Without Limits: A BWWM Collection of Passion and Desire, page 36
“Nah, I’m good.” He waved her off. “This was more than enough.” He patted his stomach and leaned lazily back in the chair. “Thank you, anyway.”
He slid his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, along with the lighter, and placed them on the table. He felt a sense of comfort in having them there within eyesight.
“You’re welcome.”
“So, uh, what do you do for a living, Tina?” He snatched the cigarette pack and beat the edge of it against the table.
“I do at-home customer service... you know, work from home stuff.”
Her smile slowly faded, and she hesitated, as if she wasn’t certain she wanted to go down whatever path she’d started on. Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but it just seemed like the right thing to do. She blinked several times and stiffened, seemingly startled by his touch.
“You ain’t happy... you’re miserable, aren’t you, baby?”
Her frown slowly morphed into a big, sad smile.
“I’m fine, I’m okay. Why’d you think that? I mean, it’s not my dream job but it —”
“Forget all of that then. What makes you happy? What’s your dream job?”
“Why? Are you a genie?” She winked in his direction then took a sip of her tea.
She came across as a woman with a great big imagination. Maybe somewhere deep inside of her, she truly wished that he was...
Well, maybe he could be her genie, even if that only meant being a damn good fuck buddy and friend.
“Hell, I might be... but you’ll never know unless you give me a try.”
They sat in silence for a while.
“I had my dream job...” She slowly slid her hand away from his as she looked listlessly down at the table. “Since I was a child, I’ve been actress.”
He couldn’t help but instantly perk up. He looked at her long and hard, not recalling her face in any movies he loved. Of course, his thing was action and suspense. Perhaps she’d been in soap operas and Lifetime flicks.
“An actress?” He chuckled. “You look like one. I definitely believe it. What did you star in?”
“Oh, let’s see what you may be familiar with.” She tapped her lower lip for a moment. “Well, when I was ten, I was the girl in the Sunset sparkling water commercials. I did some modelling for Old Navy for several years, too... many of their ads and commercials. I also played in the movie, ‘Railroad Gravy’ and ‘Roses for Mama.’ Both did well at the box office.”
“’Railroad Gravy?! I remember that movie! Wait a minute...” He looked at her real hard, his eyes narrowed upon her. “Yes!” He slapped his thigh. “Holy shit! You’re that little Black girl who’d lived in that cottage, the one that uh... shit! What was his name?!”
“Daniel Sutherland played Uncle Ted...”
“Yes! You were in there being protected by Uncle Ted after you’d run away from home!”
She nodded in agreement.
“Yup. That was me. My character’s name was Cassandra.”
“Oh my God! I used to watch that movie all the time! I was like fourteen or fifteen I think when it came out.”
She nodded again but went silent.
“Well hell, Tina, I’m impressed! I’m sittin’ here with a real-life movie star! If ya don’t mind me askin’, what is somebody like you doin’ here in Jacksonville, Florida? I mean…” He shrugged. “This place has changed a lot in the last ten years or so. It’s not as desolate as it used to be and what not but it ain’t exactly the entertainment Mecca of the world.” At this, she chuckled. “I mean, it ain’t the spot to come to in order to make it big is all I’m saying. You should be in L.A. or New York! If you wanna be here in Florida, then you should be in Miami. Hell, maybe even Chicago if that’s too much hustle and bustle for you.”
“Actually, I’m from California. I lived in L.A. for most of my life, Knox. At the time I moved here, I had a friend here and uh... they urged me to come down. I just wanted to get away from it all for a bit, kinda start over. I wasn’t having any luck in L.A., as strange as that sounds. Florida didn’t sound so bad... lots of talented people from here... thought maybe I could start over.”
She hung her head as if the memories were more painful than pleasant. “If you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t exactly been blazing the Hollywood track as of late. In fact, if you tossed my name in front of some of the big-time producers, they’d laugh or say, ‘Tina who?’”
