21 Shades of Night, page 301
THE WORLD CONTINUES to spin in and out of focus. I’m sitting on Dahlia’s bed? I run my hand along the cotton sheets. When did I arrive here? How long ago?
What the hell am I doing in Dahlia’s room? All I can remember is Keir helping me away from the scene of my crime, and the night air hitting my damp face, chilling me into reality. A reality where Darius, or someone he employed, could lurk around the next corner, waiting.
In possibly the weirdest thing that’s happened all evening, Dahlia hands me a large glass of red wine. “Here, calm your nerves.”
I stare at the glass, unable to face drinking. I’m dreaming, why else would Dahlia be nice?
Dahlia pours herself wine and sits in the chair at her desk. “I didn’t think you’d do it, Ava,” she says with a sideways glance at Keir.
Keir leans against the wall, arms crossed. He still wears the darker jeans and black T-shirt from hunting, his hands stained with black blood. Darker clothes give him an edge; the guy looks bloody hot at the best of times, but in kill mode...
“I knew she would,” he says, with a strange mix of pride and awe in his softened eyes.
“I didn’t,” I reply. My hesitation. The demon’s words about Hell. How close I came to attacking Keir. “Is it what you did?” I ask Dahlia. “Helped Keir free a soul? Is this why you’re not a soul hunter anymore?”
Dahlia takes a long drink from her glass. “No, I’ve never freed a soul on my own. Only helped.”
“I don’t understand… I thought that was why… Isn’t your human form punishment?”
“No. My soul hunter status wasn’t taken from me. I chose to leave.”
“You don’t have to talk about this now, Dahlia,” says Keir quietly. “Ava doesn’t need to know the details.”
“I want to tell her. So she can understand why I did it. I want you to see her reaction and ask yourself would Ava ever do the same.”
Keir turns his face away, a muscle twitching in his cheek. Dahlia’s eyes hold tears threatening to spill. Shit, I can’t take anymore tonight. Releasing souls, and now Dahlia, the girl who treats me like a sworn enemy, wants to tell me more secrets. Share emotions? I’ve enough of my own to deal with.
“You don’t have to tell me, Dahlia.”
Dahlia drains her wine glass. “I wasn’t sent for Keir’s soul if that’s what you think. I was just an average soul hunter. I killed demons, took their souls back, rinse and repeat. No special missions for me. Then I met Jack. A human guy.” She pauses, running her finger around the rim of the wine glass. “It’s impossible to explain and you probably won’t understand, but I fell in love with him.”
“With a human?” I blurt. Keir throws me a look and I pull back my disgust. “Oh. Um. I mean, that’s weird.”
Dahlia ignores me. “I couldn’t imagine life without him. Even if they gave me my Will, and I lived as one of the Free, my life would be empty without Jack. I can’t explain why, I hated humans too. Still do.” She pours more wine into her glass. “But I chose to stay here. With him.”
Dahlia’s story tumbles out, the bare minimum spoken in a factual tone. Facts as big as the world itself.
“You can do that? Choose to stay?” My skin crawls. She wasn’t forced to be human, but chose? “Where is he? Jack?”
Dahlia pulls open a drawer by her desk, and takes out a small silver frame. She hands the picture to me. A scruffy-haired guy with a cheeky grin looks at the camera, his arm around a girl with long brown hair. She smiles too, looking up at the guy, vibrant and happy. I peer closer. Is this Dahlia, the sad, quiet girl I know?
“He’s gone,” says Dahlia, touching his face through the glass.
What the hell? He left her? Dahlia scarified everything for a human and he’d fucking left her. When a tear drips down Dahlia’s nose onto the frame, I shift and empty my wine glass in one gulp. Jesus, I need to leave. This isn’t my business, and I’m not one for doling out platitudes.
“He died,” says Keir quietly.
“What the fuck?” I ask. “What do you mean he died?”
Dahlia wipes her eyes with a sleeve. “I was wrong. I don’t think I can talk about this, not now.” She places the frame face down on the desk and opens her laptop; her shoulders slumped.
