The One to Hold Your Hand, page 13
“Want to come back to my place and watch a movie between practices?” Tabitha asked as they walked off the field together.
“That’s okay. I don’t want to get too comfortable before we have to come back here for more torture.” Honestly, all Bette wanted was to be alone to wallow in self pity.
Apparently, Tabitha wasn’t going to let that happen though. She grabbed Bette’s arm, forcing her to look at her. “Then let’s go for a drive. There’s clearly something on your mind.”
Bette wanted to fight her, but she knew it was useless. Tabitha wasn’t going to let this drop. Plus, she really did need to talk to someone. She was going to have a complete breakdown if she tried to keep this all inside. “Sounds good.”
They were both quiet as they started their drive through town, until Tabitha was the one to break the silence. “Is this about Reese?”
How the hell did she know that? “What makes you think that?” Bette asked defensively, feeling guilty as soon as she realized how angry the tone of her voice sounded when Tabitha was only trying to help.
“I heard Idell telling someone about how Reese and her cousin hooked up this summer.” She felt Tabitha studying her face, but she refused to look over at her for fear of what she would see. “So, were you guys together last year?”
Bette laughed sardonically as the tears she had been trying to keep in sprang to her eyes. “Was it really that obvious?”
“Not really. I just know you, and Idell has a sick way of being able to read people for her own guilty pleasure. She’s a bitch, by the way. I’d just like to state that for the record.”
“I’ve been telling you that for years,” Bette said, this time her laugh a little more sincere.
Tabitha laughed along with her for a minute before becoming serious again. “So, do you want to talk about it?”
That question was all it took. Soon, Bette told her everything from their first kiss to their break up on prom night after they almost had sex, and what Idell had just updated her on from the summer. It felt good to get it all out, but it didn’t make things any easier.
By the time Bette fell into her bed that night, she was both mentally and physically exhausted. She had almost fallen asleep when the sound of her phone going off woke her back up. She assumed it was probably Tabitha making sure she was okay, but was snapped wide awake by the name on the phone. Why in the hell was Reese texting her right now?
Her hands started to shake as she went to open the text message, having no idea what she was about to find. The words on the screen were the absolute last thing she expected to read. I know I’m probably way too late, but I’m ready to tell people. If you take me back, I won’t keep us a secret anymore. I miss you so so much.
Bette saw the very words she had been desperate to hear all summer, but after learning what she had today, they just made her angry.
Did you decide that before or after you screwed Declan Watts? Bette responded, feeling sick just from typing the name Idell felt it necessary to repeat multiple times at practice. She knew it probably wasn’t fair since she was the one to break up with Reese, but nothing seemed very fair right now.
Bette was surprised when, instead of another text message coming through, her phone rang, Reese’s name lighting up the screen. There was a part of her that wanted to answer, but another part of her that wanted to throw her phone across the room and never talk to Reese ever again. Reese apparently wasn’t going to let that happen though. When the call ended, a string of text messages came through.
That was the biggest mistake of my entire life.
Please talk to me so I can explain myself.
I regret everything that happened this summer.
I regret everything that happened last year too. I shouldn’t have been afraid to tell people. There’s no way telling people about us would have been anywhere near as bad as losing you.
God, Bette could have killed Reese in that moment. Why was she doing this? Why couldn’t she have done it sooner, before everything was so messed up? She couldn’t fool herself. She knew if she talked to Reese, she would run right back into her arms, and she couldn’t let that happen. How did they come back from this? They didn’t. They couldn’t. So, she forced herself to type the words she didn’t actually want to say. Leave me alone, Reese. I don’t want to talk to you.
***
Reese had done a lot of stupid things in her life, but dating (if you could really even call it that) Declan Watts was by far the dumbest. He wasn’t even a nice guy. He was an arrogant asshole who actually believed he was God’s gift to women. That didn’t matter this past summer though. All that mattered was that he was someone she could escape life with, which was exactly what they did, spending most of their time together getting drunk off of the alcohol Declan’s older brother would buy them. The rest of their time was spent appeasing her mother by inviting him over to family dinners and allowing her to bask in her daughter’s “happiness.”
Most of the time when they drank, they would switch between watching soccer and messing around. She wasn’t a fan of the messing around part. Making out with Declan was nothing like making out with Bette, and he got way too handsy much too quickly. Still, he made her feel something (even if it wasn’t much) other than sadness. At least Declan was someone who wanted her, even if he really only wanted her for no other reason than she was a hot female, and he was a horny teenage guy who wanted to brag to his new friends. Bette wasn’t willing to fight for their relationship. Sure, it had been her fault since she wasn’t willing to go public with it, but she never expected Bette to just leave her.
One night, after her mom had unknowingly broken her heart all over again by bringing up Bette, she drank more than usual and slept with Declan. It was their first and last time and brought the mutual end to their relationship. Declan got what he wanted, and she got her wake up call. She not only wasted her first time on a guy, when she was positive that she only liked girls, but it just emphasized how much she wanted that with Bette. She was sure what had been painful and awkward with Declan would have been soft and natural with Bette.
And beautiful. It would have been so beautiful.
