Say It's Forever, page 28
“Oh, yes!” She clasped her hands together. “I gotta gets my helmet and my pads and my best friend, then I’ll be all ready.”
“I’ll let them know.”
Jud thumbed into his phone and sent Trent a text.
A minute later, their front door flew open.
Gage came blazing out, hopping the whole way down to the edge of the street. “My dad said your bike is done. Are you ready, Juni Bee? We gotta race.”
“Ah, I think we aren’t quite ready for racing yet, buddy,” Trent told him as he went to wheel Gage’s bike from the carport and down the driveway, a helmet hanging from the handlebars.
Eden came out behind them, a soft smile on her face.
“But Dad, that’s what the wheels are for. The racin’.” Gage lowered his voice like it was a secret.
Clearly, Lawson blood beat fast in his veins.
“It’s okay, we can do the races. I’ll beat you so bad, you ain’t never gonna knows what hit you! Bet you five dollars,” Juni shouted.
Apparently, my daughter was secretly competitive. “Um, you don’t have five dollars, Juni Bee.”
She took Jud’s hand. “Who needs money when you gots a motorcycle man.”
My heart panged, and my attention whipped up to Jud’s face. Jud who looked like he was stricken.
He pressed his free hand to his chest, then he grinned at me, so soft, so tender, riddled with affection. “Seems I got stung by a little bee.”
Lightheadedness swept through my head.
A wave of joy and hope.
Needing to distract myself from the impact of it, so unexpected, so right, I rushed to help Juni into her helmet and the set of pads Jud had gotten for her knees and elbows.
I had to remind myself I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. I was just begging for the pain. Because this man was carving out a place for himself inside me, and I was terrified of it becoming a vacancy.
Another hole that throbbed and moaned for all of eternity. I knew it, knew it too well, the way it felt when you lost something so important you no longer could remember how to breathe.
How to walk.
How to move on.
Jud touched my hand that I didn’t realize was shaking, that my movements had turned jittery as I’d ensured all of Juni’s protective gear was tight and secure.
“Darlin’, it’s okay.”
The words were a hard scrape.
A score in the air.
I swallowed hard.
He looked at me like I was a treasure.
What was I doing? But I couldn’t do anything but watch when Jud patted the seat of the pink bicycle. “Hop on, Juni Bee.”
She squealed, and he helped her get settled, showed her how to work the brakes and the pedals, all while keeping her upright.
Gage went jetting by with Trent running behind him to hold him up so he could learn how to pedal and balance.
“I’m flying, Juni! You better hurry up! I’m gonna ride up the highest mountain and then shoot all the way to the stars.”
“Don’t leaves me!” she shouted, pushing her feet hard at the pedals. Jud started to jog behind her, keeping her straight.
Emotion gathered in my chest.
A fist.
A crush.
A caress.
Tears blurred my eyes as I stepped out onto the street behind them to watch two brothers who I knew had suffered so much pain, take up the simple, ordinary task of teaching these two children how to ride their bikes.
So much patience.
So much care.
And I wondered if Trent thanked God that he had his son, safe and secure, and if it was killing Jud that his daughter was out there somewhere. That he didn’t know her. If his own vacancy was shouting out inside of him.
Condemning.
Reminding him of what he’d done.
I jumped when the hand took mine. I glanced to the left at Eden who had come up beside me. She squeezed my hand as we both gazed out at the men racing and laughing with the children.
Juni was screaming, her movements a little erratic as she jerked at the handlebars.
“Just relax, Juni, and go with the flow. I have you. I have you,” Jud repeated.
I have you.
My heart throbbed and my spirit moaned.
“I see so much of my fiancé in you,” she whispered out into the distance. “He was so scared of it…scared of loving someone. That he would be wrong to accept it.”
My throat suddenly felt tight, burning as the old wounds writhed.
I could feel her glance at me, though I couldn’t look away from where Jud laughed as he ran along holding Juni up.
A shield.
Fierce, unrelenting armor.
A cushion that would catch her, waiting beneath.
They guided the bikes in circles, raced the straightaways, crisscrossed as Juni and Gage chased each other.
Giggles and joy floated on the summer air, all while Trent and Jud jumped in on the taunts.
“You’re going down.”
“Ha, you don’t even know what’s coming for you.”
Everyone teasing and playing.
Easy.
Right.
“Different, of course,” Eden added, “but in the end, it’s always the tragedies, the mistakes, our scars, and our regrets that hold us back from the goodness—the gifts—that are waiting for us to receive them.”
“Me and Jud? Oh, we’re just having fun.” The lie felt like a thousand-pound weight. “We both agreed that neither of us are in a position to fall in love.”
Eden let go of a soft scoff, one made of gentle disbelief. “You think that man doesn’t love you? I doubt I’ve ever seen anything so blatant as what he feels for you.”
Fear bottled tight. It constricted my throat.
“He can’t…”
I trailed off.