Unwanted sympathy creeps in for the bitchy girl whose heart and life were torn apart. Dahlia retreated into her own world, losing herself in her sadness, becoming the quiet, shy mouse. How does she cope with being human? Losing everything for a pitiful life? Dahlia gave up everything, and now she’s alone in this world.
Apart from Keir. No wonder she hates me edging closer to him.
“I um… can’t talk about this. Busy day and all that. I need to sleep.”
“Go with her, Keir, make sure she’s okay.”
I blink at Dahlia’s words. Keir holds a hand to Dahlia’s face and tenderly brushes a tear from her cheek; she turns her head away. “Don’t. I’m fine.”
I bite down jealousy of my own. Dahlia and Keir’s relationship appears platonic to the rest of the world, but seeing the affectionate way Keir treats Dahlia suggests more. Did he step in and fill the hole left by Jack? If he did, what’s Keir’s motive with me? Omigod. Was I played tonight?
“I have to go,” I say. “It’s late.”
Keir follows me through the door and grabs my arm before I can hurry away. He spins me around.
“I want to go with you tonight, but my friend needs me. She shouldn’t have spoken to you about Jack. It’s only been a year, and Dahlia hasn’t come to terms with what happened.”
“Were you involved?” I ask.
Keir’s face darkens. “I was there and the situation was… partly my fault. I have a responsibility to help her now.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Ava,” he says in a low voice.
“I think you should stay with her.”
Keir reaches out a hand and traces his fingertips across my lips then presses his mouth on mine; the briefest of touches melting the doubt. “Do you feel safe?”
I allow him to place his arms around me and tuck my head under his chin. I’m terrified what will happen on the short walk to my room, of what could wait for me in the dark.
Something else worries me more. “You and Dahlia…” I begin.
“There is no me and Dahlia in that way, Ava,” Keir cups my face in his hands and my image is reflected in the glacial blue of his eyes. “She’s not the annoying but impossibly sexy girl I’ve wanted ever since she first pretended to bump into me.”
He grins and I return a weak smile. Weeks ago, but an age ago. I’m no longer that girl and never will be again.
“The girl who’s more like me than she realises,” he says, as if talking to himself. He kisses me on the forehead and releases my hand one finger at a time, giving the last one a tiny squeeze as he lets go.
Keir walks back into Dahlia’s room, leaving an emptiness in my evening as large as the hole knocked into my existence.
Chapter 10
I SNAP MY eyes open, and the events of the previous evening sharpen into Technicolor brilliance. Demon. Keir. I let a soul go free.
My night is disturbed by voices of students tripping down the hallway to bed as I wait for somebody to come for me. Exhaustion eventually overcomes the fear, but my dreams are filled with images of the soul floating into the air, in reach of my fingers, then vanishing. The dreams morph into something dark chasing me toward Keir who holds a dagger out to me, and I’m not sure if he is helping or killing me. I wake up more afraid than before I slept. Am I in danger from both now? I reach beneath my pillow, the metal of the dagger warm against my hand. I’m fully clothed, ready.
How long do I have before Darius retrieves me? Someone, somewhere knows, and consequences must be hours away.
Will Keir protect me? He said he would, but Keir’s decision not to accompany me back to my halls room—not even to see if I arrived safely—contradicts this. His caring words sound empty in my mind this morning; not backed up by action. Keir doesn’t give a crap. Not really.
The uncomfortable feeling dogs me all through class, through the morning, and onto my shift at the coffee shop.
Dahlia and Keir don’t show for any lessons.
He has tricked me. The other soul hunters, he never killed them. He manipulated them the way he has me and kept blood off his hands. I seduce demons into doing what I want and Keir’s done the same to me. How have I been so bloody stupid?
Customers, who’d normally irritate, distract me from unwanted thoughts as I juggle orders and cups. My customer service skills suck at the best of time, but today I’m preoccupied to the point regular customers ask if I’m okay. Wow, humans have noticed, and they are bothered about me?
“Large flat white and a chat when you’re done.”
I look up sharply as I recognise the voice. “Zach.”
“Aww, you remember me. Sweet. I’ll wait for you to finish.” He glances at the phone in his long fingers. “Half an hour, isn’t it?”
