The combinations, p.114

The Combinations, page 114

 

The Combinations
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* Not to speak ill of the woman, her being dead after all & long in the tooth at that (or did he

  mean “fingernails”?). [:]

  741

  then light again. Alice on the ceiling like Kokoschka’s porno prosthesis sullying

  the predelectible prelude to a migraine of the very first order. A red light flashed

  inside his head. That story, he remembered, not without pain, about one of the

  th grade kids at the Home they’d dragged off to Bohnice for refusing to serve

  in the Red Pioneers. Tied to a bed & fried in the brain with electrodes to help

  clear his conscience. Němec wondered vaguely if the shocks made the pain better

  or worse. He closed his eyes, rolled off the campbed & crawled to the kitchen

  sink. Groped. SERTRALINE HYDROCHLORIDE, said the blue pills with

  no serial number.

  Hey there, kiddo, what’s new?

  Sniffing around in the trash. Some aroma he’d managed to generate in

  there with all that decomposing & composting. The rot after the inundation,

  swamp vapours condensing on windowpanes. The fetid folios of cruciverbalist

  cacaphagy. To think his very existence boiled down to this (!). It was enough to

  bring tears to his eyes. If only these situations could solve themselves & point

  him towards the exit doors, like a cavedweller blinking in the brights & What ho?

  A light from yonder window & the Weather Lady tucking herself into a cosy

  little Low Front, faint evocations of Cimabue over the rooftops, the odd

  auriolated snowflake as once upon Bethlehem. Somewhere a dog groaned,

  having a nightmare in its sleep. Rats in the attic. Old women whispered outside

  the door. The heartbeat of somebody listening. Footsteps on the stairs. Workers’

  boots. A jackdaw pecking at the window to be let in, or a shape on a scaffold.

  Voices circling like flies in the middle of a room, buzzing buzzing, beneath a

  dead lightbulb, buzzing buzzing buzzing buzzing…*

  The best Němec could manage was to stand up. Vitiated, leached of all

  will to [fill in the blank]. Like someone who’d just got wind of the news, that

  humanity’d hit Brenschluß & was now in evolutionary reverse — hell, maybe

  find that Missing Link on the backswing. He tapped cold water into a sticky

  glass. Sipped. Gagged. Forced that hair-tongue of his to swallow. When he put

  * How long had he been like this? Thursday. Monday. Drunk again. Here’s lookin’ at you, kiddo.

  Lying there upsidedown in his own private Antipodes. Gravity isn’t a variable. Well hallelujah!

  Did you count the windows? They still all there? Five down, three across. In a void, acceleration is

  constant. Between this world and the next… Bzzz. First things first. Mind your own reticule. The

  squill of him! Where they come from…? No good if you can’t enjoy it. Say please. Ta, love. It’s

  mama’s choice. Love at first feel. Well you can’t judge a book by its… Bzzzz. A weight off your…

  Tomorrow, maybe. What’s the furthest place possible? Asinine. Bzzzzz. Only counting what’s not

  allowed. Anyone out there? Wind, rime, wet earth. Am I… Bzzzzzz. Have you…? Bzzzzzzzzzzz. [:]

  742

  the glass on the counter there were thin strings of blood coiling at the bottom…

  ‘Well hello, looks like we have a winner! We were worried there for a

  minute, chum, didn’t think you had a drop left in you. Now check this out. Over

  here we’ve got a whole range of stainless dripdry alteregos to choose from & any

  one of them can be yours just for the asking. I don’t mind telling you, chum, this

  is your lucky day. Just look at that streamlined bit of sucky sentimentality up

  there! Or this hard-as-nails butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-his-arsehole Man for All

