Rock God, page 25
I was no angel but that felt icky on too many levels.
Especially right on the heels of the porn stuff.
Devyn was being annihilated in the press and it pissed me off.
We’d never been treated like this before—usually when the press went after us it was for stuff we’d actually done—and I was beginning to understand Devyn’s issue with misogyny in the industry.
If I ever had five minutes alone with her, I was going to apologize.
For so many things.
And despite everything going on, I needed to talk to her.
“Devyn. Will you take a walk with me?” I asked quietly, figuring it was now or never.
She glanced at me. “This isn’t the time.”
“Please. I owe you an apology.”
“I… have to make a call first. Can you wait a few minutes?”
Like I was going to say no?
“Of course. Do what you need to do.”
She nodded and picked up her phone, moving a little way away so I only heard bits and pieces of her conversation. “… awake? … the doctor… what does that mean?”
I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she was close enough for me to hear a lot of it.
“… tell her I’ll be there after the show… does she want me to? Yes, I’ll tell him… Dr. Scott thinks…”
After a few minutes she hung up and I couldn’t help but ask if everything was okay.
She sighed and took a deep breath. “Jesse had a miscarriage this morning and started to hemorrhage.”
“Oh, fuck.”
“She needed a D&C to stop the bleeding.”
“A D&C? That’s just a fancy term for an abortion, right?”
“Well, in this case, there was no baby. Her body had already expelled it. This was to make sure no lingering tissue caused infection and to stop the bleeding, which had become dangerous.”
“I guess that’s how the rumor about you got started.”
“I signed off on the paperwork because Sasha told me to do it that way, to make sure the hospital wasn’t worried about getting paid. We can fight with Jesse’s insurance when we get back.”
“Of course.” I nodded. “So yeah, someone in the hospital probably saw your name, and with you in the news so much this week, they pounced on the whole D&C thing.”
“I didn’t have an abortion,” she said firmly. “You believe me, don’t you?”
“That was the last thing on my mind. All I wanted was to make sure you were okay and for us to talk, so I could apologize.”
“What were you going to apologize about?” She met my gaze curiously.
“So many things. Mostly for not listening when you tried to explain the other night. I was a dick, and I’m sorry.”
She looked away, her shoulders drooping a little.
“What’s wrong?” I asked after a moment. “I know you’re probably still mad at me, but—”
“Maybe I’m not cut out for this life after all,” she interrupted softly.
Shit.
That was the last thing I’d been expecting. This wasn’t going the way I’d thought it would at all, so I had to bring out the big guns. We didn’t have time for the long, heartfelt conversation I wanted to have, which meant I had to get right to the point.
“Devyn?”
“Yeah?” She looked up wearily.
“We have a lot to talk about, and we’re going to, but I need you to answer just one question for me.”
“Didn’t we do this earlier?”
“Yeah, but that was more about the band. This is personal.” I paused. “Do you love me, Devyn?”
Her eyes widened as she met my gaze. “Wh-what?”
“Yes or no. Do you love me?”
38
Devyn
I stared at him but there was no point in playing games.
I was struggling with every aspect of my life right now and lying felt like so much work. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, and if Kingston was going to break my heart, well, at least I’d know I’d finally been completely honest with him.
“Yes.”
“I love you too.”
I hadn’t been expecting that, so I was simply frozen as he moved closer to me, putting his hands on either side of my face.
“I know we have a lot of shit to sort through, but if you love me as much as I love you, I need you to trust me. Let me fix all this crazy shit in the media to make your life both better and easier. I don’t want to do it because I’m tougher or stronger or because you can’t—I want to do it because I’m crazy in love with you and anything that hurts you hurts me.”
All I could do was continue to stare into his beautiful green eyes.
He loved me.
Despite everything I’d done and the insanity going on around us, he loved me.
And I wouldn’t even try to pretend I didn’t love him.
“I don’t care who knows we’re together,” he whispered. “We’ll take control of the narrative about you getting into the band, our relationship, your past, and even this new abortion bullshit. Let me fix it, Devyn. Let me take care of you.”
“Can we fix it?” I whispered, fighting back tears. “Together?”
“Yes.” He wrapped his arms around me and we just stood there, bodies close as I soaked in his warmth. His heartbeat. His love.
He loved me.
And I was going to show him a version of trust that I hope spoke more clearly than much of my behavior the last month or so.
“I need to be alone with you,” I said softly. “How much time do we have before the show?”
“It’s six-thirty. We’re supposed to go on at nine. Usually, we wind up anywhere from fifteen to twenty minutes late. Why?”
“Do we have time to go back to the hotel?”
“We’ll make the time.” He grabbed my hand and we ran, blowing past startled roadies and members of the crew. I thought Ross was calling to us, but we didn’t stop until we were outside the venue, hailing a taxi.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you run before,” I teased, sitting next to him in the taxi.