But now the chances of that ever happening were gone, and Bette made that really obvious when she told Reese to leave her alone after she tried to pour her heart out. For the past week, Reese spent every night crying herself to sleep, and tonight was no different. She tried to quiet her sniffles by shoving her face into her pillow, but apparently it didn’t work because she could hear Rachel stirring in her own bed.
“Okay, I’ve ignored it all summer because I know you get weird when you have to talk about your feelings and stuff, but you’re my sister, and I’m worried about you. What’s wrong?”
Rachel flipped on the light on the nightstand between their beds and stared her down. Reese sat up in bed and wiped at her eyes. “I shouldn’t have had sex with Declan.”
Reese was surprised when Rachel laughed at her confession. “Well, yeah. Dude’s an asshole.”
Reese shook her head. She wished she could just laugh this off with her sister, but she couldn’t, no matter how much she wanted to. “He is, but that’s not the issue. I did it for all the wrong reasons. I did it because I’m completely heartbroken over the person I actually want to be with.”
“Bette,” Rachel said with a quiet confidence.
“Wait. What?”
Rachel rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Oh come on, Reese. You’ve been in love with Bette since we were seven. It’s the only reason I’ve never been jealous that you have two best friends. What happened with you guys? I figured you were together when she invited us to her after-prom party.”
Since Rachel had put all the pieces together, Reese filled her in on the parts she didn’t know. When she was done, Rachel simply shook her head. “You’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?” Reese tried not to be offended by her sister’s bluntness, but it was hard not to be after she’d just poured out her heart.
“You’ve been in love with this girl for ten years, and you let her get away just because you weren’t willing to tell people you were in love with her? Super lame.”
Reese crossed her arms in front of her chest, ready to fight her sister. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to make things easier for…” She let her words trail off. There was no need to defend herself. Rachel was right. Reese groaned in defeat. “You’re right. I’m really freaking stupid, and now I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”
“You get your girl back. That’s what you do.”
This brought even more tears to Reese’s eyes. That’s all she wanted. “She won’t talk to me, Rach. She’s ignoring all of my calls and texts.”
“Then show up at her damn house. I happen to have insider information that she’s having a party next weekend. Maybe it will be easier to butter her up after she’s had a few drinks.”
“Who’s your insider information from? Justin? I didn’t realize that was still a thing.”
“That’s all it is. Just a thing. A little fling. He’s hot and much nicer than Declan Watts.”
“Please never say that name again,” Reese said with a groan. Even thinking about him made her feel sick at this point.
“Deal. I’ll never say his name again if you go to that party with me and use all of that James charm to win back Bette.”
“I’m in,” Reese said, somehow already starting to feel better. “There’s just something I have to do first. Mom! Dad!”
Rachel’s eyes went wide. “Jesus Christ, Reese! It’s the middle of the night. They're going to think I died.”
Reese didn’t care. She didn’t want to hold this in anymore. She had to make things right. She shouted for her parents again, and a few seconds later, they opened their bedroom door looking as terrified as Rachel predicted.
Seeing them in front of her took some of Reese’s confidence away, and she began to cry again. “I… I need to tell you something. Something about me.” She took a deep breath as her parents waited for her to speak. Her mom looked like she was about to pass out, causing Reese to feel guilty, so she let out the breath and finally said the words she’d been so scared to say. “I’m gay.”
Her mom put a hand over her chest and let out a deep breath. “That’s it? Oh my gosh, why would you scare us like that?”
That’s it? “You guys really don’t care?”
Her dad sat down beside her on the bed and placed a hand on her knee. “Of course we don’t care. All we want for you girls is for you to be happy. It’s all we’ve ever wanted.”
Her mom sat down on the other side of her and took her hand. “Did you really think we would have a problem with this?”
Reese shrugged. “I don’t know. I just figured it would be easier for everyone if I was straight. I mean, you seemed so happy about me hanging out with Declan this summer.”
“Oh gosh, honey, I’m so sorry about that. I had no idea you were struggling with this. Oh dear. I hope you don’t think I was trying to turn you straight. I really had no idea.”
Rachel grabbed their attention from across the room when she snorted a laugh. “Trust me, no one thinks you were trying to turn her straight. If you wanted her to be straight, you wouldn’t have set her up with a jackass like De… he who shall not be named.”
“Is that true?” Her mom directed her question at Reese.
Reese shrugged. “Not going to lie, Mom, he was quite the pompous prick.”
“I knew it,” her dad said as he snapped his fingers. “I told you that boy was no good.”
“You know who isn’t a pompous prick though?” Rachel asked with a little bit too much excitement in her voice. Reese closed her eyes as she waited for her to continue. She couldn’t believe this was the direction this 2 a.m. conversation was taking. “Bette Mitchell.”
“Yes. Bette’s a very nice girl, but why are we…?” Reese watched her dad’s eyes widen, and the slightest smile came to his face when he put the pieces together. “Oh, I see. Do you like Bette, sweetie?”
Reese shook her head. If she was going to be honest, she might as well be completely honest. “I don’t just like her. I’m in love with her.” It was the first time she said it out loud, and it wasn’t as scary as she expected it to be. In fact, it felt good coming from her lips. So much so that she wanted to walk outside and shout it for everyone to hear, making her wonder once again why she hadn’t just done that before.
