Wicked Envy, page 18
Avril also turns to look at me and says, “I can answer for myself.”
“Go ahead,” I say with a sweep of my hand toward Kynan. “But he already got the message.”
For a moment, I think I’ve pissed her off, being so high handed and all, but her eyes warm, then flash hot. “I like it when you go all Neanderthal on me.”
I throw my head back and laugh, picking up my scotch and taking a sip. When I put the glass down, I say, “In that case, I’ll make sure to pull your hair hard when I fuck you later.”
All the men at the table laugh, including Kynan. But his eyes are still filled with mischief when he turns back to Avril and says, “How about if I win, you have to give a sexy lap dance to your boyfriend there for all of us to enjoy.”
Fuck, but it’s endearing as Avril’s face flames red, and I know it’s not because she’s shy to get it on in front of others. I think it has to do with the fact that she can’t dance. Like as in can’t dance at all. She moved like a wooden robot any time I’ve ever seen her attempt to dance, and Andrew and I have always laughed about it.
To my surprise, though, she lifts her chin and says, “You’re on.”
Kynan grins big and lays down his cards. A flush.
Avril swallows hard, but flips her cards over. I see my other two tens laying there along with three sixes. A full house.
Kynan busts out laughing as Avril rakes the pile of chips in.
“That was sexy as shit,” I tell her as I lean over to give her a kiss.
“Agreed,” Kynan says in good nature as the dealer leans forward to rake the cards in for a new shuffle.
One of the guys stands from the table and says, “Gotta hit the head. Let’s take a five-minute break.”
The others all nod and start to stand up, using the time to stretch their legs. I wonder if I should just grab Avril, so we can head into one of the other rooms to fuck and then call it a night. I’m finding I very much like sleeping with her in her bed, because it makes for some fantastic mornings.
Avril stands up. Before I can even move, she’s crawling onto my lap in a straddle. The stretchy part of her skirt rides up, and my hands go to her thighs. My dick also starts getting hard just at the thought of her bare pussy hovering inches over me.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and leans forward to kiss me. It’s immediately hot and filled with need. I push down on her hips so she grinds against my thickening shaft, pulling my mouth from hers to whisper, “What room do you want tonight?”
“Let’s just fuck right here,” she murmurs and then kisses me again. Her tongue is aggressive as her fingers dive into my hair. She rotates her hips, and the heat of her sex even through my dress pants is searing.
“Jesus, baby,” I mutter as I put a hand between her legs. She lifts up just enough so I can slip my index finger inside of her. She’s wet and so needy that her pussy contracts hard on me.
The dealer’s still sitting at the table, but I don’t give a fuck. He’s seen it all, as have the other guys who will be coming back.
Avril makes a mewling sort of sound as she drops her hands to my belt buckle. The kiss breaks so she can watch what she’s doing, and I sit back and let her do it.
My eyes look over her shoulder, and I see Kynan’s not moved far from the table. He’s talking to a few of the patrons, but they’ve all got their eyes on Avril… most specifically her ass, which is partially bared with her skirt hiked up.
I fight down the wave of jealousy that hits me, just as I have on the few other occasions we’ve been in here since becoming a couple, knowing that I’ll have to put up with others’ eyes on her if we want the rush of public fucking. I also stay satisfied in the knowledge that I’m the only one she’s fucking, and so I let a little bit of pride fill me up knowing that other men want what I have.
When my cock is free, Avril kisses me hungrily again as she shifts her knees on the chair seat, moving up to position herself. She reaches down and positions me, then with her forehead resting on mine, she lowers herself down.
Christ, if feels fucking amazing. Feels better than when I fucked her last night, which felt better than when I fucked her the night before.
Always better.
I’ve never had “always better”. I’ve had great and even supremely fantastic, but none of it compared to anything I’ve had with Avril, and I don’t know why I deserve for it to keep getting better.
But I’ll take it.
She bottoms out on me with a tiny grunt and licks her lips. Pulling her face away from mine, she opens her eyes and locks them to mine as she raises up.
“I love you inside of me,” she whispers as she starts to move up and down. I’m so fucking turned on by the fact she wanted me so badly she’s just going to fuck me at the poker table that I can already sense I’m going to blow hard and fast.
My hand goes between her legs, putting pressure on her clit as her pussy strokes me.
“Mmmm,” she moans when my fingers touch her. While she doesn’t move any faster, she comes down on me a little harder.
Leaning forward, Avril puts her lips near my mouth and asks, “Do you like me fucking you like this?”
I groan because dirty talking Avril is something else. Her kinky side still amazes me, and it makes me even harder within her. Sweet, sweet Avril is something more than I ever knew she could be.
“I’m going to come, baby,” she whispers as she moves on me.
Fuck, me too.
“Dane,” she murmurs as she rides me. “Dane.”
My name sounds like a prayer, and it frightens me a little even as it brings me closer to release.
Avril pushes down hard on me, rotates her hips to grind, and I feel her orgasm all around me. Her pussy squeezes and ripples along my shaft as she lets out a long, breathy moan that ruffles the hair around my neck.
