Something So Lovely, page 25
Kalav doesn't move unless I wake him up. The first few times I spent the night with him, I could tell he was unused to sharing his bed, despite being notorious for being in everyone else's. He'd wake with a start, surprised I was there. He tried to hide it but was bad at it, though he didn't want to talk about it. Now, I let him sleep until he wakes on his own and is able to acclimate to me still being there.
Kal sleeping in also means I've been introduced to parts of him I hadn't considered before. He doesn't talk about it, but his body is scarred. Maybe it's why my own scars didn't make a difference to him; he's not a stranger to it. The thought makes me feel sick, just wondering what he had to go through to sustain scars like these. The only two I know any sort of history of are the two on his back from the Fall where his wings once were. Since scars on us usually heal fast, these had to all be inflicted with malice and intent to leave them.
Kal also has nightmares. He doesn't talk about that either, but when he sleeps, he calls names like Ast and his mother and me, and is clearly going through something. I wonder when the last time was he went to sleep and didn't see horrific things, because it hasn't stopped since I've been here. It's gotten better but never really gone away. I wonder if either of us will ever sleep without nightmares again.
No matter what, I am grateful. Having a few days where the only thing I have to worry about is what to say today has made everything more bearable. I feel confident that today will go well. I finally believe in myself and in my ability to really do this. I've purposefully kept what I have planned to say to myself, so I don't open myself up to anyone second-guessing me.
I know Kal is starting to wake up because his hands lace with mine and hold my fingers close to his chest. It makes me feel like he's making sure I'm real. He breathes easier the more he wakes up until he finally turns over to see me and he smiles.
"I think I'm still dreaming." He sounds like he's still half asleep.
"Why's that?" I smile back at him.
"I woke up next to an angel."
"You're awful." I laugh, which makes him laugh.
"Seriously, babe, I have a question for you."
"What?"
"Did it hurt?"
"Did... what hurt?"
"When you fell from Heaven?"
"Kal—"
"I only ask because I know it hurt when I Fell..."
"Stop it!" I can't help but laugh at him and hope he never stops.
"I'm joking!" He laughs, which makes me laugh harder. "You love it." He looks at me like he really believes what he says, though he plays it off as a joke.
"I do." I place my hand on his face ever so gently. Feeling his skin under mine makes me never want to move, even though that is an inevitability.
Heaven has elaborate, grand balls where you either fit in or you don't. I have never been to a Hell party, so I don't know what to expect. From what I understand, there will be a mix of beings like at the event that started everything, and that makes me nervous. There will be more in attendance this time, which is an opportunity for me to embarrass myself and an opportunity for Emmanuel to worm his way in. I don't know if having the prospect of Hell under his control without a fight is still more tempting than the prospect of having me with whatever fight I can put up now that I have some control over my powers.
There's never been a female Ruler of Hell, but Hell's traditions are what we're following today, so I'm doing what every demonic Ruler has done. It makes me feel both proud and anxious that Lucifer thinks enough of me to do things this way. Part of the tradition is that, whenever a new Ruler is crowned, they are not to be seen by anyone other than their escort until their crowning. The escort takes them from their home to a building near the square where they dress in their coronation clothing—for me, the dress my friends have collaborated on—and are able to go directly to the stage from there.
I don't know why any of this is important, and didn't have time to ask, because Kal was the only one in the mansion when we got up today. He had to leave quickly so as to not rile up his father, leaving me alone to ruminate and spiral. If I was nervous before, it has now tripled knowing that I will be effectively alone until I actually get on the stage that they built in front of the Lilith statue.
So, I wait. I wait for what feels like forever in the sitting area in front of Lucifer's office for someone to come get me, so I can go get in my dress, and get this over with. I can't help but feel the anxiety crawling under my skin. The last time this happened, Emmanuel was there, waiting for me when I ran away. I know Lucifer and Kal keep me safe here, but I can't help but worry.
