Guarded, page 27
Fuck, does it feel good.
I WAKE UP and immediately sense that I’m in bed alone. Feeling around the space beside me, I find nothing but cool, empty sheets. With a yawn, I peek open my eyes, only to find that the sun is shining through the windows on the far side of Leo’s flat. Pushing myself up until I’m propped onto my hands behind me, I don’t bother covering my naked breasts as I look around his modest space, searching for him.
It takes me a second to hear it, but when I do, I frown, wondering why he’s already up and in the shower. Last night was intense, to say the least. I knew that there was something buried inside of Leo, something painful, but I never imagined it would be that dark. My man isn’t tender or polished. He’s raw and real, and I’ve known that about him since the beginning. However, hearing his history—learning about how he came to be the man that he is, it still has my heart aching for him.
I won’t pretend to understand the life that he’s led. I won’t even pretend that I know what it felt like for him to lose his brother. Yes, I lost my mom, but she fought to stay alive as long as she could. Antonio’s story is not the same. It’s tragic, and unfair, and maddening. I could see it in Leo’s eyes that he carries the agony of his brother’s death even now. His anger makes more sense than it ever has before. Thinking back on his confrontation with his mother? It’s heartbreaking, but I can’t bring myself to blame him. I remember the look she gave him. Whatever she does to cope, however it is that she manages to willingly love a man who gave her son the drug that killed him—it’s made her hollow.
After he confided in me, we finished our pizza and we didn’t discuss the topic again. As far as I’m concerned, I’m more than willing to respect his need for a little distance from the conversation. It was heavy. So much so that when we crawled back into bed, he pulled me into his arms but didn’t initiate any play. I respected that, too, now fully aware that if he’s upset, it’s better for both of us for him to find another outlet. While he didn’t seem angry, he was more pensive than I’ve ever seen him, so I was content to let him hold me until we both drifted off to sleep.
Now, after a night of rest, it feels odd not waking up with him. He has the next couple of days off, and I figured we would laze today. Before I can drag myself out from beneath his sheets to go check on him, the water shuts off. Less than a minute later, he’s walking back into the room, a towel wrapped low around his hips—drops of water still trailing over every magnificent contour of his torso. I’m so taken by the sight of him, I almost don’t register the slight scowl that knits his eyebrows together.
Snapping out of my daze, I sit up straight and rake my fingers through my hair—which I’m sure, by now, is a total disaster. Confused and worried about the way he’s looking at me, I keep my voice low and gentle as I ask, “What time is it? What are you doing up?”
“Eight. Went for a run,” he answers shortly.
My patience ebbs a little at his tone, but I try not to show it.
“Is everything okay?”
He turns his back to me before sitting on the edge of the mattress. Looking at me from over his shoulder, he asks, “When’s your flight home?”
My stomach drops, caught off guard by his question. With the way he’s acting right now, I’m not sure what to think. I try and convince myself that I have nothing to be afraid of; that after last night, our future is decided.
“Why are you asking me that?”
He blows out a heavy sigh, turning his face away from me before he grunts, “This can’t fucking work.” All the air whooshes out of me as I gape at him, but I don’t have a chance to conjure up a single thought before he goes on to say, “You there, me here—shit, I won’t even be here for much longer—but that’s not the point. Point is, my woman does not belong over a thousand miles away from me. We can’t do this anymore. Hate to be a dick, baby, but my life is about to take me to Tennessee. I can’t be where you are. You have to be where I am.”
My whole body slumps in relief, and I have to fight the urge to slap him for scaring me. Instead, I crawl toward him and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my chest to his back before biting his shoulder. He turns his head to look at me once more, his brow still furrowed, but the heat now in his gaze darkening those blue-green eyes.
Propping my chin against him, I return his stare, fighting a smile as I ask, “Is that my caveman’s way of asking me to move in with him?”
“Not asking,” he mutters, shaking his head once. My stomach clenches in excitement as a grin spreads across my face—but he’s not done. “Ashley will still be up this way for business from time to time. I make plenty and I don’t spend much, so I can afford to keep this place and buy us another one down south. Just tell me what you want. House. Condo. City. Country—I don’t care.”
