Beyond Reach, page 25
part #3 of True Calling Series
“What’s wrong?” I ask, when he pulls back unexpectedly, his breath rasping heavily.
“Nothing and everything.”
“What does that even mean?” I ask, taking hold of his hand.
Reaching out, he gently lifts me onto his lap and circles his arms around me. My head fits easily in the space between his shoulder and neck, as if it was carved especially for me.
“Being with you like this feels so real, I can almost forget that I don’t know who I am. But then it hits me, and I want to scream, or break something. And it derails me. I’m sorry. I’m probably not making much sense.”
“It’s okay, I think I know what you mean. And it’s going to be fine; you’re going to be fine.” I sweep my lips across his cheek. His skin trembles underneath my touch, and smug contentment swells my chest. “But right now I think we should get the hell out of here. Any ideas?”
“There’s got to be some kind of emergency exit, come on.” Jumping up quickly, he extends an arm and helps me to my feet. I scour the front area of the craft for signs of an emergency hatch, but there’s no obvious means of escape. Cal is feeling around the door of the main access point with his fingers, prodding and pulling, to no avail. “It’s jammed tight. Can you access it from the control panel?”
“Not without the right security code.”
Taking my hand in his, he leads me through the steel door out into the back of the craft. This section must be where the Chancellor conducts his business, I guess, as I take in the desk, chair, and plethora of technical equipment. Passing through the next door, we enter the Chancellor’s personal space. We walk quickly through the plush seated lounge area. A compact bathroom precedes the bedroom located at the very back of the craft. A huge king-sized bed occupies the majority of the space; it’s disheveled as if it’s been used recently. Shivering as I contemplate the action this room has seen, I stare numbly ahead while Cal checks out the room. Revulsion rises to the surface, and I dash to the bathroom. I lean over and heave into the basin.
“Are you okay?” Cal asks, balancing on the edge of the tub. One hand rubs my back. I nod as I splash water over my face and into my mouth. Grabbing a towel, I pat my mouth dry.
“I’m fine. This is what counts as normal most days.” I so don’t want to get into the real reason for my queasiness. “Did you spot any exit?” I turn and face him. Our bodies are pressed close together in the tight confines of the room, and his breath warms my face. My insides rejoice, and I marvel at my body’s ability to reform itself so quickly. Though that could have something to do with my newly acquired one-track mind.
“There’s an emergency hatch in the bedroom, behind a false cupboard door. Come on, I’ll show you.” I can barely force my feet to move toward that room, but my intense yearning to get off this stealth-craft overrides everything else.
The opening is pretty tight, and it looks like a steep drop to the ground, but what choice do we have? Cal insists on going first so that he can catch me. Scarcely squeezing through the narrow gap, he somehow manages to wiggle down. He lets out an involuntary grunt as his body edges lower, ever so slightly. Then he drops from sight, and I hear a heavy thud. Scurrying over quickly, I peer down and spot him—sprawled out on the ground below me.
“Cal!” I cry, before remembering our surroundings and clamping my hand over my mouth. I anxiously scan the private hangar from left to right, but thankfully, it’s totally deserted. “Cal!” I try to rouse him again. He shifts on the ground below me, and my whole body sings in relief. Sitting up, he rubs the back of his head with his hand. “Are you all right?” He straightens upright and nods. Taking a quick look around, he stretches out his arms in front of him.
“Jump.”
I shut my eyes and climb into the hatch. As I drop down, a rush of cool air surrounds me, and then steady arms hook underneath my legs and across my back. Planting my feet on the ground, he wraps his hand in mine. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
We’re on our way to the hospital, to rendezvous with Dr. Hann, when Cal starts to feel unwell. I can tell because his hand is clammy to the touch, there’s a sheen of sweat on his skin, and he starts to visibly sway on his feet.
I stop. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t feel so great,” he admits, just before he blacks out. It all happens so fast that I can only watch helplessly as his body sags to the floor.
“Oh no! Cal! Cal! Can you hear me?” Kneeling down beside him, I place my head over his chest and listen to the steady, rhythmic beats of his heart. I don’t want to leave him here all alone, but I need to get help, and fast. I reach out to Zane first, but for some unexplained reason, I can’t connect to his mind. I tap Raina next, and she responds immediately, agreeing to contact Dr. Hann straightaway.