I also, despite spending a lot of time thinking about it and going over it, have no idea how to announce myself. I don't really know what to say. That's not even mentioning how to present my powers. I can make little balls of energy float in the air, and I can blast Kal across a room... That's not going to impress many.
"Hello there." A voice breaks me out of my thoughts. I turn quickly and stand to see Kal in a handsome suit not dissimilar to the one he had worn to the party in Heaven. Every part of me relaxes when he smiles at me. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."
"But I thought—"
"Tradition be damned, I'm replacing your escort." He grins and holds out his hand to me, which I take eagerly and then pass over in favor of wrapping my arms around him.
"Do you think I can do this?" I ask as he holds me tightly.
"Of course, you can."
As I follow Kal through back streets that lead to the square, I muse about how it's actually still a little odd seeing the two different cultures mix. Heaven's fashion is very bright and airy; Hell, on the other hand, is very dark. Though the colors are as diverse as Heaven's, they're also saturated and bold and everyone stands out even as a collective. They also reveal so much more of their bodies and their demonic attributes.
I only see one angel dynamic enough to pop out in this crowd and that is Michael, with his golden feathery wings on full display. I want to call out to him, but he seems very busy talking to Lucifer on the stage, and I would hate to disrespect Lucifer in front of so many beings. I'm not supposed to be seen by any of them, and we just got back on good terms. He'd be so mad when he worked so hard on making this a good thing for me.
I am very surprised, then, when someone does come up to us. I don't recognize him immediately because he is much more well-dressed than when we first met, but he is equally, if not more so, excited than he was then.
"Danny!" Kal smiles as they throw their arms around each other. He lifts Danny off his feet effortlessly, though Danny jumps down quickly to hug me as well.
"Hey, Danny." I give him a squeeze, and he holds onto me while bouncing on his feet.
"Miss Kalliope, I'm so excited!"
"I see you two have already met." Kal puts his hands on his hips as he watches us.
"I'm his hero." I laugh as Danny finally pulls away.
"Oh, trust me, I know you are. Ever since the party, you're all he can talk about. I was going to introduce you two properly, but—"
"Miss Kalliope said she was going to take me to the library! In Purgatory!"
"Did she, now?"
"Oh, yeah... When it's safe for him to be there." I don't know why I turn red at the admission, but I feel it creeping up my neck and cheeks. Why do I feel like I should have asked for permission first? Kal just smiles.
"I'm sure that will be soon." Kal winks, speaking as if talking to a child, and Danny somehow becomes even more excited. "Dan, I need to get Kalliope ready for her ceremony. Do you see my father up there?" Kal points to the stage where Lucifer stands, oblivious to us. Danny nods like this was incredibly important information. "Go tell him I... No, tell him Miss Kalliope said you can stand in the very front of the audience, right by the stage. Can you do that for us?"
"The front?" Danny lights up like the stars at night.
"Yes. You're important to us, so you stand where important beings stand now."
"Yes sir!" Danny exclaims, and if I didn't know any better, I'd swear his absolute joy would make him explode as he bounds away. Kal grabs me quickly, urging me to walk again just as I hear a shout that has to be Lucifer getting surprised by a sudden cat-boy-demon on the stage.
"You're going to have to tell me more about him someday."
"There's not much to tell. He was a library cat on Earth, and he died in a fire. It was around the time of the Fall, and when he popped up here... I sort of... kept him. Look at him, how could I ever tell him no?"
"You're going soft." I smile up at him. I expect a remark, a quip, a joke, but he surprises me with only a grin.
"I don't see anything wrong with being good to beings who make me feel good. Now come on, we have to get you in your dress before they realize I'm not there." I don't say anything as he leads me away to the small building. He leads me down a long hallway to a small room. Inside is a simple pair of chairs, a full mirror, and the dress hanging off the mirror.
The dress.
