Rock God, page 17
Not for me or the other guys, but almost definitely for Devyn.
I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt there was more to the story about her and Larry and her old band. I wished she would open up to me, but she played her cards close to the vest, and I was hoping to eventually get past the protective emotional shield she had up. Of course, now that we were sleeping together, it felt like I was bridging that distance.
Going forward, we would be together in some capacity almost every day.
Now that she didn’t work at the studio anymore, we’d be rehearsing or having band meetings daily. There was a lot to do to get ready for the Thanksgiving performance and then the European tour. Contracts to be signed, merchandise to be agreed upon and ordered, a new set list and stage choreography to finalize, and I was still toying with whether or not to add a piano to the mix. With Kirsten on tour with us, we were already going a bit lighter with our normally hard-edged music, and though we’d always stay true to our signature sound, we were evolving.
I hadn’t stopped thinking about that night when Devyn and I had been sitting at the piano at my condo, playing duets. We could do something like that live and I was positive fans would eat it up. It was just a matter of finding the right song that would highlight both of our talents.
A vocal duet would be interesting too.
Devyn said her voice was okay, but I’d heard her singing background vocals and she was better than she let on.
A duet like that on the next album could potentially bring in a whole new set of fans.
A ballad.
A love song.
A dark love song like “Symphony of the Broken.”
Fuck.
I hadn’t forgotten the melody or those lyrics we’d started working on and I wanted to ask her about playing it for the rest of the guys during a rehearsal. It was technically her song, so I didn’t want to make it seem like I was trying to force her to share it with us, but we could make that song a hit. I could feel it. Just like I’d felt the first time I’d seen Devyn play.
I wanted to find a way to show her she belonged, that this was going to work. I didn’t know if I was talking about the band or our personal relationship, but it had all started to blur in my head. I didn’t do long-term relationships, yet here I was thinking up scenarios that would create every opportunity for Devyn to want to stay with Onyx Knight. With me. Writing new songs. Sitting at the piano at my condo. Sleeping in my bed. Waking up together.
I hadn’t been with anyone else since we’d met, and she was all I thought about.
It was hard to gauge what was going on in her head in that regard, but I was almost positive she was as into me as I was her. All I had to do was convince her this could work while simultaneously convincing myself I was ready to make a commitment.
That was the hard part.
I was the consummate bachelor. And I liked it that way. There were so many fish in the sea, I’d never thought it made sense to commit yourself to just one. Someone shinier, newer, more interesting, always came along.
Right?
It didn’t feel that way with Devyn.
I would be hard pressed to find someone else like her.
Someone who wanted to live my dream life right along with me.
She checked every single one of my boxes. I couldn’t think of anything I would change about her or that I wished she had or did. She was my nirvana, inside and out. And yet, I was still hesitant. If she’d been anyone else, I would have just gone with the flow, like I’d done with Cheyenne and the handful of women I’d gotten into relationships with. I’d known they probably wouldn’t go anywhere since they would have to give up their lives to be with me, but I’d been okay with being faithful while it lasted.
That wouldn’t cut it with Devyn.
She’d been clear that she wouldn’t be willing to make things public until she had a commitment, but she’d also said she wasn’t looking for anything. A bit of a contradiction, even though I understood. She was focused on her career, and at this stage, she wasn’t willing to risk one for the other.
It all made sense.
So why was I so unsettled thinking about the possibility that this wouldn’t work between us? And why did keeping things a secret bother me so much?
It was fucked up.
I was fucked up.
In a way, the whole band was.
Z was the only one who’d managed to finally break free of the relationship curse that seemed to follow us around. None of us had ever been good at it, and if it hadn’t been for Lexi accidentally finding out about Z’s son, he and Presley might not be together either. Tommy was divorced, even though he was still in love with his ex. Carter had been in love with someone who didn’t return his feelings, and I knew he’d died loving a woman he couldn’t have, even though he’d never told me who it was. I could never seem to stay interested in any woman I got involved with, and Kellan had been dating the same woman on and off for something like six years without giving her the commitment she’d been expecting. He’d recently ended it, but I’d heard that before, and I didn’t like our track record as a whole.
I wouldn’t say it out loud, because it sounded crazy even to me, but I didn’t want Devyn to be another casualty of Onyx Knight’s bad relationship luck.
Our final rehearsal before we left for New York was on Tuesday. We were leaving the following day on a private jet, we’d perform Thursday morning, and head for the airport as soon as we were done. With the three-hour time difference, we’d be back in L.A. in time for a late Thanksgiving dinner at Z’s house.
“Everyone ready for the Thanksgiving gig?” Sasha asked when we gathered for rehearsal. She wasn’t coming to New York with us, since her husband Anton had two days off from hockey, but we were having a short video meeting to go over last-minute details of the show.
“I love New York,” Devyn said. “I’m staying a few extra days since my bestie lives there.”
