Let Him Go, page 12
Allison called him over.
Blake smiled and placed his arm across Andy’s shoulder.
“This whole thing is crazy.” Allison kept her voice low. “That woman is nuts. I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. This must end soon. She’s disgusting.”
I placed my hand on Allison’s arm. “Give her a chance. She may love your dad. And if she makes him happy, that’s a good thing.” I pulled my hand away.
Her lower lip quivered. “What are you saying? I don’t understand. This separation is temporary? The policy?” She sounded horrified. “You two are trying to work everything out, and you’ll be back together soon.”
Tim scurried over and stuck out his hand. “Hi. I’m Tim. Nice to meet you.”
“What a fine gentleman. Happy to meet you too.”
After I shook his hand, he ran to where his dad stood and stared up at Andy and Zoey.
Allison gawked at me. “Well? You two are working things out?”
“Doesn’t seem likely.” I observed Blake with his arm still across Andy’s shoulder. Eliza’s arms encircled Blake’s waist. “I’ve got to run. Best if I don’t have to talk to your dad tonight. Call me tomorrow. We’ll talk.” I hugged her and opened my car door. “I love you.”
“Keedryn.” Blake called out. “Wait.”
I turned toward the front door and tried to swallow the sour taste in my mouth.
Blake said something to his family that I couldn’t hear.
Tim opened the door, and the rest of the family followed him inside. Eliza lingered. She grabbed Blake’s elbow. His demeanor changed, and he abruptly turned to her. I couldn’t hear what he told her, but he pointed to the door. She glared at me before she made her way into the house.
I should have left. We could have dealt with this when we got back to work. What kept me there?
Blake took a few steps toward me to close the gap between us. “You did this for me?” He shook his head. “Arranged for Andy to come home for Christmas?”
I peered into his eyes. “For you and Allison. And for Andy and Zoey. A family needs to be together on Christmas.” My body trembled. What should I say? Help me.
He moved another step closer. “This is a wonderful gift.” He cleared his throat. “You know it’s over, though, don’t you?”
The coolness of the air. The iciness in his tone. I’d never been a fan of winter. Liked it less now.
“Eliza and I got engaged today.” He paused. “When I go back inside, we’ll tell the family.”
I stiffened. The news didn’t surprise me. Four days earlier, he told me this would happen. Manuel and Susie cautioned me as well. However, to hear of the official engagement from Blake devastated me. How did this happen so fast? I didn’t get to tell him about Nicki talking to Jesus or how I was ready to commit.
I stared at the fountain behind him before I focused my attention back on his eyes. I needed to regain my composure. “My resignation will be on your desk tomorrow morning.”
He jerked his head back. “Too late. Not going to work out between us.”
“I understand. I’m not resigning for you to stop seeing Eliza or for us to be together.”
“You’re not?”
My heartrate increased. “I believe you think marrying Eliza is the best for me.” My tone was deep and sharp. “I disagree. But you’ve made your choice. I know I can’t stay at BCH.” I gave a nod toward his front door. “I doubt she’d allow me to stay on as your assistant either.”
He started to speak. But stopped.
I softened my demeanor, reached up, took his left cheek in my hand, and softly kissed his right. A tear met my lips. Not mine. I stepped back, gazed deep into his eyes, smiled, and whispered. “Merry Christmas, Blake. I love you.” My voice caught. “You’ve become my one-and-only.”
Chapter 17
H
ow I managed to do and say what I did without crying was a God thing. Amazed I told him that I loved him, and he was my one-and-only. How can I still love him? I turned away and got into my car.
Blake stopped my door from closing. “I've become your one-and-only?” Disbelief and softness in his voice. “I saw you from the riverboat. You kissed Wes.”
I focused on his eyes again and shook my head. “You saw him kiss me. Unexpected and uninvited.”
“But he's good for you.” Blake stepped back, which I took to mean he was done with me.
I pulled the door closed, started the car, and put down my window. I peered up at him. “But I’m not in love with Wes.” I drove away and headed home.