  Occasions right at the front. Or maybe this’s more your style, last year’s model

  admittedly, but a great fave with the spending public — that’s right & it comes

  with a Full Unlimited-Mileage Lifetime Guarantee — voted Best-Loved Brand

  ten years running: it’s the Garbage-Wrapped Sack of Shit, of course! I bought

  one of these for my own kid, he loves it to death. Used to think he was Jean

  Cocteau, hehe — a Cocteau in the hand’s worth two in the bush, hehehe — but

  now he’s got a crystal-clear perspective on what really matters. And I can see

  you’ve travelled that very same kind of road yourself, chum. Am I right? Of

  course I am! No point letting bygones be a lion in your path. In the immortal

  words of Cicero, Don’t blow it! This is your one real chance at being human, why

  toss it all in the can just for some high-class chimp in crotchless wellies & a

  French maid’s outfit? Listen chum, I’ve been there too & let me tell you a few

  Home Truths, hehehehe. You want to wind up as a pair of kosher cobblers boiled

  in goulash? Nothing wasted, nothing gained! That’s my personal motto & it

  could be yours, too. All you’ve got to do is choose. That’s right, chum, the

  choice is yours. Now, no matter which way you end up swinging the bat, we’ve

  got our own Quality Certified Eight-Step Plan to go with it, just to ensure you

  get the most out of your experience. And even better, you don’t have to worry

  about any of those confusing payment schemes up front, we won’t bill you till

  we’re satisfied that you’re satisfied. At KOSHER KOCHKA’s, the customer

  always comes first , hehehehehe. Okay, hit it boys…!’

  Some sort of crazy klezmer quartet popped up from nowhere making

  matzo out of Mahler’s marinated Totenlieder.* Jesus, do I have to listen to this

  stuff? Němec reeled away from wherever he thought he was at that moment, still

  the taste of blood in his throat, like the taste of childhood. Mmm. Those

  exquisite nosebleeds in the infirmary, Ol’ Deathbed hissing in his ear, Scheming

  little shite! I’ll send you somewhere they deal with filth like you good and proper. It

  would’ve made him laugh, if he wasn’t gagging instead. And that voice, like a

  * “There were nine in the bed & the Little One said, Roll over!” [:]

  743

  bellowing oxymoron (you stole that, didn’t you?), enough to split the fontanel of

  any God-fearing sonofabitch — like those bloody airraid sirens blasting away at

  the weekly Civil Defence Drill! Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh! And how he’d

  always wind-up somehow flat on his back with a wad of clotted bogroll under his

  schnozzola. Hey, look, Squillbrain’s spazzed-out again! Waking up only to find

  briny Ol’ Deathbed leering down at him like that was half the Dead Sea she had

  up there under her skirts on a bed of pilau rice & if he didn’t Foxtrot Oscar

  super quick she’d make salted strips out of him, just you wait and see. Ah, all the

  pleasantest thoughts coming back! How about we just lie down here for a little

  while and dream of something else, eh? Forehead to the scuffed linoleum, letting

  the bad blood drain out. It pooled there, warm then cold, sticking at the edges to

  his face. And what was that old Soviet joke about pissing in your boots? Fuck it.

  He let his body go slack. Bit-by-bit the pain in his head became a sort of thing, a

  solid object surrounded by dark space. He could’ve picked it up & held it in his

  hands, turned it over, scrutinised it, if he hadn’t been lying flat on his face. It was

  simply there. And being there it was, so to speak, nowhere.

  �

  You drift & drift & if the philosophers were right something would come out of

  it. Aces in the hole? Some colourless odourless metaphysical excrescence?

  Something, in other words, to lighten the load? Things don’t just disappear by

  themselves, kiddo.* Though once upon a time — oh yes, once upon a time — a

  man could step off into the abyss & never have to look back, eh? Rome could

  burn while Nero fiddled. There could be patents for selfwinding clocks. And up

  there behind the blue of noon’s arras & heaven’s fire, God’s theoretical blackhole

  would shine, shine on, like some crazy diamond. Because none of this is real, it’s all

  a sham, it was always a sham! Hearing the Old Man’s Klassenzimmer-voice

  saying how it’d come to pass that He learned to see the world through eyes of

  mud & clay. And how He slept without fear of ever having to know himself

  again. But one day His Doppelgänger took its revenge by choosing to die. And

  all the ghosts of God’s former existence returned to Him & drove Him mad.*

  * One should always keep in mind, for example, the Law of Conservation of Mass (A. Lavoisier,

