Guarded, page 12
I gasp, startled from my thoughts when I hear the door slam shut. I whip my head around to see Leo standing in the narrow hallway, and my thighs instinctively press together as my body responds to the sight of all that he is. It feels like we’ve been waiting for this moment for ages, and now that it’s here, I can barely breathe. That’s how much I want him. That’s how much I need him.
My Lee.
He doesn’t speak a word as he walks toward me, but he doesn’t have to. When he reaches me, he buries his fingers in my hair, closing his fist around a handful of strands before tugging on me. My neck arches as my lips fall open, and the fire that burns in his blue-green eyes makes my skin break out in goosebumps. He stares at me for a long time, and I watch as his jaw clenches—the muscles in his face speaking of his fight for control. Just watching him makes me wet, and it takes me a moment to realize that the sound that fills my ears is that of my own breath as I pant for him.
My impatience getting the better of me, I claw at his chest, fisting two handfuls of his shirt as I pull myself even closer to him. His grip in my hair tightens the instant before he slams his lips against mine, and I whimper at the slight shock of pain I feel before he thrusts his tongue between my lips. I then hum my delight as he owns my mouth in a deep, hard, relentless, passionate kiss. It’s wet and sexy, and it makes me burn for him in the most intimate way.
Pushing myself up onto my tiptoes, I take hold of the back of his neck, wishing to pull him even closer. I swallow his growl as he drops an arm around the small of my back, crushing me against him. I can feel his erection pressing firmly against my belly, and I moan, giving voice to my desire. I know by now my panties are soaked through, and I’m caught between wishing he’d kiss me like this forever, and wishing he’d strip me naked and have his way with me already.
A shiver races down my spine when he slides a hand up my back and finally, finally, unzips the back of my dress. I let my arms fall away from him as he pushes the fabric down my body, until it drops to my feet, all the while never severing his lips from mine. When he does break our kiss, it’s only so that he can lift me up and plant my ass on the dresser. He then takes my hands and places them over the buttons of his shirt, silently demanding that I undress him.
As I work to set him free, he kisses and nibbles on my lips. It’s wonderfully distracting, and it takes me a minute to fumble my way down his shirt, but I manage. He pulls away from me when I slip my fingers underneath the fabric and over his shoulders, easing it off of him. He helps me, taking over as I then reach for the hem of his tank. Once he’s rid of both, his chest completely bare, I lean down to pepper kisses across his collar bone and down his pecks. I barely feel it when he unhooks my strapless bra, tossing it aside. It isn’t until he grabs a fistful of my hair and yanks my head back, dipping his own head to wrap his lips around my hardened nipple, that I become fully aware.
I gasp as he sucks me mercilessly, his tongue swirling around my peak. My legs open wider, and my clit pulses with need when he bites me. I whine pathetically, running my fingers through his hair and down over his neck. By the time he’s shown the same amount of attention to my opposite breast, I feel downright desperate.
“Lee,” I beg on a moan as he drags his lips up my chest, along my neck, and across my jaw.
He pulls the lobe of my ear between his teeth, nipping me gently before he grunts, “War.”
Something between a laugh and a pleading cry sounds from the back of my throat, and he hooks his fingers into the waist of my panties. I don’t hesitate to press my hands against the dresser, lifting myself up so that he can pull them off. He tosses them over his shoulder and then grips hold of my legs from underneath my knees. I squeak in surprise when he suddenly pushes my legs up toward my chest, spreading me wide open, leaving my sex completely exposed. I have to lean back and rest on my elbows to keep my balance as he bends at the waist to bring his face closer to me.
I feel my cheeks heat in a blush as he smells me, his nose so close that I can feel his exhale as it hits my glistening slit—dripping in my abundant arousal. Just when I think he’s going to relieve some of my angst, he turns his head and bites into my thigh. My head falls back, hitting the mirror behind me as I cry out. He sooths the tender area as he sucks and licks my skin, and I can’t keep myself from squirming.