Near my house, I received a call from Jenny. She asked if I could stop by and pick up a picture Nicki drew for Blake’s Christmas gift. She hoped I would take it to the office the next morning.
Jenny met me in her driveway with Nicki’s envelope. I told her about my conversation with Blake and his engagement to Eliza. She hugged me close and prayed a quick prayer for strength and wisdom.
Blake confirmed there was no future for us. Nicki insisted on Sunday there was. What now? I’m ready to let him go. But is that still Your plan, Lord?
~
Seldom did I hit the snooze button. Most often I woke up before the alarm went off. But today, the day after Christmas, I awoke thirty minutes late.
Making up thirty minutes was tough with everything I needed to do to get ready. I didn’t like to be late for work. When I was almost caught up, the doorbell rang at 7:00. Who would be at my door so early? Couldn’t be another flower delivery.
Jim? He held a single salmon colored rose. On the day after Blake and Eliza’s engagement?
Does that man have any kind of brain in his head?
I yanked open the door and glared at Jim.
He took a step back and raised his palm toward me. “I’m only the courier. Don’t shoot.”
“Why is he doing this to me?” I held the door open for Jim to come inside.
“No time for a visit,” he said, stammering. “I’ve got to run. Allison’s expecting me.”
“I’ll text her and tell her that I kidnapped you for a few minutes.” I reached for his arm. “Now. Get in here.” After I yanked him inside without much of a fight, I lowered my eyebrows and squinted at him. “You’re going to tell me what Blake wants from me.”
Jim shrugged and gave me a lopsided grin. “I’m as dumbfounded as you are. He told me yesterday afternoon before Andy and Zoey arrived there’d be no more flowers.” He sighed. “This morning Blake called and said, ‘Extremely important you deliver Keedryn a rose this morning.’” He extended the flower.
“I don’t want it.” I pushed his hand away. “Tell Blake whatever you want. This must stop.”
“When Blake handed me the rose this morning, he said he wanted me to call him and let him know your reaction.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You want me to tell him ‘This must stop?’”
“Why would he care how I react? This makes no sense to me.” I shook my head and crossed my arms. “He made it perfectly clear Friday and yesterday he wanted nothing more to do with me.”
Jim tilted his head from side to side. “A guess here.” He tried again to hand me the flower. “Maybe a thank you for flying Andy and Zoey home.” He wrinkled his nose and took a backward step toward the door.
I placed my hands on my hips. “You have no idea what roses mean, do you?” I frowned.
What did I want Blake to know? He’s made a mess of my life. What message should Jim share with him? I’m done. I grabbed the flower from Jim’s hands, being mindful of the thorns, and dropped it on the floor. I lifted my foot to stomp it to pieces but stopped.
A new word pounded in my head. Forgive.
I took a deep breath, gasped, let it out slowly, and bent to pick up the rose. I straightened and stared at the lovely petals, brought the flower to my nose, and whispered, “Tell him that I placed the rose in a vase and said thank you.” I opened the front door to allow my captive to go free. “Time for me to leave for the office.” I didn’t look at Jim when he stepped outside, and he left without saying a word.
~
At 8:20, I arrived at our office suite but wasn’t concerned. After all, Jim’s delivery from Blake made me late. But no need to worry. Blake wasn’t in his office.
I sat at my desk and turned on my computer. Another rose? I get it. Time to forgive. I do love him. My love wasn’t the kind I could turn on and off like a light switch. But he betrayed my trust and ripped my heart out. I bent over and held myself. This turmoil inside must stop. If this was his way of wanting another chance, I couldn’t take him back. This chaos between us could last a lifetime.
Muffled voices in the hallway caused me to straighten. I didn’t want someone to walk in and see me buckled over. I removed the two printed copies of my resignation letter from the folder I’d brought from home. I took them to the first-floor reception desk to use the automatic date stamp. Miranda was off for the holidays and wouldn’t see the letter until late next week. I didn’t want any question concerning the correct start date of my two-week notice. In addition to the dated letter, I wanted backup proof. I placed one letter on Miranda’s desk and the other on Blake’s.
