Beyond Reach, page 35
part #3 of True Calling Series
Pausing, I reach over and cup his face. Vulnerability is a mask he’s worn far too often around me, and I need to rectify this once and for all. Dropping my hand back in my lap, I inhale the crisp, clean sea air. “I never properly confronted my feelings for Zane until he ended up in a coma.” It’s so hard to verbalize those thoughts, and I have to invoke every morsel of self-control to stop myself from crumbling at the suggestion that he might not survive this. “Something just broke inside me at the thought that he might not live.”
“You love him too?” His fingers delve into the pebbles at the sand’s edge, and he flippantly tosses a few out to sea.
“I can’t deny that I have feelings for him or that I care about what happens to him. What I know with absolute certainty is that it hasn’t diminished the love I feel for you. I may love Zane, but I’m in love with you. I want to wear your ring, and I am committed to you. You’re the one I want to be with, and that’s never going to change.” Admitting this to Cal has finally allowed me to acknowledge my feelings. Something I was too scared to confront before. Though my body feels heavy underneath me—onerous under the weight of my confession—I also feel light as the guilt I’ve been carrying by the bucket-load lessens. My fingers scratch at an imaginary itch on my neck, and I’m restless as I wait for Cal’s reaction.
“Thank you,” he eventually says. Feeling brave, I raise my head until it’s flush with his. Emotion shines out of every cell in his body. He lips touch my forehead, as he threads his fingers in mine. “Your honesty means a lot, and thanks for not glossing over that. I can’t pretend that I’m still not terrified that you’ll remember you love him more. But I can’t ask anything else of you. I’ll just have to pray that I’m enough, we’re enough, that we can have a future together. Because I want that more than anything else in the world.” His hands move to my stomach, and he reverently strokes my teeny bump. “It’s meant to be, we’re meant to me,” he whispers, looking straight into my eyes. “Do you believe in fate?”
“Yes, I believe in fate. But I also believe that fate can change, or be changed. I don’t mean that if we’re fated I’d choose a different path, more that I’ll choose the path that feels right without knowing how that impacts my fate. I can only do what I feel is right, and trust that my instincts are guiding me in the right direction.” Heaviness coats my brain, and I’m surprised at the turn in our conversation; that we’re getting into the deep stuff. “Right now, you and me? This feels like fate, if fate can be felt.”
“It does, and it’s enough,” Cal says, raising his hand to my heart.
Shunting closer, I snuggle into his chest, soaking up his fresh woodsy scent. His arms encircle me and pull me close. “You always smell like home,” I whisper under my breath. Smooth, soft fingers tilt my chin upward, and I’m startled when my face meets his. Tears glisten in his eyes as he looks at me adoringly. Pressing his forehead to mine, he kisses me sweetly, his lips making brisk tantalizing sweeps across my mouth.
“My heart is your home,” he whispers, his voice breathless. “It always will be.”
I don’t remember falling asleep, but I wake with a jerk, confused by my surroundings and conflicted by the razor-sharp fissure of anxiety that’s flooding my senses. Cal’s arms are wrapped tightly around me, and I’m melting from the heat emanating from his body and the dull glare of the late evening sun. Apprehension chips away at me, cell by cell, and I can’t lie still any longer.
“Cal, wake up,” I say, squirming underneath his tight grip. “Cal!” Shaking his shoulders, I fall back when he jolts awake, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“What? Where the hell …”
“We need to go. Quick”
Relaxing his arms, he looks at me quizzically. “What’s going on?”
I jump up, a bundle of nervous energy. “We need to get back, come on.”
I’m already running, my legs on a mission of their own. My sixth sense is scorching, and every hair on my body stands on high alert as I propel myself forward. My legs can’t carry me quick enough as I surge ahead.
CHAPTER 29
Bounding up the steps—breathless, my muscles screaming—I body slam the doors as I stumble into the entrance hallway. Men and women intersect and crisscross in front of me, and the place is buzzing at the end of the working day. Frantically, I scan the vastness of the hallway, searching, seeking.
Rapid breathing alerts me to Cal’s presence. He leans on his knees, doubled over, as he tries to catch his breath. “When did you turn into Wonder Woman?” he pants.
“I felt … I thought…”
“Ari!” a high-pitched voice shrieks. I flit around, eyes urgently probing the room. Then I hear her footsteps, and I see her lithe form. Flinging herself into my arms, Lily almost bowls me over. I wrap myself around her as I drink in her wholeness. Cherishing the feel of her body against mine, I don’t know where my tears start and hers end. As our sobs intertwine, I feel some of my pain melt away.
Then a firm hand presses into my back, and I smell the familiar scent of sandalwood and lemon. Dad’s arms are around me, around us. Leaning into him, I still cling possessively to Lily. Deacon’s on the other side, tears rolling silently down his face. I can’t stop crying, grateful tears of joy that we’re finally reunited and gut-wrenching tears of sorrow as the agonizing realization of Mom’s passing is finally driven home. It leaves a gaping, open hole inside my heart.
