Something So Lovely, page 5
A beautiful score I couldn't care less about, played by a human group using golden instruments they could only have dreamed about on Earth, fills the hall and excites the crowd. Most of the building is filled with beings dancing, crossing cultural lines like they didn't exist, but still I can't see my prince. Maybe he didn't mean it? Maybe he changed his mind? I don't blame him, but Selaphiel spoke so highly of him, and I—
"Relax, Allie." Michael's voice is barely audible to me. I hadn't realized I was holding onto his arm tightly. When I let him go, he doesn't leave me right away. "Stay inside the building, okay? Try to enjoy yourself a little. We will be looking out for you."
Much, much easier said than done.
I'm hard-pressed to find anyone I know in the crowd, and even though I know I should be trying to enjoy my last moments being the way I am, the way I am does not make this enjoyable. The crowd is suffocating and moving through it makes me want to cry from frustration. The anxiety from the beings talking combined with the music is overwhelming, and by the time I make it to an unoccupied spot on the wall near one of the many stained–glass windows, I am ready to call the whole thing off and leave.
But I can't. I'm trapped here in my own personal Hell. Watching the dancing mass of bodies from the sidelines is at least not as bad as being a part of it. The music makes the time go by faster. Maybe tonight won't be so bad...
Maybe it's a good thing Asmodeus didn't show up. I can't dance, and I definitely can't keep up with the speed and grace of the attendees who seem to just know what it is they're supposed to do. There's no way I could look like I belong out there no matter how pretty the dress is or how much everyone insists that I belong here. I can't measure up to the prince, or the angels, or even my own apparent destiny. Once Michael finally announces me to the party, everyone else will see that too.
As soon as the song ends, there is a short applause and a lot of talking. The next song starts up while everyone committed to dancing finds new partners, and I find myself joined by Selaphiel and his grinning face.
"Not dancing?" He graces the wall with me.
"I wasn't aware I had to." I smile a little. At least he won't change.
"Well, the last time I checked it was called a dance, not a sulk." He laughs at himself.
"Should I go dance by myself?" I glance up at him and smirk. "I'll look like a fool."
"I could dance with you. We'll be delirious fools together."
"Very tempting."
Someone shouts near the front doors and we both turn to look. Panic grips me until I set my eyes on what the commotion is about.
Surrounded by excited beings, grinning and beautiful, Asmodeus walks in thoroughly enjoying himself. He is in a suit the same colors as my dress that even shimmers the same way. His mask has horns that curl around his head, but it doesn't hide his green eyes. My heart flutters when I see them, though I remain unnoticed on the other side of the crowd. His smile catches my breath and drives any thought or worry from my mind even when it's not a smile for me.
"I can't believe he's really here!" Someone nearby exclaims. As I look around the room, at least half the people here are gawking at him as he makes his way onto the floor. I catch a glimpse of Michael near the stage with Gabriel, another Ruler, at his side, rubbing his forehead. Both appear very annoyed, and I have a feeling Asmodeus is doing this on purpose, at least partially, for that exact reaction.
"Do you think he'll dance with me?" Another being asks the angel next to him.
"I think he'd do more than dance with you." The angel laughs.
"Everyone wants to dance with him." Selaphiel regains my attention. "You'll never get a chance if you stay on the wall. He doesn't wait for art to appreciate him back." He echoes my thoughts like he can read my mind.
"I can't compete with these people. He won't want anything to do with me." The ache in my heart makes its way to my voice. But... is that true? Sitting with me, reading poetry to me, is that what he does with everyone else?
"You don't need to." He smiles at me. "If you went up there, he'd forget all about them."
"I wish I could forget about them." If it's not the crowd around Asmodeus, it's going to be the crowd watching me fail once Michael decides it's time to tell everyone about me if the dancing doesn't kill me first.
