Decker (Sidewinders: Generations Book 5), page 19
“I get it. During the weeks Daisy and I were broken up, before she moved in, I had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out what I wanted, and how to fix it. And even though I won’t defend Decker’s actions—he absolutely fucked up—I hope you’ll give him a chance to explain.”
“He sent some of it via text. That’s the only reason I was willing to agree to see him.”
“It’s going to be okay. None of us are perfect, but he knows he has a long road ahead of him if he wants to fix things between you. And I believe you two can make it work.”
I didn’t respond since there wasn’t anything to say. It was nice to hear he thought we might work things out, but I was afraid. If he’d lied about this, and I’d once again been clueless, how many other lies could there be? Part of that was my own shit, since I had baggage from my past, but I couldn’t change who I was.
My phone rang, and Decker’s name flashed on the screen. Jean-Michel had probably let him know I was back in town, and I gave him a look of annoyance before reluctantly answering.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby doll.”
“Did Jean-Michel tell you I was home?”
“Yeah.”
I gave Jean-Michel another aggravated look.
“Okay.”
“I’d like to see you, so we can talk in person.”
“It’s after eight, and I’ve been up since four in the morning Swiss time.”
“I know, but I’m going out of town. It’s been two weeks, Eden, and I’d really like to see you before I go.”
I sighed.
Putting off a face-to-face meeting until after his road trip sounded like self-inflicted torture, no matter what happened. It was easier to just get it over with.
“Fine. I’ll have him drop me off.”
“Okay. See you in a few.”
He disconnected, and I glared at Jean-Michel. “An ambush wasn’t necessary. I was going to see him at some point.”
“He wanted it to be before he left,” he said quietly. “I’ll wait outside in the car if you don’t want me to leave you there.”
I sighed. “I’m not afraid of him.”
“I know, but I don’t want you to feel ambushed. I told him I’d help get you two in the same room together, that’s all. Then he was on his own.”
“It’s all right. We were going to talk eventually.” I clapped a hand over my mouth as a yawn escaped. “I wasn’t planning on it being tonight. Also, as a woman, we always want to look our best when we see our exes. I look like I just rolled out of bed.”
Jean-Michel turned to me and shook his head. “That’s the viewpoint of a woman. From a man’s perspective, well, we see something else entirely.” He pulled up in front of Decker’s house and stopped in the driveway. “Do you want me to stay?”
“No. I’ll be okay. I’ll call if I need a ride.” I stepped out of the SUV and walked up to the front door. It was so weird to have to knock.
I was nervous, and I’d just lifted my hand to knock again when the door opened.
Neither of us spoke for a beat, our eyes locked almost like the first time we’d met. Except this time, his were filled with sadness and regret.
“Hey, baby doll.”
30
Decker
Eden looked beautiful, even after what had to have been a long day of travel. I desperately wanted to touch her, but merely waved an acknowledgement to Van before inviting her in and stepping aside.
“Come in.”
“Thanks.” She stepped into the foyer and looked around. “Oh, the floors are done. They look nice.”
“Yeah, they did a good job. Do you like the color?”
“It’s the one we chose, so yes. It’s as lovely as I’d thought it would be. Did the appliances come too?”
“Yeah. You, uh, wanna see?”
This was as safe a conversation as possible, considering the current circumstances.
“Sure.” She followed me into the kitchen and smiled at all the shiny new appliances that had yet to be used.
We made small talk for a few minutes until we ran out of things to say about the beautiful floors and appliances. Then we looked at each other.
“I don’t know where to start,” I admitted. “But I have a surprise for you.”
“Then I guess we should start there.”
“May I… touch you?” I asked, holding out my hand.
She hesitated but then slid her hand into mine.
That small amount of contact felt good, and I was thrilled she’d agreed to see me tonight. I led her into the formal living room, which had no furniture in it since Anton’s dad and stepmom had taken it with them. Today, however, I’d set up a picnic for us with cushions on the floor, candles, and a light meal. She was probably hungry after flying in from Milan, since that was the most convenient airport to where Zoe lived, and my hope had been to feed her while I talked.
“Oh, Decker.” She seemed more sad than pleased or surprised.
“I thought you might be hungry.”
“I am. Thank you.” She gracefully sat down on one of the cushions, reaching into the picnic basket I’d ordered.
“It’s basic,” I said, sitting down next to her. “I didn’t know what time you’d get here, or if you would even be willing to come over.”
“You went to a lot of trouble.”
“You’re worth it.”
“Decker.” She had a sandwich in her hand but put it down.
“I know we have a lot to talk about but eat something, okay? It’s been a long day for you. The time it takes you to eat a sandwich isn’t going to change anything.”
“We can talk during,” she said softly, taking a bite of the sandwich.
I couldn’t help but smile, she looked so cute sitting here on the floor of my half-empty house. A house I didn’t know if I was buying anymore.
