The One to Hold Your Hand, page 14
Bette couldn’t stop the tears from coming to her eyes. This was everything she wanted to hear months ago, but now it felt like such a mess. She wiped her wet cheeks and shook her head. “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t want to end things between us. It completely broke me to do it, but I didn’t think I had any other choice. All I wanted was to hear all of the words you’re saying to me right now. But, this summer… Reese, what you did this summer…”
Reese put her hands on Bette’s cheeks and brought their faces closer together. They were so close that the breath from Reese’s mouth fluttered across her lips and made her desperate to feel that mouth once again. She wanted to forget everything and pull Reese down on top of her, getting lost in a kiss that was sure to be magical. It was always magical with Reese.
“These past few months were the worst months of my entire life,” Reese said. “I know you’re not going to believe this, but Declan meant nothing to me. He was my attempt at trying to escape everything I was feeling inside—the heartache, the pain, the loss of a part of me. I spent most of the summer drunk as a way to numb my pain, and Declan was there encouraging it. He didn’t ask me to talk about things the way you would have. He didn’t even acknowledge when I was clearly upset, and I appreciated that. Because that’s what I do. I run away from my issues. I store them away and forget about them. You’ve never let me do that though, and I think that’s why I’ve never fallen apart the way I did this time. You’ve always saved me and you weren’t there to come to my rescue this time. So, I fell deeper and deeper into it. I hated how the alcohol and Declan weren’t numbing my pain the way I hoped they would, so I just kept getting worse. One night at dinner, my mom brought you up. It wasn’t anything big. She just asked if I had talked to you lately. It was enough though. Enough to break me open all over again. I felt like I had a wound on my heart that had started to form the smallest scab and someone came over and ripped the scab off, causing it to bleed all over again, even worse than before.”
Tears flooded from Reese’s eyes, so much so that some landed on Bette’s cheeks. “That night, I met up with Declan, and we drank even more than usual. In my drunken state, I convinced myself that maybe if I just had sex with him, I would feel something else. I thought anything had to feel better than the heartbreak of not having you. I was wrong though. God, I was so wrong. It hurt physically and emotionally, and all I could think about the whole time was how it wouldn’t have been that way with you. When it was over, we didn’t even look at or touch each other. We both just got dressed and passed out on his couch. We knew that was the end. I had no question that I’d just made a huge mistake, and honestly, I think Declan was just satisfied to have gotten what he wanted. I’ve never felt more alone in my entire life.”
Reese leaned in even closer, and Bette was sure she was about to kiss her right on the lips. Instead, she placed a light kiss on her cheek, enough to warm Bette’s body in a way she wished it wouldn’t.
“I don’t want to be with anyone else,” Reese said. “I want to be with you. I only want to be with you, Bette.”
Bette felt like her head was about to explode from all of the information she had just taken in. She absolutely hated that Reese went through all of that. She hated the fact that she caused it and that she wasn’t there to stop it. They might have had a falling out, but they were friends first, and as her friend, Bette should have protected her. She should have done more to make sure she was okay.
“I’m so sorry you went through all of that,” Bette said. “And I honestly wish I would have been there to help you. I should have been a friend to you. I shouldn’t have let you fall apart. But that’s even more reason for us not to be together. Maybe we can still salvage the friendship we once had. Being in each other’s lives in some capacity forever is much more important to me than being a big part of each other’s lives for just awhile. And I’m so scared that’s what will happen if we try this again.” Bette gently pushed Reese away and stood from the bed. “I’m so sorry, Reese. I hope you understand.” She started to walk away, but Reese’s voice stopped her as soon as her hand was on the doorknob.
“I came out to my family. I told them I was gay, and then I told them about us. I also told them that I’m… that I’m in love with you.”
Bette couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She slowly turned around and was immediately captured by the sincerity in Reese’s eyes. Those honey eyes always gave everything away, even when Reese didn’t want them to, and right now Bette saw nothing but truth in them. “You’re in love with me?”
Reese nodded, a small smile coming onto her face. “I am. There’s no salvaging our friendship because I’m pretty sure it’s always been more than that. I think I’ve been in love with you since the moment you held my hand on that playground and made me feel like nothing could hurt me for the first time in my life.”
Bette wasn’t sure what to say. There was so much she wanted to say, but she had no idea where to start. Apparently, Reese did because her smile grew even wider as she grabbed onto Bette’s hand. “I'm all in, and I can prove it.”
Bette had no clue what was happening when Reese dragged her through her house and into the backyard where her friends were gathered around a fire pit her dad had set up. Reese held their linked hands in the air. “I have an announcement,” she said loudly, causing everyone to look at them. “I’m madly in love with Bette Delores Mitchell, and I don’t care who knows it.”
