Guarded, page 21
That said—his work doesn’t stop just because the tour is over. His work is wherever Ashley is; and Ashley is about to move my best friend to Tennessee. As scary as it might be to admit it, I feel like I need to consider how much our relationship means to me and how much I’d be willing to sacrifice for it. In all honesty, my job isn’t any less important than his. I’m committed to Magnolia’s and to my dad and all that he’s built—all that he and mom built together. For me to walk away from the only life that I’ve ever known, it’s a daunting thought, to say the least.
Yet, at the same time, I have to admit that working at Magnolia’s isn’t my dream. It never has been. It’s my dad’s dream. It was mom’s dream. While I’m able to dabble in what I love as I help promote our business, it’s really just the place that I was raised. It’s all that I know. But when I think about Leo, when I think about choosing Magnolia’s over Leo, it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel brave or adventurous or even smart. Scary, yes, but I’ve fallen for him in a way I’ve never fallen for anyone. I don’t think that’s something you just walk away from. Furthermore, while Leo’s career isn’t more important, it means more to him than Magnolia’s means to me—which is saying so much.
I’ve seen it in his eyes. I’ve heard it in his voice. I’ve watched him at work; and for reasons I can’t quite explain or wrap my head around, I know that it gives his life purpose. It drives him. It centers him. It defines him. I want him to have that. I care about him enough to know that I would never ask him to choose me over his work. I could never be that selfish with him. His happiness seems fragile. I don’t know why. I haven’t been able to get it out of him yet. However, I do know that he admits to struggling with an ever-present anger. If his job is something that helps him battle that—if his relationship with Ashley is one that he’ll allow himself to fully embrace, and if he’ll let me in, too—then I think I want him to have it all.
In return—I get him.
I know that it’s not quite so simple. I know that he has to want me to be with him, too. Also, I’d have to figure out what it is that I want, the career that I’m ready to chase. It’s a lot to take into consideration; a lot that needs to be discussed with him. It’s all just so much—all the thoughts and feelings that I’ve been bottling up the closer we get to the end of this tour.
Maybe this weekend isn’t the best time to talk about it. Maybe I should just let us enjoy being reunited after countless days and weeks of being separated. When I finally see him, I might be so beside myself that I forget everything except how happy and relieved I am to be with him. Tomorrow’s my birthday, and today I’m surprising my man. I want to enjoy it. Enjoy him. So maybe we’ll talk about it and maybe we won’t. Maybe we’ll wait. But for now, as I anxiously wait for this plane to touch down in Seattle, I let my heart chatter away.
I DON’T LIKE being here. This arena really isn’t any different than all the others we’ve been in over the last several weeks. The eighteen thousand people that fill the stands are no different than the fans we encountered in Inglewood, or Kansas City, or even Amsterdam. This is the job. This is Ashley’s music. This is his success—another day, another town, another dollar.
This is the job. But it’s also home.
From the moment I stepped off that bus, I could feel it—the poison that is my history with this place. It makes me feel unsettled, and I don’t like to feel unsettled. So long as I’m here, I’m within reaching distance of my past, a past that I have done all that I can do to get away from. To know that I’m even breathing the same air as them, it makes my blood boil and my skin crawl.
It’s not the first time I’ve been back in the past fourteen—almost fifteen years. Over the last six of those years, Ashley’s schedule has brought us here before. Three times. Each time, I arrive with an urgency to leave. In this place, the only thing that distracts me from all that makes me want to get the fuck out of here is the job. I’m good at what I do. Ironically, I’m even better at what I do when I’m here. My focus is sharper. My attention to detail is more poignant. It’s the only way for me to channel my adrenaline.
Now, as Frank and I escort Ashley and Corie through the tunnel, leading to the stage, I’m fully aware that Corie is acting more anxious than normal. Don’t know what that’s about, but I make note to keep an eye on the situation. Ashley appears to be his normal pre-show self—ready to get out there and play the hell out of his set. I can hear the ending of the opening act as we approach the stairs leading up to the side of stage. We stop, and I glance around, quickly surveying the area as we wait for our cue to head up.
