Guarded, page 20
No. No way can you list all of those countries and me NOT ask your favorite. So. I want to know. Tell me! It really is amazing that you’ve been so many places. Makes me feel like the most sheltered person in the entire universe. I need to get out more. I want to get out more. Maybe one day. I’d love to travel to any of the places you’ve listed. Though, I think Ireland would be at the top of my list. I bet the scenery out there is unreal.
I know that it’s a horrible excuse, but with Magnolia’s, dad and I haven’t really gone too many places. Most of the time, we try and make sure that at least one of us is at the shop. Unless it’s a special circumstance, like Corie’s wedding, of course. I’m actually not sure how much of dad’s reasoning is because of the shop vs the fact that he’s always liked staying close to home. Especially since mom died.
A part of me knows that he’d be all right if I left and went on some grand adventure. He’s told me before that he never wants to hold me back from experiencing whatever it is that I want. He thinks life has robbed me of enough, taking mom away so soon. But, I don’t know…I think life has robbed him, too.
Well, shit. Not exactly sure how I managed to drag our conversation in this direction, but here we are. I’d try and lighten the mood, but I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll write you later, okay?
I’m glad I got to hear from you. Relieved that you had a safe flight. And I hope you get some good sleep in!
xoxo
Jill
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Tue, Sept. 19 at 7:58 PM
Subject: Spotted!
To: Leo Vollucci
When you spot your man in a candid shot spotlighted on US Weekly…
Okay, so it was really a shot of Ashley and Corie as they were leaving the airport and, like, half your torso—but you still looked hot.
xoxo
From: Leo Vollucci
Date: Thur, Sept. 21 at 6:30 AM
Subject: Re: Spotted!
To: Jill Stevens
Baby, you shouldn’t look at that shit.
My choice, under coercion, would be Spain.
You’d like it. Ireland, too. It’s beautiful. Rich with history. You’ll have to form your own opinion when you go.
We leave for Berlin tomorrow. Video call Saturday, your Friday, if I can get a good signal. Eight-hour time difference. I’ll try and catch you in the AM before you go to bed. Talk soon.
L
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Fri, Sept. 22 at 4:47 PM
Subject: Re: Spotted!
To: Leo Vollucci
IS IT YOUR TOMORROW YET?!?!
Miss you. Can’t wait to hear your voice and see your face.
xoxo
Jill
From: Leo Vollucci
Date: Mon, Oct. 30 at 11:37 PM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Jill Stevens
It can’t come as a surprise to you that I don’t do Halloween. Was into it as a kid, I guess, but that was a long time ago. You better believe, though, you go out in some sexy as shit outfit, I’d be there just to make sure every other dick in the room knew you were hands off. You going out tomorrow? Won’t lie, baby, I hope you tell me no.
Next time I’m in Spain, I’m bringing your ass with me.
L
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Mon, Oct. 30 at 11:44 PM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Leo Vollucci
Lee! Stay awake. Just got off work. Be home in 15. Want to see you.
I’ll show you the costume Gloria talked me into buying… You’ll like it.
xx
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Wed, Nov. 1 at 7:02 AM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Leo Vollucci
I’m home. Left early. It was starting to snow, and didn’t want to get stuck in Vail because of crappy roads. Plus, Gloria met a guy. He seemed really nice. He was dressed as James Bond. He did the accent and everything. It was pretty impressive. Anyway—he stole my dance partner. And you were right—kind of hard to be a sultry SWAT girl without drawing a little attention. I thought for sure the whole full-pant-suit bit would work in my favor.
Anyway. Missed having you with me on the dance floor. Missed your hands. Missed the heat of your chest against my back. Missed your strong arms. God—I want you...
From: Leo Vollucci
Date: Wed, Nov. 1 at 7:10 AM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Jill Stevens
Pant suit? Fuck no. Try bodysuit, baby. Trust your man when he tells you that every dick in the room will notice you when you walk in wearing that shit.
As for that picture—that’s not right, sending me that after I’ve already been in the shower. I got half hard just reading how much you want me, then that? Fuck, baby. It’s been too long…
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Wed, Nov. 1 at 7:14 AM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Leo Vollucci
From: Leo Vollucci
Date: Wed, Nov. 1 at 7:16 AM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Jill Stevens
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Wed, Nov. 1 at 7: 17 AM
Subject: Re: Te echo de menos
To: Leo Vollucci
Looks like someone needs to get back in the shower… ;)
xoxoxo
Night, Lee.
Miss you….
(both of you, haha)
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Thur, Dec. 7 at 5:01 AM
Subject: Re: Missing you Down Under…
To: Leo Vollucci
It’s my mom’s birthday today.
