Paladin, page 6
“Blayablayablayablay.”
“Are you having a stroke?” Nico yelled.
Arsen assumed that was directed at Felix as well.
“Fuck you,” Felix shot back. “My hand slipped.”
Arsen shook his head. “Your hand slipped? Is it still slipping? Why are you facing the other way? Are you trying to lose? Tell Avi to fuck off.”
Avi was Felix’s husband and was a bit of a psychopath but he wasn’t allowed to kill nice people and nobody was nicer than Arsen. At least, not in their inner circle so he felt safe enough to speak his truth. And that truth was that Felix’s horny husband was going to cost them some much needed fucking leverage.
“You need me way more than I need you,” Felix said.
Arsen rolled his eyes. Usually, that was true but he was playing like it was his first day. “Go left. Your other left. Sometimes, I swear English is your second language, not mine.”
Felix scoffed. “English isn’t my second language, dick. It’s my third. I speak Spanish and Cantonese, too.”
Oh yeah. Their neighborhood really was a melting pot of millions of different backgrounds and ethnicities. Felix’s mom was Chinese but his father had been Mexican. Seven’s mother was from Egypt while his dad was Polish. Levi and Nico just called themselves mutts, which Arsen assumed meant they were just varying degrees of white.
They won the battle, thanks to Seven’s magic skills, but Arsen was mentally worn out. He encouraged the others to do a side mission so he could focus on those who watched. This was supposed to be fun.
They were only midway through the main gameplay arc, and he was in no particular hurry to finish the game and defeat the enemy. Arsen had played Paladin alone and with friends hundreds of times, but this was the sequel so there was a whole brand new shiny world and Arsen wanted to savor every new land and storyline.
He liked Paladin for its hyperrealistic world-building. The makers of the game had recreated King Arthur’s court with painstaking detail and it was easy to get immersed in the game, even when just doing walk-throughs. So immersed he literally jumped when Ever touched his shoulder.
When he glanced up, he noted Ever wasn’t looking at him but the screen, eyes wide as he leaned in closer to get a better look, his fingers tracing the figure before him in armor. Arsen’s player.
“You want to watch, besenok?”
Ever nodded. Arsen patted the ottoman between his legs. Ever dropped onto the surface, looking back at Arsen, uncertain. Arsen gripped the ottoman and tugged it back so that Ever was tucked against him, his head just under Arsen’s chin so he could still have full range of motion. Ever was actually the perfect size.
The moment Ever’s face appeared on camera, the chat went crazy.
Who’s that?
Is that your boyfriend?
Oh, my God. He’s so hot.
He’s so cute.
Look at his cat ear headphones.
OMG.
Are you gay, bro?
I didn’t know you liked dudes.
Gross
Sick
That’s hot
WTF?
Are you all gay?
Is that your boyfriend?
He’s cute.
You’re so cute together.
“Is that him?” Felix asked, amused.“Is that the stray who bit Levi?”
“Don’t call him that,” Arsen muttered.
Aw, he’s so protective.
I would be, too.
I’d never let him out of the house again. He’s so fine.
I can’t believe he’s gay
Maybe that’s why he left Russia
“Oh, someone’s already got a crush,” Seven said. “Not even twenty-four hours in. Damn. I always knew he’d fall fast and hard.”
Arsen didn’t bother denying it. What was he going to say? He didn’t have a crush on Ever? That would be a lie. And Arsen was many things but he wasn’t a liar.
“I told you he picked him over me,” Levi sulked.
Arsen rolled his eyes. “You scared him and tried to take his pizza.”
“See!” Levi said.
Arsen was grateful Ever couldn’t hear the back and forth over the headphones like the audience could. But he could see that he and Arsen were on camera, something that he only noticed about five minutes after he sat down.
He turned, caught sight of them both, then leaned in, squinting at the tinier version of themselves before looking at Arsen in confusion.
“We’re on camera. People can see you,” Arsen said. “Say hi.”
“People?” he whispered.
Arsen nodded. “They come on and watch me play my game with friends. They’re all nice. They think you’re very cute.”
Ever’s eyes went wide and he looked back at the screen, leaning in to look at the chat once more, this time reading the comments. Arsen didn’t know how much Ever could read but he knew he did. And there was no missing the stir his appearance was creating among the audience, especially the girls.
Ever flushed to the tips of his ears. Before Arsen could even guess his intention, he grabbed the bottom of Arsen’s hoodie and pulled it over his head, hiding his face from the camera.
Arsen found himself staring down at cat ears popping out from his collar, shocked.
“You two seem…cozy,” Felix teased.
“I’ve heard of someone trying to get into your pants but never your hoodie,” Seven crowed.
Arsen did his best to smile and play along, but inside he was dying. Ever hiding in Arsen’s shirt was adorable, and clearly the audience loved it. The sound of people tipping him filled his headphones again and again, but now, Ever’s cheek was pressed to Arsen’s bare chest, his breath puffing against his nipple.
Chyort.