While we wait, I reach into my pocket for my phone. It’s been a few hours since I’ve heard from Jill. When I find no new notifications on my screen, a slight scowl pulls at my brow as I tuck the device back into my pocket. It’s not unusual for us to go a few hours without exchanging some sort of communication—but I know her habits. She likes to tell me when she’s home from work, or when she’s going out with friends. I won’t deny I like knowing where she is. Now, not knowing, it’s just another detail that doesn’t go unnoticed.
We stay out of the way as the band on stage makes their exit, and the roadies hurry up onto the platform to prepare for Ashley and his band to make their entrance. Their practiced hands have the stage ready in less than fifteen minutes. As they race down the steps, the members that make up Ashley’s band take their spots. The lights in the house go down, and the fans scream wildly in anticipation. Corie’s phone lights up in her hand just before we start to make our way up onto the wings of the stage.
I watch as she tugs on Ashley’s hand, beckoning him close enough for her to speak into his ear. He manages to hear her over the roar of the crowd, offering her a nod before pressing a quick kiss against her lips. As soon as she lets him go, she turns to Frank and simply points back down the tunnel. He offers her a nod, and they take their leave.
Ashley pays me no mind when I peer at him through the darkness in question. Not that it really matters. His fans are deafening at this point, and it’s time to get him on stage. Whatever’s going on with Corie, Frank’s got it covered.
Ashley claps his hand on my shoulder, nodding toward the steps, and we make our way up together. Someone from the crew shines a flashlight onto his standing rack of guitars, and he chooses one before strapping it over his head. He rolls his shoulders and stretches his neck, like he always does, and then takes center stage. The lights go up when he starts plucking out the first few bars of his opening guitar solo, and the arena goes insane.
He plays for a few minutes, reminding his fans exactly why they paid to be here. Just as he’s stepping up to the mic to sing, I feel Corie at my side. I glance over at her, curious as to where she’s been, and then my heart stops beating. It ceases for just a moment, but it’s enough to shock my entire system. It’s enough that I forget where I am—forget why I hate it here—forget why I’m so anxious to leave. As her fingers lace themselves between mine, there’s not a fucking place I’d rather be.
I can’t take my eyes off of Corie, who looks beside herself with glee. I’m afraid that when I actually see her, I won’t be able to control myself. She’s caught me off guard. I wasn’t prepared for this. As I grip her fingers tightly, I force myself to take deep, slow breaths. Whatever the fuck I’m feeling right now, I’ve never felt it before. It’s unnerving, but it’s also liberating.
She does that to me.
Fuck.
She does this to me.
I lock my jaw, fighting a smile as I realize that I’m about to lose my shit. It’s been too long. Too long since I’ve touched her. Too long since I’ve tasted her, been inside of her, possessed her completely. I know, no matter how much I want to, I can’t fuck her here—but I sure as hell am not going to settle for some polite-ass kiss, either.
I take so long to look at her, she steps even closer to me, pressing her chest against my arm as she grabs hold of the inside of my bicep and hugs me. When I finally do look at her, her tear-streaked face lit up by the lights shining on stage, my dick twitches and my chest swells. The sight of her gorgeous blue eyes shining up at me is enough to bring me to my goddamn knees, and I don’t give a fuck who knows it.
I shake her off of my arm, and her lips part in surprise as she takes a step away from me. A smirk curls my lips, as she’s positioned herself exactly where I wanted her, and I bend down and press my shoulder into her belly. Hoisting her up, I don’t hesitate before I jog off the platform and down the stairs, finding my way into the long tunnel leading toward the underbelly of the arena.
“Lee!” she giggles. “Where are we going?”
The sound of her voice heard over the resonating cry of the packed arena has me stopping in my tracks, and I set her back on her feet. She giggles again, reaching up to brush her long, blonde locks out of her face, and my dick starts to harden as I grip the sides of her neck, my thumbs pushing her chin up to look at me. I take a step toward her, forcing her back until she’s up against the wall, and she gasps as her eyes widen in excitement.