I hate seeing Cal like this, back in his usual hospital bed, hooked up to several loud beeping machines. Dr. Hann is scrutinizing the screen, frantically pressing buttons on the monitor. “What’s happening to him?”
“I’m not sure, Ariana, I’ll need to keep him here for observation. You should go home,” he says, finally looking over at me. “He won’t regain consciousness tonight.”
Refusing to leave, I sit anxiously beside him, holding his hand and repeatedly stroking his face. Whispering in his ear, I implore him to wake up, to not leave me again.
At some stage later, Dr. Hann kicks me out, insisting that I need my rest.
I am walking brusquely through the long grass, en route home, when depression swoops down and shrouds me in a dark, heavy blanket. I sink to my knees as the tears come thick and fast. My head and my heart burn with grief and pain, and I find myself almost wishing that President Calavero would show up and take me, finally releasing me from this inner torture.
I don’t know how long I stay there, my body unable and unwilling to go on. But eventually, I pull myself together. As much as I’d like to take a break from my reality, the burden of our situation presses down on me like a ton of bricks as a heaviness settles on my chest.
Deacon rushes me the instant I open the door. The force of his hug almost floors me, but it helps ease my pain.
“Where’s Cal?” Mel asks, searching behind me.
“He’s back in the hospital, unconscious again.” I’m aware that my voice sounds devoid of emotion.
“Oh no, how? What happened?”
I gently remove Deacon’s arms from my waist. “Hey, little muffin, time to get changed for bed. I need to chat with Mel privately.” Expecting major pushback, I’m surprised when he obediently complies. I update Mel quietly and quickly, outlining how we followed the Chancellor and Micha out to the space station where they secretly convened with President Calavero. And how Cal fell ill on the way back.
Mel insists on visiting him, and I kiss her lightly on the cheek as she leaves.
Without bothering to remove my clothes, I crawl into bed and pull the comforter up under my chin. I don’t even remember falling asleep.
Mom and Lily are in an interrogation room in NSAF. Zolt Rada is screaming in Mom’s face as she looks neutrally into the distance. Yanking her roughly from the chair, he pushes his foot into her stomach, kicking her over and over again, as she rolls around the floor. Covering her face with her hands, she attempts to ward off the blows.
I’m screaming my head off when Mel and Deacon burst into the room, staring at me through blurry, sleep-drenched eyes. “What’s wrong?” Mel asks, dropping down beside me. Deacon tentatively hugs me, and it’s the feel of his child-like embrace that brings me to my senses. Forcing the tears back, I draw a deep breath.
“I’m okay, just another bad dream,” I whisper, trying to downplay it. Of course, Mel isn’t buying it for one second. Rising on wobbly legs, I lead Deacon back to his room. Mel is perched on the corner of my bed, biting her lip, when I return. I close the door firmly but quietly. “I had a vision. Zolt Rada was interrogating Mom and he … he … assaulted her repeatedly,” I choke out. Burying my face in Mel’s shoulder, I try to stifle my cries.
Zolt has had it in for me from the first moment he ever laid eyes on me. As operations director of ‘The Calling’ pageant, he’d had considerable sway over the decisions that impacted my life. I remember his blatant hostility the night of the Suitor’s Ball when he interrogated me in the penitentiary. I shudder uncontrollably. If Zolt’s in charge of Mom’s incarceration, he’ll be loath to show any mercy.
“I’m so sorry, Ari.”
“I can’t sit by and do nothing! I feel so useless.” I twist my neck from side to side, desperately trying to loosen up. It’s like stress and tension have coupled up to take a long-haul vacation in my upper back.
“Why don’t we talk to my dad and see if he can help?” Mel suggests.
“Over my dead body,” I snap. Mel purses her lips. “Sorry for shouting, I know you’re only trying to help, but you know your dad disapproves of me, and I don’t trust him. I’ll have to figure this out by myself.”