Because the truth was, I couldn’t…I couldn’t let myself fall.
Be so reckless.
I was just worried I was already there.
“Let go, Dad!” Gage shouted. “Faster! I gotta go faster!”
“You’re sure you’re ready?”
“Yep!”
“Remember how to brake.”
“I know, Dad, I know!”
Trent let Gage go.
Gage wobbled for a second before he took off by himself.
He screeched when he realized he was unassisted. “I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Look it, Mommy! Look it, Juni! I bet you can’t catch me! You see that mountain over there? That’s where I’m going all the way to the top.”
His entire face was full of a grin.
Juni followed behind, Jud right behind her.
Her rock.
Her fortress.
“You ready to try, Juni Bee?” he asked her.
“I don’t knows!” she shouted at him, terror in her eyes as they whizzed back by on the other side.
He chuckled. “I’ll be right here beside you. You need me, I have you.”
My heart rattled.
“Okay, I can do it! I wants to be like you, Motorcycle Man!”
He let her go.
My daughter soared.
Rode and played and lived.
My chest stretched. Pressed full. Overflowed.
I thought there was a chance it might burst.
Jud ran along beside her. “You’re doing it, Juni. Look at you, big girl.”
“I’s doing it!”
Trent jogged beside Gage, and the four of them headed up the road.
“Come on, let’s go.” Eden giggled and tugged at my hand, and we jogged after them, laughing, too.
Juni was singing, “I’m riding, all by myself.”
“You can’t catch me,” Gage shouted at her.
Juni pedaled faster in a bid to catch up. She pedaled up and over the little hump in the road, pulling away from Jud who ran behind her.
She was cracking up when she passed by Gage. “I’m winning!”
I wondered if Jud saw it at the exact same time as I did. The car sitting at the curb that radiated evil.
The way a bolt of rage struck in the air when Jud recognized it.
The way fear spiked through the heavens like a fiery, poisoned arrow.
Jud was no longer laughing but sprinting behind her. He grabbed Juni from the bike and yanked her against his chest in a bid of protection. Her bike kept going, flying forward, tumbling and skidding across the ground.
The driver of the same black car that had been outside Jud’s shop suddenly tore from the curb and sped away.
Jud held Juniper like he was a shield. His giant shoulders heaved with aggression.
Trent grabbed hold of Gage and stilled him as the squeal of tires at the end of the road echoed through the neighborhood, as the engine accelerated before it disappeared in the distance and a bated silence took over.
Nothing but panted, shocked breaths, clanging, horrified hearts, and the frantic clattering of my footfalls as I ran for Juni.
The second I had her in my arms, my legs gave, knees going weak.
I dropped to them on the hard pavement, hugging my daughter to my chest.
“Salem.” Jud’s deep voice rolled through the tense, bottled air.
A sob of torment—the truth that this would never end—tore from my lungs.
Strength and hope gone. The truth that he would always, always catch up to me.
TWENTY-EIGHT
SALEM
TWENTY YEARS OLD
Salem edged down the hall of Carlo’s office. She didn’t know what stalled her feet. Why she slowed. Why the hairs at her nape lifted in dread or why sickness churned in her belly.
She’d dropped by his realty office on her way back from the store. She’d thought she’d stop to offer her help since she was bored out of her mind. Maybe fiddle around at the front desk. Organize something. Make calls. Find leads.
Whatever.
The only thing she knew was she ached to go to school. To work. To create something with her mind and hands.
To do something other than flit her days away at the ostentatious house Carlo had built for them where they now lived on the opposite side of the city.
Miles away from her mimi.
An eternity away from her heart.
She’d thought she’d at least try to do something that mattered.
Give it a shot.
Make Carlo see she was more than a pretty face meant to be waiting for him at home.
His words, not hers.
She was second guessing that decision right then.
Chills scattered when she heard the voices coming from his office at the back.
She edged that way, quietly…so quietly.
Not because of the way the voices were lifted. But because of the way they were controlled.
She made it to Carlo’s office door that was cracked open an inch. Her heart battered at her ribs as she heard his words curl through the air, “You had a second chance. You were warned, were you not?”
His tone was casual and cruel.
Condescending.
She peeked through the slit left in the door.
Her entire being stuttered. Coiled and locked.
A man was on his knees in front of Carlo’s desk. His hands were bound behind his back and a gun was to his head.
Carlo sat behind the desk, an elbow propped on the arm of the chair and the side of his head rested against his fingers. As if he were more annoyed than anything else.
As if this were common.
An everyday problem to be dealt with.
“Carlo, please,” the man begged.
Carlo shook his head. “You know the rules. You had your second chance. You failed.”
Salem jolted when the shot rang out. Her hand flew to her mouth to stop the scream that raced her throat and fought to make its way out.
Tears blinded her eyes.
Heavy and horrified.
Her heart screamed.
Her stomach soured.
Her still flat stomach that she clutched like she could keep the child safe.
She had to.
She had to.