Not responding, I take his money and address the next customer. I can’t meet his eyes as I pass his cup, but watch as the tall, dark-haired guy slouches across the room to sit at a table. One with a good view of the counter. Zach pushes his fringe from his eyes and smiles at me. I frown back at him. No, I do not want to bloody speak to you. Does he have a death wish coming back to where Keir hangs out?
Shift over, I scrunch my black apron into a ball and sling it behind the counter. Screw this. Zach leans back in his seat as I approach him.
“Hi, Ava.”
I cross my arms. “What are you doing here?”
He runs his tongue along his teeth and appraises me. Slowly, up and down. I straighten and cock a ‘what the hell’ eyebrow.
“I heard about your fun with Keir last night,” he says.
“That’s nice. Anything else you want?”
“You don’t want to talk to me?” Zach makes a mock pout of disappointment.
“Why? Last time I saw you, I was going to bloody kill you,” I hiss. “I still might.”
Zach laughs loudly, eyes glittering in warning. “I know, sorry about standing you up at the bar, but trying to kill me is a bit of an extreme reaction, don’t you think?”
“I’ve done worse to people who upset me.”
“Oh, tough girl, Ava. She’s still in there then?”
“Yes. So fuck off and don’t mess with me.” I wipe a few crumbs from his table, and pick up his cup. “We’re closing.”
“You caught me at a weak moment; it won’t happen again. Besides, I heard someone is looking for you. Really, this should be a goodbye.”
“What?” I stuff trembling hands into my pockets.
“Well, let me just check the facts. Soul hunter sent to capture Nephilim soul. Nephilim turns on his charms and seduces soul hunter into helping him do something very wrong. Thereby Nephilim ensures said soul hunter’s fate-worse-than-death at the hands of Caelestia is sealed. Correct?”
I swallow down the anxiety. “No, not correct.”
“So you haven’t been seduced into failure?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie to yourself. How long do you reckon you have, Ava?”
I narrow my eyes. “Why are you here? Talking to me about this?”
“To give you some facts. Keir isn’t on my side anymore, and I’m not too happy about that. He screws with me; I’ll screw with him.”
“Not on your side? I kind of gathered that when you tried to kill him,” I say sarcastically.
Zach lowers his voice as a woman passes to leave the café. “Keir’s getting in my way. Now you both are.”
“In the way of what?”
Zach sighs, “Ava, oh, Ava. Little foot soldier who’s consorting with the enemy. Do you know why they sent you for Keir? And not say… me?”
“Yeah, Keir’s more of a danger to the Caelestia’s plans than you. He’s a loose cannon by not working with either side. Every soul he frees is one less soul for either army.”
Zach’s mouth twitches into a smile his secrets lie behind; one I’d happily smack off his face. “Okay, think what you like. I just thought I’d give you a friendly warning.”
“You’re warning me?”
Zach’s bright blue eyes search mine, and I’m reminded of Keir. “Watch your back, Ava. Keir likes to keep his enemies close. But you already know that, right?”
“Enemies like you?” But I know he means me.
“I can help you if you need to stay safe from Keir.”
“I don’t need to be kept safe from Keir; and if I did, I’m not likely to turn to you, am I? A Nephilim keeping a soul hunter safe? How stupid do you think I am?”
Zach bites his lip. “I think what you did last night answers that question. Did Keir say he’d keep you safe? So sweet and such a liar.”
I loosen my ponytail with trembling hands and shake my hair free with an air of nonchalance. Zach’s ability to feed my doubts always bloody works, and from the smug expression on his face, he enjoys doing this.
“Whatever, Zach.”
“Keir’s disappeared again I see? I wonder why?”
“Just fuck off, Zach; I don’t want to listen to you.”
Zach regards me long enough to put me off balance, before leaving the empty coffee shop. I slide onto the seat of the table he sat at, hands on the Formica top, and absentmindedly rearrange the ceramic bowls full of sugar sachets. How did Zach know Keir left? Or what I did?
* * *
THE CREEPING DOUBT in my mind grows to a strangling fear by the end of the day. No Dahlia or Keir; and every day I see at least one or both of them. Doesn’t help that Zach’s screwed with my mind and pushed my panic button.