At the top, brocade fabric forms a loose corset frame to hug my chest and falls elegant and smooth to the floor from the waist. It opens with a slit in the middle of the skirt to reveal layers and layers of thick chiffon that flow like a waterfall. The sleeves are tight-knit lace reminiscent of the mask I wore the night of my first dance with Kal. Attached to the back is a cape, transparent and weightless. The colors are as stunning as the design, starting black and blending to bright orange at the bottom. There are crystals embedded in the fabric that shine like stars. The dress in itself is a sunrise captured and sewn together.
As if the masterpiece was not complete on its own, accompanying it is a metal crown that resembles woven tree branches in the winter, when they are bare and thin. It is black, like my hair, so it will be subtle when on my head.
"I told you I'd make you feel like a queen." Kal looks from me to the dress, waiting for my reaction. I have no idea how to articulate my awe. "After you claim your throne, I'll be the one putting the crown on you." He takes it as he speaks, holding on to it the same way he holds me. "It was my father's idea, if I'm being honest; a crown to make you a real queen."
"It's so beautiful." I'm breathless. This is really for me? Just for me?
"You deserve a dress that matches your beauty. All we did was make sure you got it." He smirks. "It was mostly Sel. We all figured he knew best."
"It's perfect." I can't take my eyes off of it.
"Just like you." I can see him smile in the mirror, but his tone doesn't match. Something in his voice, like a whisper behind the words, sounds sad.
"Is everything okay?" I manage to tear my eyes off the dress for a moment to look back at him.
"I'm just memorizing you." His smile turns into something less forced, but not happy.
"I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to."
"I'm memorizing you as a princess... as my lovely little thing."
"Will I not be... that, after this?"
"No. Not a princess, nor mine. It's going to be different."
"I want to stay yours."
"Do you, now?" He smirks, but he can't hide the hurt. I only wish I knew where it was coming from.
"If you'll stay mine, too?"
"Kalliope, that's the only thing I want." He grins and chuckles. I can feel myself turning red. He pauses, putting the crown on a nearby chair before he steps forward again. "Let's get you in this dress. They're going to start wondering where I am."
"Kal?" I begin to take off my shirt and he makes a show of watching out of the corner of his eye. "Do you think I can do this?"
"Of course I do."
"I'm... scared. I don't want to screw this up again." I slip off my pants as he takes the dress by the bottom hem and gathers it so we can easily slip it over my head. As he holds it up, he stands closer than he needs to and as the fabric slides over my skin, so do his hands. It brings me back to the first time I tried to do this, and I realize how very different I am from the girl I was back then. I barely recognize her.
"Allie." He sighs as he adjusts the dress on my body, straightening it out and smoothing it down. "You're not going to screw it up. You're going to get up there, and say what you need to, and everyone will see the exceptional Ruler you are meant to be. They're going to love you."
"More than you do?" I look up into his eyes. He stops fussing over the dress to stare back while his hands rest on either side of my waist.
"They can try."
"I couldn't do this without you." I offer a small smile. "I'm so glad I took a chance on you."
"And I will always be grateful you did." He smiles back. "You know... I would love to kiss you right now." His words, the memory of our first kiss, makes me laugh as I just nod. He takes my head in his hands and presses his lips to mine. My arms wrap around him, pulling him close. I can't believe I was ever scared of him. I can't believe I doubted him for a moment. The fear leaves my body, he takes it, and I feel like I'm exactly where I belong.
Chapter 35
My heart beats in my ears and throat as I wait where Kal told me, just out of sight of the stage and crowd. Lucifer has been giving a speech for an eternity now, and I'm anxious for him to finish talking and introduce me so I can walk on stage. The dress is beautiful but does not make me confident in my ability to not screw this up a second time. The same feeling I had the first time we did this sticks into my knees like knives and makes me want to run.