I glance back to Asmodeus. He towers above everyone, and even from here, I can see why he's extremely well liked. He's confident, he's attractive, and he's charming. His laugh and smile are enchanting. He speaks so deliberately, when he speaks it's like you're the only one who matters, even though there are so many around you. It almost hurts to think about him making someone else feel that way, and I hate it. I hate that I like being around him. I hate that I'm already possessive over him after only a few hours.
"Come on." Selaphiel grabs my hand suddenly and pulls me away from the wall.
"Sel, what—"
"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself." He grins at me as he pulls me off the wall. "You're going to remind him you're here."
"Sel, he's not—"
"Trust me, little love. He wants to see you."
I can't argue with him. I can't tell him I don't want to do this, not really. It scares me and my heart beats in my ears, I feel the anxiety constricting my throat, but I can't deny that as we get closer I begin to believe Sel that Asmodeus will actually choose me above the hopefuls crowding him.
Once we get through the first few layers of beings surrounding him, I hear his voice. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves so I don't look completely stupid. I get ready to push my way to the front, to demand the attention from him I want, but I'm stopped completely when his eyes meet mine.
The rest of the people here, the music, Heaven itself—everything momentarily freezes and fades away, leaving only us in the universe. The green of his eyes has me and won't let me go. He smiles, but it's different. It's not a smile for show, it's not the smile he gives away freely, it's the smile from the library in Hell. It's just for me. It's mine.
"Kalliope," he says my name like he's been waiting for me, too. Like it's a relief to him. His hand reaches out to me, and I'm thankful for the mask being there to cover my skin turning deep, deep red. I take his hand and he pulls me out of the crowd, away from them like they weren't there for him and only him, and into the dancing maze of bodies that threatened to crush me earlier.
I can feel the disappointment from the ones he leaves behind. I can feel their eyes on us, but I don't care. I feel like I'm existing completely separate from them, like Asmodeus and I are alone, like we're the only ones left.
The beings around us might as well be statues for us to navigate around. He leads with ease and brings me up against him once we have settled into the rhythm. Though I wouldn't hesitate to spend the night with him if he asked, I find myself shy and unable to even look up at him. The top of my head barely comes up to his shoulder, so that's where I keep my gaze as I let him guide me. It feels like my feet barely touch the floor despite my clumsy attempts to match his confidence. This is nothing like it was in the library, not even close.
"You look amazing in this dress, Allie." He gets me to look up at him.
"Everyone here looks amazing. That's the point."
"You stand out."
"I don't want to."
"I'm flirting with you." He gives a small sigh with his smile.
"I know that!" If I wasn't red in the face before, I am now. He's brazen, confident, and blissfully unaware he is so far above me.
"Are you simply immune to me?" He laughs, "You always have a comeback. Usually by now, anyone else would be throwing themselves at me."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I can't help but smile. "I'm not immune, I just don't really know you, Asmodeus."
"Most people don't need to know me deeply to enjoy my company... deeply."
"I do. I want to know you." I say and his smile falters for a beat and I wonder if anyone has ever wanted to spend more than a night with him. Has no one wanted to know him in the morning, too?
"What if there are things you learn about me that aren't good?"
"No one is perfect."
"You are. I know you don't remember, but I—" The music ends and we, with the crowd, stop dancing with it. I stumble and lean on him, though he doesn't act like he noticed.
Our attention is drawn to the stage where Michael stands with Selaphiel and Gabriel. Gabriel, who has been hyper-critical of me as long as I've known him, never misses an opportunity to let me know he thinks I'm a black stain on Heaven. Now I know why: he was right.
"We want to thank everyone for coming tonight for another successful meeting of the Realms," Michael has no problem picking me out in the crowd and almost hides his expression when he sees me in the arms of the one being everyone has told me to not get involved with. "Every warm solstice since the Fall, Heaven has been more than happy to host our demonic counterparts, to share in the peace we have all enjoyed since then."