Arsen grabbed his zipper, slowly pulling it down until Ever’s face popped into view. “What are you doing, besenok? Are you shy?”
Ever slapped his hand away from the zipper, pulling it back up once more. Arsen gave a small laugh. What was he supposed to do with that?
He’s so cute
You two are so cute together
What’s his name?
We want to see his face
Is he your boyfriend?
Is he
Is he
Answer us
“His name is Ever and he’s shy so he’s going to stay where he is,” Arsen said.
The chat continued to fire off thousands of comments, but he ignored it all, pulling Ever’s headphones off and adjusting him so Arsen could get his hands back to the keyboard. He continued to play that way, Ever’s body half-turned, his cheek resting against his chest, his fingers dancing along Arsen’s ribcage, then lower to the waistband of his sweatpants, then back up again.
It was like trying to play a game with a kitten in his jacket, adorable but painfully distracting, especially with his friends making fun of him.
“Your new boyfriend is popular,” Seven teased.
“And feral,” Levi muttered.
“I’ve told you a million times not to steal food off people’s plates. It was bound to happen eventually,” Felix chastised.
“Whose side are you on?” Levi asked, sulking.
“Usually not yours,” Felix reminded him.
“It’s true,” Nico said. “You should learn to keep your hands to yourself.”
Arsen was glad Ever couldn’t see the stir he was creating online. It would have been way too much for him. It was starting to feel like too much for Arsen, too. Every time another tip came in, the computer chimed. Arsen was starting to get a headache.
People gave money hoping to get his attention, hoping to get Ever’s attention. But the only thing that had Ever’s attention was the drawstring on Arsen’s sweatpants, which meant Ever now had Arsen’s undivided attention and the hard-on to prove it. There was no way Ever didn’t feel that.
“That’s all for tonight, guys,” Arsen said abruptly. “I’m going to bed.”
What?
Now?
That was quick
With him?
Is he your boyfriend?
Is he?
OMG. So cute.
Bring him on again tomorrow.
It was only ten o’clock but Arsen signed off, waiting to unzip his hoodie until they were off camera. As soon as he did, Ever looked up in surprise, the tiniest bit of guilt on his face. Had he been trying to tease Arsen? No. Of course not. He was just bored and shy. “Are you ready for bed, besenok?”
Ever stared up at him with wide eyes, full lips parted. The urge to lean down and kiss him was damn near impossible to ignore. Like gravity or magnets. Ever’s tongue shot out to lick over his lower lip and Arsen almost cracked.
But he didn’t.
Ever didn’t need that. He didn’t want it. They were strangers. Fuck.
“Come on. Let’s brush our teeth.”
Arsen led him into the bathroom where he put toothpaste on both of their toothbrushes and then handed Ever’s to him. Ever stared at Arsen in the mirror the whole time they brushed their teeth, spitting when he did, rinsing when he did.
When they were done, Arsen clipped his hair back and washed his face. Ever sat on the toilet, watching intently. “Felix makes me do this,” Arsen said by way of explanation. “He says skincare is very important. Because I don’t want to listen to him lecture me, I just do it. It is easier that way. He is hammer and everybody else is nail. You’ll see.”
When Arsen finished washing his face and putting on his moisturizer, he dried his hands. Ever stood and pushed his own hair back, tipping his face up at Arsen. It took him a solid thirty seconds to realize he was waiting for Arsen to wash his face and not kiss it. It felt like someone kicked him in the heart.
This boy was going to be the end of him.
He gently wet Ever’s skin and then foamed the soap between his fingers before rubbing it over his cheeks, his chin, his forehead, paying special attention to his nose just because it was so cute and small. When he could no longer justify touching his face, he told him to rinse in the sink, patting his face dry before he applied the moisturizer to his skin just as he had his own.
When he finished, Ever gave him the tiniest smile. “Thank you.”
Arsen blinked at him.
He was fucked. He was so fucked they would have to think of a new word for fucked. Destroyed. Ruined. Done for. He would fight armies for Ever. He would let him kick him in the face. He would fight a bear for him, burn down villages, start a war. Whatever it took to make Ever smile at him like that every day.
Not even a day had passed and Ever had stolen Arsen’s whole heart.
“Who knew something so small could be such trouble?” Arsen mused to himself. Ever tilted his head, looking at him like a confused puppy. “Forget it. Let’s go to bed. Do you want to sleep in the computer room?”
Ever shook his head.
“Use your words, besenok,” Arsen teased.
Ever caught his lip with his teeth but quickly released it. “I want to sleep with you.”
Arsen was glad his hoodie was hiding his dick since it was starting to take notice again. He was going to have to make sure their sleeping position was different from last night’s or Ever was going to run screaming, thinking Arsen was the worst kind of person.
Maybe he was. He tried not to be, but it was all so much. His body wanted what it wanted, but that didn’t mean he was entitled to it. He just didn’t know how to get the message to the right department in his brain because Ever smelled like him and felt so good and was so cuddly.