Eager to fall back asleep—desperate for another vision—I need to know if Mom is okay. But I can’t shut the damn voices off in my head. Round and round they go; challenging me, rebuking me, chastising me. You’re a coward, a weakling, so selfish. Each devastating taunt crushes me.
I remember when I first started to get visions in my sleep—when I was dreaming of Zane on Novo—how I thought I was going insane. Well, clearly, I was wrong, because I feel certain now that this is what madness actually feels like.
Peeling back the covers, I slide my aching, tired legs over the side of the bed. I grab some pants and a shirt from my wardrobe and hurriedly get dressed. Carefully tiptoeing out of the apartment, I ease the front door shut behind me.
I’m knocking persistently on Zane’s door, but there’s no response. Assuming he’s in a deep sleep, I try sending him a silent message, but I still can’t connect. Only this time, it feels like he’s purposely shutting me out. I know Raina has also shown him how to use the shields; clearly, a skill he’s picked up as quickly as me. Perhaps he’s still mad at me for earlier, though I had good justification. Deliberately keeping Cal’s medical file hidden—knowing full well that it would aid and accelerate his recovery—was a real low blow.
I can understand the temptation, but I’m shocked that he would follow through. The Zane I’ve come to know wouldn’t do that. Whatever his motivation, I don’t know where we go from here or what kind of relationship we can have now that both guys are in the same place. Yet you’re here, my inner voice whispers in my ear. Yes, I am—but why?
Forcing all thoughts of Zane from my mind, I make my way in the dead of night through the long grass toward the main facility.
The hospital is dimly lit at this hour, and I sneak past the nurse station without detection. The door to Cal’s room opens without a sound. Creeping toward his bed, I quietly lift a chair over alongside him. I clasp his hand, and it’s comfortingly warm to the touch. Kissing his fingers lightly, I place my head down on the bed.
Nimble fingers weave in and out of my hair, and a current of warm air skates over my neck. Gingerly lifting my head, I let out an involuntary gasp. Cal looks at me in concern, his hand frozen in mid-air. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You’re awake.” Yep, that’s me—always stating the obvious.
“Can’t keep a good man down,” he retorts.
I grin. “What did the doctor say?”
“Ah, you’re awake, Ariana; good, I can update you both together,” Dr. Hann says, coming into the room.
“While you were having a nap, Cal woke up, and we conducted some basic tests. His vitals are stabilizing, and it appears that he’s recovered his memory, though I can’t explain why. We’ll need to continue with the prescribed treatment, but this is great progress.”
“Really?” I ask, looking up at him. I’m elated.
“Yep, I remember everything, and I can’t wait to get properly reacquainted,” he says, winking. I burst out laughing as the doctor’s face flushes with embarrassment.
“Why don’t I leave you two alone,” he mutters, coughing gently.
“Before you go—is there any risk he could regress?”
“I think the risk of regression is minimal, but we’ll continue to observe you on a daily basis, just in case,” he says directly to Cal. “Human biology is often unable to provide a reason for such things, but the fall might’ve had something to do with it. If that’s the case, then it’s unlikely to revert back to the way it was.”
“Come here, gorgeous,” Cal orders. The doctor practically breaks into a sprint as he makes a hasty retreat. Sitting up on the bed, I fling myself at him. He wraps his arms around my neck and lowers his mouth to mine. I’m sure I smell and look terrible, but he doesn’t seem to mind as his lips probe mine, softly at first and then with more urgency. His mouth traces delicate kisses in a trail from my face to my neck and then lower, and I have to push him away when the sounds of our joint frantic breathing indicates we’re edging close to the point of no return. This isn’t the time, or the place. Pressing my forehead against his, I wait for my body to stabilize.
“I love you, Ariana,” he whispers.
“I love you.” Planting my arms firmly around his neck, I cling to him tightly, never wanting to let go.
I’m trying to fix breakfast, but it’s proving to be a challenging affair. Cal won’t leave my side. He is standing behind me, his arms clamped firmly around my waist. “We’ll starve at this rate,” I admit, attempting to wiggle from his embrace.
“It isn’t food I need.” His lips find my neck and he starts nibbling.
