Wicked Envy, page 16
How could he not?
Dane walks into my kitchen. If I thought the man looked good in a suit, he looks even better in jeans and a pullover. He smiles at me as I chop some bell pepper before walking around the kitchen island. I’m stunned when he pulls my knife out of my hand so he can draw me into his arms, whereby he kisses me so deeply and with such passion I want to crawl up his body and mount him.
When he pulls back, I whisper, “Wow. What was that for?”
“Because I fucking felt like it,” he says with a shrug and releases me. He snags a piece of red bell pepper and pops it in his mouth with a wink.
I grin and turn back to the chopping. “There’s an open bottle of red on the back counter.”
Dane pours us each a glass while I finish the last of the chopping.
“What are you making?” he asks as he sets my glass on the counter beside my cutting board. His walk back around the kitchen island to sit on one of the stools is casual and confident, like he belongs there. I’m not sure what it says about this crazy situation I find myself in, but damn if I don’t really like the way Dane acts like he belongs in my kitchen.
“A southwest chicken pasta.” Glancing at my watch, I muse out loud, “Wonder if Andrew will show up?”
Tonight, I’d invited them to my house rather than the club. Dane was a resounding “yes,” and Andrew was a lukewarm, “If I can get out of work in time, sure”.
“He was still at the office when I left,” Dane says, but then his eyes harden as they go to my kitchen nook table. “Who are those from?”
I turn to look that way, having forgot about the flowers I found on my doorstep when I got home. I’d put them on the table after looking at the card, and then promptly forgot about them as I started dinner. Looking back to the cutting board, I say, “Jamie.”
“And you don’t think it’s poor form to have a man over to your house for dinner and some fucking, while your former boyfriend sends you flowers?” Dane says quietly, but there’s no mistaking the anger in his voice.
My eyebrow lifts as my eyes widen for a moment in surprise, then narrow at him. “Excuse me?”
His head nods toward the flowers. “I don’t need to repeat it.”
I put my knife down on the counter and glare at him. “Well, I’m sorry if your sensibilities were offended. I just set them down there as I was in a hurry to get dinner going. I’d intended to throw them away like the others, but—”
“Others?” Dane growls menacingly, and my level of offense over his reaction increases.
And then… it melts away, leaving a bubbly warmth behind as I realize that this is nothing but pure jealousy, and I wonder if Dane has ever really experienced it before. He doesn’t seem to be handling it all that well.
“You’re taking this awful personally,” I remark, and now Dane’s eyes narrow at me.
“He hurt you,” he grits out from across the counter. “Of course I’m taking it personal.”
“They’re just flowers, Dane,” I tell him with a smirk. “I didn’t ask for them, and I don’t want them.”
“Then you won’t mind if I throw them away,” he mutters, getting up to head to the kitchen table. I don’t say a word as he picks the flowers up, vase and all. He takes a moment to read the card, scowls, and then turns to the garbage can to throw them away.
When he’s done, his eyes come to me and I try to wipe the smile off my face. It’s not fast enough, and he grouses, “I’m not jealous.”
“If you say so,” I tell him with a serious look.
His eyes darken, and he strides toward me. My heart rate speeds out of control the closer he gets, and then he’s on me. Hands in my hair, mouth hot on mine as he kisses the amusement right out of me.
Moaning, I press into him and feel his length hardening against me. With a hand fisting my hair, he pulls his lips from mine just enough to whisper urgently, “I need to fuck you right now.”
“Staking your territory?” I murmur, and I get a hard slap to my ass for my temerity.
I yelp but push harder into him, because that actually felt good.
“Mmmmm. Someone likes getting spanked.” His hand rubs my ass as he kisses me again, then he’s pulling my skirt up. I’d not had time to change after work, merely kicked my heels off in the foyer.
Dane spins me and bends me over the counter where I rest my forearms. He yanks my panties down my legs, and I step out of them.
“Spread ’em, baby,” he says roughly, and I do.
“What about Andrew?” I ask hesitantly, wondering what it would look like for him to walk in on this.
“He’s late,” Dane mutters as his hand rubs my bare ass. “His loss.”
“But what if—”
My words are cut off as his hand cracks against my skin. I involuntarily flex my hips inward to get away from the pain, even as my pussy contracts in pleasure.
He slaps me again on the other ass cheek. Before I can even gasp over that strike, his hand comes down right on my pussy.
I shriek, “Jesus… Dane,” and then I’m groaning as he sinks two fingers into me.
Chuckling, Dane teases me, “Three slaps and you’re soaking wet.”
I groan again and my head drops down in shame, but not really. God, that felt good.
My pulse fires crazily when I hear Dane’s zipper come down, and then he’s pushing his cock right inside of me. He thrusts hard and deep, and without giving me any time to appreciate the fullness of him, he starts fucking me fast. Pressing his fingers to my clit, he hammers into me. It takes no time at all for me to explode as I cry out his name. Dane keeps thrusting, grunting with every stroke until he grinds out his release with a long groan of satisfaction.