Bette was shocked by the very public outing but even more shocked when Reese put a hand on her waist to pull her closer, then leaned in for a kiss. She stopped when their mouths were just inches apart as if to ask if it was okay, and Bette gave her a slight nod. There was no holding back anymore. What Reese just pulled was impulsive and idiotic and so completely Reese in every way possible. It was exactly what drove Bette crazy about her but also what made her crazy about her. It was what caused her to fall madly in love with her, too. So, she ignored the fact that they were surrounded by people. She kissed Reese with everything she had. The kiss was filled with promises and plans and was so utterly perfect that she actually forgot anyone else was around, until they pulled apart and she heard the hoots and hollers of her friends.
She knew she would have a lot of questions to answer over the rest of the night, but right now, she had something much more important to respond to. “I’m so in love with you too, Reese Magdalene James.”
***
“Just the two of us. This is very nice,” Reese said as she smiled across the table at Bette. It seemed like since coming out the month before, they almost never had time to themselves anymore.
“You mean you don’t like all of the forced family dinners with my parents?” Bette asked with a laugh.
“You know I love your family. Spending time with them is great. I especially loved the coming out party your dad threw us. But sometimes I miss sneaking around.” Reese held her finger and thumb close together. “Just a little though. You were right. It’s much better this way.”
“I don’t know. You may have been onto something with keeping it a secret. I feel like we never get alone time.” Bette sighed and then took the last bite of their shared dessert. “So, getting those college applications prepared? Penn State has been showing a lot of interest in me, you know.”
Reese cringed at the question. This was the exact conversation she wanted to avoid. Things had been going so well with her and Bette, but she knew this topic could cause some waves in what had been a perfect relationship since they got back together. “So, about that. I made a decision this summer. I’m going to Banks instead.”
“Banks? As in the school ten minutes from your house? But Penn State has been your dream since middle school.”
“Yeah, and in middle school I was naive enough to believe they would actually give me a scholarship to play for them.”
“But up until last year, you were talking about walking on. What changed?”
So much had changed. Reality hit her pretty hard over the summer, especially after her sister informed her that she wasn't planning on going to college. She thought it would be too much for her, and in her words, she wanted to live life while she still could. Hearing her sister talk like that was enough to convince Reese she didn’t want to be at a school three hours from home. Of course Rachel fought her on it in the same way she assumed Bette was about to, but when she made up her mind, there was no changing it.
“Just life,” she said with a shrug, not wanting to get into all of this when they were supposed to be having a nice night out.
Reese was relieved that the waiter chose that moment to bring them the check and hoped she could use it to change the subject. She pulled out enough cash out of her wristlet to cover the meal and tip. “Dinner is on me tonight, my love.”
“Thanks, babe, but just so you know, buying me dinner does not get you out of talking about this. Is this really what you want?”
No, of course not. What she wanted was to play soccer at Penn State while her girlfriend played field hockey there. This was what she needed though. She didn’t even want to think about what it would do to her if she went that far away and her sister ended up taking a turn for the worse. Actually, she refused to think about her sister taking a turn for the worse at all. No. That wasn’t going to happen. Absolutely not. But she still needed to be prepared. “Yeah. Good school. Close to home. I like it.”
Bette scrunched up her nose as she studied Reese’s face. “Their soccer team sucks.”
Reese put on a cocky grin and crossed her arms in front of her chest, leaning back slightly in her chair. “They suck now. They won’t suck once they have Reese James on the team.”
“Rachel told me that she’s not going to school. Is that what made you change your mind?”
“Three hours is pretty far.”
“Are you afraid that Rachel—”
Nope. Absolutely not. Reese wasn’t going to have this conversation. Not tonight when they were supposed to be having a nice dinner together. She pointed to the window behind Bette where there was now a steady rain falling. “Let’s go dance.”
Bette looked outside before looking back at Reese with her lecture face. “It’s raining, and we’re both wearing dresses.”
Reese jumped to her feet and reached a hand down toward Bette. “That’s what makes it romantic,” she said as she pulled Bette up and practically dragged her across the restaurant.
Once they were outside, she led her to a more secluded spot down the street. She stopped and twirled Bette. Bette laughed as Reese pulled her closer and rested her arms on her waist. “We don’t have any music.”
“We don’t need music. We’re dancing to the beat of our hearts.”
“You’re so cheesy,” Bette said as she threw her head back in laughter once again. It was one of those deep laughs from the pit of her stomach that Reese loved so much. The sound that brought her the same feelings as Christmas morning—joy, excitement, childlike giddiness.
Reese spun Bette around, before drawing her close again and enjoying the feeling of their hearts beating together. “You love it.”
“I really do,” Bette said and put her arms around Reese’s shoulders to bring them even closer. “I love you so much, Reese.”
Reese couldn’t take it anymore so she closed the little bit of distance remaining between them and kissed Bette hard. She slid her tongue against Bette’s while the rain beat down all around them. Soon, she wasn’t even aware of the rain anymore. Her complete focus was on this kiss and how Bette’s mouth seemed to be made for hers; how their tongues always seemed to dance together in perfect rhythm; the way she somehow felt like she was floating yet completely grounded all at once.