“Lee!” I plead.
He peeks up at me, a devilish smirk on his lips, and then blows against my center. Still, he doesn’t give me his mouth, and I whine in protest. He licks his way from the crease of my hip, all the way to my knee, making my clit pulse once more. Then he nibbles his way back. He’s never taken his time like this before, and I’m afraid my impatience is going to make me unstable soon.
When he finally flattens his tongue over my entrance, my eyes roll into the back of my head, and I groan in ecstatic relief. As if playing with me was just as torturous for him as it was for me, he feasts on me like a man depraved. He sucks and licks, tasting every bit of me as he brings me closer and closer to the brink of an orgasm. I’m almost there, my fingers trying to find purchase in his hair as he grazes his teeth back and forth across my clit, and then he pulls away abruptly.
“No!” I cry, my legs falling over the edge of the dresser as he lets go of me completely.
“Greedy girl,” he chuckles, reaching for his belt.
I silence my protest, watching as he finishes undressing, knowing that his dick inside of me is what I really want. I want to be one with him—I want him to make me his—to own me like no one else ever has.
It seems to take him forever to roll the condom on, but as soon as he does, his eyes find mine. He takes a step toward me, lifting a hand to grip the back of my neck and pull me closer.
“Come ‘ere, baby,” he grunts before lining up our lips.
He doesn’t kiss me, but holds me still, his gaze locked with mine as he eases his cock into me gently. I shudder, lifting my hands to grab hold of his shoulders, and he sighs softly as he fills me completely. For a moment, neither of us move. My heart pounds in my chest as he grazes the lightest of kisses against my lips. I’m taken aback by how sweet he’s being right now.
His hands slide down my body, adjusting my legs until they’re hooked in the crook of his arms. Then, as if he’s flipped a switch, he crashes his mouth against mine, his brute force surprising me. Speaking in a mumble, he demands, “Hold my neck, baby, and don’t fucking let go.”
The instant I do as he says, he pulls me off of the dresser. My body completely at his mercy, I slide down even further onto his dick.
“Fuck, yes,” he snarls before he starts to fuck me.
He doesn’t merely thrust his hips, which would be impressive enough. No, he thrusts his hips while simultaneously using his upper body to take advantage of his momentum and my drenched core—pushing me away from him and allowing gravity to bring me back in a slam. Every time we come back together, I can’t silence the soft noise that sounds from the back of my throat as my breath hitches with each impact. He feels beyond amazing—he penetrates so deep—and I wonder how I ever, ever thought that I could get enough of him in just one weekend.
I didn’t know I could be anymore turned on, but I was wrong. I’m so wet, I can hear how soaked his dick is; I can feel the evidence of my desire as it trickles down my ass; and if Leo wasn’t so busy fucking me breathless, I might be embarrassed. I’m not, though. Not even a little bit. But as our bodies grow slick with sweat—his from excursion, mine from the fire that he stokes within me—I start to lose my grip around his neck.
“Lee,” I pant, trying to hold on the best that I can. “Don’t let me fall.”
With a grunt, he whirls us around, so that he’s standing at the foot of the bed. My legs still in his arms, he demands, “Let go.”
I obey, my shoulders falling back against the bed, and Leo doesn’t miss a beat, moving his arms so that his grip is now around my hips. Following his lead, I keep my legs around his waist as he continues to pound in and out of me.
“Come on my dick,” he grinds out. “Play with your nipples, baby, and come all over me.”
I nod, sliding my hands up my belly and around my small breasts. Having been so worked up before, I’m not the least bit surprised when only the slightest tug and pinch has my legs trembling. Fully aware of my body, Leo rams into me harder, and I arch my back, crying out as I find my release.
He groans as my insides tighten and flutter around him, his fingers digging into my hips so hard, I’m sure he’ll leave bruises—and I love it.
Before I’m fully recovered from my orgasm, he pulls out of me and flips me over. I let out a startled puff of air, barely getting the chance to situate myself on my hands and knees before he’s inside of me again—riding me hard from behind.