Out of choices, I head to Dahlia’s room and wait. And wait. I slide to the floor, rest my head against the wall, and doze off.
“What is it, Ava?” Dahlia steps past and unlocks her door.
I jump awake and pull myself to my feet. At least one of the pair is still around. “Where’s Keir?”
“He’s gone away, again.”
“Where?”
“No idea where he goes.” Dahlia pushes the door open.
“He doesn’t tell you?” I brace myself for the same angry confrontation as the last time Keir disappeared.
“No, he can’t. It would endanger me. Apparently,” she says bitterness in her tone. Dahlia stands with her hand on the door, distant and avoiding my eyes.
“Does he disappear much?”
“You mean did he leave because of you? Not everything is about you, Ava.”
“I never said it was. I came to tell you I saw Zach and—”
Dahlia’s eyes widen. “Where? Here? Was he looking for Keir?” She scrabbles in her bag for her phone. “I have to tell him.”
I point at the phone and smile hopefully. “Do you have Keir’s number?”
“For emergencies, not for you.”
“Nice move, last night, by the way,” I say
“What move?”
“You and Jack. Your sob story. I don’t know what Keir has to do with his death, but it worked in poking at some kind of guilt.”
“You mean Keir choosing to stay with me?” Dahlia scoffs. “I think he needs to get his priorities right. I’m not jealous of him and his brief infatuation with you. I don’t want to lose him because he’s my anchor to this world; I will fight to protect him.”
“And the story’s true? You and Jack?”
“Yes. And don’t think you can turn Keir against me.”
“I don’t intend to. I just don’t understand you.”
“There’s a lot you don’t understand.”
Keir’s involvement in the Jack affair and Dahlia’s words point to a deeper meaning to his relationship with her, one they hide from me. Dahlia’s love for the human guy is beyond any emotional attachment I could ever imagine having. She gave up her status and chance to live with the Caelestia in freedom for this shit life, and then lost the reason why.
Dahlia is free, but she’s trapped. I can’t stand Dahlia and her waspish personality, but she has some bloody courage to go through this and not call it a day. I don’t know Dahlia at all, but I’d lay bets she hasn’t always been this closed off and cold. People you love dying hurts, but knowing they were murdered? Dahlia lost her reason for being here; and for some reason, Keir has taken her under his wing.
Did he kill Jack?
“Do you know when Keir will be back?” I ask.
“When he’s ready.” Dahlia hesitates. “I can see what’s happening with you both. Don’t fall in love with the wrong guy. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience.”
She closes the door behind her before I have a chance to ask more questions.
Chapter 11
KEIR IS GONE for a week. An achingly long week. I check in with Dahlia every day to see if he’s back, and each day Dahlia says no and indicates not so politely I should leave her the hell alone. So much for a truce between us.
Realisation hits—Keir hasn’t contacted Dahlia either. Dahlia’s posture sags, her small figure blending further into the background each day. I can’t tell who’s more upset about Keir’s absence—me or Dahlia.
There’s no sign of anybody connected to Darius, and I grow complacent. Maybe Darius has decided to leave me to suffer in the human world as my punishment. Shit. I hope not. I’d age and die, never getting a chance to claim my Will. Look at Dahlia’s life of regret; I’d rather face Darius’s wrath than a lifetime of miserable pain.
I sit in the cafeteria, absentmindedly stirring my yoghurt, watching those around. Yeah, I think I’m safe now, but my muscles remain coiled tight, waiting for danger. I jerk into readiness when the chair opposite scrapes across the linoleum floor.
“Didn’t mean to scare you.” Keir, standing over me and smiling. “You look tired. Are you sleeping?”
The adrenaline from fear of an attack spikes my heart rate and, as I stare back into his impossibly blue eyes, my chest tightens. Keir wears his usual dark jeans and T-shirt, brown leather jacket open. His regrowing dark-hair curls dip across his forehead. I itch to stroke the curl from Keir’s face and touch him, to connect with the warmth of him and ask where he’s been in my long week without him around.
