Rock God, page 20
“Careful for all the reasons we’ve already talked about. Dinner is whenever you want. I need to go home today since I haven’t seen her in almost a week, but you can come with me, and we can cook together.”
I grimaced. “I’m not a rich, spoiled playboy who can’t do anything on his own, but cooking is not my forte.”
“No one is expecting you to cook,” she said. “You can pick up the wine.”
“That I can do.” I looked down at her hard nipples and reached out to touch them. “Does this mean you’re horny or cold?”
“Probably a little of both, but there will be no funny business with Dottie in the house.”
I pretended to pout. “No fair.”
“You’ll survive.” She turned her back to me and I grabbed my body wash.
We could shower, get dressed for the day, have breakfast, and then go shopping. We could pick up wine and anything else she needed and then go over to her place. I was genuinely looking forward to spending time with Greatty. She was important to Devyn, so she would be important to me as well.
It seemed like a given that we were going to be together and I wondered how to bring up going public. I knew she wanted to wait, but it was killing me. Kellan, Jesse, Greatty, and Grim already knew. Dorian knew too because I’d told her, even though I’d made her swear she wouldn’t tell the others. Keeping secrets made her job infinitely harder and I’d learned that early on in my career. Devyn would see that it was important too, and I trusted Dorian to keep our confidence, even if she didn’t agree with it.
I figured Z and Tommy had an inkling as well because they weren’t stupid and they’d hinted at it anyway. I’d played it off but I couldn’t do that for much longer. We were already in each other’s business night and day, and once we were on tour it would be that much more intense. There was zero chance Devyn and I were sleeping separately on the road, so I had to get to where she trusted me enough to handle any fallout.
Things were good, both personally and professionally.
I was ready to give her the commitment she wanted.
Our fans already loved her.
Sure, there would always be the assholes who felt free to say shit while hiding behind their keyboards, but they weren’t true fans. Our hardcore followers were like the crowd at the Whiskey and at the gig on Thanksgiving. They were the ones who bought the music and came to see us live. Who waited in line for hours just for a picture or a brief touch of our hands. Who followed us from city to city to see the show over and over. Those fans were the ones who would support us and would be happy that I’d fallen in love.
It was just a matter of convincing her of that.
Maybe I’d get Greatty in on my plan. If she agreed with me that might go a long way in convincing Devyn.
The thing was, I wasn’t quite sure what I was convincing her of.
Yes, I wanted to go public, but it felt like there was another piece to it.
Something I was missing.
I’d felt that way since the beginning, which was why I was working so hard to show her who I was and what we could have together.
She had to meet me halfway, though, and until she told me whatever it was she was hiding, I wasn’t sure how this was going to work.
As always, my gut was on high alert, whispering that her past with Larry was more important than she was letting on. Maybe it was time to do the digging I’d been putting off. If there was something to find, Chains and his team of cyber experts would find it. And once I knew what it was, it would be easier to make it all go away.
30
Devyn
December was a blur of rehearsals, getting ready for Christmas, and sex. Well, it was more than sex, but there was so much sex. I’d never been with anyone with such a voracious sexual appetite, and the best part was that it happened so organically. It wasn’t like Kingston had to convince me or we substituted sex for quality time. We’d be sitting at the piano working on “Symphony of the Broken” and the mere closeness of our bodies would arouse us to the point we couldn’t wait to be naked.
We’d gone to the movies and the way he’d stroked the top of my hand with our fingers laced together had made me want to drag him out of there early. He’d been over to the house for dinner one night, watching Monday Night Football and enjoying a bottle of wine, when I’d pulled him into the bathroom. He’d taken me from behind while we’d watched in the mirror, all with one hand over my mouth to prevent Greatty from hearing us.
We were both insatiable and yet there was so much more to us than sex.
He surprised me with little presents all the time. Hell, he surprised Greatty with gifts every time he came over, and he was at the house a lot lately. He was becoming an integral part of my life outside of the band even though the band and Kingston were so closely intertwined. It was starting to become hard to remember my life before I’d joined Onyx Knight and as I drove home from rehearsal on a Tuesday night, I realized it was way beyond the time to talk to Kingston about my past.
I still didn’t want to, but we had something special, and him finding out some other way would be so much worse. There just never seemed to be the right time. We were crazy busy. I’d had no idea how much went into the business end of a tour, and the guys were involved in every aspect. They didn’t do the legwork, but they looked at every T-shirt design, every image of the light show and stage design, and even discussed what we would wear for specific shows.
They put in so much more work than I’d imagined a successful band would, and now that it included me, I was doing my best to learn every aspect of not just the music, but the organization as a whole. Kingston and I would lie in bed some nights and he would answer my dozens of questions, often pulling up images on his phone from previous tours or looking up old set lists. Anything I needed to know he found the answers if he didn’t know them off the top of his head.
