nodded. “I know. Why don’t you go get dressed, and I’ll get you there?”
“Thank you,” I said again.
I wasn’t shy, definitely not after last night, but I felt a blush flushing my body as I slipped off his bed and took the sheet with me. Jud sat there, watching me gather the things he’d had Logan get for me and then shuffle across his floor to the bathroom.
He had this look on his face.
This tenderness that threatened to break up the barriers I had placed inside me.
I dipped my head and ducked into the bathroom before I could let him go any deeper, but I guessed I was the fool who thought that was going to cut the connection.
I could feel it pulse from the other side of the door. A thread that had woven through my heart. A whisper I was sure that no matter where in this world I ran to, it would call to me.
I splashed water on my face, brushed my teeth with the toothbrush that was in the pile, then twisted my hair into a ponytail holder since they’d thought of that, too, before I slipped into the dress and sandals.
The dress landed just above my knees, simple with flowers and cap sleeves, and it fit me perfectly—just like the man.
Before I let myself wane into melancholy, this feeling that one day I was going to lose him, the worry that I couldn’t stay hunting me down like the thief that it was, I headed into the bedroom.
Jud had already dressed, and he was lacing up his boots. Still bent over, he cut a glance at me. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
He rose to that hulking, glorious height, his shoulders so wide where he was lit up like a silhouette in the grayed streams of light.
A smirk ticked up at the corner of his mouth.
“What?” I asked as I edged deeper into the room.
“It fits.”
I touched the skirt. “It does.”
“I like it.”
“I like it, too.”
It felt as if there was a secret woven in the simple words.
I like you, too, so much, and it scares me more than you can understand.
I was so tired of the hurt. Of the loss and the fear and the veins of joy that always got stripped away.
My spirit shook.
Struck with the realization.
I wanted that vein that I’d found with him to widen and withstand.
Fear clutched my stomach in a grip, rising against the hope that kept bubbling up. It made me feel like I was being tugged in every direction. Questions and worries and these building dreams at odds.
At war.
Before I got lost in them, I grabbed my little purse I’d had from last night, slipped it over my shoulder, and walked toward the door.
Jud cut me off at the pass.
He spun me around and pressed me to the wall. He kissed me hard. Those big hands framed my face while he did. His lips were soft and sweet and enticing.
Emotion rioted.
Want. Fear. Hope.
What was I doing?
Setting myself up for it to hurt worse when this came to an end, that was what.
Pulling back, he canted me a knowing smile. “Don’t freak out on me, darlin’. I see those pretty little feet itching to run.”
“They run from the pain.” The words hitched when I let the admission bleed free.
He brushed the pad of his thumb over the apple of my cheek, his head tipping to the side, his words rough and laden with the promise. “I won’t ever hurt you. No one else is going to, either.”
Trust.
I wanted to give it to him.
All of it.
Ask him to keep me. Stand by me. Fight with me.
My teeth ground hard when I realized the selfishness of that.
He leaned down and pecked a kiss to my forehead. “Let’s get you home.”
Home.
The longing hit me full force.
A smack in the face.
Jud touched my scar like he felt it, too, then he stepped back and took me by the hand, leading me out of his loft and downstairs. He bypassed his bike and opted for his truck. He helped me into the passenger’s seat and leaned up to buckle me in.
I grinned. “I can do that.”
“Now why would you go and do something like that when you can have all of this doin’ it for you?”
He ran his lips up the column of my throat and to my jaw when he said it.
My heart thundered in my chest.
The man didn’t fight fair.
He chuckled low as he shut the door, and the mammoth of a man rounded the front of his truck.
He hopped in. His presence overpowered the cab.
Citrus and spice.
A warm fall night.
The breaking day.
A whisper of new life.
He pushed the button to open the garage, and he started the truck, backed it out, and took to the road.
He kept grinning over at me as we traveled the quiet, sleeping streets.
Slow and sure.
A little cocky.
Too much of everything I hadn’t known I needed.
All while that energy spun and churned and built into a mountain as big as him. A force that couldn’t be conquered or subdued.
I didn’t think a word had been said between us by the time he made the last turn into my neighborhood. He pulled to a stop at the curb, and he left the truck running when he hopped out and came around to my side.