“Fuck,” I grit out as my cock explodes and my hips punch up to get more of her. To crawl all the way inside of her.
I bury my face in her neck as I wrap my arms tight around her, and I come along with her like we’re fused permanently together. In this moment, despite the fact that others are watching us, I’ve never felt personally closer to Avril. I’ve never felt her inside of me the way I am inside of her.
Her next words float across me, almost not penetrating but when they do, they strike hard.
“I love you.”
My body reacts even if my voice can’t. I squeeze her harder to me, and a tiny shudder of happiness and fear mixed all together ripples through me. Her arms come around the upper part of my back, and she holds me tight. She squeezes hard and then strokes my back.
I can’t tell if she’s doing it out of affection or comfort, but the part of me that’s scared shitless accepts either.
CHAPTER 26
Avril
Being in love and not knowing if it’s reciprocated plain sucks. It’s even worse being in Dane’s presence at work, because I should be listening to what he’s saying as he stands at the head of the board table discussing the latest testing done on our blood analyzer. Andrew stands off to the side, as he’d just finished a PowerPoint presentation on the finer scientific details.
But I’m in love and my head is in the clouds. I said those three words to Dane just under a week ago after I put on a show in front of our poker buddies. I know it wasn’t the most romantic setting, but I was so overcome with emotion for some reason that I couldn’t contain it. It’s like my heart just couldn’t hold the words inside anymore, and I released them without any real thought as to what Dane’s reaction would be. I just know they had to be said.
He’s not said them back, but things have changed yet again with us. We’re closer for sure. He dotes on me more. Sends me sweet texts during the day, and makes love to me at night. He sends me flowers for no other reason than to say he was thinking about me, and he laughs and smiles more than I’ve ever known him to.
This is just so confusing, but there is nothing I can do but stay on this journey. I can’t not be in love with him, and I can only hope he’s going to get there one day. Not just the words, but the commitment to spend the rest of our lives together. It’s my most fervent desire.
The door to the conference room opens, and I look that way because the motion catches my attention. It’s my secretary, Leeza, and her eyes roam the table until she finds me. Her look is apologetic as she crooks her finger at me. Not once in the last six years since she’s been working for me has she ever disturbed me during a meeting.
I slide silently from my chair. Dane’s eyes come to me for a moment, but he doesn’t miss a beat in his discourse.
When I make it to the door, Leeza has stepped out in the hallway. I pull the door shut behind me.
“I’m so sorry to interrupt, Avril,” she says as she wrings her hands together. “But Mr. Jared Litener is in your office, and he says it’s an emergency that required I interrupt you. He says he has to speak to you urgently. I put him in your office.”
I go dizzy with dread. Jared is Jamie’s best friend and partner in their plastic surgery practice. There is no way in hell he’d ever show up here saying he needed to speak to me urgently unless it was something awful.
My legs feel wooden as I walk down the hall, and tears are already forming in my eyes. When I open my office door, Jared turns to look at me. His face is coated in misery, his eyes bloodshot. I haven’t seen him since Jamie and I broke up, but he became a good friend to me over the years.
I try to ask what’s wrong, but my throat closes up tight. A tear slips out and falls down my cheek, but I dash it away.
Jared walks up to me and takes my hands in his. His voice is rough and coated with heavy emotion. “Jamie had a brain aneurysm.”
A choked sound obnoxiously pops out of my mouth, and Jared squeezes my hands as he continues. “Um… there was too much brain damage. He’s on life support now, but there’s no recovery.”
“No,” I manage to sob out and then fall forward into Jared’s arms, my legs going absolutely weak. For as confident as I was in calling it quits with Jamie, I never thought I’d be faced with this.
“I came to tell you because obviously Jamie would want you to know, but more importantly… he named you as his healthcare power of attorney.”
This news causes me to jerk and pull back from him. “He what?”
“A decision needs to be made,” Jared says quietly. “He had an advanced directive and living will. He’s named you as the primary to make decisions on his behalf. He named me as the secondary.”
“I don’t understand.” My voice comes out in a warble, almost slurred. “Why would he…”
Jared looks uncomfortable for a moment, but then gives a resigned sigh. “He was going to propose to you, Avril. He had all of his estate stuff done up to give it to you, and he also wanted you to make end-of-life decisions. He had it all planned out because he was so confident you two would be together forever, but then he had that moment of fucking stupidity. I know this might not be the time to tell you this, but that woman he was with… she really came on strong to him. I know it doesn’t excuse what he did, but he didn’t go seeking anything. He loved you. He wanted a life with marriage and kids with you.”
Tears fall freely from my eyes as I try to comprehend what he’s saying. That I was so close to having everything I ever thought I wanted in life, and it was ruined by a moment of stupidity. I can’t even bear to think about how I am grateful for that moment of stupidity, because it brought Dane and me together. That seems like such a betrayal to Jamie, who now lays brain dead.
“Why wouldn’t he have changed all that?” I ask Jared as tears continue to stream down my face. “Why keep me on that stuff after we broke up?”
Jared gives a sorrowful smile. “He was the eternal optimist. He thought he could work really hard and get you back. He never gave up that you might at least give him a chance one day.”