She rolled her eyes, her self-deprecation something that made him feel a bit sorry for her, and also a little shocked. The way she did it was so awkward, almost as if she’d just come to the realization, too. She carried herself as if she had high self-esteem, but right now, her vulnerability was raw and irritated, the bandage pulled off and the pulsating, bleeding sore left there for him to see.
“You know what my grandmama used to tell me, God rest her soul?”
“What?”
“We are what we think we are.”
She looked at him curiously then nodded, but he still wasn’t sure she was convinced. Perhaps she opened up to him because he’d been honest with her, and they’d shared a moment that left her feeling exposed for the freak that she was... a beautiful freak nevertheless.
He picked up his teacup from the table and finished it off. The tea had gone cold, but he was thirsty.
“So, you’re from California, huh? Yeah, I can hear it in your voice a little bit now that I really listen to how you pronounce your words.”
“Yup. I’ve lived here in Jacksonville for about six years. It’s quiet, but there are opportunities here believe it or not. Ariana Grande is from Florida, and Sidney Poitier, Faye Dunaway, and Wesley Snipes are from here, just to name a few.”
“Hey.” He threw up his hands. “You ain’t got to convince me. This is where I’ve spent most of my life and I’m proud of it, I’m just sayin’. I wasn’t born here, but I’ve lived everywhere, too. I can make the comparisons from place to place if you know what I mean. I keep comin’ back home though... I can’t help myself.”
“Missed your family?”
“I ain’t got no family, baby.” He ran his fingers along his Marlboros, feeling the slickness of the plastic wrapper enveloped around the packet. “Never knew my daddy and my mother died a few days after I was born.”
“Oh... I’m sorry.”
He shrugged and grimaced.
“All I know is that they were young... two kids. I was in foster care, being taken care of by a couple who cared more about lookin’ good than bein’ good, if you catch my drift. In church every damn mornin’ praisin’ the Lord but barely feedin’ me and my sister... another kid they’d fostered, a little Hispanic girl called Maria.”
He smiled as her little face appeared in his thoughts. He’d almost forgotten all about her... or at least, he tried to forget.
“That little girl had some mental health issues. She’d been abused. They treated her like a piece of dog shit and she couldn’t say nothin’ back. She barely talked.” He stared down into his empty tea cup. “I ran away from home so many damn times I lost count. I was out in the streets from age twelve onward. I barely went home and when I did, my foster family would call the cops because somethin’ always ended up jumpin’ off.
“But I had to make it, had to eat, you know? Realized fast I was good at crime, so good, I never got caught. I guess I learned how to fake the funk from the best of ‘em. Nothin’ like bein’ raised by a man that carries a Bible and a smile, but beats your ass clean off the hinges for pissin’ the bed later on that same day. Couldn’t walk for a week...”
He had no idea why he’d said that... Why did this woman make him feel so comfortable? Perhaps it was because he’d watched her cum in her kitchen window, all while she imagined him doing things to her. Beautifully nasty things...
I just need to stop talking about this for a minute. I need some fresh air... I don’t want to talk about them and Maria and all that shit... but I’m sitting here doing it. No, just think of somethin’ that makes you happy, Knox...
I know what makes me happy right now. Remembering how she was playin’ with herself in that window...
He loved how she’d watched him, and how he’d pretended to not see her. Then he’d seen her arms moving about, and he knew what the deal was... She’d found her way to her honey pot and the sweet, sticky thing was more than likely drippin’ all over the place.
“That sounds terrible, Knox. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
The woman snatched him away from his wayward thoughts, pulling him back into the conversation he’d just been running from.
“Yeah, I’m sorry ‘bout it too, but I don’t—”
“No child deserves that, ever. I was blessed to have a good family. I mean, there were plenty of problems, but they loved me. When I hear stories like yours it brings me back down to Earth. Reminds me how grateful I should be, regardless of my family at times getting on my nerves and making things hard for me... saying things that… never mind.”
She waved him off and turned away. Their mutual pain filled the room. He respected her struggle, and she seemed to respect his, too.