“Oh, god, Leo!” I cry, fisting two handfuls of blanket with my fingers.
Still sensitive from a moment ago, he elicits the strangest feeling of pleasure. It hurts a little, but I welcome the pain, enjoying the war he wages within me—the war between agony and bliss. I don’t want him to stop. His cock is exactly where it belongs. As he continues to take me, the pain dissipates, and the promise of another orgasm begins to blossom.
I yelp, arching my back and rearing my ass up, the first slap against my ass cheek taking me by surprise. When he repeats the act on the other side, I stretch my arms out in front of me, lowering my chest as I moan, offering myself to him completely. The next time he slaps me, I swear I can feel the sting of his handprint all over my body. I’m sure there’s something wrong with me for loving his aggressive touch, but right now—in this very moment—I can’t bring myself to worry about it or to care. All I want is more.
I get my wish, and he lands another blow before I feel him lean over me. With his slick chest pressed against my back, he covers my balled up fists with his hands, holding onto me as he fucks me vigorously.
Bringing his lips to my ear, he mutters, “You’re going to come again for me, Jill.”
“Yes,” I pant, nodding in agreement.
“Now, baby.”
“I need—”
I don’t even know why I wasted my breath bothering to ask. Before I can finish my sentence, he bites the back of my shoulder. I cry out, my second orgasm hitting me harder than my first. When he comes, he plants himself deep, sucking on my tender flesh as he groans, filling the condom with his release.
He rocks his hips in and out of me slowly a few more times before he pulls out. The instant he severs our connection, I go limp, my entire body exhausted. As I rest on my side, he flops onto his back next to me, his long legs bent over the edge of the mattress. The room is silent, save the sound of our rapid breaths, and it smells like us—hot, sweaty, rough sex.
When I can finally manage a deep breath, I sigh wistfully, and he turns his head to look at me. Smiling, I look into his handsome blue-green eyes and murmur, “If that was war, you can conquer me whenever you’d like.”
His eyes dance with amusement, a sly smirk curling his lips, and my heart leaps, as if its signaling me—reminding me that no one else will understand me the way that he does, which means no one else will do.
IT TOOK ME a little while to gear up for round two, but it was worth the wait. Now, as we give our bodies a few minute’s reprieve, I lay with my hands folded beneath my head, Jill’s body draped around my side. It should surprise me how much I don’t mind her post coital affection, but it doesn’t. I want her there—I want to feel the rise and fall of her chest as she rests. I want to feel her warmth. I want proof that she’s alive and well, that she’s safe right here at my side. It’s an assurance I’m not awarded when she’s home. It’s a comfort that’ll be taken from me as soon as tomorrow dawns.
Reality pisses me off, so I shove it aside and look down at Jill as she traces her fingers delicately along the contours of my chest. It feels good—better than it should—but I don’t dwell on that, either. I let her have her way, sure that I will have mine again soon.
“They looked happy today, huh?” she murmurs, taking me away from my thoughts.
I shrug, thinking back over the day. It was a special occasion, of course, but the way he was with her today—it was nothing new. Corie is Ashley’s woman. Period. Sensed it in him when we reconnected after his sabbatical. The difference between when he left and when he came back to work was like night and day. The sun hasn’t even begun to set on those two.
“Usually do,” I mutter in reply.
“That’s true.” She sighs before she goes on to say, “She’s never had a home. Not really. Not in the way that we should all get to experience home. Ashley is that for her. She deserves this. Today was perfect.”
Silence settles between us again as I think about what she said—her idea that we should all experience home in whatever grand manner of speaking she’s got in her head. She’s right about Corie and Ashley. Only an idiot could look at the two of them and think otherwise. But not all of us are capable of that. Not all of us are good. Or happy. Or deserving.
“Can I tell you something?” she asks, her voice hardly above a whisper.
I grunt my response, and she snuggles against me closer.
“I missed my mom so much today.”