I can’t silence the growl that crawls from my throat as I dip my head to capture her mouth with mine. She opens up for me immediately, pressing her whole self against me as I plunge my tongue between her lips. Moaning unashamedly, she reaches up to circle her arms around my shoulders. I drop my hands to her hips, taking hold of her and pulling her body flush against mine.
I kiss her hard, she kisses me wild, and when I slide one of my hands down around her ass, giving her a rough squeeze, she pulls my bottom lip between her teeth and balls my t-shirt into her fists. With a grunt, I yank my lip free before crushing both of mine against hers. She whimpers, hitching one of her legs up around my thigh, and I know that if we don’t stop soon, I’ll not be able to stop at all.
Pulling away from her abruptly, I take two steps back, lifting my hands and running them through my hair as I stare at her, the both of us working to catch our breath. Her lips are pink and swollen, her cheeks flushed, and she looks so damn beautiful. Her impatience getting the best of her, she takes a step toward me, but I hold my hands up, signaling her to stop.
“Need a minute, baby.”
She doesn’t listen. On the contrary, she reaches for my hands, lacing her fingers with mine as she murmurs, “I couldn’t wait another minute, Lee. It’s why I’m here.”
A short groan sounds from my throat as I draw her close, leaning down to press my forehead against hers. Our hands now resting at our sides, she holds on to me tightly, pressing up on her tiptoes before she whispers, “Surprise.”
CORIE WAS RIGHT. Watching Ashley perform was exhilarating. Though, as incredible as an artist as he is—and he is unmistakably brilliant—I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that part of the reason I enjoyed the show as much as I did was because I was watching it with Leo at my back, his arms folded across my chest, my hands resting in the bend of his elbows. While I stood in his hold, looking out over the biggest crowd I’ve ever seen in my life, listening to one of the greatest musicians of my generation, I made up my mind.
The relief that flooded through my system the moment I laid eyes on him; the way my heart fluttered when I first took his hand; the laughter that bubbled out of me when he threw me over his shoulder; and the way my entire body came alive when he grabbed me and captured my mouth in a bruising kiss—it was all a million times better than I ever imagined it could be. The reality of Leo outshined my dreams of him, and it made everything so clear.
I’m never going to let him go. Not ever.
Now, as we make our way backstage, Leo leading the pack with Ashley and Corie just behind me, I’m taken aback by the buzz of the atmosphere that seems to be following us. Whatever it is Ashley is feeling—the high of his performance—it’s leaking out of him, along with the other members of his band, and it feels electrifying. That, coupled with all that Leo is contributing—his adrenaline, his focus, and the sheer magnitude of his presence alone—it’s sexy as hell, and I’m undeniably turned on by it.
We head straight to the green room, where Corie had me leave my bag when I first arrived. Now that I’m not so anxious to see Leo, I notice that we’re in a totally decked out make-shift space. There are dove gray curtains hung up around the perimeter of the room, two semi-circle, black couches in the center of the space, with a coffee table situated between them. There’s a gorgeous bouquet of flowers on the table, and another serving as a centerpiece on what looks like a dining room table in the far left corner of the room.
“Hungry?” Corie asks me over her shoulder as Ashley practically drags her past me by the hand. She smiles and then nods her head to what I realize is a buffet table of food set up on the right side of the room.
“He travels with a catering service. He eats a couple hours before the show and then immediately after. When he’s done, we’ll go,” Leo explains. I look up at him and find him staring down at me, his blue-green eyes darkened by the same desire I feel, and I nod my acknowledgment. “Have you eaten?”
“Not since before my flight.”
Without another word, he leads me toward the food, and my stomach growls when I get a whiff of it. It smells amazing. When I sit down with a plate of roasted chicken and lemon garlic potatoes with green beans, I can see why Ashley travels with a chef. With the schedule he keeps, dinner at ten o’clock at night, I can imagine it would be hard to eat a decent meal without one.
