Kismet, page 21
We cried together as we packed his art into the shipping crates and it was then, amid all that, when an idea took hold.
Clutching my notes in my hand, I made my way across the small stage to the podium and adjusted the microphone.
Taking a deep breath, I looked out across the ornate ballroom at The Plaza and found my brother’s face. Hugging Noa’s shoulders, he gave me a reassuring nod. Bibiane was there with her girlfriend, Dagny. Kristen flew in at the last minute from school, and then there was Collin. Sitting off by himself, his gaze locked on me.
“Good evening. Thank you, for coming tonight to celebrate the life of Mikkel Sandvik, and supporting a cause that was so important to him.” I paused as they clapped.
“Six months ago, Mikkel crashed into my life. Sadly, for a time that was far too brief, I came to know the wonderful individual that he was. His foremost passion in life was art. He once told me it’s all about the perception of the person that’s taking the picture and how they translate it to the viewer. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, you are the viewer, and I hope you see what he saw.
“The auction is silent with convenient bidding straight from your cell phone. If for some reason in this day and time you don’t have one,” the crowd laughed, “we have ample iPads for any registered bidder who needs one. All bids will be in USD and begin at twenty-three thousand. At my request, winners will remain anonymous. Bidding will commence in exactly one hour from now. I encourage you to be generous because your money will be going to a fantastic cause. Thank you.”
The crowd clapped as the band started back up.
Calmly, I made my way down the steps coming off the stage, feeling anything but. In precisely one hour, five nude canvas pictures of me would be auctioned off to the highest bidder.
Mikkel always gratified himself with my body, and it seemed fitting that I use it to give back to him in some way. So, the choice to do this was not hard. Going through a hundred photos and reliving each second knowing he was gone, that was the hard part.
The past three months had been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Sometimes I was happy; then I would be devastated and upset. Not to mention the constant state of fatigue and sickness that plagued me.
Taj coerced me to jog with him in the mornings to get my energy level up, but by the time I got off the treadmill, I was more exhausted than when I got on. I had zero appetite, and my weight loss was becoming evident.
I was glad to not be taking part in fall classes; another straw on my haystack and it would surely topple over.
I mingled in the myriad of artists, CEOs, athletes, and celebrities that came out tonight to show their support. They showered me with countless thank you’s for organizing this fundraiser. Other people said that my mother would be proud of me. I replied with things like, you’re too kind, or Mikkel deserves all the credit.
I grabbed a champagne flute from a waiter’s tray as he walked by and took a small sip, making my way back to the table. Relieved that I had it all to myself, I sat down with care, making sure my dress stayed in place. It was a bold little red number, and tonight was the perfect night for it. The neckline plunged to my navel and the side split that came all the way up to my hip made me feel sexy. Just the way Mikkel had the night he took those pictures.
I touched the back of my hair, making sure all the bobby pins were still in place, when I saw Collin walking over to me. His pitch-black tux was tailored to him like a glove, and his hair was combed neatly in place.
We hadn’t spoken since I spent the night with him. I had no idea when I sent the invitation if he would come tonight, but he did, and I was glad.
“The lady of the hour,” he said with a smile, sitting down beside me.
I returned it as I took another sip of my drink.
“I am proud of you for doing all of this.” He looked around the ballroom. “The turnout has been fantastic. It’s obvious Mikkel touched a lot of people in his life.”
“Thank you. It means a great deal to me for you to say that about him.” My eyes started tearing up. “His talent stretched across everything he did.”
“I realize that now.”
“Are you going to bid?” I asked, changing the gears of our conversation.
He gave a nonchalant shrug. “Depends if I see something I like.”
I tried to read his face without any luck. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose.”
Again, no movement in his expression, only the casual nuance he’d had all evening.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked.
Placing my hand in his, he led the way to the floor as the band cued up for a song.
I Only Have Eyes For You began to play as Collin grabbed my waist and whisked me to him. I put my hand on the back of his neck and held the other. I allowed myself to press my body against his, and like always, it felt like the most natural place in the world to me. I had never danced with Collin before, but here we were as though we had practiced it a million times. “You never told me you could dance.”
“I know a step or two,” he replied with a sneaky smile.
We were quiet for a few moments as the song went on, setting the mood, and we gazed into each other’s eyes.
“You look so beautiful tonight.”
“It’s the dress,” I answered, trying to play down his compliment.
His features were so serious they sent tingles down my spine. “Oh, the dress is sexy, but you are what makes it amazing.”
Shy for maybe the first time in my life, I dropped my eyes to the floor.
“Look at me,” Collin urged.
So, I did, and his eyes held mine with undefined fervor. The intensity had my heart beating so hard it could pump a flood. He released my waist and twirled me with his arm, then drew me in with my back against his chest. I held both of his hands at my stomach as the sides of our faces touched while we continued to sway.
His breath was warm on the side of my face as I relaxed and molded myself to his body. I inhaled the familiar scent of him as I tried to burn the way he felt into my memory. No place in the world could feel as bittersweet as it did in his arms. For a moment, I wished we could stay forever like this, wrapped up in each other. But every good thing would always come to an end.