My body convulses at his touch. “That has got to be your cheesiest line yet.” I laugh. It’s ridiculous to feel so frivolous with all that’s going on, but I feel like I’m floating on air. “Here, make yourself useful for a change,” I tease, handing him a box of cereal, while I procure bowls from the overhead cupboard.
He follows me dutifully as I lead the way through the seated area, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. A hand shoots up, motioning us over. Walking quickly, I head toward Ruby and slink down in the seat next to her. Cal pushes my chair in before I even notice and then quickly sits down himself.
“Cal, I presume?” Ruby says, leaning in front of me, “Nice to meet you. I’m Ruby.”
“Likewise,” he responds, smiling.
“You didn’t tell me he was so hot,” she says mock-accusingly, just as I’ve taken my first mouthful. A choking, spluttering sound erupts from my throat as I desperately try to keep the contents of my breakfast down. Cal looks decidedly uncomfortable, and I stare at him quizzically.
“Didn’t I?” I reply, “Maybe because there’s so much more to him than that.” Riga makes a gagging sound over the other side of the table, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Please tell me you’re not one of those couples, because I’ll have to start finding excuses to avoid you,” she jests.
“Ha, ha, very funny,” I say, elbowing her. Cal has been unusually quiet throughout this exchange and it worries me. Are you okay? I mouth silently. He nods his head, but he has that faraway look in his eyes, as if he’s miles away. I’ve been watching him closely these last few days. Sometimes he seems perfectly like himself, but on other occasions, it’s as if he’s retreated to a dark place, withdrawing into a void I can’t see or find my way to.
“Hey man,” Ben says, approaching our table with Xander by his side. “Great to see you up and about. How are you feeling?” He slaps Cal playfully on the back.
“I’m good. Damn, it’s so good to see you,” Cal says, rising and grabbing Ben in a bear hug.
“So I hear your dad’s in town,” Ben says, shucking out of his embrace.
“Good news travels fast.” I snort.
“Well, it appears his visit was timely,” Ben replies, his eyes finding mine.
His comment touches on subjects I don’t wish to address yet. “Has anyone seen Zane today?” I interrupt, intentionally changing the subject. I’m met with a resounding ‘no’, a few shakes of the head, and an unhappy look from Cal. “Something’s up. I’m heading over there now. Will you come?”
“Sure,” Cal says, though he looks anything but.
“Why are you so worried about him anyway?” Cal asks as we wander down the corridor toward Zane’s apartment.
“I’m not worried per se, it’s just that I sense something’s going on, and I want to get to the bottom of it. I think he’s deliberately blanking me from accessing his mind.”
“Maybe he’s finally realized that he doesn’t have a future with you, that it’s better this way.”
“I don’t think he’d push me from his mind without discussing it first,” I reply, though Cal could be right. The thought is upsetting. “Zane, open up!” I call out while simultaneously pounding on his door.
After a few minutes of this, Cal insists that I stop. “He’s clearly not there, Ariana.”
“Then where the hell is he?” I wail, slamming my fist against the door.
“Stop, you’ll hurt yourself,” he says, removing my hand and tenderly rubbing it. “If it means that much to you, can’t you just try and break into his head?” he asks, without fully comprehending the difficulty of that task.
“That would feel like an invasion of his privacy, and I don’t want to do that.”
“Well, make your mind up,” he says, his voice rising an octave, “So we can be done with this.”
“There’s no need for that tone.” Trying to keep a neutral expression on my face, I’m working hard to quell my growing frustration.
“I’m fed up talking about him; either contact him or let him be,” he says, clearly agitated now.
“Fine, stay quiet, please,” I snap.
Closing my eyes, I hone in on Zane. I see the shield; a strong, impenetrable wall, and now, I know—beyond reasonable doubt—that he’s definitely trying to keep me out. Fury rises within me as I strain against him, forcing him back. The wall pushes inward, starting to flex and bend. Zane rallies in response, and the wall springs back into position. Now, the battle of wills really starts to heat up. I sink to the ground and drive my hands downward into the unyielding ground. Steeling my mind, I’m resolute in my determination as I try to expand my reach, extending my push inward until his wall snaps, and I break through. My eyes well up automatically, and my hand stretches upward to reach for Cal. He crouches down, his body brushing against mine.