“Fuck this shit. I didn’t come over here for this and you didn’t expect that, either,” he stated abruptly as he got to his feet. “I honestly don’t like this sort of discussion. It’s pointless. I’m solution driven, goal oriented. Talkin’ about what went wrong ain’t never help nobody.”
“Well, sometimes it can, Knox. Therapy can be quite helpful, though I sound like a hypocrite because I’ve always refused to deal with my own hang-ups. I mean… I don’t talk much about how I feel to anyone. Not because I don’t want to, but it just seems people don’t actually care. Nobody calls me and asks if I am okay. They just assume that I am. It’s always been that way. And then I tell them I feel great, and it becomes one big ass vicious circle of lies. I feel... comfortable with you for some reason. I don’t know… you’re just real easy to talk to. Maybe I’ll regret it later.” She huffed and shook her head. “I probably will. I have a feeling that I’ve already shared too much.”
“Well, we don’t need to talk at all right now. In fact, that would suit me just fine. You and I have some unfinished business to tend to anyway. I came over here to finish what I started.”
“And what’s that?” She tucked her hair behind one ear and her eyes grew larger.
She wants this... she wants this bad...
“The foreplay is over. I came over here to give you what I’ve been wantin’ and you’ve been needin’.”
“What do I need?” Her voice almost seemed to echo in the room as she leaned forward, a fervent look in her eyes.
“You want me to tell you what you need or are you gonna be woman enough to come and get it now that it’s sittin’ in front of your fuckin’ face?” She hesitated for far too long; he had to take matters into his own hands. Making his way around the table, he hoisted her up by her arm and jerked her towards him. “Let’s stop belly achin’ about the past and make somethin’ that’ll last... I’m in the mood for a different sort of pie and one taste just ain’t gonna be enough...”
Chapter Five
Lily Allen crooned “Smile” as the man lay butt naked on top of her once perfectly made Queen sized bedsheets. The thick black and white striped duvet with matching pillows, and one with gold accents, were scattered beneath his long, muscular frame, crushed from the beautiful bite of his brawn. Suddenly feeling a tad bit self-conscious, she burst out laughing. His brow rose at her exuberance, but he said nothing.
“I can’t believe what I am about to do.” She gripped her forehead and laughed harder as he rolled over on his side and smiled at her — a devilish smile, a kind smile, an ‘I’m going to fuck you silly’ smile. He was so unbelievably sexy. He lived somewhere between her desire and her dreams.
“Come here, baby.” He outstretched his muscular, tattooed arm and motioned her closer with the wave of long fingers. The pinky one bore a small silver band. With only her dark blue lacey underwear on, she made her way closer to him until they were both lying on their sides facing one another like mirror images.
“You’re the wrong type of man for me to be with, even just for sex. But I need this more than I care about what I should and shouldn’t be doing.”
She glided her lips along his collarbone, overdosing on his intoxicating scent. Gliding her fingers through his hair, she nestled close to him, her body practically screaming his name as lust fell upon her like a heap of cement.
“What? You got a problem with White guys who are felons? Now that’s just crazy talk! I thought I’d be a fuckin’ prize in your eyes. Shit, I should be, right? I’m the motherfuckin’ cat’s meow,” he joked, causing her to shake her head and giggle before layering kisses all along his jawbone.
“You pretty much are, in your own demonic way.” She winked at him as she ran her fingers through his hair a bit more vigorously. He leaned into her touch, like a dog itching for an affectionate scratch behind the ear. “I’m in no position to judge you. I’m no angel, Knox. I did some pretty ridiculous stuff back in my heyday, too. You know, all of that fame and stuff... it attracts the wrong people sometimes. Not making excuses, but some things happened... bad things.” She sighed. “Anyway, for a while, in my teens and early twenties, I had my pick of the litter, so to speak. You’re definitely different from what I’m used to.”
