Beyond Reach, page 24
part #3 of True Calling Series
It’s because we’ve both changed, irrevocably, and I need to accept that she’s lost to me forever.
My heart feels heavy as lead as crushing devastation weighs on my chest. I’m so tired of all this—tired of the worrying, and hoping, and praying, and craving—tired of feeling let down on a regular basis, not that I blame Ari for that. I blame me. I’ve spent the last couple of years denying myself any comfort or closeness, pushing Isla away, completely obsessed in my quest to reunite with Ari. If I truly love her, then I should let her go. So she can get on with her life, and I can move on in mine.
Isla is peering at me intently, anticipation and longing written all over her face. It would be so easy to close the gap and take her in my arms. To kiss her, hold her, and do all the things I’ve been denying myself for years. But I can’t go there. Because I crave a different set of lips, a different pair of arms.
“Coffee?” I ask, feigning ignorance.
“Sure,” she says with a lopsided smile. But I don’t miss the way the spark leaves her eyes.
“Zane?” Isla asks a little while later, sitting alongside me on the couch. I turn to face her. “What’s going on with us?” Prickles of anxiety spring to life on my skin.
“I don’t know.” I can’t lie to her; it’s not fair.
Raking her hands through her hair, she drops her gaze. “What’s going on between you and Ari?”
“Nothing. That’s what’s going on.” And it physically pains me to say that out loud.
“So … you’re still … working things through?”
“I really don’t know anymore, Isla.” My brain bleeds, as if it’s riddled with bullets.
“But I’m still in with a shot, right?”
“It’s not some kind of competition, Isla!” Hopping up, I pace back and forth.
“I know it’s not. You’re much more than that to me,” she says, tilting her head up. Frantic knocking on the door grants a welcome reprieve.
“Can you get that? I need to pull on a shirt.”
I’ve only just opened the closet door when the sound of raised voices tickles my eardrums. Quickly tugging a sweatshirt over my head, I run out into the living area.
Ari and Isla are facing off in front of the couch.
“Whoa, what’s going on?” I ask, deliberately stepping in between them.
“You … you …” Ari stutters, speechless for once. Placing her hands on my chest, she peers up at me through emotion-laden eyes. “Please say it’s not true?” Another round of frantic knocking starts at the front door before I have time to contemplate her vague accusation.
“Ariana, open up,” Cal yells.
“Come on,” she says, opening the door and pulling him in. “You need to hear this too.” She thrusts her whole body toward me, and there’s an anguished look in her eyes. A ripple of apprehension floods my senses. “Cal’s dad just told us that he anonymously sent you Cal’s medical file. Is that true, Zane?”
Groaning inwardly, I briefly think about lying, but I know I’m cornered. It’s time to come clean. “I was going to tell Dr. Hann, I swear …” I’m cut off mid-sentence by the look of abject horror on her face. “Please let me try and explain,” I beseech. Disbelief and hurt register in quick succession on her face, and in that moment, I truly hate myself. “I’m sorry, Ari. I was going do the right thing, but he already had an unfair advantage. I just wanted to level the playing field,” I say, trying—and failing—to properly explain my motivation.
“Are you insane?” she yells. “Level the playing field?” she asks, her voice quieter. “You know what they’ve done to him. You’ve seen how he is.” Crossing to Cal, she pushes up the hem of his T-shirt, exposing mutilated skin, which bears the hallmark of the injuries he’s suffered. And even though there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent those wounds, I still feel ashamed by my actions. “You say I’ve changed? Well, it appears you have too. I can’t believe you’ve done this.”
“I made a mistake. It’s only because I love you so much. I thought if there were more time, you’d realize that. For what it’s worth, I am ashamed and deeply sorry. But don’t act like I’m the only one guilty of betrayal.”
“Don’t. Don’t try and turn this around on him,” Ari says, placing her hand delicately on Cal’s chest. “No matter what, if the tables were turned, he wouldn’t have let you continue to suffer if he’d the knowledge to do something about it. I thought I understood who you were, but I don’t know you at all.” In that moment, I don’t even recognize myself. Because she’s right, it is out of character for me. But I’ve been so caught up in my desire to hold onto her, that I haven’t been thinking rationally.