And it did.
The performer finished the song, belting out the last few words, ‘And I only have eyes for you.’
Collin turned me around to face him as he lowered his lips to my ear. “I only have eyes for you,” he repeated in a whisper.
Searching his face, I could see all the love that he had for me. I could also see the battle he waged to hold it back.
We always held back—never coming forward.
Too soon he released me and strolled away.
Completely breathless, I made my way off the dance floor and tried to blend myself into the crowd. As I did, a light wave of nausea came over me. I touched my forehead—it wasn’t warm. Perhaps it was anxiety. My therapist said this could happen if I were exposed to a trigger. And Collin Stadlen was, without a doubt, a trigger.
I looked up and saw Kristen as she made her way over to me, grabbing my arm. “Granger, as your sister, if you don’t put that man out of his sexual misery, I will.”
We both laughed at her comment, but I winced as the urge to puke got stronger.
Concern washed over her face. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I think dancing may have taken my breath away.”
“Don’t worry, it took mine away too, and I was only watching. Come on, let’s get you a bite to eat, maybe you will feel better,” Kristen said, hugging me to her.
“You’re right. All these jitters about the auction have caused me to forget to eat.” I needed to start taking better care of myself.
“Tell your bottomless pit to hang on because I just saw the fattest shrimp platter ever.” And she led the way.
The next morning, I woke up feeling better than the night before. I had to leave early because I had felt so sick.
Noa, being the starlet that she was, promised me that she would extract as much money as possible from people, then she shooed me away. Grateful to her, I was sure to thank very specific attendees before retiring to our suite at The Plaza. As soon as I walked in, I collapsed on the bed and was asleep before I could even change my clothes.
Now, I walked down the stairs, taking in the sweeping view of Central Park. It looked like a winter wonderland. The trees and ground had a fresh layer of snow on them that had fallen last night. It was hard to believe something so beautiful was tucked between the four walls the city made around it. I understood why my brother always wanted to be here—there was no place like it. The time I spent in Manhattan these past few months had been essential.
It was like the first breath of air you drew when you were rescued from drowning. And I couldn’t stop gasping for it. I had to dig deep within myself and call upon a strength I didn’t know I had to pull myself together. It was difficult, but I felt as though I had emerged on the other side as a different person.
Stronger. Older. Wiser. More self-sufficient, and it felt good.
It was little moments like these, the ones where you felt so tiny in all the splendor, that made me see a purpose in my life. But for all their luster, I was getting a little homesick.
“Coffee?” Taj asked, coming up behind me.
“Yes, please,” I said, accepting the delicate mug.
“Well, the numbers are in little sister. Your auction brought in just under nine hundred thousand dollars.”
I almost choked on the hot liquid. “Are you serious?”
He nodded with a smile. “And that doesn’t include the minimum donation required to attend. Overall, it was three and a half million dollars raised. Not bad for your first go around.”
I beamed, feeling rewarded. “I can’t wait to present We Dream Too with the check.”
“I’m so proud of you, and Mom would be too.” He put his arm around me, and I snuggled into his chest.
“Taj?”
“Hmm?”
“I think I’m ready to go back home.”
“I can have the staff pack our things and bring a car around in an hour if you want.”
“To North Carolina,” I clarified.
He was quiet for a moment before speaking. “Are you sure?”
I pulled away a little so that I could see his face. “I am.”
He looked away from me and out the window. “I’m going to worry about you now.”
“I know, but I have Tom and Gloria nearby.”
“It’s not the same. You were my little sister first, and next to Mom, no one loves you as much as I do. I’m always going to worry about your ass regardless. He leaned his head down and brushed his nose across mine. “Don’t forget that.”
Taj’s jet touched down in Raleigh under the cover of night, and I was grateful. Walking down the stairs, I stepped onto the tarmac—the cold wind whipping the long tail of my coat around me.
A gentleman walked over. “Right this way, Miss Cariou.” he instructed, ushering me to my waiting car.
Or was I Miss Koynak now?
I may not have been sure about my last name, but I was certain I wasn’t the same girl who left here three months ago.
I pressed unlock on my key fob, and the headlights on my new Alfa Romeo Guadrifoglio blinked in response. The skycap loaded my bags into the trunk, and I tipped him with a hundred-dollar bill as I stepped inside. Lighting a cigarette, I put my car in gear, and drove off into the moonless night.
Manhattan is always a beautiful place to visit, but the trick is to leave before you tire of it. This trip was no exception.
I flew in the day before the gala and left the next morning.
Now that I was home, I wasn’t exactly sure what I came away with. However, I knew what I did not come home with: eight hundred and eighty-nine thousand dollars. The exact dollar amount it cost me to buy every picture Granger put up for auction.
I hated them.
I hated Mikkel for taking them.
I hated Granger for selling herself for money in the name of charity.
I hated every single person in that room for seeing a very intimate part of her that had once been mine.