“Well, seeing you naked is one of my favorite things, so I was in a hurry.”
“I think you missed me.”
“More than you know.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I whispered. “I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was scared.”
He laced his fingers with mine, holding our linked hands in his lap. “And I’m sorry for expecting you to give me all of you without me doing the same.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted complete honesty from you while I was still holding back. I hadn’t told you how I felt about you or that I wanted us to look to a future together, even though you’d made it clear from the beginning you wanted a commitment if we were going to go public.”
I’d practically forgotten about that conversation, but it moved me that he remembered. I still had to explain my hesitation, though. He deserved to know everything. Especially now that he’d told me how he felt about me. “I appreciate that, but I still owed you honesty. Especially in anything that could involve Onyx Knight. In the beginning, I wanted to solidify my place within the band, and there was no way of knowing how you guys would react to my past. Once we got involved and I began to see the man you are beneath your rock god persona, I was scared I’d lose both you and the band.”
“You know how much porn I’ve watched in my life?” he murmured against my ear. “As far as I’m concerned, it was just another job.”
“The things is, I’ve always loved sex,” I admitted. “But somehow, Larry took that to mean I wanted to fuck anyone and everyone. Like the fact that I enjoyed it somehow made me a slut. So, he got the brilliant idea to make money doing porn. I guess he thought by doing it with me, it would be okay. We used the money to pay to play since the clubs charged such high fees, and to buy new equipment, or book studio time—whatever the band needed. It all fell to me because I was the one the producers wanted.”
“Now I understand why it’s been so important to you that people not think you slept with someone to get the gig.” He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it.
“Well, in a way I did,” I murmured sadly. “So maybe I was proving something to myself too.”
“What, because you had a threesome with Carter?” He shook his head. “Didn’t you tell me he approached you after the gig because he was so impressed with your playing?”
“Yes, but—”
“Babe. Carter didn’t sleep with you as some kind of warped audition. He didn’t know he was going to kill himself back then. Or at least, he wasn’t conscious of that plan. The only reason he slept with you was because he liked you. Because you’re beautiful, talented, and sexy. Essentially all the same reasons I wanted to sleep with you the minute I laid eyes on you. That has nothing to do with your position in the band. Or what an amazing musician you are. Frankly, the combination of the two is what made me fall in love with you.”
“It is?”
“It is.” He kissed me on the lips, though he kept it chaste.
“I might need you to tell me a few hundred thousand times before I believe it.”
“I can tell you as often as you need. And I’m going to show you when we get to the hotel.”
We didn’t say anything else on the drive back to the hotel, or in the elevator on the way up to my room.
The moment we got inside, I started undressing, suddenly excited for what was to come. “I have a surprise for you,” I whispered, tugging off my jeans.
“Yeah?” He cocked his head, watching. “Am I gonna like it?”
“Well… it’s your favorite thing.”
He squinted his eyes, as if thinking hard. “You are my favorite thing, and based on our conversation a little while ago, I already have that.”
“Your favorite sex thing,” I corrected.
He quirked up one side of his mouth. “I’m not sure I have one specific favorite sex thing.”
“I think you do.” I motioned with my hand. “Now you get undressed.”
“Okay.” He was naked in a hurry, and once he was, he let me lead him to the bed, watching as I dug out the lube.
“What do we need that for?” he asked lightly.
I went into the bathroom to get a towel, grabbed my vibrator from my bag, and then sprawled out on the bed, crooking my finger at him.
Kingston Knight.
A veritable rock and roll god.
He was all mine.
I was all his.
And I was about to give him something I’d sworn I’d never give to anyone else.
“Babe, is this…” He crawled onto the bed but stayed a few inches away as he rested on his side, facing me. “You don’t have to do this.”
“I know.” I smiled. “But I want to. I want you to see that I do trust you.”
“Yeah, but—”
“Hush.” I pressed a finger to his lips, cutting him off. “Kiss me, Kingston. And then I want you to make love to my ass.”
“Devyn, the thought of tearing or—”
“There won’t be any if you’re generous with the lube and take your time.”
He hesitated a long time.
Longer than I would have expected.
“I’ll never hurt you, Devyn. Not emotionally and definitely not physically. I’ll stop if I think there’s going to be damage.”
“I know.” I reached out and kissed him.
Slowly at first, we touched and explored lightly, our lips and tongues coming together tentatively. Almost like the first time again. Not because anything had changed but because it felt like we both wanted to start over. Just a little. The irony was that taking it easy somehow made everything that much more intense.
My body heated up almost instantly, and when he skimmed his fingers down my back, goosebumps broke out all over me. I craved his touch anyway, and today I was that much more needy. I’d almost lost him, almost lost my world. The fact that he’d come back to me meant everything. And I planned to cherish every single moment, forever.
