Paladin, page 14
Ever blinked rapidly then swallowed hard. “Yeah, okay. I promise.”
With that out of the way, Arsen suddenly felt completely out of his element. He’d kissed more than his fair share of people, but it had never meant anything. It had never had any weight to it. It was just…perfunctory. Part of the process to get inside his partner in a far more satisfying way.
But this was important. This meant something, and gazing down at Ever’s wide eyes had his heart in his throat. Arsen traced Ever’s bottom lip with his thumb, his cock jumping at the tiny sound Ever made. Fuck. He couldn’t wait another second. He dipped his head, capturing Ever’s bottom lip between his own, sucking gently. Ever made a happy noise that made Arsen feel feral. He forced himself to pull back—to give Ever a chance to change his mind.
Ever had other ideas. He used Arsen’s sweatshirt to drag him back to him, their lips colliding awkwardly. He was so perfect. Arsen took Ever’s face in his hands, fixing the angle so their mouths fit better, but not daring to break the kiss, trying to ignore his already throbbing cock as Ever’s mouth opened beneath his.
He was so fucking eager, so fucking hungry…for Arsen. God, it was too much power. But Arsen didn’t feel powerful. He felt like Ever controlled his every thought. He was excited and nervous and desperate for more of him. Everything about Ever turned him on. The sounds he made, the way his hands spasmed into the fabric of his shirt each time their mouths surged against each other. Even the taste of his toothpaste. Arsen’s toothpaste.
He was so gone.
Arsen wrapped his arms around Ever, pulling him tighter against him, making a satisfied sound as Ever wrapped his legs around his waist without hesitation, like he couldn’t get close enough to satisfy either. When he swept his tongue into Ever’s mouth, he met it eagerly with his own and they quickly found a rhythm to their kisses.
Arsen lost track of time, of everything but Ever in his arms, wrapped around him, whimpering and whining into his mouth. Every kiss had weight, binding them together on a soul-searing level. It was like being drugged. He’d never tried ecstasy but he imagined it was like this. Ever was addicting. He was Arsen’s perfect drug.
Arsen’s hands slid down to Ever’s ass, dragging him higher into his lap so he could feel how hard he was. Ever gasped into his mouth, rubbing against him mindlessly. Arsen could feel he was hard, too. The only thing between them was the thin layer of Ever’s pajama pants and Arsen’s basketball shorts, and it wasn’t nearly enough to provide any protection against what they both clearly wanted.
Arsen knew he should shut it down but, instead, he slid his hands up under Ever’s shirt, his fingertips trailing along his spine then outward. Ever sucked in a breath as Arsen traced the outline of one of the scars on his back, dropping his hands to Arsen’s arms like he wanted him to stop.
Arsen pulled back. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
“They’re ugly,” Ever whispered.
Arsen studied Ever’s kiss-swollen lips and his lids at half-mast, so drunk on him it took a moment for him to understand what Ever meant. “Nothing about you is ugly. Trust me.”
Ever looked so pretty, so sweet, Arsen couldn’t not dip his head one more time. Ever kissed back, but more hesitantly, clearly still worried about Arsen’s hands on his bare skin.
Maybe they needed to talk more?
Arsen broke their kiss a second time, but before he could ask if Ever was sure he wanted to continue, Ever’s face fell. “We’re not done already, are we?”
Arsen cupped his face, his thumbs tracing his cheekbones. “I just don’t want things to go too far.”
“You don’t want to fuck me,” Ever said, sounding disappointed.
Arsen’s mouth fell open at Ever’s bold statement. Neither he nor his dick were prepared to hear that word falling from that tongue. “I’ve never heard you swear before,” he mused. “And also that’s not true at all. I do want that. All of that and so much more. I want all of the things. But I don’t want to rush you.”
Ever’s face screwed into a look of confusion. “I’ve waited nineteen years. How is that rushing?”
He had a point.
Arsen shook his head. That was his dick talking, not his brain. This was all new to Ever. “I just think tonight we should stick to…making out.”