“And she completely messed it up, but don't you worry. We have a plan,” Rachel informed them proudly. “We’re getting her the girl next weekend.”
“You better,” her dad said with a laugh. “You don’t just let a girl like Bette slip away.”
He was exactly right, and she wasn’t planning on it. She was going to do whatever it took to win her back.
Chapter 12
Bette wasn’t in the mood for a party. It was actually the last thing she wanted to do, but she already told all of her friends about it so she wasn’t going to change the plans now.
As she looked around at everyone else having a good time, she sighed to herself. She wished she could just forget about everything and enjoy herself, but it wasn’t going to happen. The news of Reese’s summer activities paired with her suddenly appearing back in Bette’s life was too much to handle. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel about anything anymore. She was sad, but also angry. She often found herself teeter tottering between the two and settling on anger more often because it was easier. If she was angry at Reese, she didn’t miss her. She didn’t focus on how safe she felt wrapped in her arms or the way Reese could make her forget that everyone else in the world existed.
She hated how much she missed her. How much she wanted to forgive her and forget everything that had happened. But how could she? It felt like Reese had betrayed her. She knew deep down that she hadn’t. Bette broke up with her. They weren’t together anymore. She had the right to do whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted. But it still hurt. It hurt so freaking bad.
Bette heard the doorbell ring and listened for her dad to greet whoever was there so she knew which of her friends had arrived. She wasn’t sure who it could be since everyone she remembered inviting, plus a few extras, were already there. “Well, if it isn't the James twins! It’s so nice to see you two! How are your parents?”
Wait, what? She had to have heard that wrong. There was no way Reese was at her house right now. Reese avoided conflict. She never walked right into it, especially uninvited. She considered running away just in case she had heard correctly, but her feet had other ideas. They carried her through the house and to the front door as if she had no control whatsoever over what she was doing. When she rounded the corner, she had to do a double-take. It was really her. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail as usual, but she was wearing short jean shorts and a V-neck T-shirt instead of her usual sports attire. She looked good. Great actually.
As if sensing her presence, Reese looked over, her honey brown eyes locking onto Bette’s. Bette felt her stomach drop as those eyes continued to stare into hers. She wanted to look away, but she couldn’t. It was like Reese had her under a spell.
It was Reese who broke the spell when she turned back to Rachel and Bette’s dad to say something. Before Bette realized what was happening, Reese was standing close to her. Close enough that she could smell Reese’s perfume. It was the perfume from Victoria’s Secret that Bette told Reese she loved only a few weeks before things ended.
“Can we talk?” Reese’s voice was so quiet and unsure that Bette wouldn’t have believed it belonged to her if she wasn’t standing right in front of her.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes! “I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea, Reese.”
“Please.” Reese’s voice cracked when she said the word, and Bette thought she might start to cry, which was so unlike Reese.
Even though she wanted to be hard and callous, seeing her like this was heartbreaking. She seemed so broken, and even though Bette was still so mad at her, she couldn’t stand to see it. It made her want to wrap Reese in her arms and tell her that everything would be okay. But would it be? How could it?
“Fine,” she said firmly, trying to sound stronger than she actually felt. “Let’s go up to my room.”
As they walked into her room, Bette swallowed hard thinking of the last time they were in there together. Things had been so perfect until they weren’t anymore. She stared at the bed and thought about how gentle Reese had been as she removed Bette’s clothes. She thought about how much care and time she had taken, and the way her eyes burned into Bette’s body. Was this how she was with Declan too? Did she make him feel like he was the only person in the world? The only one who mattered to her? She shook these thoughts from her head. That was the last thing she wanted to be thinking about.
She sat down on the edge of her bed and crossed her arms over her chest, still trying to appear tougher than she felt. She knew the truth though. Just the sight of Reese already had her breaking down. “Say what it is you want to say, Reese.”
Reese walked over to where Bette was sitting and bent down, placing her hands on Bette’s knees. Then apparently thinking better of it she moved them to her sides. Bette immediately missed that touch, but she refused to think about that right now. She focused on Reese, whose face was flushed and seemed scared to death to say whatever it was she was going to say next.
“I’ve been an idiot,” Reese said. “I’ve made so many mistakes this past year, but the biggest one was keeping you… keeping us… a secret. It was never about you. I was so scared of what it would do to my family if they had to deal with news like this. I convinced myself that it would add stress that my parents didn’t need, and I was trying to be the strong one. I always try so hard to be the strong one. The easy one. The one that makes everyone’s lives easier instead of harder. Because of Rachel being sick, my family goes through so much shit all the time. It’s constant. In my head, being gay was just one more thing my parents didn’t need. One more thing that was going to make their lives harder. But I was so focused on them that I didn’t see how it all was affecting you. I didn’t pay attention to how much it was hurting you. I feel so bad about that, Bette. Because it was never about you. I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to lo— to say that you were mine. That somehow Bette Mitchell wanted to be with me. It’s unreal, and it kills me that I messed that up. I would literally do anything to get you back, Bette. Anything.”
