Beyond Reach, page 12
part #3 of True Calling Series
“I can’t feel a thing,” he remarks, flexing his arm. Running my fingers lightly over his skin, I push down firmly, and I can’t detect the vial either. But a powerful volt of electricity surges through my fingertips, and I snatch my hand back. Impulsively, I look up into his eyes, and audibly gasp.
Dark, smoldering eyes latch onto mine, and fervent longing has repainted his features. Finally, I see all that he’s been hiding from me, and my stomach twists as my throat locks up. Before I’ve any time to react, he’s closed the gap between us, confidently sweeping me into his arms. He lowers his head, and his lips brush mine, softly and then more urgently. The raw hunger in his kiss takes my breath away, and his mouth explores mine with an intensity that’s almost painful. My mind may not remember Zane, but my lips, and my body sure as hell do, and I respond without any conscious thought or action. Pressing into him, I kiss him back with the same fervor, and my hand fists against his shirt as my palm discovers his taut abs, exploring quickly. A low guttural sound escapes his throat as his hand pushes into the small of my back, and brisk fingers caress the skin at the top of my pajama pants. Fire sparks alive in every cell of my body, and I need him to keep touching me. Stumbling back toward the couch, we fall onto soft cushions.
Hovering over me, he pauses for one quick second before his lips reclaim mine, allowing me no time to register any doubt. He plants his legs on either side of mine, and his hand is under my top, snaking up over my hip. My body shudders delectably at his touch. Shunting on his side, he tugs me alongside him, legs entwined in mine as he trails scorching kisses all over my face. His hands knot in my hair as he places hot kisses behind my ear, down my neck and into the hollow at the middle of my collarbone. I can barely breathe; my senses are clouded and hot with desire, and I never want him to stop.
But he does.
Pulling back, he releases me and eases himself into a seated position. Flushing brightly, I lower my head as I battle my emotions. “What are you thinking, right this second?” he asks, his voice breathless.
I don’t want to tell him what I’m thinking, because I can hear how pathetic it sounds, but it’s as if I’ve lost all control of my faculties. “You don’t want me after all?”
“That’s what you’re thinking? That’s insane! Look at me. Ari, look at me.” Forcing my chin up with his fingertip, he brings his eyes level with mine. A single humiliating tear snakes its way down my face, and he looks horrified. “Ari, don’t you understand how I feel about you at all? You’re my whole world! Of course, I want you. I want you constantly. You’re my blushing Juliet, my Cleopatra, my Rose.” He cups my cheek, as his lips make a tantalizing sweep across mine.
“Why did you stop?” My hands are trembling, but I sit on them before he notices.
“I did that for you. And it wasn’t easy, because all I want to do is demonstrate exactly how much I love you. But I need to know where your head is at. What about Cal?” He removes his hand from my face.
My mind is a swirling, tumultuous mess, and I can’t make any sense of this. Sleep deprivation isn’t helping either. My mouth opens to speak, but no words come out, and I watch all manner of emotions play out on his face. “I’m not going down without a fight,” he says.
“I don’t think you’ve much competition anyway. Cal didn’t appear to recognize me.”
“Have your feelings changed?”
“No,” I admit, “but I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you too.” His face lights up. “I don’t think it changes anything though,” I warn him.
“Maybe not, but it gives a guy hope.” Clasping my hand, he presses my palm to his cheek. And when I look into his eyes, I can see the hope glistening behind his loving stare as he whispers, “Always and forever.”
Warm water soothes my aching body as I float in the bath. My somewhat-happy interlude with Zane is long forgotten, replaced by huge anxiety, and guilt, over Cal. Now that my hormones have settled, I can’t believe I kissed Zane like that. Totally caught up in the moment, Cal hadn’t even crossed my mind. Deep remorse submerges every cell in my body, and I don’t think I could be any more disgusted with myself. I really need to speak to Cal, to see for myself if he’s still in there somewhere. Reeling at the twisting and turning of my emotions, I have to acknowledge that both my heart and head are all kinds of messed up right now. I sigh loudly, unable to shake the feeling that I’ve just made things a million times worse.