I look over my shoulder and notice that Cal has discreetly exited at some point. Dad raises a hand and gently touches my face. “Oh, Ari, my beautiful girl. You’ve done well, so well.”
I choke back the painful lump in my throat. “But Mom …”
“She’s in a better place now. And she sacrificed herself so we could all be together. We need to make that count.”
“What about …” I start to ask, but I’m interrupted as a tall, handsome form appears in the corner of my eye, making a beeline for us.
“Commander Skyee, I’m Dr. Taylor Jennings. Pleasure to meet you,” he says, extending his hand. Casting a furtive glance my way, he winks mischievously. “If you could follow me, sir? We’d like to conduct some preliminary tests on yourself and your daughter to ensure you both have a clean bill of health.”
“We’ll come too,” I say, unwilling to allow anything or anyone to separate us.
“I’m hungry,” Deacon pipes up.
“You’re always hungry,” I retort.
“Look, you two stick together, and we’ll catch up with you in a little while. Don’t worry, Ari. We’re not going anywhere,” Dad says, tousling my hair. I can’t resist giving each of them a bone-crushing hug before they depart.
“Oh, Ariana?” Taylor says, turning towards me with a glint in his eye. “We’ve successfully accessed the information vial. Can you report to the infirmary within the hour for your Vita extraction? Bring Cal with you … or not,” he says grinning widely. Not trusting myself to speak, I merely nod. Sheesh, this guy is giving me the heebie-jeebies. “I’ll be waiting,” he says, winking. Yeah, that’s really comforting. Not. Cal’s going to totally freak out if he keeps this up.
Throwing himself down on his bunk, Deacon groans, clutching his belly. “What’s up with him?” Cal looks up inquisitively as he sits cross-legged on his bed.
“He just consumed half the cafeteria. I feel ill even thinking about it.” Lounging on the bed beside him, I feel heat where my leg brushes against his thigh.
“You okay?” he asks, his fingers smoothing a stray lock of hair behind my ear.
“Yeah, I’m good. All things considered …” I am thrilled that Dad and Lily are here, but my heart aches for Mom and Zane, and it’s taken the shine off my happy bubble.
“How are they?”
“They seem well,” I say, smiling, “but I haven’t had much of a chance to catch up yet. I can’t believe my dad is alive, it’s the best news ever, but now Mom’s gone, and I have to start mourning all over again. It’s just not fair.” I know I sound like a petulant child, but I figure I’m allowed to cave to self-indulgence given the circumstances.
“I know what it feels like to lose a mother. It’s not something you ever get over, but it does get easier. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk about it.”
“I love you,” I say, leaning over and kissing him lightly on the lips.
“I wish we were alone right now,” he whispers, his arms snaking around my waist.
“Privacy is a luxury we won’t get around here,” I admit. “Besides, we’ve to head to the infirmary to get our Vitas removed.”
“Party pooper,” he says, his lips tipping downward.
Chuckling, I rise and pull him up with me. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”
“See you later, Dad,” Cal calls out as we pass his father’s bunk.
Commander Remus is lying down on his bed facing the wall. Sitting up fluidly, he walks quickly to my side. “Ariana. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mother was a lovely woman, she deserved better,” he says, eyes unusually downcast. Then he does something completely unexpected. Closing the gap between us, he steps forward and pulls me into his embrace. Though he normally creeps me out, this isn’t one of those moments, and his hug is tender and heartfelt. He releases me and walks hurriedly out of the room.
“Um, that was a little strange,” Cal says.
“It was, wasn’t it? Did you know he knew my mother?”
He shakes his head. Weird how my mom never mentioned that she knew him and vice versa. Then again, I don’t suppose it’s that unusual after all, considering the tight-knit nature of the military community.
The infirmary is massive and equipped with the latest high-tech medical equipment. Dr. Hann would kill to work here, I think. We’ve only just registered at the main desk when Taylor appears, surprisingly professional and business-like. “Follow me, please.”
Taylor walks like he’s fueled by PowerAde, and we’re both practically sprinting in order to keep up with him. Finally, we reach our destination, and he motions us in through narrow double doors. The room is divided into several separate cubicles and he directs us toward a larger unit with two beds. Once we’re lying down, he hooks us up to several machines while a nurse hovers nearby.
“How exactly does this work?” I ask.
“Once we’ve completed all the basic checks, you’ll be sedated and brought to the operating room where I’ll extract the Vita. The entire procedure will take an hour tops, and after another hour in recovery, you should be free to leave.”
“What are the risks? Is this safe for Ariana and the baby?” Cal asks, worry etched on his face.
“We’ve already removed the Vitas from a few volunteers and everything went smoothly. It’s a tricky enough procedure, as the Vita implant rests just above the spinal cord, but don’t worry, you’re in good hands. And I have a full complement of medical personnel working by my side. We don’t anticipate any problems.”
“Have any of the volunteers regained their erased memories?” Cal asks, chewing on the corner of his lip. No matter what I’ve told him, he’s still all worked up over it.
