Kismet, page 22
I gave a small laugh. “The only time in your life when it’s good to gain weight.”
“Right?” She took my measurements and asked a few questions before she stepped out of the room to let me wait for the doctor.
When I had started showing, I began talking to my belly. However, I didn’t feel wholly connected to whoever was in there. Maybe it was because I didn’t know if it was a boy or girl. “Well, baby, we will find out today, won’t we?” I whispered.
I sat in my car staring at the ultrasound photos. It was a girl. I was going to be a mom to a little girl. I drew in a shaky breath as a tear slid down my cheek. I was happy and sad at the same time.
I wished my mother was here to see her granddaughter be born; she would have been so happy. But in the back of my mind, the happy moment was short-lived. I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to tell Collin. And truth be told, I should have told him long before now. I just didn’t know what to say.
However, right now there were two people I wanted to tell first. Cranking my car, I drove the fifteen minutes to Tom and Gloria’s. When I got there, I slipped a cardigan over my dress to cover myself before I walked up to the house. For whatever reason, I rang the bell instead of going in. I heard the dog bark and footfalls coming closer as Gloria answered the door.
“Granger! What a surprise!” she said ushering me inside. “Are you hungry? I just made fresh lemon cookies.”
“Thank you, that sounds delicious,” I said, following her into the kitchen. “Is Tom home?”
I couldn’t call him Dad yet, not after I called him Tom for nineteen years. That would take some time, but one day.
Before she could even answer me, I heard his voice. “Gloria, is that Granger?”
“It’s me,” I called out to him.
He came in and kissed me on my cheek. “It’s good to see you, sweetie.”
“I know, I’ve been bad about stopping by, haven’t I?”
“No worries. Maybe next week you can come over for dinner. How does that sound?”
“Only if Gloria promises to make her macaroni and cheese.”
“I think she can muster it up,” he said winking at Gloria. “What brings you by the house today?”
Giving them a nervous smile, I spoke. “I have something to tell you.”
They looked at me with anticipation and I wrung my hands, forgetting all the things I wanted to say. I was so nervous the words tumbled out before I could stop them. “You’re going to be grandparents.”
Their eyes widened in shock. No doubt they weren’t expecting that to come out of my mouth.
“You’re pregnant?” Tom finally managed.
I nodded. “I’m five months.”
Gloria rushed over to me with a smile. “This is wonderful news, Granger!” she exclaimed, touching my belly.
Tom still looked surprised—not in a bad way, but as if it was a lot to process. “Is it a boy or girl?” he asked looking at my stomach.
“It’s a girl,” I said proudly. For the first time, I felt happy talking about it. Smiling, I handed him the ultrasound pictures.
Taking them from me in fascination, he stared at the little black and white images. “I’m going to be a grandpa,” he echoed, coming over and hugging me. “Why didn’t you tell us before now?”
Because it’s complicated, I wanted to say, but instead, I just shrugged.
“Tom, it was probably hard for her after Mikkel passed. Not to mention, she’s been alone these past couple months,” Gloria advised him as she hugged me. “It’s a great and scary thing finding out that you are going to be a mother. I’m sure she needed time to think.”
Oh, if only it were that simple.
“You know that you have our full support,” Tom assured me.
I nodded.
“And you’re going to be a great mom, even though Mikkel isn’t here to help you.”
“Mikkel isn’t the father,” I said, unable to meet their eyes.
God, I felt knee-high to a grasshopper right now.
Gloria blinked in bewilderment as Tom looked at me and then back to Gloria.
I took a deep breath. “Collin Stadlen is.”
Out of the blue, Granger left this cryptic message on my voicemail asking me if I wanted to come over for dinner. I texted her, letting her know I couldn’t make dinner, but that I would be over a little later.
Well, it was later, and I was deliberately running late. Not because I didn’t want to see her, but because I was trying to talk myself down about seeing her. Nonetheless, I rang Taj’s doorbell and waited for her to answer.
I didn’t like the fact that she stayed here by herself. It made me worry. But like everything else Granger, I had to be careful not to dwell on it.
She opened the door. “Hey.” She stepped aside, letting me in.
“Hey,” I answered, eyeing her frumpy sweatshirt as she turned and walked toward the living room.
She sat down on the couch and put a pillow in her lap. “There are leftovers if you’re hungry.”
I shook my head, taking a place beside her. “I ate at the house before I came over.”
She nodded, focusing her attention on the TV. We sat there in silence for a while until I finally said something. “What’s up?” Because I highly doubted she invited me over to watch television.
She kept her eyes glued to the screen. “I need to tell you something.”
I looked at her confused. “Ooo-kay?”
Granger chewed on the end of her sleeve. “I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I haven’t been honest with you about something.”
In the past five months, I’d talked to her a handful of times, and to my knowledge, I didn’t think she’d lied to me. So, I wasn’t exactly sure where this was going. “Grange, whatever it is, I’m not going to be mad at you,” I assured her, reaching for her hands.