“Making out?” Ever echoed, biting his lip. His dreamy expression was driving Arsen crazy.
Ever was literally going to be the death of him. “Yes.”
Ever wiggled against him, rubbing his crotch against Arsen’s. “Does making out include this?”
Chert. “It can…yeah.”
Ever wrapped his arms around Arsen’s neck, dragging him back down for another kiss, whispering against his lips, “Let’s do that, then.”
“Ever…”
Ever whined, his mouth still working over Arsen’s. “Please? This feels too good to stop.”
Ever wasn’t wrong. Arsen had never been so turned on in his whole life. His body made the decision before his brain did, and he upended Ever on the bed, hovering over him as his head hit the pillow.
Arsen caught his gaze, voice stern. “Clothes stay on.”
Ever sighed, tone dripping with disappointment as he said, “Fine.”
Fuck.
Ever had been through hell in his life. He’d endured by letting his thoughts float away somewhere safe—somewhere far outside of his pain. But this—this feeling—was the opposite of that.
He floated, for sure, but on this wave of euphoria he’d never experienced before. Every atom, every cell, every molecule engaged until Arsen’s touch made him want to purr like a cat.
Everything felt right. The heavy weight of Arsen’s body pressing him into the mattress, the spicy scent of his deodorant, the smoothness of his skin beneath Ever’s fingers. He wanted to memorize it all, save it to replay at a later date when he could give it the attention it deserved.
Arsen was so careful with him, lying with only half of his body on Ever, probably worried Ever would panic beneath his full weight like last time. But Ever didn’t feel trapped, he felt drunk. Every move Arsen made elicited a sensation so good Ever couldn’t stop the tiny sounds spilling out of his mouth.
He would have been embarrassed if every one of those sounds didn’t elicit a response from Arsen. He could hear it in his ragged breaths, in the way he seemed to bite off a growl whenever Ever made those noises.
That was the real turn on—being wanted by Arsen, and seeing how his body responded to Ever’s. The way he fought for control. How every time he kissed Ever, he didn’t seem to want to stop.
It was powerful. It made Ever feel powerful. Important.
Wanted.
Arsen had said clothes had to stay on, but Ever couldn’t stop himself from sliding his hands under Arsen’s hoodie. Where Ever’s skin was marred with scars, Arsen’s was smooth like silk, and when he moved, his muscles flexed beneath Ever’s fingers deliciously.
If making out was like this, sex had to be better. But he couldn’t imagine anything better than Arsen’s lips on his, the way his tongue teased its way into his mouth in a dizzying rhythm, even the way his arms caged him in. It was all perfect.
Arsen’s mouth broke from his, trailing kisses along his jaw and down his throat. Ever just completely gave in, too blissed out to even worry if he was doing something right or wrong. He rode the wave of pleasure, safe with Arsen…safe under Arsen.
Ever’s hands flexed, his toes curling as Arsen continued to explore. His lips were so soft, his tongue wet as he licked at the hollow of his throat and then sucked on his earlobe. Every time he moved to a new spot, the scruff on his cheeks and chin scraped Ever’s skin, leaving him craving more.
Arsen spoke as he moved, murmuring things in a language Ever didn’t understand, his low, smooth tone hypnotic, only sinking Ever deeper into this almost trance-like state.
The more they kissed—the more Arsen touched him—the more Ever wanted, and the more his body demanded, until kissing only left him frustrated and so hard he ached. Ever didn’t really understand what he wanted, only that he did. He shifted restlessly beneath Arsen, whining with need.
“Shh,” Arsen soothed, kissing Ever’s forehead, his nose, his cheeks. Ever gave another helpless whimper. He needed more. “I got you.”
Arsen shifted then, his thigh pressing against Ever’s throbbing cock in a way that stole his breath and his sanity. He couldn’t stop the moan that escaped. “Do it again…please?”
This time, Arsen did growl, this sort of low rumble right in Ever’s ear. Goosebumps erupted over his whole body as Arsen did as Ever asked, moving his thigh once more. The pleasure that simple movement brought was shocking, and Ever’s hips moved of their own volition, seeking more.