“They aren’t long out of recovery, so it’s too soon to tell. But from my research, I think it’s quite likely that you’ll be able to reclaim at least some of the lost memories,” he replies, assuming this is the response Cal’s been hoping for. Seeing his strained expression, he elaborates, “Do you know exactly how the nostalgia elixir worked?”
“We don’t know any more than what was explained at the meeting earlier,” I say.
“It’s actually quite fascinating.” I snort. Cal scowls. Only someone who hasn’t had to endure this particular violation would describe it as ‘fascinating.’ “When you arrived on Novo, you were sedated while they examined and identified the memories to be expunged. Your brain was digitally connected to one of their hard-drives while they trawled through your memories, like images on a screen, and isolated those for removal. Once …”
“You mean they were actually able to see all our memories, and watch them like some warped reality TV show?” I ask. Grinning, he nods.
“That basically redefines voyeurism,” Cal says, shaking his head incredulously.
“It’s disgustingly creepy,” I add, wondering what kind of images of Zane and I they’d borne witness to.
“Well, that’s the way it operated,” Taylor continues. “The selected memories were then stored in the furthest depths of your mind, where you couldn’t recall them. The Vita implant helped keep them at bay. They carefully monitored your brain activity during your weekly medical checks, and if anything looked out of place, they gave you another shot of the elixir to ensure they didn’t rise to the surface.”
“What? So the memories weren’t actually erased, just hidden?” Cal asks. He looks utterly miserable.
“In effect, yes,” Taylor confirms.
“Just add it to the list of untruths and lies we were fed.” Honestly, nothing I hear has the power to surprise me anymore.
When I wake, there’s a weird taste in my mouth, and my head feels very groggy. Turning to the side, I see Cal is still unconscious on the bed next to me. Cold fingers press down on my wrist, and my heart leaps to my throat. Taylor is standing over me, smiling. “Everything went perfectly, but then you were in the best of hands. I’m awesome,” he says, raising his palms.
“Modest much?” I mutter. Chuckling, he hands me a glass of water and helps me sit upright in the bed. His fingers skim my upper back, and I jump in fright. “Your hands are so cold!”
“I can think of a few ways of warming them up,” he says, winking at me.
My retort lies idle on my tongue as Cal’s voice rings loud and clear. “And I can think of a few ways to make them even colder, as in permanently cold.”
“Hey, man, only having a bit of fun,” Taylor says, spinning around to face Cal.
“Not with my fiancée.”
“Does he always overreact like this?” he asks, facing me again.
“Just knock it off Taylor, please.” My eyes beseech him to leave it be. And thankfully, he invokes the intelligent side of his brain and passes no further comment.
We’re both discharged an hour later. Cal’s quiet and distant, and I’m worried. “Earth to Cal, what’s going on up there?” I jest, tapping my finger on his temple.
“Nothing for you to worry about,” he says, squeezing my hand. He doesn’t have to say it though, we both know what’s on his mind.
I wonder what it’s going to feel like—having access to my memories again—and whether they’ll all coming flooding back at once, or trickle in slowly. Guess, I’ll find out soon enough. Zane will be pleased, although I’ve told him already that it won’t change anything. Cal is quietly contemplative as we walk so I try tapping Zane again. But I still can’t connect to his mind, and my anxiousness intensifies tenfold.
We’ve just reached the main entrance lobby when I spot them in a corner, huddled together, deep in conversation. “Look,” I whisper to Cal, pointing in the direction of our two fathers. “I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that discussion.” They’re talking in hushed voices and so engrossed in their conversation that they don’t even notice us as we approach. Their easy expressions shift, giving way to stern looks as their voices raise in unison.
“That is never going to happen,” my father says, anger in his tone.
“They have a right to know,” Commander Remus says.
“Dad?” Cal says, pausing a few steps away. Both heads swivel in our direction.
“We’ll continue this at a later time,” Commander Remus says.
“This conversation is over as far as I’m concerned,” Dad says, standing up. He shoots Cal a stern look as he extracts my hand from his grip. “I need to talk to you, Ariana.”
“Okay. I’ll see you later, Cal,” I say, questioning him with my eyes. He shrugs, equally confused. Whatever is going on can’t be good, and I’m in no mood to receive a lecture on how Cal isn’t the right one for me. I also don’t want our first proper conversation to be a source of any tension between us. I’m going to have to deflect him some way. Stifling a yawn, I clamp my hand over my mouth and follow him outdoors.
Sitting on the top step beside him, I jump right in there before he can broach any uncomfortable subjects. “How are you doing, Dad?”
“I’m fine, Ari. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“What happened when you went to Novo?”
“I’d rather not talk about that now. It’s too painful to even think about your mom,” he says, tears welling in his eyes. My arms automatically wrap around his waist, and he places his chin atop my head.
“I know Dad. I … saw it as it happened,” I admit.
“What?” he asks, twisting around so that he’s directly facing me.
“I was able to connect with Mom through my mind. I saw what he did to her.” I shudder as the memory resurfaces in garish detail.
Clasping me to his side, he rubs my back soothingly. “She let you see that?”
I’m not surprised to learn he appears fully appraised of her talents. “She tried to shield me from it, but I pushed through,” I say, snuggling in closer.