I hated the beautiful look of ecstasy on her face that he had captured. You couldn’t fake the intensity that screamed from those images. Nor could I forget them either.
But most of all, I hated myself because I could not let her go.
She had looked as beautiful as ever with her hair swept up, in a daring red dress, but she wasn’t herself. There was a sullen reserve to her that had never been there before, and despite the makeup, she looked pale.
Clearly, she was still affected by Mikkel and her mother’s deaths. That much was evident, and I couldn’t hold that against her.
I had been oblivious that anything had happened until that evening when Kristen reached out to me. By then it was everywhere. Twitter, Facebook, TMZ, the news.
Some person was pathetic enough to take a cell phone video of her holding onto him after the accident. It was a cruel thing for the networks to keep airing the footage. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, the media kicked up again about Ghabi only getting a fourteen-year sentence for the death of her mother. Then the television know-it-alls speculated that the family was trying to cover something up in an attempt to get Ghabi less time. If they only knew the real truths about what happened behind the closed doors of the elite.
I tried calling Taj, but he didn’t return my messages. I called Tom Koynak, but he said that neither of them had returned his calls either. Finally, as a last-ditch effort, I went over, uninvited, to the house, but the housekeeper informed me that they had gone back to New York.
I knew the situation had to be serious if Taj had packed Granger up and took her without a word to anyone. Everything in me had wanted to leave on the next plane out and show up at Taj’s penthouse and demand to see her.
But what would I have said?
It was not my place. When that family was ready to communicate with me, they would. That’s how it had always been.
So, for the second time in my life, Granger was simply gone.
I sighed, standing in the middle of my grandparent’s kitchen, and stared out the row of windows facing the backyard. The demolition crew was supposed to start Monday for the remodel, but tonight, I was going to get a much-needed head start. Picking up the sledgehammer that I had brought in with me earlier, I swung, striking the cabinet with all my might. The sound of wood splintering as it fell away from the ceiling, hitting the floor was the most satisfying thing I could ask for.
Leaning over with my hands resting on my knees, I felt the sweat drip down the side of my face. Looking at my wrist, my Fitbit registered a little over three miles, but it felt like I had just run ten. It was a little cold to be running outside, but I didn’t care. I needed some fresh air.
“God, Jesus,” I huffed in exasperation. I took a few sips from my water bottle, but as soon as I swallowed, that sick feeling hit me. With barely enough time to turn toward the shrubbery, I vomited until nothing more would come up.
Exhausted, I collapsed to the ground beside it, weak from heaving up my insides. The past few months had been so tumultuous, that I had not paid attention to my symptoms. But today, as I sat beside my vomit, they couldn’t be ignored any longer.
Two hours later, I stood staring at the bathroom ceiling, refusing to look at the little stick I had just peed on moments ago. “Please be negative. Please be negative,” I murmured.
I caught my frantic expression in the mirror as I dropped my eyes. I knew what it said before I saw it, but I still looked anyways. Sure enough, two pink lines stared at me in the face.
Positive.
I was also positive who the father was, and it wasn’t Mikkel.
I placed my hand on my stomach, staring at my reflection. What was I going to do? I wasn’t ready to have a baby. I didn’t know the first thing about being a mother. Hell, I still needed mine.
Pulling my damp t-shirt up, I turned sideways. My belly didn’t look any bigger for being three months pregnant. How long could I go before I started to show? And what on earth was I going to tell Collin?
Not a damn thing is what I would tell him. Matter of fact, since I found out, nothing was what I said to anyone in the next two months. I didn’t go out much and busied myself with the little part-time job I got out of boredom. No one there recognized me or asked questions, so it was nice to go in for a couple of hours a day.
I was also dedicating more of my time to non-profit work as well. I was in talks with starting a foundation in my mother’s name, but I wasn’t sure if it would materialize. Right now, I was trying to get used to the fact that I was having a baby.
Taj flew home for Thanksgiving and Christmas with Noa but didn’t seem to notice my weight change. Kristen was at school, and when I FaceTimed her, I was careful to make sure it was from the chest up. I had seen Tom and Gloria a few times, but it wasn’t anything a t-shirt couldn’t disguise. But I was rolling into five months now, and it was noticeable.
Thank God it was still sweater weather because I didn’t go out the door without a hoodie on—except for today. I was dressed in something a little more form fitting since I was going to the doctor. After all, it wasn’t like I was trying to hide it from her.
“Granger?” came the nurse’s soft voice.
Setting down the magazine I was reading, I made my way over to her as I followed her down a short hall into an examination room.
She looked at my chart as I stepped on the scale. “So, today is the big day?”
I’m glad she was excited because I was a ball of nerves. “I hope so.”
“Do you want a boy or girl?”
I’d spent so much time pretending my condition didn’t exist that I hadn’t given much thought to what I wanted. “So long as it is a healthy baby, I’ll be happy.”
“Well, for you, I hope it is,” she said with a smile. “It looks like you have a good appetite now; you’ve gained seven pounds since your last visit.”