This time my heart flutters, taken aback by his generous offer. Still, he’s not finished.
“You don’t have to work, but I can see you getting bored if you don’t. Want you close to home. Want you mobile. I promised you eighteen weeks would never happen again, which means you can’t be chained to some desk. Fuck, you could start your own business for all I care—sole proprietor web designer or some shit. Might not have a rolodex full of contacts, but you’re not without connections, baby.”
I blink my eyes closed tight, shaking my head before touching my forehead to the middle of his back, overwhelmed by all that he’s proposed. “God, Lee—is there anything you didn’t think of?”
“You going to fight me on any of it?”
My head pops up, appalled that he could think such a thing. No longer satisfied at his back, I get up and make my way in front of him, inviting myself into his lap. He circles his arms around my waist, and I lean into his hold as I inquire, “Why would you think that?”
“If I’m not going to fuck this up, we have to do it my way. I also know I’m not the one who’s going to be leaving a life behind. That choice is on you, baby.”
“Leo,” I sigh, reaching up to take hold of either side of his face. “I don’t know what you think I mean when I tell you that I love you—but everything you just said? All the plans that you’ve made? That’s not your way, that’s our way. I can’t be without you anymore. I want to be wherever you are. I’ve already made up my mind, Lee. It’s done.”
“What about your old man?”
Speaking through a smile, I murmur, “He’s letting me go. It’s my time to fly.”
I WAS UP half the night, my mind too busy to sleep, filled with thoughts of Antonio. I remember what it cost me to leave him, and the utter malice I felt in my heart for months after his death. If I hadn’t met Vinny and Cruiz at that gym, I’m sure my anger powered by my guilt and grief would have landed me straight in prison. They were the ones who helped me channel my rage, and I was in the ring almost every day, sparring with Cruiz.
Thinking about how long it took to get my mind right, thinking about what it took for me to survive the darkest time in my life, and the habits that I’ve formed since, I realized that I’ve never stopped walking away. I don’t form attachments. When I left Jersey, I didn’t look back. I admit that Ashley and I have a bond unlike any I’ve had in as long as I can remember, but for years, he was just a job. In some ways, he still is the job. His safety is my responsibility, and I’ll never allow myself to get so comfortable that I forget that. Though, outside of him, people recognize my back better than they do my front.
But Jill…
I’ve shown her my back more times than she deserves, and she’s never let that be the end. Holding her while she slept, it struck me that she’d have to go back. She came to me this time, and just the thought of her walking away—the thought of seeing her back—regardless of how short our separation might be, it irked me. I knew that it was selfish, but I didn’t care. After I woke up this morning, unsure of when it was she’d be headed back home, I had to get out—clear my head—make a plan.
Now, hearing her speak of her love, listening to her tell me that she intends to be wherever I am, I vow to myself that her fight is done. Her fight is won. It’s my turn. And I’ll never stop fighting for her.
She’s mine to protect.
She’s mine to love.
She’s fucking mine.
Touching her forehead to mine, she whispers, “What are you thinking?”
Sliding my hand up the length of her bare back, then burying my fingers in her hair, I grab hold of the nape of her neck as I mutter, “Think I need to claim what’s mine.”
She giggles softly, the sound sending the blood in my veins straight to my dick, and then moves to touch her lips to my ear. “I love it when you take me slow and sweet, Leo—but I crave you rough and raw. You haven’t fucked me since my birthday. I’m yours to claim. Always have been, Lee. Always have been.”
A low growl rumbling from deep within me, I take my free hand and shove it between her legs. Her knees fall open, and I hear her soft moan as I press two fingers against her clit and rub firm circles around her. When I reach down and slide into her entrance, she wraps her arms around my shoulders, burying her face in my neck as I work to coax more of her arousal. My dick grows harder as she begins to pant, thrusting her hips as I curl my fingers inside of her.