We were also writing songs together when we were alone. It wasn’t that we were hiding anything from the band—we’d mentioned we were doing it—but it was something intimate that we’d found we both enjoyed. Sitting at his piano and listening to him sing while I came up with melodies had become one of my favorite things. It was easy too, as if we’d been writing together for years instead of months. I’d never gelled with anyone so well musically, and it was hard to go home on the nights I left.
It was three days before Christmas, and I’d promised Greatty I would bake cookies with her tonight, so I was getting ready to go and Kingston was still trying to convince me to stay.
“You sure I can’t convince you to stay over?” he teased, starting to unzip his jeans. “I’ll do that thing with the dildo you like…”
I laughed. “You’re welcome to sleep over at my place, but I need to spend a little time with Greatty. We’re baking tonight.”
“I might come over later. I need to do some shopping.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “It’s almost Christmas, you know.”
“What, you don’t have someone to do that kind of thing for you?” I teased, pulling on my leather jacket.
“I do, but that’s only if I know exactly what I’m looking for. My girlfriend is hard to shop for.”
I smiled.
He’d called me his girlfriend for the first time the other day, and it had warmed me all over.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “That’s a shame. I did the shopping for my boyfriend last week.”
“Yeah?” I arched my brows. “What’d you get him?”
“Not telling.” I lightly kissed him. “I have to go because we’re out of vanilla so I have to stop at the store first.”
“Liquid or the beans?”
“Why?”
“I think I have both and you could just take mine, so you don’t have to stop.”
“You’re sweet, you know that?”
“Will you stay over if I say yes?”
I laughed. “Would you stop already? Come over after you’re done shopping. You can have warm cookies and then I’ll take you to bed.”
“I’ve never slept at your place. Greatty won’t mind?”
“I’m not sure what you think she thinks we do when I sleep here,” I said. “But believe it or not, she knows I’m not a virgin.”
He laughed. “Fine. Smartass.”
“That’s what you love about me.”
His eyes met mine. “Only one of many things.”
“I’ll see you later.” I kissed him lightly and headed out.
As I drove, I thought about the last couple of months and how much my life had changed for the better. There had been challenges, like the press showing up unexpectedly and having to put security measures in place, but the good far outweighed the bad. And so much of that had to do with Kingston.
I could no longer pretend I wasn’t completely in love with him and though we hadn’t used the L word, he showed me how he felt every moment we were together. My concerns about his power over me with regard to the band were fading and the only thing left to do at this point was tell him about the past that could potentially come back to haunt all of us. I wasn’t sure Larry would out me because if he did, it might paint him in a negative light as well since there were other men involved in our threesomes. He probably didn’t care, though, which meant he held the fate of my reputation in his hands, and that bothered me.
I had such a good thing going with Onyx Knight and I’d already begun to form bonds with the band that went beyond the music we played. They’d become my friends and Kingston was quickly becoming my everything.
So it was time to put my faith in them the way they had in me when they’d signed me on.
Before we left for Europe, I was going to tell them everything.
Kingston first, of course, because I didn’t want him to be blindsided.
If only I could figure out the right time.
I pulled into the driveway and there was a car I didn’t recognize behind my spot in the garage, which meant I had to park in the driveway.
I wondered who had come over. Greatty hadn’t mentioned having company and she was waiting for me to bring the vanilla so we could start making the cookie dough.
I walked into the house calling to her. “I’m home, Greatty!”
“In here, sweetie.” Greatty sounded weird and I frowned as I walked into the kitchen.
Well, now I knew why she sounded off.
She was sitting at the table with fucking Larry.
I suddenly wished I’d stayed at Kingston’s. Whatever this was, it wouldn’t be good and I steeled myself. He’d used and manipulated me for almost the entire three years we’d been together, but I was a lot different now. He still had something he could hold over my head, but it was up to me how I handled it.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded, hands on my hips.
“We need to talk,” he said, getting up.
“Greatty.” I looked at her in frustration. “Why would you invite him in?”
“He said he really needed to talk to you,” she said, watching me closely. “I didn’t think there was any harm in feeding him…” Her voice trailed as she probably realized I was furious, and she’d made a mistake. We’d have to talk about that later.
“You need to leave,” I told him. “I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“We were together for three damn years!” he grunted. “We can’t even have a fucking conversation?”
“No. We can’t. Not only did you cheat on me and hurt me when we were together, you went out of your way to tell Lara Simpson shit about me too.”
“I’m sorry about that, but you had me thrown out of the Whiskey,” he muttered. “I was embarrassed.”
“Too fucking bad.”
“I just want to talk.”
“No.”
“You’re going to force me to do something I don’t want to do,” he said, scowling.
“Like what? Tell that Lara cunt everything I like to do in bed? You tell her about you and Pierce too?” Pierce was the A&R guy from Hi-Hat Records and the look on his face told me I’d hit a sore spot.