No sign of Blake by 9:00. Maybe he decided to take the day off to spend time with Andy. That sounded perfect to me.
Allison strolled in thirty minutes later. “Good. You’re here. Where’s Dad?”
“I don’t know where he is.” I don’t care. That’s not true, I care too much. “I haven’t seen him this morning.”
She looked out our office suite door and checked both directions of the hallway. She stepped back inside. “Jim told me about the roses he brought you. He said they were the two-tone ones with dark pink and light orange?” She sat in the chair across from my desk.
I nodded. “Salmon color. Why your dad still gives them to me, I have no idea.” I glanced toward his open office door. “But one thing I know. I’m done. My resignation letter is on his desk. I can’t stay here and be his assistant when he plans to marry that woman.” My chin trembled. “I love your dad. But I can only take so much. I’m not a saint.”
“Yes. You are.” Her expression changed to a sneer. “But Eliza. What could he possibly see in her? When did he tell you about their engagement?”
“Before I drove away.” I covered my mouth with my hand and mumbled, “Merry Christmas, Keedryn. I’m marrying Eliza.”
Allison reached across my desk and touched my other hand. “Could we step into the conference room in case he comes in while I’m here? I don’t want to be overheard.”
I stood and led the way. We closed the door, sat next to one another at the table, and faced the windows.
Allison raised her hands and brought them back down. “I don’t understand what’s happened. I know there’s a new policy. Dad seemed to be okay to wait for you to be sure you were ready to commit to a long-term relationship. But last night he told us he planned to marry Eliza.” She pressed her lips together into a slight frown.
I listened to her ramble. I was at a loss for words anyway.
“I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else. I glared at Jim and said, ‘Getting late. Let’s go. I have a busy day tomorrow.’” She bounced her heel up and down on the floor. “And Andy said, ‘Sis, I think Zoey would be more comfortable to stay at your place. Big houses give her the creeps. May we spend our time in Nashville with you?’ We all left at the same time without saying anything else to Dad or Eliza.” Her eyes got big. “Andy spent less than an hour with him.”
“Must have been hard on both Andy and your dad.” I shook my head. “What a mess this is. Maybe we don’t understand what’s going on in your dad’s head right now, but he needs time with Andy. I hope you’ll try to make that happen. A shame if Andy and Zoey leave without spending quality time with Blake.”
“I agree. I’ll do my best. But I won’t include his fiancée.” She crossed her arms.
“Tell me about the rose. I know the color meaning and the significance of giving one.” I shrugged. “But why do you think he sent me one the day after his engagement to Eliza?”
“That’s the main reason I came to see you. Jim said you questioned him.” She waved her hand. “Jim has no idea the significance of this rose.” She gazed out the window and appeared wistful. “They were Mom’s favorites. Dad bought several bushes for her. He gave her one flower at a time like he has with you.” She looked at me again and grinned. “That he still gave you one today means you are his one-and-only, and I couldn’t be happier.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that your dad gives me the same rose he gave your mother to convey his love for her?”
“I’ve seen such an amazing change in Dad these past two months due to your being a part of his life.” She shook her head and smiled. “I don’t wish to ever see him return to his grumpiness and grief-stricken state.” Allison touched my arm. “Does it bother you?”
“No. I’ve been pleased to know that after five years he wanted to share such a personal part of himself with me.”
I slumped back into my chair. “But he told me last night, ‘It’s too late.’” I leaned forward and placed my elbow on the table and propped my cheek on my fist. “I must agree with him. I don’t think what’s happened can be repaired.”
Allison placed her hand in front of me on the conference table. “He doesn’t love Eliza.” She tapped her hand on the table. “He loves you. He’d give these roses to Mom and say things like, ‘You’re the light of my life.’ Or, ‘I love you just because.’ He’s a romantic guy.” She stared toward the corner of the room. “He told me recently, Mom stopped accepting these gifts. In her depression, she wouldn’t talk to him about it. And he knew for sure then something was dreadfully wrong.”
I placed my hand on top of Allison’s.