Isla’s fingers entwine in mine. I’m surprised that she hasn’t interjected before now. “I think that’s quite enough, Ariana. Don’t speak to Zane that way. I don’t care what he’s alleged to have done. So unless you have something else to add, you need to leave.”
“What? Is she your official mouthpiece now?” Ari asks, arching her eyebrows.
Isla tilts her head back and laughs loudly. I can sense the animosity blowing off Ari in waves.
“Cal.” Turning to the side, I address him head-on. “I’m very sorry.”
“I’ll try to remember that as they work to piece my brain back together,” he says, sarcasm thick in his tone.
“Did you know there was a retinal camera installed in the back of his eye?” Ari asks.
“What? No! I didn’t actually look at the file,” I admit.
“That’s why the authorities haven’t shown up here yet. They were receiving audio and visual feeds of everything Cal saw and heard in Clementia. Dr. Hann is going to remove it now, but I guess we’ve all been put on notice.”
“Then we need to accelerate our plans,” Isla says.
“As much as I hate to agree with anything you say, I concur. Let’s meet tonight. I’ll advise the others.”
“Come on, Ariana, let’s go,” Cal says, pulling her toward the door. Stopping, she stares at me over her shoulder. A solitary tear slides down her cheek, and I cannot look away even though I’m choked up inside.
“Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I made a mistake. One I hope I don’t end up paying for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t know what to think, or feel, anymore. This is all too much.”
“I’m truly sorry.”
“Now you know what I’ve had to deal with,” Isla says quietly to Cal. Ari and I both stare at her. “You and I will never be able to compete with that. No matter how much you think she loves you, you’ll never have that type of bond with her.” And it’s not said in her usual acerbic tone, so that’s how I know it’s not a malicious dig to cause Cal further pain. But he doesn’t know her at all, and I can tell she’s hit a raw nerve. Cal tightens his grip on Ari’s hand and propels her forward. As I watch her retreating back, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m watching her walk out of my life for good.
Slumping down on the ground, I stuff my head in my hands and fight the urge to blub like a baby. Isla hovers nervously in front of me, totally unsure of herself. “I need some alone time, Isla,” I mumble, without even raising my head.
“Yeah, whatever, Zane.” The door slams shut behind her.
Dropping down on my bed, I bury my head in my pillow in a desperate bid to ward off the desolation I feel. I close my eyes and sleep comes to claim me.
Waking a few hours later, I sigh as a familiar anguish immediately taunts me.
After a quick shower and shave, I tap Ari to see if the meeting is confirmed for tonight. Then I plan on visiting Isla. I owe her an explanation.
“Not now, Zane.”
She must still be mad at me.
Of course, she’s still mad at me.
“About earlier …”
“Zane, I can’t talk now. I’m trying to hear what they’re saying.”
“What? Who?”
When I receive no reply, I close my eyes, locate her in my mind, and tune in for myself. Ari is all scrunched up—knees pinned tight to her chest, arms folded across her legs—and her eyes are closed in deep concentration. Cal is sitting across from her, similarly crouched, his body flush against hers. Walls encroach selfishly, and there’s barely breathing room in the space. I feel claustrophobic, and I’m not even there. Where the hell are they? What on Earth are they doing?
I wait patiently for Ari to relax her concentration; I don’t want to disturb her when she’s trying to absorb something. Though I’m seriously intrigued to know what they’re up to. Then something bizarre happens. White sheets appear in the frame, one after the other, flipping up in rapid succession, until the image is gone, and it’s as if I’m staring at a blank whiteboard. Recalling my most recent session with Raina, I sense that Ari is shielding me, shutting me out. I try to tap her again, but I give up after my tenth attempt, admitting it’s futile. Her abilities are developing at an extraordinary pace. I feel a surge of natural pride.