Wish I was where you are—then it’d be almost over.
I know it’s been a long time, but it still hurts, you know? She loved being born in December. It was even better living in the middle of the Rocky Mountains with dad, ‘cause that meant snow. Snow and pancakes…that’s all she ever wanted for her birthday.
In other news, you’re flying home tomorrow! I know I still won’t get to see you, but I cannot wait. Call me when you land? I don’t care what time it is…want to hear your voice with you standing on American soil.
From: Leo Vollucci
Date: Thur, Dec. 7 at 5:10 AM
Subject: Re: Missing you Down Under…
To: Jill Stevens
They say time heals all wounds, but when it comes to death, I think it only serves to dull the pain. Never goes away. You always feel it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Nothing wrong with remembering who was lost. Nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry about it. It’s better than forgetting. Nobody should be forgotten in death. That would be the real tragedy.
Not sorry you’re sad, Jill. Just sorry all I can offer you is a stupid-ass email.
Talk soon, baby.
L
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Thur, Dec. 7 at 5:15 AM
Subject: Re: Missing you Down Under…
To: Leo Vollucci
Not stupid, Lee. Thank you…
Miss you so freaking much.
Yours.
From: Jill Stevens
Date: Thur, Dec 7 at 5:18 AM
Subject: Need your help…
To: Corie Hicks
I want to surprise Leo. Don’t think I can pull it off before Christmas—but maybe after the holidays? I don’t have your schedule in front of me, so I can’t remember where you’ll be after the New Year, but if I don’t see him soon…babe, I’ll go crazy.
Miss you, too, by the way!
Jill
From: Corie Hicks
Date: Thur, Dec 7 at 2:01 PM
Subject: Re: Need your help…
To: Jill Stevens
JILL!!!!! Looks like it’s your turn for a birthday trip. We’re in Seattle for four days the weekend of your birthday.
Tell Uncle Cal you’re coming. Happy birthday, bestie—it’s on me.
CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!!!!
Corie
I’M STARTLED OUT of my slumber by the sound of my phone, and I reach for it blindly. Sure that it could only be one person, I don’t even bother looking at the caller ID before I swipe my thumb to answer the call. Pressing the device to my ear, I mumble, “Lee?”
“Hi, baby.”
Speaking through a smile, I observe, “You made it.”
“Long as fuck flight, but yeah. We’re in Florida.”
“I’m glad.”
“Go back to sleep, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“’Kay,” I agree without protest, already feeling the clutches of sleep pulling me back under. Before I surrender completely, I call out, “Lee?”
“Yeah?”
“I miss you.”
“Yeah. Me, too. Night, Jill.”
“Goodnight, Lee.”
I got a box in the mail today. Know anything about that?
LV: Yeah.
Lee!!!
LV: Don’t open it. Christmas isn’t until next week.
:( That’s not fair.
LV: Can’t argue with the calendar.
No. Not that. I didn’t get you anything. I didn’t know where I could send it.
LV: Don’t want anything.
LV: Except your pussy. Fuck, I want that.
It’s already yours.
LV: Damn right. Not what I meant, though.
I know…
Are you guys still on the road?
LV: Crossed the Ohio border a little while ago.
You have tonight off, right?
LV: That’s the plan. Show’s tomorrow night. A&C laying low tonight.
Call me when you get to the hotel???
LV: Yeah.
K. xoxoxoxo
JS: Are you sure I can’t open it tonight? It’s basically Christmas.
I’m basically a few hours away from you.
JS: Ugh. Point taken.
JS: Low blow, Lee.
In the same boat, baby.
JS: I know.
JS: You aren’t traveling tomorrow, right?
We’ll leave after sundown. Oklahoma City show is two days after.
JS: Right. I can’t believe A&C are spending their first Christmas together on the road.
Doesn’t happen every year, but this is part of the deal.
Besides, I know what he got her for Christmas. She’ll be fine.
JS: What?!?! TELL ME!
Yeah right.
JS: hahaha, please?!?! I won’t tell, I swear.
I trust you won’t. Still not telling. Sure she’ll call you about it.
JS: Fiiiiiiine…
Headed to bed.
JS: Me too. Night, my Lee.
Night, baby.
AS SOON AS I wake up, I jump out of bed and hurry to the small package that’s been sitting on my dresser since the day that it arrived. I don’t bother shaking it, having done that a million times already, always hearing nothing. Ripping open the top flaps, I anxiously peek inside. Sitting in a bed of packing paper is an even smaller box. I pull it out, my stomach fluttering at the prospect of there being jewelry inside, and immediately flip open the lid.