Rather than pulling out, Dane wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me up slightly. He puts his mouth to my ear and says, “I really am sorry Jamie hurt you. It pisses me off seeing him try to make amends and for more reasons than because I’m the one fucking you now.”
I smile and bring my arms up to rest over his. His cock is still long and hard inside me for now. “Did he really hurt me, though? I mean… within a few days, I was fucking Kynan, then you. I’m currently fucking my two best friends. Did he hurt me or free me?”
The rumble of a chuckle vibrates from Dane’s chest into me. “If I believe he freed you, I’m going to have to send the fucker flowers myself to thank him.”
I laugh as Dane pulls out of me, and then watch him with way too much affection raging through me as he squats down to help put my panties back on. When he pulls them up over my hips, he presses his lips to the center of them for a brief moment before looking up at me.
“You’re not free,” he says as he looks up at me, giving my hips a squeeze.
“I’m not?”
“You have me and Andrew.” His voice is soft, but there’s uncertainty there when he says “Andrew”.
“He’s over half an hour late,” I tell Dane as he pulls my skirt down into place and then stands up to face me.
His hands come to my shoulder, and he bends so his face is closer to mine. “We need to cut him loose.”
My eyebrows draw inward as a stab of pain hits me in my gut. “We can’t. It’s cruel.”
Dane shakes his head. “Avril… he wants us to cut him loose. You know it’s true.”
I shake my head, but Dane’s hands to my face catch my attention as he moves even closer into me. “He gave this a try, and he kept his distance. But what’s happening to you and me is something different, and we didn’t plan on this. I know Andrew… he’s not here right now because he’s sending us a message.”
“A message?”
Dane nods. “He sees what’s going on between us, and yes… there is something happening between you and me that neither of us thought would happen. I think he’s telling us that we need to pay attention to it.”
My heart plummets even as a small dose of relief sweeps through me. I think he’s right, but there’s still some doubt. “How do we know that for sure?”
“We don’t,” Dane says grimly as he brushes his lips across my forehead. “But I’m going to talk to him and find out exactly what he wants and needs.”
I jolt in surprise. “Right now?”
“Yeah,” he says softly. “I need to know I’m calling this right.”
“And if you are?” I ask hesitantly. “What does that mean for us?”
Dane presses his mouth to mine briefly. When he pulls back, I’m torn over the mixed emotions on his face.
Fear, excitement, vulnerability, hope.
“I have no clue what it means for us,” he says. “But we’ll figure it out.”
CHAPTER 23
Dane
“What are you doing here?” Andrew asks with surprise after he opens the door to his apartment. “You should be at Avril’s.”
“I was there. But you weren’t so I figured we needed to talk.”
Andrew smiles and there’s nostalgia within it, so without him ever saying a word, I know coming here was the right thing.
“Come on in,” he says as he steps back.
I’ve been in Andrew’s apartment countless times, usually to watch sports on a weekend or to attend some impromptu dinner party he threw together. Andrew’s a social creature and has a ton of friends.
It’s small by my standards and way too confining for me. But it’s quintessential Andrew with pop art decorating the walls and bright-colored furniture.
I follow him into the living room and see he’d been working. He’s got his laptop on the coffee table and papers spread out all over the table, floor, and couch.
“What are you working on?” I ask as I take a seat in a navy-blue club chair.
“Just some beta reports,” he says with a resigned sigh as he takes the couch.
“And you chose that over having a threesome with Avril and me?” I ask him.
His smile doesn’t falter, but there’s no humor in his voice. “I just can’t.”
“Can’t get it up?” I push at him crudely so we don’t waste time beating around the bush.
Andrew rolls his eyes. “I can’t complicate things anymore.”
“You’re complicating things?”
Sitting forward on the couch, Andrew looks at me with such seriousness I feel like he’s getting ready to give me his resignation from the company or something. “I don’t know if you and Avril are even aware of it, but there’s something deeper going on with you two. I know Avril enjoys me in her bed with you, but she also wouldn’t miss me there either.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” I tell him carefully. Because Avril would most definitely miss him. She cares for him, and the sex is stellar. Hell, I’m going to miss him there.
“Regardless,” he says dismissively with a wave of his hand. “Whatever is happening between the two of you, it can’t be taken lightly. It’s one thing to be casual about what we’ve been doing, but it’s turned into something different with the two of you. Am I right?”
With a sigh, I sink back down into the chair and press my fingers to my nose. When I look back to him, I admit, “I’ve never felt this way about a woman.”
“What way?” Andrew asks, now the one pushing back at me.
A feeling of panic rises within me, because my feelings have been all over the place the last few weeks. Everything is so new and unchartered.
“I think about her all the time,” I tell my best friend, hoping that by releasing the words out into the open, I can at the very least try to make sense of things. “And not just sex. I wonder what she’s fucking watching on TV before she goes to bed, or if she sings in the shower.”
An amused smile slowly creeps onto Andrew’s face, but I ignore it.
“I’m jealous as fuck that douche Jamie sent her flowers. I want to knock the crap out of him again.”
Andrew nods. “Wouldn’t argue with you there.”