“Now that you let me know I’m your last desperate resort and not the sort of guy you’d usually give the time of day to… but you’re horny so you’ll make an exception this one goddamn time… I feel so fuckin’ good about bein’ over here. Privileged, in fact,” he stated with a smile.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” And she didn’t. Lately, the words were coming out all wrong... like she had some oral disease.
“All jokes aside, makes me no difference. My dick doesn’t seem to mind cummin’ in third place. It’s still rock solid... even for an arrogant, pretty woman with a big ass chip with no dip on her shoulder who thinks more of herself than she really is.”
She tried to keep her poker face, but his words stung. Perhaps she deserved his cutting response.
“Just fuck me and be quiet. Nah, keep talkin’... I like it, actually,” he went on. “I hope you are as nasty in bed as your attitude. If so, you can call me a no good, broke ass, redneck bastard motherfucker and I’d lick the bottom of your fuckin’ boots.”
She burst out laughing and ran her hand along his jawbone. It was hard, rigid, covered with prickly dark stubble in the form of a perfectly shaped beard. Her gaze landed on his Adam’s apple, then drifted back up to his face. He stared at her so long, she felt the burn of a blush across her cheeks. His stare was intense, all consuming... he was eating her alive.
“You’ve got some of the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen, Knox. Really,” she whispered before placing a kiss against the bridge of his nose.
“Pretty? You couldn’t have chosen a different word? I’m a motherfuckin’ man... don’t put my name and the word pretty in the same sentence.”
He grinned real wide as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her impossibly closer. His grip of her was strong, his movements demanding, but his tone was light and airy. She chuckled again at his words. It felt good to laugh... to be free... to be vulnerable.
“I like that you’re here with me, Knox. I think sometimes I get tongue-tied, say the wrong thing. I didn’t mean that uh... I didn’t think you were lucky to be with me right now or that you were the bottom of the barrel. I really need to make that clear. All I’m sayin’ is...”
She swallowed hard when he slid his tongue along the side of her neck, sucked then bit. Up and down he went, the warmth of his oral touch making a mess of her pussy. Her walls practically slobbered all over themselves and her muscles tightened as she shuddered. Just like that, he brought her halfway to climax. It was downright diabolical how he had entered her world. He paused, pulled ever so slightly away from her, but kept his embrace around her waist.
“All you’re sayin’ is what, sugar?”
“All I’m saying is that I think I misjudged you. I need you to understand that. I was wrong and I owe you several apologies, not just one.”
She pressed her head onto the pillow and drifted away some place safe.
“Nah, you didn’t misjudge me. You thought I wasn’t any damn good.”
He laughed, but she knew he didn’t actually find it funny. It broke her heart a little.
“Why do you say things like that? You told me we are what we think we are... said your grandmother taught you that. I agree with you, so don’t talk about yourself that way.”
“Oh honey, I’m just playin’ around. Gotta keep some humor in your life, ya know?”
He kissed her then, making her toes curl, then looked into her eyes as if all of his questions in life could be answered there.
“I think you’re kidding, but somewhere deep down you’re not joking around at all. I think you’re some good... probably a lot of good.” She knew deep inside she was struggling, trying to rationalize why this man, who’d admitted to doing the unthinkable, was not only in her home but in her bed. What type of woman allows such a thing?
A woman like her... and a man like him...
“But you don’t know me. You don’t know that as fact at all. You don’t know shit about me, baby.” His eyes became darker in that moment and a chill ran through her. “You just met me, beautiful.”
He ran his fingers through her hair, his touch loving and soft, nothing like the grimace that creased his face and wrinkled his forehead. “I’ve got thirty-seven years of misery behind me, Ms. Apple Pie. I told you I don’t like livin’ in the past, but the past keeps fuckin’ with me anyway. Right now…” He pressed on her shoulder and rolled her flat onto her back. “I just wanna make love to you... make you feel some shit you ain’t never felt before. I wanna sit on top of the world and breathe in the present and exhale the past. I wanna fuck until I forget, right into the middle of the goddamn future...”