I pull away from Jared and flop down into one of the guest chairs. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I bend forward and start sobbing. Jared puts his hand on my shoulder and just lets me cry. I can hear him sniffling, too, but I don’t have the strength to comfort him.
I don’t want this responsibility.
I sure as hell am not liking this guilt that seems to be pressing down on me. Knowing now that Jamie was going to propose, that he had a moment of weakness that ruined it all, but most of all, because it led me to a greater happiness. I didn’t love Jamie the way I love Dane. How could I when I have seventeen years of deep history with him?
Finally, I sit up and look over my shoulder at Jared. “What do I need to do? What about his brother?”
Jared shook his head. “You know he’s not that close to Phillip. With both his parents being deceased, you and I were the next logical choices for him to make these decisions.”
I nod in understanding as more tears fall. But I really don’t understand any of this. It’s so unfair Jamie was taken from this earth so young and full of life.
It’s not fair I have to make decisions for a man I no longer love, although I do have care and respect for the good thing we had. For the good that I know was in him.
“You know what he would want?” Jared asks me hesitantly.
I nod again, give a tiny cough to clear my throat. “Um… yeah. We talked about it a few times. If there was no chance of recovery, he didn’t want to be on life support. Same as me.”
“That’s right,” Jared says softly. Proof he really was Jamie’s best friend and knew him well. “But you’re the primary. You have to make the call. There will be forms to sign at the hospital, and I thought… well, that you’d want to say goodbye.”
I double back over as pain hits me square in the chest, and I start sobbing again. Jared squats down by the chair, rubbing my back. He murmurs words of comfort, but I really can’t hear them.
Jamie’s going to die by my hand and very soon. He’s going to die without me having given him any closure. I could have just met with him for lunch or something, and let him have his last say. I could have looked him in the eye and let him know there was no chance. Instead, he died still loving me and still trusting me to do right by him.
“What’s going on?” I hear Dane say from the doorway, and I look over my shoulder. Even through the tears blurring my eyes, I can make out the wavy figures of Andrew and Dane.
I bend back over, the sobs almost uncontrollable at this point, and I feel like I’m suffocating. Then Dane’s by my chair and he’s pulling me into his arms. I can hear Jared almost like he’s in a tunnel, telling Andrew and Dane what happened to Jamie. I bury my face in Dane’s chest and I just keep crying.
♦
After I sign the documents and Jamie’s heart stops beating, Jared pulls me back into his arms for one last hug. I don’t know if we’ll keep in contact, but I hope so. We just shared one of the most profound experiences of my life. While we waited for Jamie to die, we spent most of the time telling funny or endearing stories about him. We laughed, and we cried. I told Jared how bad I felt that I didn’t give him closure, and he comforted me by telling me Jamie only ever wanted me to be happy, and if I am, then he’s in a very happy place right now.
We walk out of his room and share one more hug.
I see Andrew waiting for me, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are filled with sorrow and worry for me.
After Jared releases me, I turn and walk right into a hug from Andrew. He holds me tight, and I just sigh from the few moments of peace in my friend’s arms. I have no more tears to give, and I’d kill for a hot bath and my bed.
I look at my watch. It’s only three PM, but I’m exhausted.
“Where’s Dane?” I ask as I pull back from Andrew, assuming he’s getting coffee or something from the cafeteria. He and Andrew drove me to the hospital, stood by my side while the doctor explained Jamie’s condition, and Dane kept his hand on my shoulder while I signed the paperwork to end his life. They both stepped out once the machines were turned off so Jared and I could say our final goodbyes.
Andrew’s gaze falls to the floor as he says, “Um… he went back to handle some meetings.”
I just stare blankly at Andrew, trying to process what he’s saying. “He went back? To the office?”
Andrew lifts his head, and I can see by the look in his eyes even he thinks that was a shitty move. He gives me a small smile. “He wants me to take you home, and he’ll be by your house a little bit later.”
“Tell me you’re kidding me,” I practically beg Andrew.
Please tell me that my best friend, lover, and man I’m in love with didn’t just abandon me in the hospital after the most traumatic experience of my life to attend “some meetings”.
“I’m sorry, Av,” Andrew says apologetically. “He doesn’t understand—”
“Don’t you fucking defend him,” I cut him off with a snarl. “I can’t imagine any circumstance where it’s okay for my boyfriend to ditch me at a time like this.”
Andrew just nods even though I know he probably has a million reasons Dane’s not here. I can come up with them on my own.
He’s new to this whole relationship thing.
He’s confused how to feel because you’re so upset about a former boyfriend.
He’s never had to be your rock before, Av. That’s always been my job.
None of that is any excuse.
“Just take me home,” I say wearily, figuring I can deal with Dane at another time when I’m a little bit more emotionally stable. I know part of my anger for him is just stemming from the fact that I’ve been overloaded with terrible stuff today. I’m sure in the clear light of day, I’ll see things a little more rationally.
That doesn’t stop me, however, from pulling my phone out and sending a text to Dane. I’m really tired. Going to bed when I get home so no need to come by.
