Wicked Envy, page 17
“Let’s go away this weekend. Catalina Island or Tijuana?”
“I’m not going to Tijuana,” she sniffs into the phone.
Laughing, I tell her, “Okay. Catalina Island then. And I’ll be over to your house in about fifteen minutes.”
“I’ll be naked and waiting,” she says and disconnects the phone.
I make it to her house in ten minutes.
CHAPTER 24
Avril
I knock on Andrew’s office door but don’t wait for him to grant me entrance. I never do, just as he barges in my office whenever he wants.
He smiles when he looks up at me, and I’m so grateful he’s made this easy on me. That night a few weeks ago when Dane went to talk to Andrew, Andrew sent me a text. It was simple and beautiful and I’ve never loved him more.
I’m backing out, Av. It’s right for everyone. There are big things ahead for you and Dane. Best friends always.
We, of course, talked about it over the past few weeks, but there was never a moment of discomfort, awkwardness, or regret. If anything, we’d become closer simply because we weathered through something that was complex, emotionally charged, and full of terrible risk to our friendship.
Because Andrew was the friend out of the two of them that I gossiped with and we shared matters of the heart, it was beyond easy to have him become my confidant when it came to Dane. We didn’t talk about sex because what I had with them together was sacred, and what I have with just Dane is sacred, but we’ve talked about everything else.
I think Andrew is finding perverse joy in watching Dane fumble about on how to be a boyfriend. It’s amazing when you think about it… Dane never having been in a committed relationship. I mean, Drew and I both have been through several relationships over the years, so we’re seasoned veterans.
But Dane is struggling at times. For instance, after we’d spent a weekend at Catalina Island and then the next consecutive four nights at either his house or mine, he mistakenly assumed on the fifth night that he would go out with some friends to dinner without telling me. Now, yes… I assumed we would do something together, but I also didn’t begrudge him a night out with others. What I did have a problem with was when I walked down to his office at the end of the day, his secretary was the one who informed me of his plans.
Let’s just say when he showed up at my house that night, long after dinner and drinks were over, I wouldn’t open the door to him and he learned an important dating lesson.
Be considerate when making plans and communicate said plans to your significant other.
For the most part, however, I’ve been in a constant state of bliss. I’m in a relationship with a man I’ve loved for a very long time, I’m having the best sex of my life, and I’m starting to see a long-term future with Dane.
I think he might be seeing something similar, but I can’t be sure. We don’t talk about our feelings, but rather communicate with actions in the bed. The sex has changed somewhat. It’s become more intensely personal. More kissing. More touching. More eye contact. More whispered words of affirmation.
Dane has opened up to me more. There’s easy affection like cuddling on the couch or talking late into the night while we face each other in the bed. We talk about silly movies or we debate politics even though we’re pretty closely aligned on many issues.
All of it makes my heart sing, and there’s no doubt I’ve passed the point of no return with Dane. I want him in every way possible, and I can only hope that as time goes on, he wants the same.
“What’s up?” Andrew asks as I sit down in his guest chair and settle back in.
“The board has approved the funds for hiring three additional developers,” I tell him. “So, you’re cleared to make the hires.”
After a lot of debate and advice from board members, weighing the pros and cons of bringing in another partner, it was mutually decided by unanimous vote that we would not offer to bring Fabron into the company so we could have access to his cytometer. It will take us a bit longer in the development phase, but we felt the wait was worth the autonomy we’d keep.
Dane told me Fabron took it graciously, but I expected nothing less of him. He’s a gracious man and a professional. I would never in a million years tell Dane that Fabron emailed me not long after to let me know that nothing changed on his end. I still had a job with his company if I ever wanted to make Paris my home.
Of course, I politely declined again. I couldn’t imagine in a million years ever walking away from Dane. The company… potentially, but never Dane.
“Want to go out and drink a few beers to celebrate?” Andrew asks.
“Sure,” I say with a smile. “Dane’s got a dinner meeting so that works perfectly.”