She whines when I pull my hand away, her lip captured between her teeth as she lifts her head to seek out my gaze. I recline onto my back, jerking my chin as I demand, “Move the towel, get on my dick, then give me your mouth.”
Nodding, she stands to her feet, making quick work of the cloth that covers me before she straddles my hips. Taking hold of my cock, she guides me into her wet pussy with a sigh. She then leans over me, her peaked nipples grazing my chest as her lips find mine.
I reach up, cupping a hand around the back of her head, keeping her close as I plunge my tongue into her mouth. She hums, rocking her hips as she seeks the friction she desires. I let her have the lead for a moment, kissing her relentlessly before I tug on her bottom lip. She thrusts her pelvis forward harder, and I grunt, ready to take full control.
Without a word, I extend my arms, gripping my hands around each side of her ass with such force, she gasps. I watch as the expression on her face transforms, her whole body surrendering to me as I guide her up and down my length. Every time I slam her down, I lift my hips to plunge into her deeper. The sound of my skin slapping against hers fills our ears—her cunt so wet, I can hear her coating my dick. I grunt as my woman turns me on even more.
“Oh, god,” she groans, propping herself up, her hands at my shoulders. “Yes—yes, Lee—shit!”
My fingers dig into the flesh of her ass, and I force her down on me harder still. When she starts to tremble, her nails digging into me, I know I’ve brought her to the edge. Wanting to own her entirely, to remind her who possess her as I bring her to orgasm, I don’t bother making her wait. Rather, knowing what will make her scream for me, I free one of my hands from around her ass only to bring it back down with a loud crack against her cheek.
“Yes, oh, yes! Again—please, Lee.”
I land a second blow, and she throws her head back, her pussy clamping down around me as her orgasm crashes through her. She’s still squeezing my dick when I sit up, wrapping her in my arms, pulling her chest flush against mine.
I smash my mouth to hers and she whimpers, clinging to me as she parts her lips.
“Hope you got some good sleep, baby,” I mumble. “Plan on fucking you all day.”
She hums, pressing her hips forward, and I know she has no objections when she tangles her tongue with mine.
Fourteen Months Later
I CLOSE THE garage, exiting out the side door and hurrying my way through the rain to the house, my duffel slung over my shoulder. It’s not a long distance, but the storm leaves me halfway soaked by the time I make it inside. I drop my shit on the built in bench along the wall of the mud room, shedding my jacket and tossing it onto one of the hooks above the bench. I don’t bother with my boots, too impatient to care about what I might be tracking through the house.
Jill can yell at me if she wants, I’ll just fuck her until she doesn’t give a shit.
Making my way out of the mud room, I peek my head into the laundry room, find it empty, and then hang a left down the narrow hallway leading toward the kitchen. Coming to the end of the hall, I can see right away that she’s not in the kitchen, either. Everything is in its place, precisely as she likes it, the butcher-block countertops wiped clean with her canisters and appliances lined up below the large window on the farthest side of the room. Seeing the storm brewing outside reminds me that I know exactly where I should be looking for her.
I waste no time walking through the house, headed straight for our bedroom. I don’t stop until I’ve reached the master bathroom. I make it as far as the doorway, and then I halt, my dick twitching at the vision before me. She’s right where I thought she’d be, soaking in the freestanding tub below the window that takes up most of the wall—stretching between the large, glass enclosed shower and the built-in storage on the other side. When we were remodeling the place, she told me she wanted an abundant amount of natural light in the bathroom. I didn’t argue, seeing as we sit on forty acres and I don’t have to worry about anyone looking in on my woman.
The window is open, the sound of the wind and the rain making her wholly unaware of my presence. Her eyes are closed, her hair piled on top of her head, and her neck resting against the ledge as she enjoys her favorite thing about the south—the thunderstorms.
Taking advantage of her obliviousness, I head toward the tub, not hesitating for even a second before I climb in with her. She gasps, then squeals, sitting upright as she looks out the side of the tub at the mess I’ve made. “Leo!” she cries, her eyes still wide in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“Come here,” I insist, ignoring her question as I crook a finger at her.