She raised one eyebrow giving me a doubtful look before speaking. “When Mikkel died, it was the right amount of pressure to tip the scale for me, and it left me in a horrible place.”
She was quiet for a moment before continuing. “I was sick from all the stress and…everything, and I didn’t pay much attention to why I was sick. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
I looked around the room before coming back to her. Did I miss something? Because the only thing that I’d gotten from this conversation is that she’d been sick. “Um… no, I don’t think I do.”
“Collin, I’m pregnant.”
Blindsided by her revelation, my gaze went to her stomach, but it was still covered with the pillow. I looked back to her, and she squeezed my hand. A pang of hurt and jealousy shot through me.
It was Mikkel’s.
“Congratulations,” I managed, trying to sound happy for her.
“Congratulations, yourself. You’re going to be a father.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“M-me?” I stumbled over my words in disbelief.
She nodded.
I needed a minute, quite a few actually, as I stood and began to pace the room. This was a lot to take in. I mean, just three hours ago I had been standing in the hardware store unable to make my mind up on Medici Ivory or Dover White to paint my trim. Now Granger is telling me she is pregnant with my child? It’s like I sat down and played spin the bottle with higher stakes than just kissing.
She walked over, and without a word, put her arms around me. I was grateful that she didn’t say anything to me while I tried to process this. But then again, that was Granger. She could always interpret the silence and know when to speak.
“Are you sure?”
She looked up at me. “Mikkel couldn’t have children, and I haven’t been with anyone else except you.”
“How far along are you?”
“Five months.”
My eyes widened. “Five months?” How am I just now finding out? “Do you know what you’re having?”
She smiled, her face glowing as she spoke. “We are having a girl.”
“A girl,” I echoed in fascination. “Can I feel her? Is she moving?”
She lifted the hem of her shirt and revealed her rounding belly. “She doesn’t really move around a lot at this stage.”
Reaching my hands out anyway, I placed them on her firm, warm flesh. I had not given a second thought about having children—it wasn’t even on my radar.
“Are you mad?”
“No! God no,” I assured her. “It’s just a lot to take in right now.”
“I don’t want you to feel obligated to me, Collin. I will be fine doing—” But I cut her off.
“Granger, you nor this baby will ever be an obligation to me. I know you are more than capable of taking care of a child, but that’s not what I want. I intend to be there every step of the way.” I took her hands in mine.
“What are we going to do?” she asked, looking up at me.
“We will figure it out.” I pressed my lips to her forehead. “But you aren’t staying here by yourself anymore. You’re coming home with me, tonight.”
“Collin, I’m fine here, I promise.”
“I’m sure you are, but if something happens, I want you to be near me so I can get you to a hospital. I don’t want to take any chances.”
“This is where I am comfortable. Everything of mine is here,” she argued.
“Then you can be comfortable at my house. Besides, it’s nothing to have them come move your stuff, Granger.”
“I know, but I already bought a few things to decorate a room here, and I want to paint.”
“Okay, you can paint a room at my house, but I’m not taking no for an answer.”
She sighed, looking away. Something was still bothering her.
“What?”
“Col, I’m not ready for any of this.”
“Neither am I, but here we are. We’ll take it slow and figure out the rest along the way. If you want, you can have my room, and I’ll take one of the spares. Whichever makes you feel more comfortable.”
Her skepticism was obvious, but she relented. “Let me go get a few things together.”
A few things turned out to be five suitcases, not to mention she was dragging along a duffle bag full of cosmetics. When we got back to my townhome, I carried everything up to my room and set them inside my closet.
“Thank you,” she said rubbing her bare arms.
“Do you want me to adjust the heat?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll be hot again soon enough.”
She looked around, taking stock of my townhouse. “Are you moving?”
No doubt the boxes and lack of furniture clued her in that something was going on.
“I am,” I confirmed stuffing my hands in my pockets. “I’m actually in-between homes.”
“When did you buy a house?”
“I didn’t. I’m remodeling my grandparents’ home, so I can move into it.”
She looked confused. “Then why in the world did you have me drag my stuff here?”
“Because I want to make sure you are okay, and my house should be ready in another month or so.”
She sighed. “Collin, I want you to know that I am not here to play house with you. If I were worried about being by myself, I would have moved to New York until the baby was born. But I’m trying to be respectful of the fact that this is your child too.”
“And I’m not going to pressure you into anything because you are pregnant with our child,” I emphasized. “But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t going to try to make this work between us. I’ve loved you a long time, and nothing will ever change that.”
“Collin, I am not ready to love you right now,” she said looking as if she was going to cry. “I can’t even bear to say that I loved Mikkel because then it would be true. And that would make me feel guiltier than I already do.”
I tilted her chin up with my index finger. “Hey, everything is up to you, okay?”
A simple nod was all she gave me.