“And if he didn’t have a dinner meeting?” Andrew asks with a sly grin.
I give him a tiny glare, but there’s no real heat in it. I can take Andrew’s teasing. “Then he’d join us for beer.”
“What if I just wanted a bestie night with you?” he continues. “Get in our jammies, cuddle on the couch, and watch old movies?”
I give a wave of my hand. “He’d be totally fine with that.”
“No, he wouldn’t,” I hear from the doorway and turn over my shoulder to see Dane walking in. “He’s fine with everything but the cuddles. You have a cuddle partner already.”
Andrew snickers, and I can tell he saw Dane in the door the entire time and was baiting him. Dane doesn’t give him a look, though, just marches straight for me. My heart trips a little as I take in the pure intensity of his stare. We haven’t seen each other all day at work, and he looks starved.
He proves, however, that just a soft kiss is all that’s needed when he bends over the back of my chair as my face tilts up so my lips can meet his.
“You two are fucking adorable.” Andrew chuckles, but neither of us look at him. Instead, Dane gives me another kiss before straightening.
“What’s up?” I ask as I turn in my chair to take in all of his yumminess. I always used to be so amused when I’d watch women react to Dane whenever they were in his presence or when he walked by. I figured over the years, I’d gotten use to how gorgeous he was so it didn’t affect me, but now I know that’s not true. I had no reason to look at him that way, but I do now, and it affects me deeply every time I even look at him for a moment.
“Saw you two sitting in here and just thought I’d stop by to give you a kiss,” he says with a smile.
I swear I have to grip the armrests of the chair so I don’t swoon into a dead faint. Dane has said a lot of dirty, erotic things to me that cause my body to react, but something sweet like that from a man who’s not used to being romantic could be the death of me.
“So, it’s beer for you two tonight?” he asks as he puts his hands in his pockets.
“Just a few,” Andrew clarifies. “I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow.”
Dane turns his gaze to me. “Can I come over tonight after my dinner meeting?”
“Of course, you can,” I say as my face turns warm just thinking about it, and with a tiny bit of embarrassment that Andrew is privy to us planning an evening together. He hasn’t shown the slightest indication that he’s missing the relationship the three of us had, and in every way seems tickled pink that Dane and I are making a go of this.
Dane jingles some keys in his pocket before pulling them out. I watch as he works a key off the ring and hands it to me.
“What’s this?” I ask as he places the warm metal in my palm.
“My house key,” he says casually, but my head actually swims a little from the implication. “You can give me one of yours tonight.”
“That’s kind of bossy,” I say tartly, but he just grins back at me.
“You two have fun and don’t get into any trouble,” Dane says as he turns for the door. He stops for a moment, turning back to point a warning finger at Andrew. “And no cuddling with my girl.”
Another wave of dizziness hits me as the words are light and teasing, but they’re also pointed. He’s laying down a boundary that any true physical intimacy between Andrew and me is done for good.
This is fine as Andrew and I are not cuddlers. We most certainly don’t do PJ parties. While we have the bond to share emotional stuff with each other, we’ve never been overly affectionate outside of hugs when needed.
“Noted, dude,” Andrew says with a snappy salute.
When Dane leaves, Andrew turns to me with eyebrows raised and awe in his voice. “What have you done to him?”
I shake my head from the mystery of it all. “I have no clue, but God, I love it. I never could have imagined he had this in him.”
“I saw this coming,” Andrew says sagely. “Saw it clearly for the first time in Paris… that first night we were there.”
My face turns beet red because since Andrew’s exited the relationship, there’s been no talk or reference to our intimate times together. He doesn’t notice or he doesn’t care, but lays it out straight to me. “When we were both inside you at the same time… he was only feeling you and you were only feeling him.”
“No,” I say quickly as that makes me feel terrible, like we’d purposely excluded Andrew.