Standing on the stage are all the Rulers. Heath and Kal are also there, waiting for me to come stand with them and take my rightful place. I don't want to let them down, but I'm terrified. I don't want to let anyone down. Everyone has alluded to me being chosen by Ast to do this, but I never even met her before my dreams of her. I wonder if she'd be proud of me. I haven't seen her since the journal, and I don't know if she's ever coming back to me.
Oh, crap.
Lucifer looks over to me expectantly. He must be done talking, and I didn't hear a single word he said. For a second, I don't move until the anxiety of going up on my own and looking like a fool overcomes my anxiety of looking like a fool while being dragged up to the stage. Trying to be graceful, I step up to the stage built in front of the Lilith fountain. Lucifer and Michael stand in front of everyone else but step back behind me when I finally get to the center. It feels like time freezes as I stare out to the massive crowd and realize I forgot the little I had actually planned to say. I don't even think I know what words are anymore, but I have to start speaking, even if it's gibberish. I can't bear the silence.
"The last time someone ruled over Purgatory, it ended in pain and devastation." I sound so much more sure of myself than I am. My voice carries farther than I thought it would. "I've seen for myself the scars left in the hearts of everyone affected, and"—I take a deep breath, knowing the kind of reaction this is going to cause, but also knowing it's the right thing to do—"I do not intend to restore Purgatory at all because of this."
This statement creates a wave of whispered dissent, not only from the crowd, but from the Rulers behind me as well. I took a risk not telling anyone, but I know this is better. I take a deep breath and hold myself upright so I appear to know what the Hell I'm talking about.
"True peace can't be achieved through making the same mistakes over and over. I refuse to repeat a plan that clearly didn't work, so I am taking this opportunity to promise that Purgatory will be better this time, safer, and what it should have been from the beginning. It is going to be a Realm open to all, not just humans. I'm promising this not only to the future inhabitants of Purgatory, but also to those lost trying to preserve it. I'm going to be better, and keep learning, and I'm going to do my best. As for Emmanuel, I've fought him twice already"—and lost—"and I'm not afraid to defend the Realms against him."
It shocks me a little when the crowd erupts into applause and cheers in my favor. I know I sounded confident, but they can't see my knees shaking or the heavy fabric of the dress clenched in my fists.
Lucifer steps forward by my side and quells the cheering beings before us. As it dies down, he says in a very low voice only I can hear, "Not so hard, was it darling? You bullshit just as well as I do." I look up to him and see him smiling. Something wonderful swells inside me at his praise. He turns back to the crowd, holding his hand up to silence them fully.
"We are pleased to join Kalliope on her journey, though some will be closer than others." He motions behind us, and we're joined by Heath and Kal, though Kal stands the closest to me. There are some scattered cheers in the crowd, but none louder than Danny right up front where Kal told him to stand.
"No Ruler stands alone, and Kalliope is no different." Michael is effortlessly the center of attention as he speaks. "We're very proud to add Heath, from Purgatory"—murmurs sweep through the crowd at the mention that he indeed still resides there—"and Asmodeus of Hell to our ranks as Rulers of Purgatory." Danny is the loudest of the surprising mass of praise thrown his way. "Their assistance to Kalliope will be invaluable as she embarks on this... unique journey." Michael gives me the slightest side-eye, though he smiles for the crowd still.
"In addition," Lucifer speaks up again, "Hell has a special recognition to give." Kal steps forward with the metal branch crown in his hands. "Kalliope showed what a true Ruler should be when she, very selflessly, put herself between Emmanuel and me. Our entire Realm owes her a gratitude that will never be repaid, however, those efforts will start with this."
I turn to face Kal as he lifts the crown for the crowd to see. He looks right into my eyes and takes away the thousands of eyes on me. His small smile is enough to warm me and distract me from the pressure that had threatened to overtake me.
"This crown symbolizes our devotion to an allyship that will transcend the boundaries of the Realms." Lucifer makes a point of looking at me as he speaks. "Hell will forever be your ally."