She turned her head back toward me. “What made saying yes to Dad’s proposal difficult for you? I think he’s made great progress in his return to the Lord. You said you weren’t ready to commit and wanted to pray. I understand that. I do. But what held you back?”
I peered at our hands. “For the past three and a half years, I’ve learned to rely on God and God alone. My life is fixed on Him. If Blake doesn’t fully walk with the Lord, we’ll be divided. We won’t share that common bond. I’m concerned I’ll live my life to please my husband first and not be fully devoted to God. That frightens me.” I bit my lip. “I wanted the two of us committed to serve Him together—to pray together and be in harmony with the Lord.”
“Have you told him this?”
“Wes tried to tell him Friday.”
“Wes?”
I told Allison that Wes came into our office and preached to Blake. I softened what I said. I didn’t want to cause further division between her and Blake. I also told her about his comment regarding Eliza not having ulterior motives.
Allison grabbed her chair’s armrests. “Without ulterior motives? All that woman wants is his money.” She stood and glared at me. “Are you going to sit by and let him marry her?”
“Me?” I stood, too, forcing Allison to back up. “This is in God’s hands. Your dad needs Him more than he needs me.” I took a couple of steps toward the door, which was ajar. Before I could say anything, Blake entered and closed the door behind him.
Allison and I gaped at him with wide eyes.
She took a step closer. “How long have you been standing there?”
He rubbed his hand over his chin and mouth. “A few minutes.”
Allison pinched her eyebrows together. “Are you going to marry Eliza? Or is this a ploy to get BCH off your back?”
This was a family discussion. Not my family. I stared at the floor and hurried toward the door.
Blake gently touched my arm when I passed him. “I’d like us to talk again.” He stepped in front of me, and I peered up at him. “Eliza set a date of January 12.”
Allison grabbed Blake’s arm. “Are you crazy? Two weeks?”
Blake’s mouth twisted. He turned to look at Allison. “I wanted to talk this through with K. See if there’s any chance for us before I make the biggest mistake of my life. I’ve made a major mess of things.” He turned toward me. “But after what I overheard, I doubt you want anything to do with me.”
He reopened the door and trudged to his office. Allison grabbed her purse and followed him. His closed door didn’t stop her.
Thankful to be alone, I moved to the window and gazed at the street below. Blake used my nickname again—K, a name he liked to call me during tender moments. But this didn’t feel like a tender moment to me. Hard to believe he wanted to know if we could fix things between us. I didn’t want to talk to him or see him. I didn’t want anything to do with him.
What now? What do I do about Nicki’s Papa? Forgive. I know.
I returned to my desk. With this being Christmas week, not many tasks awaited me. Time to investigate before lunch. I didn’t know why I hadn’t researched before now. Allison’s comments concerning her mom stirred up that inquisitive place in me. Blake was convinced Cheryl’s death was not an accident. I’d been curious as to what happened that evening.
Allison came out of Blake’s office and closed his door behind her. “I know he’s hurt you deeply.”
“He has hurt me.” I folded my hands together on top of my desk. “But I’ve hurt him too. I guess we need to forgive each other and see where that leads.”
“He’s in there sulking.” She plopped on the chair across from my desk. “Like I said earlier, you are his one-and-only. He loves you.”
“I know he does. He thinks if he marries Eliza, I’ll marry Wes. He wants what’s best for me. But Wes isn’t my best.” I rested my elbows on my desk and cupped my cheeks in my hands.
“He read your resignation letter while I was in there. He looked defeated.” Allison stood. “I need to leave. Know I’m here for you.”
After she left, I brought up Google on my computer. It didn’t take long to find a short blurb dealing with the accident that occurred on March 6, almost six years earlier. I confirmed the time of day was 5:45 p.m.—sunset. The article didn’t give an exact location but did confirm Cheryl was traveling east on Otter Creek Road toward Franklin Pike, which meant she was leaving Radnor Lake. I gathered new information as well. A misty rain fell that afternoon and into the early evening. The article stated Cheryl apparently lost control on the curvy, wet road. She was driving too fast and not wearing a seatbelt.