When she backed away, she laughed at the goofy grin on Bette’s face, which she was sure matched her own. Bette’s eyes squinted as the smile reached them, and she rubbed her nose up against Reese’s. “This is absolutely crazy. You’re so crazy.”
She was right about that. Reese really was crazy. She was so crazy about Bette Mitchell. In that moment, she knew she always would be.
Chapter 13: End of Senior Year
“Stay right there. I want just a few more pictures,” Bette’s mom said from behind her phone.
Bette resisted the urge to roll her eyes because she knew her mom was just excited. The Mitchells and Jameses had not only accepted their daughters’ relationship, but completely embraced it. Bette truly thought her parents might be more into it than she was, if that was even possible.
“Could you please hurry up?” Bette asked impatiently.
It was the one and only prom that she and Reese would get to attend together. They were supposed to attend Reese’s prom a few weeks earlier, but when Rachel ended up being in the hospital, they decided to take the prom to her instead. She wouldn’t have had it any other way, but she still itched to get a night with Reese. A night filled with slow dances and laughter, and if things went as she hoped, also their first time. It was crazy that they had yet to have sex given that they were so close a year earlier, but she was pretty sure Reese was still scarred from her experience with Declan, and if she was being honest, she was also having a hard time getting past that. She hated the thought of Reese with someone else. It hurt that it would no longer be something they experienced for the first time together.
She pushed those thoughts away. She refused to let another prom night be ruined, and it wasn’t. Prom went exactly as she hoped it would - the dimly lit room exuding romance while she held Reese close while slow dancing, the upbeat music creating the perfect atmosphere for enjoying one of the last nights with all of her friends, and the dimly lit corners serving as the perfect spot to steal alone time with Reese.
As they walked out of prom hand-in-hand, Bette placed a kiss on Reese’s cheek then leaned in to whisper in her ear. “My house is empty for the night. What would you think of skipping the party and going back there instead?”
Bette somehow convinced her parents that they deserved a night away in Philadelphia and paid her brother to visit a friend at college and to keep his mouth shut.
The already wide grin on Reese’s face grew even bigger. “I thought you’d never ask.”
They were both giddy as they rode back to Bette’s house. Yet, for some reason, after arriving at the empty house, the reality of the situation hit her, and Bette was suddenly nervous. “I could use a snack. Want me to make us some pizza rolls?”
“Pizza rolls sound awesome,” Reese answered quickly. Her voice quivered slightly, which was so unlike her. It seemed she had gotten nervous too, the slight blush on her cheeks giving her away.
They were both unusually quiet as the pizza rolls baked.
“So, do you want to take these downstairs and play Super Mario Brothers while we eat?” Reese asked. “You know, for old times sake.”
Bette agreed. She was happy to find that once they started playing the old gaming system, things went back to normal between them. They laughed and joked around as they easily made their way through the first few levels. When the levels started to become more difficult, Reese’s overly competitive side came out. Bette loved watching how she stuck her tongue out the slightest bit when she was focused, the same way she had been doing since they were kids. She even found it incredibly cute when Reese’s face became red in anger after she died at the same part of the level twice in a row.
Bette laughed as Reese threw her controller on the ground in frustration.
Reese gave her an incredulous look. “I don’t see what’s so funny. I used to be so much better at this game.”
Bette kissed her cheek. “I just find it incredibly cute when you get angry.”
Reese crossed her arms and pushed her lips out in a fake pout. “Do I still look cute now?”
Bette couldn’t resist and pushed Reese down on the couch so she could straddle her. “Even cuter.”
She leaned in and rocked her body against Reese’s as she stole a kiss. Reese wrapped her arms around her and pulled her down even closer so their bodies connected at every spot. Bette felt Reese throughout her body as if she had crawled inside of her, but she wanted to feel even more. She kissed Reese’s neck and let a hand wander up her shirt, relishing in the sounds Reese made as she massaged one breast and then the other. Unable to take it anymore, she quickly removed Reese’s shirt and took one breast in her mouth, using her tongue to play with Reese’s hardening nipple.
“Oh God, yes,” Reese said breathlessly as she held Bette against her. “Keep going.”
Bette loved that Reese was vocal, and she hoped it would continue. She wanted to pull sounds from Reese that no one ever had before.
And with that one thought, Bette felt like she had taken a punch right to the gut. What sounds had Reese made when she was with Declan? What parts of her did he get to see that she never would since she wasn’t the first? Would this mean as much to her as it meant to Bette since it wasn’t actually her first time? Bette didn’t want to think like this. She hated that these thoughts even came to her head. Reese was here with her. Reese had chosen her. Ever since they had gotten back together, she had never done anything to cause Bette to doubt that she was the only one she wanted.
Yet, Bette was acting like a jealous girlfriend. And jealous of what? The guy that Reese hadn’t talked to since the first and only time they had sex? The guy that both Reese and Rachel described as a pompous asshole. Reese clearly regretted what happened between them, so it was unfair for Bette to let it get in the way now. She needed to forget about it. She was determined to forget about it.