Ever could never have imagined anything like this sensation. It was rapturous, like a religious experience. This sort of pleasure could only be considered holy. The way Arsen moved against him was certainly worthy of worship.
Arsen captured his mouth in a kiss that was far dirtier than any other so far and started to pulse his leg against Ever’s erection in a steady rhythm until he was rolling his hips up to meet him, his fingers digging into Arsen’s back, spurring him on.
When Ever whined, Arsen sped up his movements. “Feel good?” he asked against his lips.
“Hnf,” was the only thing Ever could manage.
Good was such an insignificant word; this was…brilliant. Spectacular. Incandescent. Addictive. Some kind of erotic torture designed to make him crazy. And he couldn’t stop himself from chasing the sensation, rubbing against the thick muscle of Arsen’s thigh, not even knowing the outcome but still reaching for something…more. He needed more.
He made another frustrated sound.
“What’s wrong, besenok?” Arsen asked, tone almost teasing.
Was he enjoying Ever’s misery?
“More, please,” he begged, hoping Arsen would know what he needed. Arsen always knew.
Arsen gave a low chuckle that melted the last tiny bit of Ever’s sanity. “More what?”
Ever floundered. How was he supposed to know? “Just…more. It hurts. Please… I need…”
Arsen’s voice was growly as he asked, “Need what?”
“I don’t know,” Ever said, bewildered, still moving against Arsen, flushing with embarrassment.
He sucked at this.
Arsen’s weight disappeared. Ever’s heart sank. They couldn’t be done already just because he didn’t know what he wanted? But then Arsen was over him, using his thighs to widen Ever’s and settling between them, keeping the weight of his upper body on his forearms now bracketing Ever’s head.
“Wrap your legs around me,” Arsen demanded.
Ever did without thought, sucking in a breath as his cock aligned with Arsen’s in a way that sent a shock of spine-melting ecstasy through his whole body. “Oh, fuck.”
He yelped as Arsen nipped his earlobe with his teeth. “You cursing might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Ever couldn’t even respond. He was far too caught up. Was this what sex between two people who wanted it was like? Was it like this every time? How did people function in the real world knowing they could be doing this instead?
It was all too much, too perfect. Arsen’s mouth was hot on his, his hands now threading in his hair, moving him just how he wanted him as he fucked up against him again…
…and again
…and again.
Until heat pooled in Ever’s belly, his body acting of its own accord, meeting every one of Arsen’s movements with a desperation he couldn’t explain.
What would it be like without clothes, without any barriers between them? What would it be like to have Arsen not just on top of him but inside him? Moving inside him. His pulse pounded in his ears. His head was spinning, and he was dizzy at the thought of letting Arsen have every part of him. At wanting Arsen to have every part of him.
It was that thought that pushed him off the cliff—sent him free-falling into the most intense experience of his life, his release pulsing from him, taking the last remnants of his brain function with it.
Arsen didn’t stop, just kept surging against him, chasing his own pleasure. That only made it hotter. Arsen using him—using his body to make himself feel good. It was all so much.
Arsen gave a harsh groan, grinding his hips against Ever’s one last time, before collapsing on top of him. “Is this okay?” he asked, voice raw.
It took Ever longer than it should to know what he meant. Was he okay with Arsen on top of him? He didn’t know how to tell him he’d happily suffocate under him if it meant he could feel like this forever.
“Mm,” was all he managed, eyelids at half-mast.
They were both sweating. Ever’s pajama pants now stuck uncomfortably to his skin, but he couldn’t move. Didn’t want to. His bones had turned to Jell-O, and if they never returned to normal, Ever would still think it a worthy sacrifice.
Arsen’s head lay beside his on the pillow, his breath ragged in Ever’s ear. He had done that. He had put that dopey expression on Arsen’s face, had worn him out.
Ever already wanted to do it again.
“Are you okay?” Arsen managed.
Ever couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped. He was better than okay. He was…giddy. High. He was sure his brain had melted.
“Is that a yes?” Arsen asked, kissing his temple.
