Dimmed Lights, page 13
part #3 of On Stage Trilogy Series
And you know what, that also applied to the clay-like make-up they had made me wear the other day. There was no way in hell I’d actually put up with that shit. Why had I even considered it in the first place? I slammed the suitcase shut, hauled it to the small upstairs lobby near the stairs and headed to the bathroom for a long, long, and steaming hot shower.
By the time I stepped out of the shower, I had calmed down. A bit. But as soon as I stepped into my bedroom, only wearing a towel low on my waist, and rubbing my wet hair with the other, I stopped on my tracks. Because I spotted a wet haired Joe, loitering on my bed flicking his phone, only wearing some loose pants and nothing else. It had completely slipped my mind that he slept here now. How? I had no idea.
“Oh hey,” he said as soon as he spotted me, halted at my bathroom door. “Wanna watch a movie or something? I’ve already packed, and I spotted your suitcase near the stairs, might as well relax for the rest of the night, hmm?”
It took me a couple of blinks and a slight head shake to get back to reality.
“...sure,” I mumbled hesitantly, tossed him the remote for the tv, and headed back to my wardrobe. “Your pick.”
Once inside, I let out a long, silent sigh. How the hell was I supposed to survive like two hours of cuddling and flirting, now that I was in this weird state of mind already? As if I wasn’t close enough to losing it and giving up already, especially considering this was our last night here? Most likely our last night…period.
Then again…I could give up. We could go all the way. We were both single, the chemistry was insane and based on anything that had happened so far, I knew Joe was great in bed. There was nothing to lose. Nothing to fear. Nothing would change. Well, except there was a slight chance that I might not be able to walk after having that gigantic cock up my ass again, and the cardiac arrest he was inevitably going to put my heart through might turn out to be lethal this time over.
And right there, pulling some random sweatpants on in my closet, I decided to wing it. No matter the outcome of tonight, tomorrow was going to be bittersweet. Besides, when the hell did I become such a wuss in the first place, hmm? It wasn’t like I was a virgin or anything, and me and Joe had gone all the way before.
I took a deep breath, tried to force my racing heart to calm down—obviously not succeeding—and walked out of the closet, then straight to the bed. Joe was still sitting his back against the headboard and turned those mesmerizing eyes of his towards me as soon as I climbed on the bed. For once I didn’t feel the need to evade his eyes and sit as far away from him as the bed allowed me to. I crawled right next to him.
Joe froze solid at first, probably surprised, but nevertheless pulled me tight against him when he recovered enough to move.
“I don’t have the slightest idea of what’s going on, but I’ll take it,” Joe said, the amusement clear in his voice.
“We were supposed to watch a movie, that’s what’s going on.”
Joe stared down at me with a bewildered expression but clicked play on his phone’s screen—a random action film started to play on the tv. It looked boring, to be honest. Still, I tried to focus at first, but soon I noticed I was playing with the soft trail of body hair that started from his navel and disappeared somewhere below the waistband of his pants with my fingertips. Then I couldn’t help a smirk when Joe’s pants started to bulk, ever so slightly.
We’d “watched” the movie for like 20 whole minutes before Joe had had enough of my little teasing and paused it.
“Fuck it!” he exclaimed. “Do you really think I can focus on a movie when you’re being this…much...all of a sudden?”
Raising my eyebrows at him, I said, “Well, I can go away too if you’d prefer that,” and tried to scoot over to the other side of the bed.
“Don’t even try,” he said, grabbing my waist and yanking me back.
Somehow, I ended up under him. His semi-hard dick pressed against my thigh as he hovered over me, studying me with his golden-brown eyes. Breathless, I could only stare back at him.
“With all that teasing, one might think you’re finally giving up,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. When I didn’t reply anything, my voice stuck to my throat, he continued with a question, “Will you make love with me?”
One hundred percent taken aback by his choice of words I gulped, before blinking to rip my eyes off from his hypnotizing ones. It was technically what he had been hinting at ever since “the coffee incident” and especially after “the bathroom incident” and even asked for it earlier today... but the word “love” had never been used before. It simultaneously excited and scared me.