The next couple of hours involve a variety of useless activities. I pace back and forth until I’ve practically worn tracks in the floor. My fingernails are red and raw, bitten down to the nail bed. My stomach churns unpleasantly as agitation buries deep in my psyche. I don’t know what’s going on, but I sense danger, and I can’t relax until I know Ari’s okay.
In dire need of distraction, I power up my secret equipment. I’m preparing to do some snooping in Novo’s systems when I’m waylaid by the flashing message waiting in my inbox. Anxiety has a field day in my chest, and I have to take deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. All this recent turmoil is playing havoc on my heart, and that can’t be good for me.
I only gave this email address to one person, and until this very moment, I’d been led to believe he was dead.
“Zane,” the message reads, “I’m alive, and I need your help. There is much I have to tell you. I’ve listed my coordinates below. Can you procure a stealth-craft and come meet me? Don’t say a word to anyone—especially Ari—we need to keep her safe. See you soon.”
It’s signed ‘Malcolm.’
Ari’s dad is alive.
PART III - ARIANA
CHAPTER 20
We wait patiently while the two pilots lock down the cockpit and perform their routine security procedures. A shrill whirring sound buzzes in my ears as the stealth-craft access path withdraws, and then a loud bang confirms that the cabin door is secured for the night. We’re imprisoned. Again.
“I didn’t stop to consider how we’d get out of here,” I mutter to Cal. My only thought was to seize the opportunity to follow the Chancellor and Micha, dying to know what they were up to. And it had been a fruitful, if somewhat anxiety-inducing, trip.
Zane had tried to connect to me at the worst possible moment, so I’d had no choice but to block him out. And even though I’m still mad at him for concealing Cal’s medical file, I feel rotten about it. Because I know what it feels like to be deliberately shut out, and I’ve been pushing him away far too much lately. Not that I have any choice, but it’s still totally unfair on him.
For the last six hours, Cal and I have been scrunched up in our hidey-hole below the floor of the inner cabin. In most stealth-crafts, this storage area is used to transport goods from Earth to Novo, but there’s little need for this space on board the presidential stealth-craft.
Cal slides the steel panel open with both hands and hauls himself up by his elbows. I attempt to replicate his actions, but my knees stubbornly resist movement, rigid and stiff from hours spent crouched in such a tiny, cramped space.
Not that there weren’t certain advantages, this was the most ‘alone time’ Cal and I have had since he arrived in Clementia, if you can ignore the fact that we couldn’t speak or do much anything else. But even breathing in the same air as him is exhilarating, and the profound effect of his presence hasn’t diminished with the time spent apart.
Skin prickles on the back of my neck as I remember the delicious tension charging the space around us for the duration of our confinement. I’m certain he felt it too. I recall the intensity in his gaze as he’d watched me, and potent desire twists low and deep. Raw, primal need goads me. God, I really need to get a grip. It’s not like there aren’t a million other things that I should be obsessing about right now.
Cal swoops down, lifting me up effortlessly. I stretch my legs out fully in front of me, and my bones click as they cry out in grateful respite. Cal is also flexing his muscles, trying to loosen up. Lying down on the floor of the stealth-craft, I repeatedly extend my arms and legs outward and inward in perfect synchronization, my limbs visibly relaxing with every motion. “What do you think they’re up to?” Cal asks, smiling as he watches me.
I’ve been trying to figure that out the whole way back from the Interstellar Space Station. Why would Chancellor Corr and Micha Kloon arrange a secret meeting with President Calavero? Aren’t they sworn enemies? So what mutual interest could possibly bring them together? “I think they were making some kind of deal to hand me over,” I admit. It’s amazing how calm I feel, when I suppose I should be quaking in fear. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last couple of months, it’s that I can’t control my fate. So worrying over things that I can’t influence seems like a useless waste of my energy. Or maybe I simply don’t care anymore. But I can’t afford to think like that. It’s not just my own welfare at stake now; there’s this new life growing inside me.
“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would they turn you in when they need that information so badly?”