“Avril,” he chastises me with a pointed look. “Let’s not be afraid of those times. They were beautiful to me, but they are over and in the past. I’m grateful I had those times with you two, but I’m not looking back other than maybe with some fondness because I’ve watched my two best friends start to fall in love with me having a front-row seat.”
The force of his words knocks the breath out of me, and I can feel tears filling my eyes.
“No crying,” Andrew says sternly.
I wipe at my eyes and laugh with a quavering voice. “I can’t help it. These past few months have been surreal. So much emotion and feeling. The risks we took, and thank God we came out stronger for it. Do you realize how lucky the three of us are that we did something like that, and came out not only with our friendship intact, but probably bonded tighter than ever?”
“We’re lucky,” Andrew murmurs. “This could have turned really bad. But it didn’t, and it makes me happy to see you so happy.”
My smile turns brighter. “I really am. I just never in a million years pictured me with Dane. I still have a hard time believing how things have progressed.”
“He’s crazy about you. That little demonstration he just put on proves it because that was so anti-Dane.”
“I know.”
We grow quiet a moment, and then Andrew ventures forth with a question that scares the hell out of me. “Do you love him?”
The smile slides from my face, and my heart pounds so hard I press my knuckles into the center of my chest. “How could I not? I mean, I love and care for him so deeply as a friend that it was nothing but a tiny fall for me to love him the rest of the way.”
Andrew’s expression softens and his eyes shine with happiness for me. “It’s kind of obvious. I’m glad.”
I’m glad he’s glad. I’m not sure if I am, because I have no clue how Dane feels about me. It’s terrifying to love someone—and I mean love him in all ways, not just as a friend—without knowing if he feels it back.
With knowing that Dane has attachment issues.
My eyes drift off to look out the window. It’s gray and drizzly, and it seems like an ominous portent. This may be as good as it gets with him. Dane may never want marriage or children. While we’ve grown so close over the past two months, we’ve never talked about that. He’s certainly never broached the subject, and I’m too terrified to ask.
Too scared to hear him tell me, “I can’t go that far with you, Av. While I care for you a great deal, I just don’t have more in me.”
“It will be okay,” Andrew says, and my eyes snap to his. His voice is so confident sounding, I take immediate heart. “I feel good about this with you and Dane. I think he has what it takes to go the distance with you. You’re the only woman he’d ever take that chance with, Avril.”
God, I hope he’s right, because I’m so invested in him right now. It would destroy me if I can’t have it all with him.
“What’s going on with Jamie?” Andrew asks, and I blink a few times to get online with what he’s asking since the subject change was so abrupt.
I shrug. “He’s texting still, but not every day. I don’t understand why he can’t let it go. And it drives Dane nuts. He wants to go beat him up again.”
Andrew snorts. “That’s just Dane’s way. But honestly…. I feel a little bad for the dude. I think he truly still loves you and made a terrible mistake.”
“It was a terrible mistake.” I’ve thought about this a lot over the last several weeks, and I’ve forgiven Jamie. I loved him so much and he broke my heart, but I also believe this was a one-time only thing. A moment of weakness, and I definitely forgive it.
I also can’t help but be grateful for it, because as much as I loved Jamie, it doesn’t compare to how I feel about Dane. It could never compare to the seventeen years of solid friendship that stands as the base of our relationship. It was almost as if Jamie’s lack of judgment was fated, so that it would lead me to Dane. I think I might truly believe that, and so I have no hard feelings for the man.
In fact, I almost feel bad for him because he’s still hurting and I’m not. I’ve not only moved on, but I’ve found the man who I think is my soul mate.
“He just wants to see me,” I tell Andrew. “He wants one opportunity to talk to me. I think I should do it, so I can tell him about Dane. So he knows there’s no going back.”
“How does Dane feel about that?” Andrew asks. “You know… since he wants to beat him up.”
“I haven’t talked to him about it,” I admit with shame. “I know he won’t like it, and it’s just been easier to deal with Jamie’s texts. Dane’s got a real jealous streak.”