But I had already made my decision about this, and it was not like I didn’t want to have sex with him…I think we can all admit that at this point. I closed my eyes for a second and chose my words carefully, before voicing them out loud. After all, I had a habit of saying all the wrong things at all the wrong times, and I wasn’t risking it tonight.
“Look, if you ask me... I’ll always say ‘no’...” I whispered, still evading his eyes. Joe instantly started to pull back, but I held him in place, clinging to him. My cheeks burning hot, I added, “...so don’t ask.”
Tequila Sunrise
Joe blinked as if it took him some time to decipher what the hell I meant. But eventually, realization lit up his eyes that I saw were still aligned at me from the edge of my vision. Yes, I was still evading his eyes. They were too dangerous to look at, okay, so sue me.
“Are you sure?” he asked, then instantly realized his mistake as I froze. “I mean…uh…if you really want to...”
Holding down the urge to roll my eyes, I pulled him down and smashed my lips against his. It took him a second to pull himself together and respond, but once he did, there was no hesitation left in his actions. Despite having originally initiated the kiss myself, it became very clear who led the race after that.
For sure, it wasn’t me.
If there were any boundaries or walls of resistance within me left, I ignored them and let the moment take over. There was no turning back anymore. In an instant, Joe dominated my every thought —my every sense—and I let him.
Why I had anticipated that he’d go straight to business and the whole ordeal would’ve been over in, like, 5 minutes, I didn’t know. Maybe because our last time together had been…somewhat urgent. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth this time over. Instead, he savored the kiss. His tongue found an opportunity to slip between my parted lips when I took in a ragged gasp. I found myself leaning in on the kiss, even dared to nibble his lip, which in turn made him groan into my mouth.
That was what a kiss was supposed to feel like. There was no pushing or pulling. No denying the mutual attraction. Joe’s hard body was pressed against mine, his burning hot lips claiming my own, both of us trapped in the heated moment. It felt somehow…liberating. Maybe because I didn’t have to agonize over this any longer, it was already happening. The decision had already been made, and now I only had to go through with the actions.
When Joe pulled back, I blinked up at him. He looked down at me with a strange look on his face, those weird warm brown eyes with a golden halo around the pupils, filled with something I couldn’t quite put in words. But I blinked when he pushed my hair back, and the look in his eyes was gone. Or maybe I ignored it because his touch made my already heated skin even more ticklish and feverish.
Joe then raised himself from his hovering position, hands tugging at the strings on his sweatpants. I swallowed as he pulled the pants off along with the underwear, leaving him totally naked and his way-too-big-of-a dick in full display. Despite the fact that I was beyond terrified to have it inside me, his rock hard erection made me painfully aware of my own that was straining against my pants.
As I too started fumbling with my pants, Joe glanced down at my crotch, making more heat rise up my cheeks. I guess I struggled with the pants for too long, because he grabbed my wrists and pulled them away. Then his hands quickly released me from the straining clothes as I relaxed against the bed. The sound of the pants landing somewhere to our right made a smile tug the corners of my lips slightly upwards.
Soon, Joe was again laying on top of me. He was heavy and warm, and…very, very hard. A surprised moan made it past my lips as he moved his hips, rubbing our hard-ons together. After grinning briefly at all the noise, Joe rested against his elbows to kiss me again, before moving on to the side of my neck. Closing my eyes, I turned my head to the side, one hand gripping the sheets and the other finding its way to grip Joe’s thick black hair.
I quivered with anticipation as he moved down to my chest. His lips and teeth left faint red marks all over my body when he moved lower and lower until his lips were hovering over my almost aching dick. He looked up at me through his dark lashes, eyes hungry and darkened. I found myself nodding and raising my hips at his unspoken question.
Joe thankfully didn’t need more than that for final consent. Instantly, his lips pressed a soft kiss on the underside of my glans, sending a jolt of pleasure straight to my balls. Though I barely registered that before his slick and warm mouth enclosed half of my hard length.