The evening finished out with no tension, no pressure, and no expectations. Only me and her, like we used to be—only she wasn’t that girl I fell in love with three years ago, she was so much more.
Life had come quickly for her, but she was faster. The wind blew, but she adjusted her sails. The waves beat her shore, but she dug in. A storm came, but she remained.
Wherever she was in life, I was ready to meet her there with no expectations, only hope.
Hope that one day my love would come back to me.
Typically, a guest bed is reserved for just that, a guest. I never imagined I would be sleeping in the guest room of my own house. Not to mention when I bought this mattress, I did not put effort into it as I had with the one Granger was on. If sleeping in this bed was going to be the norm for any length of time, this mattress had to go. Pronto.
I sighed, rolling over, again.
Having a child was not on my things to do list at the moment, but it just fast-tracked to numero uno.
Do I have the kind of wealth the Bashara’s have? No.
Do I make enough for us to live comfortably at a standard she’s accustomed to without any concerns? Yes, three or four times over.
So, what was keeping me awake with worry?
The woman lying in my bed, that’s what.
One Month Later
There was one person I had not told about me being pregnant—my brother. And in the midst of my fretting and dreading over what I would say, he called. I plastered a big smile on my face before answering his FaceTime. “Hey!”
“Hay is for horses. Where are you? Your car hasn’t been home in six days.” His tone was impatient and his expression serious.
No doubt he had been policing the security cameras.
“I’m doing good, thank you for asking.” My voice oozed with sarcasm. “But in answer to your question, my car hasn’t been at home because it has been at Collin’s.”
His lips formed a line. “And when were you going to tell me this?”
I rolled my eyes. “I swear, one day you are on the golf course, drinking beer together and the next day you hate him. God, whatever it is, get over it already.”
“Whatever it is, happens to be that he was taking advantage of you when you were a sixteen-year-old girl,” he snapped back. “I still haven’t forgotten that.”
“What does it matter, Taj? You’re beating a dead horse at this point.”
“It matters because it wasn’t right. Of all the people in this world, he had to sleep with you under my nose. I trusted him. Our whole family trusted him.”
“Yeah, well, I trusted your father too. Our whole family trusted him,” I bit back. “What he did wasn’t right either, and that happened right under your nose too. But I’m not going to sit here and argue about what any of us did. That’s life. You don’t get to pick—you get to live, if you’re lucky. And I’ll tell you something else; you can find a way to move forward with Collin, or you won’t see your niece when she is born.”
Well, that’s not the way I wanted to tell him, but the cat’s out of the bag now.
“That’s not how this works Granger. You’re not going to tell me what—” He paused. “What did you say?”
I turned to the side and lowered the phone to my waist so he could see my belly. “Figure out what is important to you, Taj, because I am.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “How is that possible?”
“Um, we fucked.” My tone was dry.
“I figured that, Granger. But how?”
After twenty minutes of questions, his shock turned to excitement at the thought of being an uncle. “Can I tell Noa?”
“You can tell anyone you want, but first you have to call Collin. I don’t expect you to apologize for what you believe is right. But I do expect you to give him the chance he deserves to be a good father to our child.”
“You drive a hard bargain, Granger Adeline.”
“I learned from the best, Taj Raafi.”
I linked my arm through Collin’s as we walked through the hardware store together. At six months pregnant I was moving a little slower than before, and he had to adjust his stride to mine.
On the surface, we looked like a happy couple that was expecting a baby. But hidden from view, there was a lead up to this picturesque illusion that no one would have dreamed possible. Yet, here we were.
He handed me a paint swatch. “What do you think of this one?”
“Absolutely not,” I said turning my nose up at it.
He laughed. “Why? What’s wrong with it?”
“It looks like Pepto Bismol fucked a peach, that’s what.” Taking it out of his hand, I placed it back on the shelf. We were not going to consider that color today, or any day.
I hired the elusive interior designer, Kacie Hillfort, to decorate our daughter’s nursery. I was relying on her to bring my vision to life since Collin had only brought me to his grandparents’ house once. Long enough to let me pick out which room I wanted to make the nursery. Then he rushed me out because they were applying polyurethane to the floors.
An hour later, after looking at a million shades of pink, I finally settled on a soft rose color. As they mixed the paint, I rested my head on Collin’s shoulder. It was like I was already at home even though I was standing at a paint counter.
We still weren’t sleeping together. Not because I didn’t want to—because believe me, I wanted to make fierce love to him every second of every day—but because I wanted to focus on rebuilding my foundation with him.
I was young when we had first been together, but now, we were two different people. I wanted to make sure, for my daughter’s sake, that if her parents were going to be together, it was for the right reasons.
It was late when we finally got home, and I immediately kicked off my heels and headed upstairs. Grabbing a fluffy robe from the closet, I ran a bath and soaked until the water turned cold. When I emerged from the bathroom, Collin was digging for something in his dresser. He looked up.
“I was getting ready to call the coast guard if you didn’t come out of there.”