“Clean this mess up,” Carlo ordered, and footsteps began to thud.
She pressed herself behind the partition. Hid. Stifled her cries.
And when it was clear, Salem ran.
A scream tore up Salem’s throat as she was tossed to the floor of Talia’s apartment where she’d sought refuge until she knew where she was going to go. She tumbled then scrambled around to sitting, holding her knees to her chest.
Violently, she shook.
Shook and shook.
Carlo treaded forward on his shiny dress shoes.
He knelt in front of her, tilted her chin up with the tip of the knife.
The blade gleamed in the slivers of light that burned through the room.
“Salem.” He tsked. “Why so foolish?”
“I…I—” She couldn’t find the words.
A reason to give.
A purpose other than the one that she had to get away from there.
Whatever the cost.
“Did you see what you made me do?”
He gestured to Talia’s body slumped in the middle of the room where her best friend had bled out. Agony clutched Salem’s spirit. Horror and guilt and hate.
How could he?
She squeezed her eyes closed as if she could block it.
“Such a shame.” He tipped her chin up higher. The tip pierced her skin the barest fraction.
She suppressed a scream, though her body still shuddered.
“I thought you were smarter than that, no?”
A whimper got free.
He clicked his tongue, and she shrieked when he suddenly took her by the hair and yanked her to standing. He hauled her to the middle of the room and forced her to look down where Talia lay. He was behind her when he hauled her back against his chest, the knife at her throat. “I warned you not to waste my time with ridiculous antics. I was worried…searching everywhere for you…for two days, Salem. How could you put me through that?”
“I’m sorry.” It rocked from her throat.
“You’re lucky I believe in second chances, Salem. You get one,” he warned in her ear.
Then he gripped her by the chin and dragged the knife up her jaw.
Blinding pain seared through her being as he cut deep into her flesh.
Her head spun and the world canted to the side.
Blackness flickered at the edges of her sight.
Still, she heard the warning before passing out on the floor. “It’s the last one you get. I suggest you don’t forget it.”
TWENTY-NINE
JUD
I’d often wondered the day the demon was born.
If who I’d become had purely been a circumstance of my upbringing. If it was due to my mother’s fear when we’d been little boys, the way she’d tried to shield and protect, all while her cries would seep through the walls at night, fill my ears, and make me be the one who wanted to shield and protect her. The way she’d promised she’d find a way out, that everything would be better, until the day all four of us had to stand and watch as she’d been brutally mowed down.
If it’d manifested that day into abounding rage and eternal hate.
Possibly it’d bloomed in my blood the day I was conceived, and the wickedness of my father had been passed on to me.
Or maybe it had already been a piece of my soul, grabbing a free ride when I’d been plucked from Hell to walk this Earth.
I was betting on the latter right then.
Because fury had taken up residence at the base of my throat. Wrath was the only thing I could taste. Bitter venom on my tongue because God knew, the vengeance itching at my hands was sharp as a blade.
I didn’t think I’d ever felt more helpless than I had yesterday afternoon.
That straight-up fear that had hit me so hard I might as well have run flat into a brick wall when I’d seen the blacked-out BMW about six houses down from Salem’s.
In an instant, my spirit had seized as awareness smacked me in the face. A swell of depravity in the atmosphere, a crash of evil blistering through the rays of late afternoon light.
I’d grabbed Juni. Held her tight.
I’d known, right then, that I’d do whatever it took to protect her.
That I wouldn’t let go.
The car had been gone in a split, fucker taking off before I could get a chance to catch a glimpse of who was inside, my focus all wrapped up in making sure that Juni was okay.
But right now, it was Salem I was dying to wrap up and hold. Promise her it would be okay. Honestly, I was shocked she’d shown at work today. Hell, if I were being honest, I was shocked she’d stayed.
The entire day today, I’d watched her riding a razor-sharp edge, wearing those heels and a modest black floral dress, girl so apprehensive it was alive in every step she took.
Anxious.
Agitated.
Afraid.
Nah.
She wasn’t okay.
Could feel it.
The energy that whipped and thrashed and howled.
Bashing against the walls and trembling along the floors.
A warning that shook me to the core.
My girl was getting ready to run.
It had taken forever to get her calmed down yesterday afternoon. With the commotion out front, Darius had come running, demanding to know what the hell I’d done.
Had wanted to clock the asshole in the face.
I knew it only came from worry, though. Knew the same fears that lived inside Salem lived inside him. He’d uprooted his life and moved here to a place where Salem would be safe. Even if he hated me, he wanted the same thing for her that I did.
Her freedom.
Her joy.
Her peace.
So, I’d sucked it up and allowed him to help us get her back to the house. I’d hovered and worried, sharing glances with Trent, both of us on edge.
All while poor Juni kept touching her mother’s hand and telling her it was going to be fine. When she’d said, “See, Mommy, the bad man is gone. We don’t gots to worry. We can stays right here. We don’t need to goes on a new adventures.”