“I was jealous of you,” I admit in a low voice, my eyes dropping down to where my hands rest on my knees.
“I know,” Andrew says, and my eyes snap up to him.
“How could you know?”
“I just know,” he returns with a shrug. “I just feel it when I’m with you two, and it’s so evident when we’re in bed together.”
“So, you think your participation with us will what… hurt what Avril and I are building together?”
“Maybe,” Andrew says. “Maybe not. You both are into the sex club thing, so maybe you’ll find a third to join you there at some point. But if you want my advice, you need to concentrate on the two of you first. Because it could be disastrous if this falls apart.”
He doesn’t have to tell me that. It’s the thing that worries me the most. If I break Avril’s heart somehow, the friendship is going to be ruined, not to mention our working relationship. It will change everything.
While I was pretty sure Andrew was done with this when I came here, I really wanted more than anything to get his advice. “I’m not going to lie to you. There’s a part of me that wants you to stick with this, because it will prevent things from developing with Avril and me.”
There.
I said it.
My real fear has been voiced.
Andrew nods. “Yeah… I stay in the bed with you two, and things aren’t going to go very far between you.”
I shoot him a sheepish smile. “So stay with us. There’s no rush on things.”
“Coward.” Andrew smirks back at me.
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” I grouse as I push up from the chair. I start pacing his living room. “I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to count on someone. I don’t know how to be there for someone.”
“That’s bullshit,” Andrew says bluntly. “You’ve been in a relationship with Avril for seventeen years. That’s what friendship is… a relationship. You’ve counted on her time and time again when it comes to your business. You’ve been there for her before, most recently when Jamie cheated on her. You know how to do it all; you just have to figure out how to apply it to these new circumstances.”
He’s not telling me anything I don’t know. I’m fucking smart enough and self-aware enough to understand my issues.
What I’m really afraid of is not me breaking Avril’s heart, because I can figure this shit out for sure.
I’m afraid she’s going to break my heart, and I don’t want to feel that pain again. I felt it when I lost my father, and if it was so easy for a father to lose his son, then I stand an even greater risk with Avril. She’s not my flesh and blood.
“Get over your trust issues,” Andrew advises as I look out the windows to the Vegas night skyline. “They shouldn’t apply to Avril. She’d never hurt you.”
Fuck, I know this deep down inside. I know it, I know it, I know it.
Still can’t get rid of the almost claustrophobic fear.
“It’s really very simple,” Andrew says, and I turn to face him. “Cut it loose like you did me, and both of you move on before it gets really complicated. Or take a risk for what could be the best thing you’ve ever had in your life.”
I know that, too.
Avril could be that for me.
The woman who protected me from my father, and then tracked him down in case I ever changed my mind about him.
♦
I don’t go back to Avril’s after I leave Andrew’s. I send her a text to tell her I had a good talk with Andrew and I’d explain everything to her tomorrow. She responds back with nothing but a heart emoji, and that causes me discomfort. It feels good and bad at the same time.
When I get to my house, I boot up my laptop and kick back in my favorite recliner with a glass of scotch. I pull up Google and type in my father’s name, Lyndon Hawthorne. I get 372,000 results, and the first page is nothing but Facebook profiles.
My cursor hovers over the first result, and I know I could potentially click on it and see his face. I’d recognized him without any doubt that day he’d shown up at my apartment, and it’s because I could never forget what the face of abandonment and betrayal looked like. I could never forgive a man who loved drugs more than his own son.
Should I even confront that? Would it make a difference?
I think about the man I am today, and the success I’ve made of my life.
That I alone have made of my life.
I exit out of Google and shut my laptop. I don’t need to confront him or know more about the bastard. It’s enough to know he was weak and I am strong.
Strong enough to push forward and see what will develop between Avril and me. I want her and I’m not ready to let her go. I know we can only go forward, so that’s what I’m going to do.
I pick up my phone from the table resting beside me and pull up Avril from my contacts. She answers on the second ring. “Hey, stud.”
My lips curl up in a smile and my chest fills with warmth. “Can I come over?”
“Is it bad?” she asks with worry. “What happened with Andrew?”
“No,” I tell her. “It’s not bad, and it will take me all of five minutes to reassure you of that.”
“You could do that over the phone if you wanted,” she points out.
“I don’t want to come over to talk about Andrew, although I will. I want to come over to be with you.”
“You were already with me a few hours ago,” she replies pertly. My palm itches to spank her ass again.
“And I want to be with you again,” I say smoothly. “And probably again after that and before we go to sleep. And once more in the morning when we wake up. And then again after breakfast.”
Avril laughs. Christ, I love that sound. I’ve heard it for seventeen years, but it never sounded so good before. “So you’re going to sleep all night with me?”
“That would make it easier to have sex with you in the morning,” I say dryly.
This is a big deal for us, because sleeping all night together in each other’s arms is a deeper level of intimacy. It in no way compares to her, Andrew, and me all sleeping in the same bed because we wore ourselves out with fucking.
“I have an even better idea,” I say impulsively.
“What’s that?”