I hadn’t realized that and for some reason I was disappointed. I’d been looking forward to us having some down time together. The band weren’t planning to rehearse over the holiday weekend so I’d assumed she would hang with me for at least part of the time. And the idea that she would be partying with friends in Manhattan without me made me… jealous?
What the fuck?
“That sounds fun,” Sasha was saying. “This is my favorite time of year to be in Manhattan, but with Anton home, we’re going to have friends over and make it a real Thanksgiving. Priorities change when you have kids, I guess.”
“Then how come I still have to play on Thanksgiving?” Z muttered. “I have a kid.” The twinkle in his eyes told us he was joking, but it was obvious his priorities were changing too.
And that was another thing that made me uncomfortable.
We’d been a hard-rocking party band since day one.
I didn’t know who we were if we weren’t lighting it up every night.
I hated not being on tour, and if Z wanted to slow down to spend more time with his family, we’d all have to shift gears. Especially me.
“King?” They were all looking at me and I realized my mind had wandered.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I just wanted you to know there’s a paternity suit in the pipeline,” Sasha said, laughing.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, good luck with that.”
My bandmates started to laugh too.
“You want me to do the standard DNA test thing?” Sasha asked.
“Big fucking waste of money, but sure.” I’d found it was easier to pay for a DNA test than to fuck around with my accusers. Especially since there was zero chance any of them were pregnant with my kid.
“Why is it a waste of money? Isn’t it better to know?” Devyn asked, frowning.
“Well, it would be if there was a chance the kid was mine.”
“How do you know it’s not?” she asked. “I mean, condoms break and—”
“Oh, she doesn’t know your fun little sex secrets,” Tommy said, laughing.
I gave him a dirty look.
For some reason, I didn’t want Devyn to know how I’d gotten around the constant paternity suits that had plagued me for a while. It felt a little dirty and manipulative, based on our current sexual relationship.
“Sex secrets?” Devyn looked confused.
“He’s had so many paternity suits brought against him, he only does anal.” Tommy grinned at me even though I wanted to hit him for saying it so casually.
Devyn’s eyes widened slightly, as if something had clicked, and now I really wanted to tell the guys to shut the hell up.
“Well, I guess that’s one way to make sure you don’t knock anyone up,” she said after a slight hesitation.
“Just so you know, I’ve never knocked anyone up to my knowledge,” I said. “But I was getting three or four accusations a month, and that gets old when you have to wait until the kid is born to do a DNA test. Now I barely get any, and when I do, I know it’s bullshit. This makes my life so much easier.”
“Not to mention, anal is fun!” Kellan wiggled his eyebrows.
“Okay, I don’t need to know that much about your sex lives,” Sasha said with a grimace. “I was just letting you know. Anyway, you all need to be at the airport by eight. You’re staying at the Plaza tomorrow night and there will be a limo waiting for you when you land at JFK.” She gave us a few more details and told us we’d be getting emails with all the pertinent information.
We disconnected and started getting ready to rehearse. When Devyn headed for the ladies’ room, I waited a minute and then followed. Hopefully, none of the others would come after us and I’d have a minute to talk to her alone.
“Hi.” She smiled when she came out of the bathroom and found me outside.
I took a quick look around before leaning over to kiss her. “I couldn’t stand not being able to kiss you.”
“I think you’re a romantic at heart, Mr. Knight.”
“I try to be.” I met her gaze. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know—I haven’t been with anyone else since we met. The paternity suit stuff has been a problem for a long time, but there is zero chance anyone is pregnant with my kid except possibly you.”
She frowned. “You don’t owe me any explanations about your past, Kingston.”
“No, but it felt weird to have Sasha talking about a paternity suit like it’s a regular thing. I mean, the accusations are, but you and Cheyenne are the only women I’ve had vaginal sex with in five years.”
I wasn’t sure why I’d wanted her to know that, but it felt important.
And I had no idea why she suddenly looked sad.
“Are you mad?” I asked gently.
She shook her head. “Not even a little.” She glanced down the hall, lifted to her toes, and pressed her lips to mine. “I really like you, Kingston.”
Before I could respond, she turned and walked back down to the studio.
This woman was driving me insane.
I really liked it, too.
26
Devyn
We were greeted by a cold, blustery New York City afternoon when we arrived. I was in a good mood despite the weather, excited to see Jesse and perform tomorrow. I’d brought one of my favorite stage outfits with me, one I hadn’t worn in years. A black velvet dress that fell to mid-calf. It laced up the sides and was low-cut in the front. I’d probably have to wear my long leather coat with it because it was supposed to be below freezing, but with my red Doc Martens, and a red velvet hat, I felt like I’d be channeling my inner Slash. Not to mention my more feminine side.
“Dev!” Jesse came running through the lobby as we walked in en masse and we immediately wrapped our arms around each other, talking excitedly.
“You look great!” I whispered, hugging her tightly. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“Me too.” She pulled away long enough to grin at me before hugging me again.