She chokes out an exasperated laugh, shaking her head as she crawls toward me. When her naked body is settled between my legs, her arms wrapped around my shoulders, she fights a grin as she says, “You’ve ruined my water.”
“You really worried about the water?” I ask, lining my lips up with hers. “Huh?” I grunt when I feel her body relax against mine even more.
“I missed you,” she confesses before she steals a kiss.
I’ve only been gone for five days, having taken a quick trip with Ashley to New York, then to California, making a few promo stops for the album he dropped last month. Regardless, it was long enough, and I won’t deny that I’m glad to be home.
Fuck.
Home.
I thought I knew what home was until I made one with Jill, here in Winchester. Now I know I had no fucking clue. I had an idea—seeing where Ashley grew up, being around him with Corie—but home is personal. It’s intimate and sacred. Home is fucking my woman in every room of the house whenever I want to; it’s spaghetti dinners every Sunday; it’s the smell of Jill’s coffee in the morning, and the sound of her voice when she calls her dad every Thursday night. Home is this—the ridiculousness of me, fully dressed, soaking wet, hard as a fucking rock, my baby plastered against me, humming down my throat.
“You didn’t climb in here to tease me, did you?” she mutters, kissing along my jaw before tugging my earlobe between her teeth.
I give her ass a squeeze and then grunt, “Start the shower, baby.”
“Okay.”
She climbs out to do as I say, and I drain the water. Stripping out of my clothes, I leave all of it in the tub. When I step out, I look into the shower and see her under the spray of the water, her hair now drenched, hanging loosely down her back. I grip my dick, stifling a groan as I give myself a tug.
It may have only been five days—but it was five days too fucking long.
AS SOON AS he steps into the shower, closing the door behind him, he comes toward me, crashing his lips against mine in a short, bruising kiss before he places a hand on my shoulder. He presses down gently, silently signaling me to lower to my knees, and I obey. Reaching up to hold the back of his legs, I open my mouth in invitation. He groans as he eases his way inside of me, and my clit pulses in anticipation—already anxious to have his cock filling me up where I want him the most.
Where I need him the most.
Where only my Lee could ever satisfy me the way that I desperately crave.
I take him the way I know that he likes, sucking and licking as he thrusts in and out of me. He fists a hand in my hair, and I moan, my arousal pooling between my legs as he spurs me on. I drag my fingernails down the back of his thighs, and he growls before yanking me away from him. He then bends over, taking hold of me from underneath my arms and lifting me up off of the floor.
“Legs, baby,” he mutters, pressing me against the glass wall.
I spread for him, and he finds his way home as I circle my arms and legs around him. He tugs my bottom lip between his teeth as he drives into me, and my eyes fall closed as I enjoy every feeling he’s giving me right now. After he lets my lip go, he kisses me long and deep. I know, in this moment, that he missed me just as much as I missed him.
My caveman.
The man that I love.
My Lee.
When he slips his hands under my legs, hooking my knees over his arms, I gasp in excitement. He spreads me open, pressing my legs back, and I hold tight to his neck as he fucks me so good. My gaze finds his, and I stare into his amazing blue-green eyes, panting for him as he thrusts, sending wave after glorious wave of pleasure from my core, all the way to the top of my head, and down to the soles of my feet. The pressure of my orgasm is so much, I know I’m going to lose control. I can feel it.
“Pinch your nipples, Jill. Come all over me. Strangle my fucking cock, baby.”
“Yeah—yeah,” I whine, letting go of him to grab each of my breasts.
I tweak my hardened buds, pinching and tugging them simultaneously. That’s all it takes—that little bit making me scream as my body is flooded with blissful relief. Leo roars, pulling out of me as my legs tremble, my release leaking out of me. He growls victoriously before plunging back inside of me, and I suck in a short intake of air, reaching my hands up over my head in a hopeless attempt to grab hold of something. He rams into me only twice before I’m coming again, forcing him out, and I can tell by the way he watches me spill my release that he’s still not done with me yet.