The perks of being a rock star.
“So, tomorrow is your birthday,” Corie says, reaching over to squeeze my knee as someone comes to clear our empty plates from the table. “It’s been a crazy week for us, so we built in the next couple days to lay low and let Ashley rest before we head to Quebec. I figured you wouldn’t mind, as that leaves Leo available.” She pauses, smiling excitedly as her eyes flicker beside me to my man and then back on me. “But, I do want to spend part of your birthday with you, so I thought we could do dinner tomorrow night? Then maybe the next day we could do a little shopping or sight seeing?” She shrugs, looking back at Ashley as she confesses, “I like to see a little bit of every place that we stop.” Shifting her gaze to me once more, she says, “He indulges me.”
Laughing softly, I place my hand on top of hers and assure her, “That sounds perfect.”
“Y’all ready to get out of here?” asks Ashley as he stands. He looks exhausted, which is not at all surprising after his set, and we’re all quick to join him on our feet.
I hurry over to grab my bag, but just as I’m lifting it onto my shoulder, it’s taken from me. Leo straps it over his own shoulder, then grabs the side of my neck as he instructs, “You stay with Corie and Frank. Don’t get separated from them. Don’t get lost in the crowd. I’ll be with Ashley. We’ll meet you in the car.”
“Okay,” I agree with a nod.
He stares at me for a moment, and I can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t like having to choose between escorting me through whatever it is he knows awaits us outside and doing his job. To put his mind at ease, I grab hold of the collar of his shirt, pulling him toward me until he’s low enough for me to reach up for a kiss. My lips grazing his, I tell him, “I’ll be fine, Lee. I’m not the one who needs protecting. Go.” I touch my lips to his once more and then push him away from me. Or, rather, push myself away from him as he doesn’t budge an inch.
I offer him an encouraging smile before I turn to find Corie, who is gathering her own things while Frank waits for her at the door. When she’s ready, she links arms with me and we watch as our men lead the way toward the exit, Ashley’s band trailing behind him. Corie says that she always takes up the rear—at her own insistence—with the assumption that after Ashley and his band have made their appearance, nobody will care who follows.
“Seriously, though,” she mutters, tilting her head toward mine as we walk arm in arm. “You should have seen the look on Leo’s face when he realized you were here. I’ll never forget it,” she says with a giggle and a grin. “Priceless.”
I open my mouth to respond, but instantly forget what I was going to say when I hear the chaos that awaits us. Corie’s arm hugs me closer, and I look to her as she takes a deep breath and looks to Frank. He offers her his elbow, and she rests her hand in the crook of his arm before we step out into the cold. My eyes grow wide in awe as we walk between the barriers keeping back screaming fans and paparazzi. We move fast, at some point passing Leo and Ashley, who has stopped to sign autographs and pose for selfies.
By the time we make it to the SUV, Corie and I climbing into the very back row, I’m breathless. Staring out the passenger side window, I shake my head in disbelief. Of course I knew that this sort of thing was to be expected. It’s why Leo has a job, it’s why Corie has Frank, it’s why I’ve seen my cousin’s photograph in gossip columns—but it’s one thing to hear about it and another thing entirely to experience it.
“That was insane,” I gasp, turning to face Corie.
“Yeah,” she agrees with a nod. “You get used to it, though.”
I study her for a moment, watching her as she runs her fingers through her wavy locks, tossing them out of her face. She then smooths out her shirt and shrugs her shoulders, as if shaking off the mob we just walked through. When she catches me staring, I can’t help but grin at her before I throw my arms around her and give her a big squeeze.
“I am so proud of you, Corie Hicks. You’re the bravest woman I know. I love the hell out of you, babe.”
Resting her head against mine, she sighs as she admits, “Wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”
“Oh, that’s not true,” I argue, pulling away from her with a shake of my head.
“It is, though. You encouraged me to be brave. You pushed me to be bold. If you hadn’t, I might not have gone out with Ashley when he asked. But I did, and a year later, here I am.”