“Aish, fuck,” I hissed between my gritted teeth, head jerking back as Joe let out a low, rumbling hum. My hand flew down to caress the back of his head and teeth sunk to my bottom lip as I tried to muzzle another groan when his skilled tongue flicked on the underside of my throbbing cock. I wasn’t very successful with keeping the volume down though.
The pressure started building up in my lower abdomen, as Joe wrapped his hand against the base of my dick. That feeling wasn’t very long-lasting though, because after a couple of pumps his hand found something else to do—as in: they slid past my tightening balls, then his finger starting to press softly against my asshole.
My cock still buried deep in his mouth, one of Joe’s saliva covered fingers slowly pushed past the tight ring. My back arched involuntarily as a tune of a continuous whine vibrated from my throat. Joe took it a step further, as always, and once the finger was fully inside me and curled it slightly, putting pressure on that one spot that made my toes curl.
Now, that one finger was easy enough to handle, as it wasn’t the first time it had been there. But slowly, Joe worked a second finger inside me, effectively making me wince and suck in a tight breath as my eyes fluttered open. That made him completely pause and release me from his mouth with an impudent pop. Gazing at me, questioning, Joe halted all movement completely.
“I’m fine,” I whispered, raising my hips as I spoke, eyes locked with his, too drunk with the need to have any decent thoughts left. With that, Joe moved the two fingers inside slightly and with care, letting me get used to the stretching sensation in my ass. His other hand slid up, over my chest, before landing to rest on my cheek.
Shamelessly I leaned against his palm, closing my eyes again. Bit by bit, my rigid muscles relaxed as he worked his fingers inside my hole. Occasionally, he put more pressure against the sensitive spot, causing waves of pleasure shooting through me.
“I’m sorry shortie, but you’re gonna have to take the third finger in before…” he started, trailing off. His thumb brushed over my lower lip as I nodded.
Bit by bit, he inserted a third digit inside me. A strange mix of pain and pleasure overwhelmed all my senses, blocking out everything else. In turns, I whimpered and groaned when his fingers moved in and out, filling me up and stretching. My whole body shook every time the pressure against the highly sensitive bundle of nerves inside me became more prominent. The sheet wrinkled in my tight hold as I let out a moan after moan.
“Still okay?” Joe asked, his voice husky and deep, then moving straight on to kiss me in a rough manner. Yes, before I even managed to reply. Another moan made it past my lips, being the only answer he needed. He smiled against my lips at the same time he pulled his fingers out, making me feel strangely empty.
Barely, I heard a foil of a condom getting ripped open, making me only mildly curious of where the hell had Joe conjured that up, as I mostly focused on praying to gods that it was one of those thickly lubed ones. Soon, I bit my lip as the head of his cock pressed against my entrance, before sliding all the way in.
“Aish, ow, fuck,” I hissed, the almost burning sensation of my ass being so stretched out it actually hurt like hell, making my every muscle clench.
Joe let out a deep loud groan as I clamped around his cock, far thicker than his fingers had been. “Fuck, you’re still so goddamn tight, shortie,” he breathed out when my hand gripped his arm and fingers dug into his flesh.
Slowly but surely, I relaxed around him, even my fingers unclenching one by one on his arm at the same time. Once Joe was content I was okay enough, which I oddly was after a while, he started moving, whispering my name. The sound of it rolling off his tongue so easily made me forget the pain completely. I groaned again, hand sliding up before it reached the back of his neck. Whimpering with growing urgency for a release, I pulled him down to a sloppy kiss. His lips moved with mine, just as, if not more eager and hungrier as I was.
With every thrust and pull, I lost myself more. Tears burned behind my eyelids, as Joe’s dick seemed to reach deeper with every movement. Soon, he was trembling, before his arms gave up and his weight pressed against me. My hands gripped at his tense muscles on his back as his panting, hot breaths tickled my ear. My mouth muttered out words that didn’t make any sense at all when his movements became erratic, both of our draggy breaths and throaty moans filling up the otherwise silent room.