"That being said, this solstice is very special. We have a surprise for you all," Gabriel says next. "Tonight we welcome a new member to the higher ranks of celestial beings. Many here are familiar with her, and we all wish her the best as she begins her journey with us as your newest Ruler. For those who have not met her in our lovely library, we are pleased to introduce Kalliope as the successor to rule over Purgatory and restore it to its former purpose and glory." He extends his hand in my direction and every head turns to me.
The polite silence is replaced by whisperings I can barely make out over the ringing in my ears. Selaphiel motions enthusiastically for me to come up to the stage but my heart pounds in my head and chest and I can't breathe.
"You can do this." Asmodeus whispers, but he doesn't understand. I can't do this. I can't even hear myself breathe. I don't want this. I don't like the attention and this is too much. I haven't even really tried to process this myself. Asmodeus says something to me in a hushed voice but I am already backing away, not walking forward.
This morning I was normal. This morning I was fine. I didn't ask for Emmanuel to find me, I didn't ask for power. I didn't ask for anything, I wanted to be left alone and maybe dragged to a stupid party with my stupid friend and... No. This was always going to happen. Selaphiel was going to introduce me to Asmodeus, and with that was going to come Michael and Lucifer and the truth, with or without Emmanuel. No matter what, this was coming for me... And I was never going to be ready.
"I can't." I choke out before I break into a full sprint out of the hall and into the cool air outside. No one even tries to stop me. Maybe no one could process what happened fast enough to keep me from bolting. I don't even know where I'm trying to go except for the quietest place I can find where I can be alone.
Outside is a beautiful, albeit unused, garden oasis that under any other circumstances would be a place where I might find joy beyond my books. Now it's just a place for me to hide as I run down the main path into the trees. One of my heeled shoes falls off my feet and I tumble to the ground in a small grassy patch, where I finally stop and realize I've been sobbing the entire time I've been running.
With an angry yell, I take both shoes and throw them as hard as I can. It's not far, but I don't care, and it didn't make me feel any better. I yell again and cover my face with my hands as the full weight of everything hits me.
I don't even know why I'm angry. Am I even angry? I don't want to call it scared. I'm not scared.
I didn't want to go to the dance. I never wanted power. I did not want a title and expectations and every eye in that hall looking at me. I don't want evil after me. I don't want destiny. Doesn't it matter what I want? I don't care if I was chosen, I don't want to do it. No one who knows anything about me would choose me for this.
It's dark around me. I'm far enough away from everything that the lights and sounds of the party can't find me. It's not until I hear someone walking up the path towards me that I realize exactly what I've done. I'm completely alone, defenseless, and no one knows where I am. I'm a willing target. I'm an idiot.
I can't breathe, let alone move, as I sit and wait for the inevitable.
Chapter 6
"Kalliope." I hear the voice and flinch, keeping my eyes closed to wait for the end. I don't want to see myself dying, I just want to get it over with. I wait... and wait. Nothing happens, so I look up, and see not Emmanuel, but Asmodeus in front of me. He's holding my shoes with a look of concern on his face. "Are you okay?"
"No." I say in a quiet, broken voice. He sighs and, without missing a beat, sits next to me and puts his arm around me, pulling me close like he had only hours ago on the couch of the library. It doesn't feel like hours, it feels like a different life entirely. How was I so normal only this morning, and now I'm... whatever I am?
"I know this is a lot to put on you. You have every right to feel overwhelmed. I'm sorry, this was a terrible idea." His voice is so comforting, it fills my heart with warmth, but it doesn't last. Because I saw him with the other guests, and the warning his father gave me echoes in my mind, and though he's so familiar and something about him feels like a home I've never been to, I don't really know him.
"Asmodeus..." I want to tell him to back off. I want to tell him I need space, and I can't deal with him on top of everything else, but I can't make the words come out. For some reason I can't explain, the thought of pushing him away feels like choking myself. It feels heavy in my chest. It feels wrong.