I’m almost at the training unit when a pair of well-defined arms grabs me from behind, securing my middle in a vice-like grip. Survival instinct kicks in, and I thrust my body backward in a lightning fast move. Throwing my feet out, I shove them firmly into the gut of the assailant who’s approaching in front of me. Unprepared, he stumbles backward and falls to the ground. I know you! The thought flits quickly through my head. The assailant at my rear is knocked off balance, and his grip loosens. I forcefully dig my elbow back into his chest and stomp down hard on his feet. A gruff snarl escapes his throat as I jump up and start running. I’ve only put about fifty meters between us when I’m jerked back at speed. This time, the arm closes tight around my neck, restricting my breathing. Thrashing about, I gasp as my lungs fight for air. “Zane! Help!”
“Time to pay a little visit to the authorities,” a male voice sneers. As I’m dragged backward along the corridor, my feet scrape the floor.
“Have a nice sleep, sweetheart,” another voice whispers in my ear.
I feel a sharp pinch in my arm, and then blackness swoops in and claims me.
CHAPTER 10
I wake up in a strange room. My head feels heavy and fuzzy, and my tongue feels like it’s superglued to the bottom of my mouth. Overhead lights glare brightly, and I squint, protecting my eyes with the back of my hand. Hushed voices confer quietly, and my heart rate spikes as panic mounts. Then a voice whispers my name, and my entire body relaxes into itself.
“Zane,” I croak. My throat feels as dry as gravel. “I need water.”
“Here, let me.” Gently lifting my head, he places the glass to my lips.
“Small sips, Ariana,” a strange voice instructs. My vision is becoming clearer as my eyesight adjusts to the brightness in the room. The man towering over me is wearing black-rimmed glasses and a white gown with a name badge that confirms he’s a doctor.
“Am I in the hospital?” I ask, rather unintelligently.
He nods. “I need to keep you under observation for another night. Those ass-hats gave you an incredibly high dosage.”
“This must be tiring for you,” I say, twisting my head to face Zane.
“I’ve managed to grab a few naps.”
“I meant riding in on your white horse saving the day again.”
“Don’t make light of this, Ari. Our situation is not humorous,” he says, knotting his hands.
“Well, if I don’t laugh, I’ll just cry, or go crazy. What happened after I blacked out?”
“We caught up with the goons in time to free you. Don’t worry about them; they’ve been detained.”
“Zane.” I look at him nervously.
“Yes?”
“Isla is behind this.” The silence is deafening.
“She was nowhere near you,” Zane says, scrubbing his hand along his jaw.
“She was with those two guys the other day. I practically knocked them over as I left the IT room. It’s not a coincidence, I’m sure of it.” His face contorts painfully. “I’m sorry.”
“If you’re right, then I’m the one who should be saying sorry, for inflicting her on you. I’ll talk to her.” Leaning his chin on his hand, he looks troubled.
“How long have I been out of it?”
“Two days.”
“What! Jeez! How’s Cal?” Propping myself up on my elbows, I try to sit up.
“Stay put, Ari, you’re in no condition to move,” he admonishes, pushing me down gently. “Cal is fine.”
“Define ‘fine.’”
“Agent Leena says he’s doing okay. Apparently, Dr. Hann is trying to identify exactly what’s been done to him.”
“I need to see him,” I say, scooting up further in the bed.
“He isn’t allowed any visitors yet. And you’re not well enough.” His tone is authoritative. I know he’s unhappy that my waking thoughts are of Cal, but as usual, he hides it well. If I didn’t have a direct line to his feelings, I’d never sense how upset he really is.
“Can you get Deacon? I need to see him.”
“Sure. Don’t get up! That’s an order.” Dipping down, he places a tender kiss on my forehead, while I struggle to fight drooping-eyelid-syndrome. I doze off the minute he leaves the room.