“That he does,” Andrew says with a chuckle. “Dane’s never envied another man for anything in his life, yet he was jealous of me when we were in bed together.”
My face flames again at the mention of our past experiences together, and I really have to learn to get over that. I mean… Dane and I still go to The Wicked Horse to fuck there. Not much embarrasses me anymore, but for some reason, discussing this with Andrew does.
So, I don’t inquire as to why Andrew thinks that. I figure he just knows it, since he’s kind of known a lot of things about me and Dane before we even really knew them.
“Tell you what,” I say as I slap my palms on my thighs and stand up from the chair. “How about you and I cut out a little early and go have a beer? And let’s promise each other no more deep talks tonight. Only fun stuff, okay?”
“Deal,” Andrew says as he closes his laptop on his desk and stands. “Beer and fun stuff. Coming right up.”
CHAPTER 25
Dane
“I’ll take two,” Avril says as she places two of the cards from her hand face down on the green, felt-covered table. She’s got a terrible poker face. The way her eyebrows are drawn inward and she’s chewing on her lip tells me of the three she kept, they’re not all that great either.
Still, I’m enjoying watching her sit at the poker table with me in The Apartment, rocking a sexy as fuck low-cut dress that rides up high on her thighs. I know she doesn’t have any panties on underneath.
Or so she told me.
We decided to hit The Wicked Horse tonight as we haven’t been in a while. The last few weeks have been about getting settled in as a couple. The newness and excitement of it, as well as the fears needing to be worked through.
But I feel good about it. I think Avril and I have something really special, and I know there’s not another woman in the world I’d ever give this a go with.
While the sex has been off the fucking charts, even though it’s been mostly just in the comfort of her home or mine and without Andrew joining us, we both decided to get a little wild tonight and visit the club. We’re agreed this will always be part of our life, but I know it won’t be a dominant part.
That’s okay by me. I don’t miss it at all when I’m with Avril, and its function now serves to ramp up the kinkiness between us if we so choose. Totally still worth the exorbitant membership cost.
The dealer replaces Avril’s cards. She picks them up and studies them, her frown deepening. She better fucking fold.
A quick perusal of my cards, and I decide to drop two as well, keeping a pair of tens and an ace. The other two men in the game make their exchanges, and finally Kynan goes. That fucker has an amazing poker face, and I suspect that comes in handy in his line of work as a security consultant/ mercenary for hire.
Since Avril sits left of the dealer, the next bet is to her. She studies her cards, the frown never lessening, and I can’t help but grin on the inside when she throws a ten-dollar chip in the pile. The bet comes to me, and I add in my ten, as do the next two men.
When it gets to Kynan, he throws in a ten-dollar chip and then picks up a twenty, tossing it on the pile.
Back to Avril, who peers harder at her cards, cuts her eyes to me as if I can tell her what to do, and then back to the cards. Finally, she picks up a twenty chip and throws it on. “Call.”
I still have only a pair of tens, ace high, which isn’t going to beat whatever Kynan’s holding. I fold as do the other two men.
It’s between Avril and Kynan, and I suspect Avril’s getting ready to lose some money. I’d worry for her except I don’t because she’s paid very well for what she does and losing thirty dollars is nothing to her. So, I sit back and relax, watching my girl get her ass kicked when they lay the cards out.
“Interested in a side bet?” Kynan asks Avril with a wicked grin.
Her head tilts and curiosity fills her eyes. “Like what?”
“I win, you come over here and give me a blow job. You win, I’ll make you come with my mouth.”
Avril doesn’t even get her mouth open to respond when I say from across the table, “Not going to happen.”
Kynan’s eyes come to mine, and I can see he’s amused. I wonder if he actually did that just to bait me. He’s tried to join us on the few occasions we’ve come here but we’ve declined, content on Avril and me just being together for now. By the swift reaction I just had, I think it’s safe to assume I’m still not ready to share her and not sure I ever will be.