“Oh, my god,” I whisper aloud, tracing my fingertips across the circle silver pendant—the countries of the world raised, giving the piece texture. It isn’t until I take the necklace out of the box that I realize there’s a tiny inscription on the back. I read it over and over, until the tears in my eyes make it too blurry for me to see. Even then, the words are already written on my heart.
Tell me where. We’ll go. – Lee
I’M NOT AT all surprised when my phone starts ringing at seven in the morning, in spite of the fact that it’s only six where she’s calling from. A small smirk tugs at the side of my mouth as I reach for the device, and I answer it without delay.
“You opened it,” I say instead of hello.
My brow furrows when I hear her hiccup, my stomach dropping as it dawns on me that she’s crying.
“Baby? Fuck. What’s wrong?”
“I’m pretty sure this is the second worst Christmas of my life—second only to the first one we spent without mom.”
“What the fuck, Jill?” I mutter, my scowl deepening as my heartrate picks up speed. “What happened?”
She chokes out a little laugh and my worry shifts to confusion before she admits, “It’s starting to hurt really bad. This dull ache of being without you—being able to see you and hear you but not touch you. It’s killing me. Don’t ever think of a career change and join the military, okay?”
Chuckling, I assure her, “Not the plan, baby.”
“Good.” She sucks in a deep breath, blowing it out in a huff before she murmurs, “I love my present. It’s beautiful, Lee.”
“Merry Christmas, Jill.”
JS: It’s FREEZING. Got any Texas heat to spare?
Not really. You wearing something skimpy?
JS: …maybe…
JS:
Fuck.
You out with Gloria and Bond?
JS: Hahaha, his name is Sean, Lee. And yes. We just got here.
JS:
Be safe.
JS: Of course. xoxo
JS: Tell Britton I said hi!
JS: Mmmm…my man is ringing in the New Year with some of the biggest names in music. I guess if I can’t have him for the occasion, at least I know he’s off somewhere being super cool.
Would rather be with my woman.
JS: My man is at a celebrity house party, and he’d rather be with me…I think you just made me a little wet.
Don’t start.
JS: Hahaha. xoxoxo
Happy New Year, Lee. Saving my kiss for you.
LV: You fucking better.
LV: Text when you get home.
Promise.
CH: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 18 DAYS!!!!
Eeeep! Happy New Year, babe!
The countdown is SO on!!!!
CH: So excited for you to be with us. Leo is going to be so surprised! It’s going to be awesome. I can’t wait until you see Ashley perform, too! It’s out of this world.
It’ll be the best birthday ever. I’m sure of it.
CH: Love you. Get home safe!
Love you, too, babe!
CH: Hey, Jill—here’s what you need to know for TOMORROW!
CH: A car will be at the airport to pick you up. We’ll already be at the arena, so they’ll bring you straight over. You got your backstage pass, right? I’ll make sure you get in with no trouble. TEXT ME when you get to the arena.
I will, I will, I will!!!! Got my pass. See you so soon!
I’m not going to sleep a wink. I’m too freaking excited.
CH: Something tells me you won’t be getting any sleep for the next few days, hehe.
Sleep is totally overrated ;)
CH: Don’t I know it.
Well, all right, Mrs. Hicks!
CH: ;)
WHEN MY FLIGHT is delayed, it takes everything in me not to burst into tears. Thankfully, they have us in the air only an hour and a half behind schedule. Any later and I might have had a melt down—that’s how anxious I am to be there. That’s how desperate I am to see my Lee. It feels like a lifetime since I was last with him. Eighteen weeks might not be much in comparison to what some couples have to endure, but our separation is now nine times longer than our time together.
It’s time. We’re overdue. I need to see him in the flesh. I need to touch him. I need to kiss him—to taste him—to be reminded of all that we are when we’re together.
I stare out the window, fidgeting with the pendant of my necklace, my thoughts drifting back and forth between now and what next? The truth is, as much as I’m looking forward to this weekend, and as necessary as this trip might be, I know that after four days, I’m going to have to say goodbye to Leo again. I try not to let it get to me. The fact that I get to see him for my birthday is a gift in and of itself; not to mention, he said he’d come see me when the tour was over—which is only another three and a half weeks. After four months, I can endure a little while longer. But after that?
I told myself that I’d worry about February when we got there. Now, we’re only a couple of weeks away, and our future has been at the forefront of my mind a lot. If our time apart has taught me anything, it’s that while I can be a long distance girlfriend, I don’t want to be. I miss him terribly. So long as it’s his job that’s keeping us apart, I can manage. What he does is important to him. Ashley is important to him. I would never hold that against him. In fact, his loyalty and his dedication are a couple of the reasons why I respect him so much.