  1789). [:]

  * Or one day He woke up. For the truth was that all along He’d been imprisoned inside a dream &

  it suddenly dawned on Him that in order to be free He’d first need to build a Wall. And the Wall

  744

  The music stopped. The cosmic ear snored instead. Němec rolled over

  onto his beetleback. Sehr Kafkaesque. And how’s the asbestos business going, old

  cock? (Jesus, the guy was like a one-man tuberculosis pandemic with a Brooks

  Brothers fixation, & you think you’ve got it bad?) Němec opened his eyes

  (again). The scenery hadn’t changed much. Peeled himself off the floor.

  Gropingly affirmed the major chakras were more or less in alignment. A bloody

  blatant big gap in his head, though, where the brain was supposed to be, haha.

  Well that’s a fine mess he’s made, isn’t it? Scrounging in the bin for something

  to wipe it all up with. Gibberish in rows & columns. That’s it, smear it all nicely

  around. Rorschach splodges of something unspeakable. What was that? Some

  sort of medieval doodle of the Burning Bush? Nebuchadnezzar’s misses among

  the potted shrubbery? The who? Her of Babylon? Mary, Mary, quite cuntrary?

  Or just the biggest piece of creationist cooze since Eve knocked one off with the

  old Monty Python act up the Tree of Seditious Knowledge (that gang of

  infamous lesbian penis-impersonators!), otherwise known as “Heavy Heva” —

  witch, succubus & most devastating lay this side of Gethsemane — in her

  umpteenth incarnation as a pre-Warhol Elizabeth Taylor in gold-lamé (yep, that

  film). What can I say, Tony? I guess I’m just a material girl. Asp tattoo with its fang buried in her left tit, inscribèd thus: “Dulce et decorum est pro Cleopatria mori.”

  And that old bore in the rubber Richard Burton mask spoiling the scene again…

  Němec interrupted the broadcast to go out & put his head under the

  shower. Counted to a hundred. Got lost. Gave up. The reflection at the bottom

  of the bath stared up at him through a film of scum like a mezzotint of a man

  with his head in a hole. Smile kiddo. Say cheese. Teeth cracked, bloodied gums.

  His hands were made of rubber. He held on. He grinned. He said cheese.

  �

  Wasn’t it about time for the Prof’s pantogeist to put in one of its irregular

  appearances, just to shift gears or something, give the plot a bit of direction, take

  the protagonist’s mind off his own mindlessness for a minute or two? No? Too

  much to ask? In the meantime, then, how about a quick joke? Ever hear the one

  about the Politburo guy, was so fat that every time he went to the Black Sea for

  his summer holidays he had to take a goddamn receipt?

  was with God. [:]

  745

  For a long time Němec stood there in the bath before he decided sitting

  would do just as well, only now he had a wet arse in addition to a migraine /

  hangover / general putrefaction of the mental faculties, etc. Mahler echoed

  through the rooms, as was Mahler’s wont. In diesem Wetter, in diesem Saus, / Nie

  hät’ ich gesendet die Kinder hinaus! Němec waited for the record to end &, when it

  did, he waited (like us) to see what else might happen. Borrowed ink-suit hat

  walkingstick bundled in the corner over there beneath the window like a pointer

  pointing at sfumato’d palimpsests of abolished erasure, tenebrous chemas,

  blotted algebras, caliginous calligraphies, obfuscated oraculations all. Okay, but

  what about the ghost? Ghost was a no-show, of course, probably just a hoax

  anyway, figment of Squillhead’s squillhead, hunched there with his mouth open

  bothering the flies. Perhaps he was trying to meet the old vapour halfway, put on

  his best impersonation of a stiff to create a more sympathetic kind of

  atmosphere? Maybe he was trying to become him, finger on the rewind back to

  the sign-off scene in the bath, Prof sitting there with knees up (’cause the tub

  was too short, as Němec himself could readily attest), flies in his eyes, in his

  unhinged jaw, rubbing their legs together in that grossly licentious way so typical