The doctor’s eyes are mesmerizing. Amber flecks sparkle within honey-gold warm brown eyes that are fixed on mine. Bending his head to my ear, he whispers in a seductive voice, “Don’t divulge the whereabouts of that vial, no matter what. Don’t forget, it’s too important.”
When I waken, Deacon and Mel are sitting at the end of my bed. My head summons a vague recollection of my dream, but I’m instantly distracted, and all thoughts of it immediately evaporate. Poor Deacon. He’s too young to process this, and it’s unfair that he’s had to experience so much loss and suffering at such an early age. This world doesn’t offer him much opportunity to be a kid. Crying unashamedly, he clings to me as I pull back the covers, crushing him to my side. “I want Mom!” he cries, and I think my heart splinters.
“It’s going to be okay, Deacon. Soldier Boyd is going to watch over you from now on,” Zane says, smoothing a hand over his hair.
“Who is he?” I ask.
“He’s one of Agent Dale’s best men, and he’s agreed to act as your bodyguard. He got me out of a sticky situation when Rangers turned up at my house, and he’s thoroughly committed to his job. He’ll look out for you all.” Though I’m uneasy at the thought of relinquishing some of my privacy, I try to counter that with the obvious need for additional security.
Mel’s in a state of complete agitation, and she’s chewed her fingernails right to the bone. “They won’t let me visit Cal. I’m going out of my freaking mind.”
After they’ve left, I ask Zane if he can appeal to Micha’s compassionate side—not that I’m convinced she actually has one—to grant Mel visitation rights. It’s not fair to keep her away from her brother for so long. Then the nurse throws him out; I need my rest apparently. Secretly, I’m grateful. Every time I look at him, I’m reminded of our hot make-out session, and my mind lurches guiltily in disgust and rage at how I could betray Cal just as we’re about to be reunited.
I wake the next morning feeling wonderfully refreshed. If there’s any positive to my current predicament, it’s the longed for nighttime sedation. It’s been ages since I’ve had a decent nights’ sleep, and I know that a few nights’ drug-induced slumber will do me the world of good. Already, I feel like I could climb mountains though my body has other ideas, and even walking to the bathroom takes an inordinate amount of effort.
Zane shows up minutes after I’ve eaten my breakfast, bearing gifts. Namely, a digital notepad, chocolate, and my study notes. “I thought you might need these considering the exam is fast approaching.” Always practical. Beats mulling over the events of that last morning in my apartment though. And studying has always worked as an effective distraction technique, so I give him the thumbs up.
We’re a couple of hours in when I summon the courage to ask him. “Did you talk to Isla?”
His jaw clenches rigidly as he grinds his teeth. “You were right.” I’d actually been hoping that I was wrong to spare Zane the anguish. “She’s dead to me now.” And even though it’s Isla we’re talking about, and I’ve never condoned their friendship, I understand what a massive blow this is.
“Did you tell Agent Dale?”
“No, I thought you should make that call.”
He waits patiently while I think about it. Getting Isla locked up is hugely appealing, and I could happily never look at her face again. But will it achieve anything? Other than cause Zane further upset? “Leave it.”
“Thanks,” he says, releasing a breath. “I’ll always be sad that it ended up like this. She kept me sane while you were gone, and she’s been a good friend.” And a twisted version of a hot water bottle keeping your bed warm at night, I think, but I keep those thoughts to myself, partly because I still don’t know if what Isla told me was the truth.
Just then, Commander De Luca pokes his head around the door, gifting more chocolate, and I waste no time tucking in. “I’ve some good news to share.”
“Great, we could use some of that for a change.”
“You’re aware that we have some new transfers from Washington?” I nod, my mouth stuffed full of chocolate. “It turns out that my daughter Ruby was among them.” If his grin were any wider, it’d split his face in half.
“That’s brilliant news. I can’t wait to meet her.” Reaching over, I give him an awkward hug.