“Jess, this is Kingston, Z, Tommy, Kellan, and Ross. Ross is our tour manager.”
Ross waved before taking off toward the front desk, ostensibly to check us in.
“Nice to meet you.” Tommy nodded politely.
“Heard a lot about you!” Z grinned at her.
“You girls going to get into some trouble this weekend?” Kingston asked her with a wink.
“Maybe.” Jesse pretended to be considering the option. “Anything can happen when we’re together.”
“Well, hello.” Kellan took her hand as if he was going to shake it but then brought it to his lips, kissing the back. “Where have you been hiding your gorgeous friend?” he asked me.
I laughed. “Easy, tiger. She’s my bestie. No shenanigans.”
Jesse waved a hand in front of my face. “Don’t listen to her. I am All. About. Shenanigans.”
Kellan grinned and looped an arm around her shoulders. “You sound like my kind of girl.”
I playfully rolled my eyes.
Jesse was always the life of the party, but she guarded her heart pretty tightly. She’d been single for about a year after her last relationship fell apart, but I’d never known her to be into bad boys. Not after Roscoe.
It seemed like the repercussions from my association with Lace and Venom were never-ending.
“Here are your keys.” Ross came over to us, handing us room keys. You’re all in suites on the twenty-fifth floor. No one can go up to the top two floors without a key for those floors so you should be relatively safe from fans. The doors to the stairs lock from the inside but people are crafty, so keep your eyes peeled. I see a handful of ladies already lying in wait, which means we need to get out of the lobby.”
We moved toward the elevator banks with Ross in tow and Grim trailing behind us. He’d come for the gig since it was just one day, and I always felt safer when he was around.
“I’ll be on the same floor,” Grim told us, giving us his room number. “You all have my number so you can text, and of course, you can knock on my door for any reason. Now that there’s a lady in the mix—I know that’s misogynistic but it’s reality—men could be coming around, and in my experience, they’re harder to get rid of. Devyn and Jesse, be on alert. I’m telling you, this is a different dynamic now.”
I nodded. “We will. Believe me, I already got the talk from Sasha, my great-grandmother, and the band.”
Everyone chuckled.
“You haven’t gotten it from me yet, and now I don’t have to.” Ross grinned. He was good looking in a silver-fox kind of way. Probably in his late forties or early fifties, with salt and pepper hair, a cropped beard, and the one time I’d seen him without a shirt, I’d been shocked at his ripped abs. He was also single, so there were always women sniffing around. I’d seen him take off with two after the Whiskey gig.
“What are you guys doing tonight?” Kellan asked, his arm still around Jesse’s shoulders.
“Probably an early night,” I told him. “A bottle of wine, face masks, and a movie. Some of us have to work in the morning.”
“Pffft.” Kellan laughed. “I have to work in the morning, but I can party all night and go straight to the gig.”
“That sounds like fun.” Jesse giggled, and I almost nudged her.
Good grief, now she was starstruck.
“All right, enough with the monkey business. Let’s go to Macy’s! It’ll be a zoo on Friday.”
“Okay.” She forgot all about Kellan at the mention of shopping and we waved to the guys as we disappeared into our suite.
“He’s so hot,” Jesse said. “All of them are. I figured in person they would be kind of disappointing, but they’re not.”
“They’re really not,” I agreed.
“This is so cool,” she said, sinking onto one of the two beds since I’d asked for a room with two queens. “My bestie, the rockstar.”
“Are you going to sleep with Kellan?” I asked, eyeing her.
She shrugged. “Maybe. Why? Is that off-limits?”
“He’s just the wild child of the group, and I don’t want you to not want to come to future shows because you had a one-nighter with him.”
“Girlfriend, I am a grown-ass woman who’s had one-night stands before. I can handle him. Promise.”
“If you say so.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I’d just hung up my dress and coat when there was a knock on the door.
I looked through the peephole and saw Kingston standing there.
“Hi.” I opened the door curiously.
“May I come in or is this girl-time central?”
“Of course, you can come in!” Jesse called from the bed.
He laughed, stepping inside and waiting for the door to close before kissing me. “Haven’t been able to touch you all day,” he complained.
“I know.” I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him back. “Sorry we can’t be together this weekend, but we can have a sleepover as soon as I get back.”
“Okay.” He smiled.
“Oh, come on!” Jesse called out, pushing out her lower lip. “I can’t sleep with Kellan but I have to watch the two of you?”
“We’re not doing anything,” I said, laughing.
“I came to invite the two of you to dinner,” he said, keeping me against him even as we walked into the bedroom where Jesse was lounging. “I scored a table at Rao’s and—”
“Yes!” Jesse interrupted. “I fucking live here and can’t get a reservation there. Especially now that the one in Vegas closed.”
“What’s Rao’s?” I asked.
“A little Italian restaurant in Brooklyn. They have tables with standing reservations. Getting one is almost impossible, but I called in a favor.”
“The meatballs are to die for.” Jesse nodded. “I mean, seriously.”