I shrug. “Perhaps they plan on taking it from me first and handing me over with some fake duplicate file. Because what else binds them together but me?” I query.
“Well, that’s never going to happen. I won’t let them harm you, or our baby.” Propping up on my elbows, I look down at my stomach. My tummy is noticeably protruding, abnormally so. “How are you feeling?” I’m not sure if he’s referencing my mental or physical well-being, but the response is the same, either way.
“So-so.”
“Now that Dr. Hann knows how to treat my condition, I’ll be able to properly look after you both.” His face displays the same ethereal-looking glow that he attains every time he talks about me and the baby. I suppose I should be delighted that he’s taken the news so well, that he’s actually pleased about it, and that it makes him seem just like his old self. But it’s difficult to appreciate that when I’m feeling so conflicted over the pregnancy myself.
With his newfound knowledge, Dr. Hann can treat Cal, and I’m sure it’ll help enormously. However, I doubt it can completely reverse the long-term effects of the damage caused to Cal’s mind and body, or override whatever’s been done to alter his DNA. And thanks to his recurring amnesia, he still can’t remember much of anything. I wonder if he’ll ever be the same.
A familiar angry feeling engulfs me as I think of his callous treatment at the hands of the authorities. It wasn’t enough that they messed with his mind the first time—when the nostalgia elixir was administered—they chose to experiment on him, like some human guinea pig. Altering a person’s DNA is akin to stealing the essence of who they really are, and I feel nothing but thunderous rage whenever I think about it.
Scooting over beside him, I rest my head on his chest and snuggle in close. He wraps his strong arms around my waist and plants his chin atop my head. Despite our current predicament, I’m glad that we finally have the chance to be alone.
“We’ll look after each other,” I mumble into his shirt. As his lips brush softly against my hair, my body becomes instantly alert, and I feel a tingling sensation all over.
“Ariana?”
“Yes,” I whisper, both exhilarated and terrified by the sudden frisson of electricity in the air. I peek up at him, and there’s a glint in his eye. Nervous butterflies invade my stomach.
“Fancy a little experimentation?” His look is suggestive in the extreme, and my heart blossoms to life in my chest. I’ve spent countless nights since our separation remembering the feel of his lips, and I’ve harbored hope of this moment these last few days. So it’s silly to feel nervous, especially when he’s the only person in the world that I’ve been intimate with. However, in some ways, he feels like a stranger to me. Lifting my head, I stare directly into his beautiful blue eyes. And in that moment, nothing else matters. All my worries fade away, and I feel light and whole.
“What did you have in mind?” I ask, gulping back a nervous lump.
“Let me show you.” Leaning down, he brushes his mouth against mine and I gasp. His lips curve up at the corners. Placing his hand on my chest, in the space where my heart now thumps frantically, he rests his other hand on his own chest. “My heart remembers you. Something deep inside me connects to you in a way I never thought possible. I want to be with you.”
Tears glisten in my eyes as his words caress the innermost part of my soul, and I claim his mouth possessively. Rising on my knees, I clasp my hands at the nape of his neck and pull him into me. His lips burn against mine, and I groan as his tongue explores my mouth, slowly and sensuously. His hands snake down my back and each touch sears my insides. I nibble at his lower lip as his fingers dig into the flesh at the base of my spine. I’m lost in a sea of sensations as his smell and touch reach into every corner of my being. And nothing else matters, only that I’m back in his arms and it feels so good. I can taste the naked hunger and despair in his kiss as it deepens. He needs this as much as I do. Every hair and nerve ending on my body is alive, purring at his touch, and my fingers tingle where they creep up his shirt, exploring the firm, hard muscles of his back
Lowering me down on the floor, he hovers over me, the length of his body flush against mine. I shiver all over. I wrap my leg around his waist and pull him down toward me as my back arches in ecstasy. Heat and warmth and longing ransack my body, and all the pain and heartache of the last few weeks melts away at his touch. His lips are everywhere, and it’s so easy to forget everything else when we’re together like this.