After lunch, the doctor conducts some further tests. Concerned at some of the results, he insists that I stay put for another couple of days. I don’t really mind; it means I can give my pilot studies my complete attention, and my body the rest it so obviously needs. But I’m hankering to visit Cal, and the longer I’m in here, the longer it’ll be before I see him. Mel drops by a few times, and her frustration is mounting by the hour. Despite Zane’s plea, she still hasn’t been permitted near Cal, and she’s on the verge of spontaneous combustion. However, I don’t have time to dwell on it, as Zane has turned into scary professional teacher mode. We spend hours trawling through the training portal until I feel the information is imprinted on my brain.
Raina shows up, and we practice a few new techniques while Zane attends his quarterly medical screening. I sleep pretty much the rest of the time.
Agent Leena organizes for me to take the pilot exam from my hospital bed, and later on that day, I’m finally released.
Back at my apartment, Zane is treating me like a porcelain doll. Considering the shocking news the doctor has just delivered, I’m not in the best of form. With so much on my mind, I’m content for once to allow him to smother me. Zane is sprawled on the couch, looking at me pensively, a digital notepad clasped tightly in his hand. Uh oh, I know that look. I try to ready my heart. Clearing his throat, he taps his fingers nervously on the outer casing of the computer. Curiosity builds behind my eyes, as I toss my hair over my shoulder.
“When we were together, we were inseparable—like joined at the hip inseparable,” he starts. “One of the hardest things for me when you left was not being able to talk to you. I tried e-mail, but my messages bounced back, and I was incredibly frustrated.” He pauses, exhaling deeply. “I started a private blog as a way to stay connected to you. Like a form of therapy, I suppose. I hoped that one day I might be able to share it with you. I think that day is today,” he says, loosening his grip on the notepad and handing it to me.
Our fingers brush in the exchange, and little goose bumps trek up and down my arm. “I won’t pressure you, Ari, but I’m not opposed to subtle acts of persuasion.” His lips curl up ever so slightly at the corners. “You need to understand the depth of my feelings for you. I’ll leave you to go through it on your own, but just tap me if you need to.” Leaning down, he presses his lips to my forehead, and then he’s gone.
I clutch the notepad to my chest, a nervous dread creeping slowly over my skin. Doing this will only add to my confusion, but the need to fully understand what he’s gone through is too great. And I’m naturally nosy.
Opening up the screen, I gasp at the log of entries. I flick through the list archived by month and year and notice that there’s a record for the entire time I’ve been gone. Holy cow. Clicking on the first monthly recording, I see pages and pages of text. All organized neatly by date and time. It’s obvious that he wrote something most every day. Without having read a single word, I’m blown away by this display of devotion. Tears roll quickly down my face. Brushing them aside, I don’t know if I possess the emotional stability to do this right now. But it’s a bit like discovering a treasure trove or a hidden personal diary. You know you shouldn’t peek, that it could have severe repercussions, but the temptation is too strong to ignore.
So I start reading.
And the more I read, the more I let it in. It’s disgustingly addictive, even though my emotions play a torturous game of hide and seek with me. Zane’s sentiments are so raw they’re almost palpable on the screen. It’s as if I’m re-living his pain as anguish— hot and sour—threatens to overpower me. And his declarations of love, sweet divine Lord, Shakespeare couldn’t have written them as well.
It’s an entry from July, almost four months after I’d left for Novo that proves my undoing.
My darling Ari, today marks day one hundred of our separation, and I’m at my lowest point. Mom was forced to move to New York with Elijah, and I’ve no idea when I’ll see them again. Coming home to an empty house each night merely reflects the void I feel inside.
Your loss consumes me, and the pain in my heart is a heavy ache that intensifies with every additional day that we’re apart. My arms long to embrace you, my lips pine for your sweet taste, and my whole being yearns to feel your soft caress. All I can think about is those last few months together, how close we were to truly becoming one. Now I fear that we’ll never get to experience that, and I need it. I need you. I want you. You are mine, and I am yours. Always and forever.
Huge, wracking sobs form in the pit of my stomach and tumble forth. Unable to focus through blurry eyes, I close the notepad, incapable of reading further. I know if I tap Zane that he’ll console me, but I need to be on my own for this.