  of the lower Schizophora, preening their wings, nozzling their probosces,

  smearing pathogens about with obnoxious abandon. Walls mottled grey in the

  November light. Grey scum on the water. Halo of redeyed flies overhead. And,

  like some ancient Zen master with a pair of chopsticks, the deadman, very

  slowly, imperceptible almost, reaching up from watery sleep to blindly pluck a

  nice fat one bodily from the air between thumb & index finger. A soft crunch &

  then the fly dropping onto the floating chessboard — like him, playing dead.

  Just the thought of all that water & all those flies was enough to make

  Němec thirsty all over again. Knowing how mysteriously the spirit moved, it was

  a damn good thing he’d put in a supply after Alice Steinerová’s vanishing act, to

  keep his levels balanced, so to speak, his keels even. The question was where?

  He’d probably hidden the stuff, out of some heat-of-the-moment conspiracy

  paranoia about thieving dwarfs. Or maybe that was a bottle of the stuff right

  there on the windowsill beside the carton of milk? (And what was a carton of

  milk doing in the bathroom, you may well ask? Collecting flies, of course.)

  Němec got his legs back under him & went over to sniff the milk. A bit on the

  nose, but no more than was reasonable. He chugged some curds. Even a semi-

  pro like him could only gain from a bit of the old alkali in the gastrointestinals.

  He tossed the empty carton in the sink & cracked the bottle. Mmmmmmmm.

  (Fuckin’ oath, as reportedly they say in Tasmania.) Němec took another swig, a

  746

  real one this time. Almost immediately he felt like twice the man he’d felt just a

  moment before. The contents of that bottle certainly did seem to possess a

  number of magical restorative properties. With the third swig he felt man

  enough even to confront the task of getting dressed. Now the existence of such

  magical properties was a Truth that ought to’ve been universally acknowledged

  by this point in History & unrequiring of that constant beating-around-the-bush

  we’ve been witnessing lately, but then that’d spoil the whole joy-of-discovery

  thing, wouldn’t it? Like pulling up through the g-forces on your first take-off &

  then levelling-out at  feet. Mmmmm. Big blue farkakte sky up there above all

  that grey. And did Truth prevail? Listen chumsky, that tune’s as stale at Klem

  Gottwald’s headcheese. Well, there’s always someone willing to do the Lord’s work

  & piss on your parade, isn’t there? But this page’s only big enough for one

  smartarse at a time, so breeze, pal.

  Time for a limerick yet?

  There once was a poor puss called Oskar

  who slipped his shvantz to a kochka.

  The kochka had fangs

  and gnawed off his wang,

  so now he’s just half a Kokoschka, dah-dum.

  Or as Tell Me, Doctor’s Winifred May de Kok always said at the end of the show,

  Remember kids, a kok in die hand is die meite werd twee in ’n termiethoop! And what

  better advice could you hope for your children in a world such as ours beset by

  doubt & insecurity? There are so few role models we can really feel confident

  turning to in this day & age, where intemperate immodesty & unbridled lust

  tear at the very fabric of our civilisation. But no matter how low you sink, you

  can always turn to Winifred May de Kok. Don’t succumb to the scourge of

  disillusionment! Pick up the phone & dial now. All major credit cards accepted.

  Why feel alone, when you can share your anxieties with likeminded sufferers in

  our friendly chatline community? Call now & if you’re not satisfied, we won’t be

  satisfied either.

  Oh ho! And look, there’s little cockeyed Koko with that pealed

  chickenneck poking from his pants — obviously missed out on the inspirational

  talk just back there, feeling all alone & insufficient. See what he’s been reduced

  to, hanging around the crossroads like a bad smell trying to strike a deal with the

  Man. Man gotta be able to sell him somethin’ more substantial down there, if

  anyone can. He’d give an arm & a leg, anything! Just so long as he can slip the

  747

  love of his miserable existence the Real Deal — light up those pinball eyes of

 

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