He opened the door to help me out.
Fire streaked up my arm when he took my hand.
But it was the flames that burned, wasn’t it? What left us ash?
I needed to remember.
Remember.
“Thank you.” Apparently, those were the only two words I knew since I couldn’t come up with anything else to say.
The problem was, I couldn’t figure out where we were supposed to go from there. What last night had meant other than…everything.
Maybe that was the most terrifying part of all.
Jud laughed a low sound as he shut the door and leaned back against the metal, those giant arms crossed over his chest. “Oh, it’s my pleasure, darlin’.”
My lips tipped up, and I touched the steady pounding at his chest. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”
He just grinned, and I turned and edged up the walkway. Quietly, I slid the key into the lock. I looked back at him as I did.
“Are we still friends, darlin’?” A playful smile kissed his mouth when he asked it.
My smile his elicited was riddled with affection.
“Is that what you want to be?” Somehow, I pulled it off as a tease.
Jud shook his head, that smile so bright on his face, like he didn’t know what to do with me.
Figuring I’d wind up spending the whole day standing there grinning at him like a fool if I didn’t stop this madness, I forced myself to turn the knob.
He waited there with all that arrogant tenderness until I disappeared inside the hushed, sleeping house. I had the door locked behind me before he moved back to his side and climbed into his truck.
Yeah, I knew since I was peering at him through the drape that covered the window, and damn it, if the man didn’t take a piece of my heart with him when he drove away.
I angled farther to the side so I could watch the tail end of his truck disappear down the road.
“Look any closer, and you’re gonna break your neck.”
A squeak peeled out of me, and I whirled around to find Mimi smirking at me from the end of the hall, wearing her favorite muumuu and slippers.
“Mimi, you scared the crap out of me.” Heavy breaths heaved from my lungs.
She waved me off as she lumbered toward the kitchen. “Figured you’d be sneaking in right about now.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’m not sneaking. I just didn’t want to wake anyone up.”
She eyed me up and down. “And it looks to me like my girl never went to sleep.”
“Mimi,” I chastised, gaze darting through the empty living room, just in case anyone else could hear.
“Salem,” she shot right back as she edged the rest of the way into the kitchen. She flipped on the light and moved directly for the coffee maker.
“Where are the kids?” I asked as I followed behind.
“They built a fort in my bedroom. Felt like I’d better keep an eye on those two before they ended up packing their bags and trying to walk to the moon. Cute as pie, but woo wee, those imaginations are running wild. Could barely keep up with the two of them.”
Love pressed full at my chest. “She’s a dreamer.”
“Mmhmm…” Mimi mused as she filled the carafe with water then poured it into the machine. “Just like her mother used to be.”
A huff of air left my nose as I sat on the stool at the tiny bar on the opposite side of the counter. “I used to be, didn’t I?”
I’d almost forgotten what that was like.
“You sure did, but you lost those dreams along the way.” She paused, glancing over at me. “More like someone snuffed them out.”
She reached over the counter and tipped up my chin so she could study my face. “But there they are…the spark of something new lighting in those beautiful eyes.”
A frown curled my brow, and I pulled my chin from her fingers and looked down. “I’m not sure I can go there, Mimi.”
“And why’s that, my girl? Why can’t you live? Didn’t Darius say it was time? Isn’t that why we’re here?”
Hope fluttered my heart.
Wings that lapped.
I needed to clip them before they took flight.
“And if I can’t stay? What if I love him, and I have to leave?” The true fear flooded out.
What it always came down to.
I didn’t exist.
I didn’t have a home.
As Mimi stared over at me, belief filled her expression. “And what if you don’t take this chance and you miss out on the most wonderful things in this life, Salem?”
Moisture filled my eyes, and she moved to the fridge and started taking ingredients out to make breakfast. Eggs and bacon. Milk and butter.
I got up, rounded the counter, and moved to the pantry to grab the pancake mix from the top shelf, already in tune with her, knowing that’s what she’d be after next.
She eyed me as I went, and when I hiked up onto my tiptoes to reach it, she mumbled from behind, “Well, at least he knows how to take care of my girl right. Looks like you can barely walk this mornin’.”