With one last breathy hum, he released inside me, gripping my cock tight in his fist at the same time. His hand draped over my cock drove me over the edge too, and I practically screamed his name as the hot seed sprayed from my cock between us in thick streaks.
Joe’s body collapsed on top of mine, heavy, but I didn’t make a single move to push him off. He laid his head on the hollow of my neck. My one hand slowly unclenched the sheet on my left as the other kept resting on his back.
We lay there for a while, too high in the after waves of our orgasms to move. Eventually, Joe pulled his already softened cock from inside me, then wordlessly fetched and dampened a towel. While I lay there, still completely out of it, he proceeded to wash us both up with the warm cloth, before discarding it somewhere on the other side of the room.
Joe pulled me in his embrace as we both snuggled under the duvets. He fell asleep in minutes. His chest rose and fell in tune with his even breathing and his face was completely at peace. Occasionally his lips twitched slightly, his arm that was still curled behind my back tightening its hold.
Despite the fact that I was very tired as well, I also became scared stiff of falling asleep. Not because of the nightmares and not because I knew this would be the first and the last time I’d see him this way, but because of a terrifying fact I only then realized…that I was in love with him.
Somehow, he had paved the way into my heart, almost brutally so. In a relatively short time span, Joe had managed to turn himself from being just a work acquaintance I had drooled over from afar, to a one nights stand, to a person I despised, then to a flirty douche, before finally acquiring the status of being the man I fell for so hard it was difficult to put in words.
But apart from other members of GRiD, people had the tendency to disappear from my life once I became too attached to them. It had started with Dad, who left Mom to raise us by herself. Then our first manager turned out to be a scumbag. Even the rest of GRiD had taken their distance from me for little while when things went south, though I’ll admit I might have to blame myself a bit on that.
Tomorrow, it was Joe’s turn to make his escape. I could feel it. Sense it.
So I spent the rest of the night watching Joe’s strong jawline, perfectly arched eyebrows, and those thin but skilled lips, while I still had the chance. But at the same time, I was mentally preparing myself for tomorrow. Deep down, I was forging a new, improved version of the protective shell around my heart from the wrecked ruins Joe had left behind when he first charged through my defenses with a bulldozer.
When the sun started coloring the sky with an orange hue, I undraped myself from Joe. Careful to not wake him up, I crawled up from the bed, tiptoed to the shower to clean myself up a bit better. Especially from down there, ignoring the stinging pain that tunneled up my ass as soon as I touched the slightly swollen passage.
Then I walked straight to the walk-in closet. I chose some stylish-enough, stretchy skinny jeans and a hoodie to serve as an outfit that would both survive a 12-hour flight and at the same time wouldn’t make the headlines of the worst outfit to ever pass the regular sea of reporters swarming at the entrance to Incheon International Airport.
As silently as I could, I continued my way to exit the master bedroom that had once belonged solely to me but now somehow seemed shared. At the door, I cast a final longing glance towards the sleeping man over my shoulder. What a beautiful yet comfortingly domestic sight it was indeed. The orange-red glow of the sunrise peeking through the curtains, casting light on his disheveled hair made it ten times more difficult to leave and not snuggle back on the bed beside him. Knowing I had to, I still did, with my heart already aching.
With ultimate care, I pulled the door closed behind me, before silently walking downstairs. I sat on one of the bar stools beside the kitchen table, gripping the soju bottle I had picked up on my way there in my other hand while the other laid a tall glass on the smooth surface.
Then I mixed myself a tequila sunrise.
Real Smooth
Three tall glasses of tequila sunrise, two bottles of soju and exactly two hours and 37 minutes of staring at the small digital clock on the microwave, I was getting seriously buzzed. Not that being drunk helped even one bit with my inner battle. But as it was the only thing I could think of that had helped me calm down in the past, I tried to use it to my advantage again. This time though, it only made things worse.