He took a step closer to me, his face almost right up against mine. “You don’t have any proof of what I did. But the whole world can go online to see the things you did.”
“And what are you going to do with that information?” I asked bluntly. “You going to blackmail me? Well, good luck with that. I don’t have any money and I won’t for months. If you do anything to cost me the gig with Onyx Knight, I’ll never have any. The way I see it, you lose either way.”
“I just need a few grand,” he hissed. “My sister’s kid is sick and—”
“I don’t give a shit. Get out before I call Grim.”
He hesitated and I pulled out my phone.
“You have three seconds, Larry.”
“Why are you being this way?” he demanded. “You’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted! Why can’t you spread the wealth? Just a few grand!”
“Because I genuinely don’t have it. And if I give you some now, you’ll never stop asking. Never stop holding those videos over my head. So, if you’re going to tell people what to look for, and what we did, do it. I don’t give a fuck. But you will never, ever use me again.”
“You’re a cunt, you know that?”
“Get out.”
“You’re really going to sacrifice everything over a few thousand dollars?”
“Nope. I’m saving my dignity and my sanity. And those are far more important than money.”
He glared at me and then slammed the door behind him.
Greatty hurried after him to lock the door and I sank into the nearest chair.
Now that he was gone, I was a mess.
“Sweetie?” She rested a hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea he was here to blackmail you.”
I didn’t respond, wondering what the hell I was going to do.
“He can kiss my ass.” I tapped my foot impatiently, trying to fend off the panic welling up inside of me.
I had to come up with a plan before I talked to Kingston.
The last thing I wanted was to need the man in my life to save me from the repercussions of my past. I’d figure out a worse-case scenario situation and have Plans A through Z in place, if it came to that.
No matter how scary it was.
The first thing I was going to do was talk to my lawyer.
Then I’d have to come clean to Dorian.
Once I had a plan in place, I’d sit down with Kingston and tell him everything.
Would the man I loved, along with the rock and roll world, be okay with a woman who’d supported herself in college by doing porn?
I would have given anything not to find out.
31
Kingston
There was something going on with Devyn. She was quieter than usual and her playing during our last rehearsal before Christmas seemed subdued. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but no amount of prodding would get anything out of her. Even the other guys noticed and Kellan cornered me while Devyn was in the bathroom.
“What did you do?” he demanded. “Did you two break up?”
“No!” I gave him a dirty look. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Because she’s not herself and it’s almost Christmas.” He folded his arms across his chest. “You better not fuck this up. I’m going to be pissed if we have to start the audition process over again.”
“Keep your voice down,” I muttered. “And everything is fine with us. Something is bothering her, but I can’t get her to tell me.”
He frowned. “You think it has something to do with the band? Like the press is bothering her? There have been some snarky comments online.”
“We’ve talked about that, and she seems fine with it.”
“Yeah, but seems fine with it isn’t the same as is fine with it.”
He had a point, but short of tying her down and torturing her, I wasn’t sure how I could get her to open up to me.
“Dude, I’ve asked her. Multiple times. Whatever it is, she’s not talking.”
He paused. “You think she spends her nights reading everything online? It’s a lot and it might be wearing on her and she doesn’t want to admit it.”
“Maybe. She shows me the ones she finds offensive, and most of them are about me. Some guy posted the other day that I look like a pussy who takes it up the ass and I should try dressing like a man for once.” I shrugged. “We read that one together and she laughed so hard I thought she was going to hurt herself.”
“Well, man the fuck up and find out what’s upsetting our girl. I don’t like seeing her this way.” He stalked off in the other direction, and despite the situation, I couldn’t help but smile.
Our girl.
She’d managed to worm her way into all four of our hearts, though in different ways. To the point where the other guys now considered her our girl. I’d thought Tommy would be the toughest one to win over since he originally hadn’t wanted the band to continue without Carter, but he loved her too. Not like I did, but there was no doubt they considered her one of us.
Which was why I had a surprise for her.
I’d sent the guys the lyrics and a recording of Devyn and I working on “Symphony of the Broken.” We were going to play it for the first time as a band as soon as she got out of the bathroom. I’d already gotten our attorney to draw up paperwork giving Devyn writing credit for this song and guaranteeing her one hundred percent of the proceeds should we release it. The guys had been hesitant at first, but when I’d explained it was one of my Christmas presents to her, as well as a show of faith that we had no plans to get rid of her when the current contract expired, they’d agreed.
It was only one song, and at the end of the day, none of us ever had to work another day in our lives if we didn’t want to. Giving her something that could potentially change her life no matter what happened with us in the future, was a small thing for the band and simultaneously huge for her.
“Guess what?” I asked when Devyn came out of the bathroom.
“What?”
“We’re going to play ‘Symphony of the Broken.’ I sent the recording we made the other night to the guys yesterday and they’re excited to play it.”