As things intensified, bodies and limbs intertwined, I lost myself in him. He kissed and touched and brought me to the brink of orgasm just with his fingers. He’d become an expert in my body, knowing exactly what I needed, and when he slipped a finger inside of me, I moaned with need.
He pulled it out slowly and after showing me the evidence of my arousal, he put it in his mouth, licking it clean.
“I love how you taste.” He gently nudged me onto my knees. “Head down, ass up, spread your legs.”
I did as he instructed, closing my eyes and forcing out thoughts of everything but him. Us. This.
The lube he drizzled in my crack was cold but I warmed up again quickly as he rubbed it in, teasing and taunting. When he pressed the tip of his finger into my ass, I dug my fingers into the sheets but refused to tense up.
I wanted this.
Wanted him to know I was his.
“Relax.” The timbre of his voice soothed me, and I let out a deep breath as his finger went deeper. He took his time, sticking to things we’d already done. One finger, then two. When he scissored them, I felt the first bit of discomfort, but he knew my body well. He didn’t stop, reaching instead for the vibrator, and clicking it on with his free hand. He slid it around to my clit and began massaging it in circles.
It only took a few seconds for the burn to fade and my focus to turn to the pleasure at the apex of my thighs.
“There you go.” I heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper. More lube. Then he was right there, the head of his cock pressed at my back entrance.
It would hurt.
I knew it would.
But I didn’t care.
I needed this for so many reasons.
It was about more than trust for me.
I had to find my power again.
The most important thing was that he loved me, but beyond that, I wanted to go back to a time when I’d loved everything about sex. When I didn’t remember videos or people watching or the frustration of not enjoying something anymore because of one man.
And Kingston was the man who was giving that power back to me.
He pressed forward, one hand on my back, the other keeping the vibrator on my clit.
“Easy, babe.” His voice was deep and soothing. “Take a deep breath.”
I did.
“Not let it out, nice and slow.”
I did as he asked and felt him push past that tight ring of muscles, breaching a place I’d promised myself would be off-limits forever.
But not with Kingston.
There would never be limits with Kingston.
Because I trusted him as much as I loved him.
39
Kingston
Watching my cock disappear inside of Devyn’s ass was both the sexiest and scariest thing I’d ever seen. If I wound up hurting her, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to forgive myself. But I knew how to be careful, and I was normally cognizant of the first signs of distress. At least I hoped I was.
“You okay?” I asked, when I was finally deep inside of her.
“Mm, yes.” She sighed, pushing back a little.
“That’s it. Embrace the pressure.”
“As long as you keep those vibrations on my clit, you can do anything you want to me.”
I groaned.
This was exquisite torture, her tight ass squeezing my cock with every stroke. I was so close to getting off, but she had to come first. She needed it to be good, and I’d die trying to get her there. She was mine now and my goal was to erase every bad sexual experience she’d ever had, so that she loved sex again, and more than that, trusted that I loved her enough to always make it good for her.
Her soft moans told me she was getting there, and I picked up speed enough to feel her shuddering with need. Every time I bottomed out, she made a noise that was a cross between agony and desire.
“Kingston…” Her breathy voice left me gritting my teeth to keep from losing control and I flicked the switch on the vibrator, increasing the speed and intensity. She jerked against me, whispering my name as she began rearing back to meet my thrusts.
“Oh, fuck, yes—don’t stop!” Her body went rigid and then she screamed, shaking and clenching around me. I slammed into her, finding my own release, before collapsing on top of her.
We lay there without moving, without talking, bodies drenched in sweat.
“I love you,” I whispered against her hair when I caught my breath.
“I love you too.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“A little, but not enough to keep me from having a spectacular orgasm.”
“Let me clean up,” I said, starting to get up.
“Wait.” She turned onto her side, her eyes meeting mine playfully as I realized what she wanted me to do.
Without hesitation, I scooped her up, holding her tight against my chest as I padded into the bathroom. I set her on her feet before reaching over to turn on the shower. We were both a mess and had to be on stage in an hour or so.
“You sure you’re okay?” I asked once we were under the warm spray.
“I’m wonderful. A little worried about Jesse, but otherwise doing well.”
“Is Sasha with her?”
She nodded. “I didn’t want her to be alone in a hospital in a foreign country after surgery.”
“Yeah, it’s good to have someone there.” I paused. “Was the baby Kellan’s?”
She nodded. “She hasn’t been with anyone else.”
“And she didn’t know she was pregnant?”
“She had no idea. She didn’t have morning sickness or any other symptoms. She just started bleeding.”
“Fuck. Is she going to tell Kellan?”
“I’ll tell him after the show,” she said softly.
“That’s good. I think he’d want to know.”