Ever tilted his head closer to Arsen. “Yes. But I’m sticky.”
Arsen scoffed. “Yeah, the only downside to orgasms.”
Orgasms. His first. Hopefully not his only. “Can we do it again?” he blurted.
This time, it was Arsen who laughed. “I think you’ll find that there’s a refractory period between performances.”
Ever made a sad sound. “Can we do it again later?”
Arsen rose up on his forearms. “I’ve created a monster.”
Before Ever could formulate a response, Arsen rolled off him and onto his back, then raised his arm so Ever could slide beneath it. He curled into his side, letting his head rest on his chest, able to hear Arsen’s rapidly beating heart even through his sweatshirt.
“Can we do it without clothes next time?” Ever asked.
Arsen laughed low. “We’ll see.”
“Can we do other things later?” Ever asked, sliding his hand up under Arsen’s shirt to splay his hands over his flat tummy.
Arsen hesitated before asking, “Like what?”
Ever chewed on his bottom lip, willing himself to be brave. Noah said he held the upper hand. That Arsen wanted to give him what he wanted. “Like, can you put your hands on me? And…your mouth? Not up here but…lower.”
Arsen sucked in a breath, his belly dipping beneath Ever’s fingers. “You can’t just say things like that.”
Something withered inside Ever. He tried to move away. “Sorry.”
Arsen held tight. “No. Don’t run away. You can say whatever you want. I just meant it turns me on when you say stuff like that and I’m trying so hard to be the good guy.”
Ever looked up at him. “You are a good guy. You’re the best guy,” he promised. “You saved me. You’re just like the paladin in your game.”
Arsen scoffed. “I’m no knight.”
Ever shrugged as best he could while curled into Arsen. “Well, I’m not a princess, but you still saved me. That makes you better than a knight.”
“How so?” he asked, amused.
Ever was serious. Arsen was so much better than any fictional character from a video game. “Knights take oaths, swear allegiance, do things out of obligation. You could have left me in that closet to die, but you didn’t. You could have dropped me at a police station, but you didn’t. You could have just left me on a street corner…but you didn’t. Because you’re a good person. The best person. That makes you better than any knight.”
When Arsen didn’t say anything, Ever looked up once more to find him looking down at him with a sort of shocked expression. “Did I say something wrong again?”
Arsen squeezed him against his side until Ever thought he might crush him. “No. No, you didn’t. I was just thinking about my life if I hadn’t opened that door and it scared me a little. We barely know each other but the thought of my life without you in it scares me.”
Ever’s heart did a cartwheel in his chest. “Me too.”
They fell silent after that, but Arsen kept dropping kisses on the top of Ever’s head, his fingers drawing lazy patterns on his back through his t-shirt.
Just as Ever was starting to drift off, Arsen said, “Let’s get cleaned up and go sleep in my bed.”
Ever was loath to stand up, but he nodded. “Okay.”
Arsen crawled over him to stand then grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet and leading him out the door. They were almost to the bathroom when a thought crashed down on Ever like an anvil. “Arsen?”
“Yeah?”
Ever’s heart clenched. “What happens if they never figure out who I really am?”
Arsen didn’t hesitate. “Then we create a new identity for you. You can be whatever you want to be.”
“I just want to be yours,” Ever blurted, immediately blushing.
Arsen tugged Ever in front of him, his arm wrapping around him from behind like a steel band, lifting him off his feet and carrying him like he weighed nothing. Ever’s knees came up to his chest as he tried to wiggle free with a laugh but Arsen wasn’t budging.
“I swear you’re trying to kill me,” Arsen said, hauling him into the bathroom like a sack of potatoes and depositing him on the edge of the sink.
They were supposed to be cleaning up, but as soon as Ever’s butt hit the cold counter, he wrapped his arms and legs around Arsen once more in a full-body hug. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Arsen asked, his confusion obvious.
“For not being a bad guy.”
Arsen hugged him back but said, “I’m a murderer.”
Ever didn’t care. “Nobody’s perfect.”