A frown tugs at my brow as I try and recall if I know a damn thing about her mother. I don’t make it my business to go snooping into other people’s personal lives. Some things just aren’t for other people, and I get that. I live by that belief. I take what people give, nothing more—and I expect the same in return.
I watch as Jill shifts, folding her arms across my chest and hooking one leg over mine as she stares up at me. Her pretty blue eyes dance around my face, studying me before she whispers, “Ask.”
“Ask what?”
“About my mom, Lee. It’s okay. I want you to.”
I stare down at her for a moment before I finally inquire, “What happened to her?”
“She was diagnosed with skin cancer when I was sixteen. I don’t think any of us were as scared as we should have been. We were sure that she’d beat it. Then it spread, and the fear hit. She was gone exactly a year after her diagnosis.” She pulls in a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh, looking down her cheeks as she says, “Most days, we do all right without her. We know that’s what she wanted—for us to be happy, no matter what. But she should have been here today. For Corie. I wish she could have been here today…”
She sniffs, resting her cheek on top of her hand, and instinct has me lifting my head to free one of my hands. Burying my fingers in her hair, I cradle her to me, wishing I could protect her from her pain. I know that I can’t. In truth, I can’t even protect myself from my own pain. Right now, that’s neither here nor there. I don’t give two fucks about me. Just her. She unfolds her own arms, wrapping them around me, and I free my other hand, wrapping it around her opposite hip and tugging her on top of me. She settles in, and I feel her sigh, my proof that I’m doing something right. We lay like this for a while, neither of us speaking a word.
“Leo?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s your mom like?”
Her question takes me by surprise, and my whole body locks up in response. I know she feels it when she lifts her head, seeking out my eyes. Before she can speak another word, I tell her, “We’re not talking about her.”
A worried expression tugs at her brow as she asks, “Well—what about your dad? Or your siblings? Or anything about your family?”
“No.” I clip.
“Lee—”
I flip her onto her back, pinning her to the mattress as I lock my gaze with hers and grumble, “We’re not fucking talking about them. Any of them.”
Her lips part in startled awe, her cheeks growing rosy with a blush, and I know I need to get control of myself. Rolling away from her, I throw my legs over the side of the bed, holding onto the edge of the mattress as I try and calm down.
“Lee?” she murmurs, tentatively resting a hand on my shoulder. She shrinks away from me when I twist my neck to look back at her, but that doesn’t stop her from speaking. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just—I hardly know anything about you. I wanted…”
“What?” I grunt when her voice trails off. “You wanted what Jill?”
She hesitates for a moment, and then I watch as she makes up her mind about something. Scooting closer to me, she slides her arms around my waist, pressing her naked chest to my back as she whispers, “I want this, Lee. Whatever this is with you—I want it. I want you. I want to make this work.” Holding me tighter, she touches her lips to my shoulder and mumbles, “You can trust me. You can tell me anything, Leo. I want you to.”
I cough out a grunt, her gentle touch and genuine words only serving to stir up the unrest that I carry with me every damn minute of every fucking day. She knocked on a door I keep locked for a reason—and I’m not letting her in. She doesn’t belong. At least, that’s what I tell myself. It is the status quo, and not for nothing.
“Lee?” she whispers.
I shake my head, realizing what a jackass I’ve been. What’s happening right now, it’s entirely my fault. I started this. All of this. I encouraged it, even. Repeatedly. I let her get this close. I let her think that we could be—more. I let myself think that we could be—
Fuck.
“What are we doing?” I say on a sigh, propping my elbows on my knees before resting my head in my hands. “This is all bullshit, Jill.”
Her grip around me loosens, but I don’t look back at her. Rather, I go on to say, “This is never going to work.”
“You don’t know that,” she says softly. “We haven’t even tried.”
“What’s the point?” I ask, dropping my hands away from my face as I lift my shoulders in another shrug. “This—right here—everything about tonight is just proof that we’re fucking fooling ourselves.”