Before they left the bathroom, Arsen took the Vaseline from the counter and opened it, dabbing some on Ever’s abused mouth. He needed to take better care of him. He needed a doctor. Several maybe. He’d talk to Coe tomorrow. He’d know how to help him.
Once they were back in his room, Arsen pulled back the covers for Ever, watching as he climbed in and scooted himself against the wall. Arsen tugged off his hoodie and laid beside him. He usually slept in his underwear or less, but not tonight. Tonight it was imperative to keep as many layers between them as possible.
He stayed on his back a respectful distance away, staring up at the ceiling like the answers to the universe were written there. He could do this. He could totally do this. Ever was a good foot away, facing away from him. It would all be fine.
As if Ever could read his mind, he rolled over, then inch-wormed his way to Arsen slowly, watching his face the whole time, checking to see if he was going to be chastised or turned away. As if Arsen could ever do that. Finally, Ever curled against his side, resting his head on Arsen’s shoulder, his hand on his bare stomach.
He held very still, but Arsen could feel him trembling. When he looked down at him, Ever looked up, his trepidation obvious, like he thought Arsen would yell at him or tell him to move.
As if that were ever a possibility.
Instead, he pulled the covers up around them, then dropped his arm to Ever’s shoulders, threading his fingers in his hair, combing through it like he had earlier. He continued stroking his hair until Ever’s breathing evened out. What the hell was he doing? What was happening here?
One day.
One day and Ever owned him, body and soul.
Arsen would never hear the end of this.
Ever woke to the sound of whimpering. He covered his mouth to not wake up Arsen with his crying. But it wasn’t him. Beside him, Arsen’s face was contorted, eyes closed, head moving restlessly on the pillow.
“Net. Tol'ko ne eto.”
“Ya ne stany.”
Ever knew all about nightmares. Used to have them all the time when he was little before he gave up hope that life would get better. When waking hours were the nightmare, sleep for him felt like a reprieve, but what happened when life got better? Would Ever have nightmares again, horrible flashbacks to what he’d endured before Arsen saved him? Would sleep become the place he went to relive the worst of it?
What was Arsen reliving?
Ever thought about waking him. He didn’t want him to be sad. And he was sad. There were tears on his cheeks. Or maybe it was sweat. Ever put his hand to his chest. The rest of him didn’t feel hot, at least not any hotter than his skin usually was beneath Ever’s hands.
Usually.
They’d slept in the same bed twice. That wasn’t enough time for Ever to know Arsen’s “usual” but still… Arsen had been only good to him so far. He didn’t want him to suffer. Arsen was lying on his side facing him, crying, whimpering, sometimes sounding like he was choking. Ever didn’t know what to do.
He scooted closer, wrapping himself around Arsen tightly, locking him in his embrace. Arsen was so much bigger than him that hugging him required Ever to press his face under Arsen’s chin. He couldn’t stop himself from inhaling his scent. There was just something so familiar and comforting to it.
Arsen’s cries ceased, but he continued to mutter words Ever couldn’t understand, some garbled, some in his native tongue. All Ever could do was hold him until he settled into sleep once more. Holding Arsen didn’t feel like a chore. Part of Ever thought maybe it was wrong. Not just because Jennika said boys couldn’t love other boys, but because Arsen touched him so carefully. Looked at him in a way that made Ever feel hot and shivery.
But Arsen always looked sorry for it, and Ever didn’t know why. He was too embarrassed to ask. He should know these things. Normal people his age knew these things. He’d read books about people who grew up and got married and had kids. He knew how things between boys and girls were supposed to go, but Arsen wasn’t a girl and Ever was barely a person.
Ever listened to the blood pounding in his ears, the sound deafening. What was Arsen even thinking about? What could scare someone like him? Ever didn’t know much, but he knew Arsen had killed Jennika without a thought. He knew Jericho and Atticus knew it, too.
There was talk about jobs with knowing looks and pointed stares. Ever wasn’t stupid. What they did in the daylight hid what it was they were doing at night—killing people. Ever should feel bad about that. Right? Killing was wrong. But Ever had met a lot of bad, wrong people since Jennika bought him and Arsen didn’t feel bad about what he did to her. None of them felt bad. Even if they did bad things.
But was it really bad? Killing Jennika had saved him.
Arsen had referred to her as a horrible person. And she was. The worst kind of person. So, what was the real sin? Allowing an evil person to keep hurting innocents or wiping out the evil to protect others? To Ever, the answer was clear. But maybe that was because he was a bad person too deep down?
Before he could think too much more about it, Arsen rolled, the solid weight of him trapping Ever beneath him, his lips nuzzling against Ever’s ear like he was nestling into his favorite pillow.
Ever tried to free himself. But Arsen was so much bigger than him. His arms had fallen over Ever’s, holding them captive against his sides. It was only then, only once he realized he couldn’t move, couldn’t escape, couldn’t breath—that was when the panic set in. His heart was beating so hard, his brain yanking him back into a memory he’d never wanted to think about again.