"I'm not good at this." He says in a soft voice. "Making people feel better. I've never been good at that."
"I think you make plenty of people feel good." I try to not think about the stories, but it's hard. The most prolific thing about him is his bed-hopping.
"That's easy." He laughs, and it makes me smile. "I don't think that will help you right now, though. I wish I could make everything better for you, but I—"
"You are making it better," I say quickly. "But I... don't know you."
"I know."
"I want to."
"That's probably a bad idea."
"Yeah, probably." I pause. "You knew me before I came to Heaven, didn't you?"
He doesn't answer me right away. Instead, he holds me a little bit tighter and speaks in a tone that almost sounds like pain. "Yeah, Allie, I knew you. Very well."
"Did I know about all this before?"
"No. We never told you." He sounds bitter, but I appreciate his honesty.
"Did you hurt me? Is that why I don't remember, and I've never met you?" I look up at him and see him looking at me like I'm already pushing him away.
"I didn't hurt you, I—"
"That's all I need to know. Whatever happened, I don't remember and... I don't think I want to. Not right now."
"Then, what is it you want?"
"A good distraction." I force a smile that fades quickly. "I don't want to go back there and face everyone. I don't want to be a Ruler, I don't want—"
"I know." He stops my rant before it starts. "But this is real, Allie. It's happening. We have to go back."
"Right now?"
"Probably." He sighs as he lets me go. "But you aren't alone. I'll be there." He stands, then turns with his hand out for me. "I won't let anything happen to you."
I allow him to pull me up, but he surprises me when he leans back down to grab my shoes. It's hard to breathe watching him kneel in front of me, waiting for me to let him replace them.
"I can put my own shoes on."
"I know you can, I'm trying to be nice." He looks up at me with that stupid charming smile that makes my brain stop working. "You're a beautiful, smart, independent little shit who doesn't need my help. Now give me your foot."
I don't have a response, only the smile I can't possibly hide. I know I'm blushing down my cheeks and neck again, and the thought crosses my mind of how much I hate that I have been more red than anything around him.
I do as he says and allow him to put my shoes back on one at a time. As he does, I put my hands on his shoulders for balance. He doesn't immediately stand up when he's done. He looks up at me, and I'm painfully aware of my hands still on his shoulders.
"I've never kneeled for anyone, but I could get used to this." He continues to smile.
"Stand up." I quickly move my hands away, and he does stand, but oh he's close again, too close, and I have no desire to put any space between us. "Are you enjoying this?"
"Enjoying what?" He smirks like he has no idea.
"Y-you know."
"Do I make you nervous?" He chuckles. "Kalliope, you're flushed. Do you like me?"
"You're stupid." I huff, and he laughs, and my God it's sweet and it's all I want.
"You are adorable when you're nervous." My heart beats viciously in my throat. I can't deny that he is attractive and I can't deny that it makes me feel good, but I'm still hesitant. This could be a huge mistake, especially with everything else I have to deal with. When I don't respond, he moves his hands, warm and gentle, to my mask. "May I take this off you?"
"Okay." My breath catches in my throat. He unties the satin ribbon securing the mask and reveals my tear-stained, beet-red face. Instead of commenting on it, he cradles my head in his hands and he wipes my cheeks with his thumbs. His skin radiates warmth and I find myself instantly comforted by him. In his arms, I feel like nothing can touch me.
"I would love to kiss you right now." He says while I place my hands on his chest. "Is that okay?" I nod before thinking about it.
He smiles as he leans down and plants a short peck on my lips. As soon as it happens, it's over, and I'm completely breathless. Then another, and I close my eyes. The third time he lingers and lets me return it. I move my hands up to his neck, my fingers gently tracing over his jaw while he holds me. Nothing exists, nothing matters. Only this, only him, only us. It feels right, and it feels good, and it's the only thing I care about. Until he pulls away, eliciting an involuntary soft sound of dissent from me as he does that makes him grin.