“I know you read my texts,” I said carefully.
“I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t.”
“Do you have questions? I figure that’s easier than me trying to fill in the gaps. It’s a lot of information, but I wanted you to know the story is way more complicated than me just being married.”
I hated putting it out there like that, but it was the only way we’d get past this. If there was a chance of making it work, I couldn’t hide anything, ever again.
“Do you love her?”
“Yes. But I’m not in love with her. And she’s not with me. Nor have we ever been. She’s my friend. One of my best friends.”
“She’s really a lesbian?”
“Yes.”
She took another bite of her sandwich. “Why couldn’t you just tell me? I know what you said in your texts, but why? Knowing how much the truth would hurt me when it came out, why couldn’t you have simply laid it out for me?”
“At first, I didn’t know you well enough, and then the time wasn’t right. Remember the first time we made love? I was literally about to spit it out before the contractors showed up. Then I was working up the nerve to do it in Montana, and you fell… It was like I couldn’t get out of my own way. What it boiled down to was me being afraid. I went from wanting to hook up with my buddy’s girlfriend’s hot friend to falling in love with her in the blink of an eye. There was no middle for us, baby doll. In the beginning, I had everything to lose because I couldn’t easily trust you with someone else’s secrets. At the end, I had everything to lose because I loved you.”
“Past tense?”
“Oh.” That question surprised me. “No. I still love you.”
“Do you?”
“More than anything.”
“Then how could you lie to me? I trusted you. With everything. I told you my deepest, darkest secrets. My humiliation, my guilt, all of it. And you sat there, listening to me talk about what I’d been through, knowing you were doing the same thing.”
“I’m sorry.” I rested my forearms on my bent knees. “I can’t take back what I did. I was afraid. There’s no other excuse. I don’t want to lose you, Eden. Not then and not now, but I don’t know how to fix it. Tell me how, and I’ll do it.”
“It’s not about fixing it. I can forgive you. I understand. Truly. I just don’t know how I can trust you ever again.”
I closed my eyes.
This was it.
She was going to say no.
She was going to leave me.
Fuck.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that you can,” I said, hoping my voice sounded stronger than it felt.
“The rest of your life?” She looked at me suspiciously. “You’re ready to make that kind of commitment when you’re not even divorced yet? When we’ve known each other barely two months?”
“It’s just a matter of the paperwork being signed off on by the judge but yes. The day it’s finalized, we can drive over to one of the chapels here in Vegas and do the deed. No prenup, no nothing. Time is nothing but a number, baby doll. What I feel. What I hope we feel is all that matters. I thought it would be years before I fell in love. Then you essentially fell into my lap, and I was done. I’ve been in love with you since the night we went to Club Inferno.”
That got her attention.
Her eyes had gotten huge and wide, surprise flickering in them.
Then she burst into tears.
“Oh, baby doll, no. Please don’t cry.” I couldn’t help myself; I reached out and pulled her into my chest. “I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry I fucked things up. I don’t know how to fix this, but I’ll do anything if you give me another chance.”
She cried into the hollow of my shoulder for a while before pulling free and reaching for a napkin. She looked so sad and vulnerable as she dried her tears and blew her nose. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, her face was devoid of makeup and now streaked with tears, and she was so damn pale. Yet, she looked perfect and beautiful sitting here in my mostly empty house. A house I was no longer going to buy.
“I have to think,” she whispered finally. “There’s a lot at stake.”
“Is there a chance, Eden?” I asked, my heart pounding painfully. “Do you think you can forgive me enough to give me another chance?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t a chance. But we’ve gone at the speed of light in this relationship, and it backfired in a big way. Maybe that’s a hint it’s best if we take a little time apart? To think and decide if our feelings go beyond a good time and incredible sex. You know? So go on your road trip, and we can talk when you get back.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
I had more news, and this could potentially be a deal-breaker.
“There’s something else I have to tell you, baby doll,” I said slowly. “And this is kind of a big one, so you’re probably going to need time to process it.”
She looked up, concern etched into her face. “Something else? God, Decker, what else could there possibly be? Please don’t tell me you and Kristy have children together.”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“If you weren’t lying about the divorce and separation, then I can deal with anything else.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
I cleared my throat. This should have been a piece of cake compared to telling her I was married was hard.
But it wasn’t.
And I was having a hell of a time getting the words out because I was still in shock myself. The news had come minutes before Van had texted to tell me he’d picked her up. He didn’t even know what was going on.
I’d been prepared to say a lot tonight, to talk about everything that happened, tell her anything she wanted to know, make sure she understood I was in this for the long haul. I’d had all of that prepared in my mind, with responses to any hesitation she might have had.
This was unexpected.
This hadn’t even been on my radar.
So I was spectacularly unprepared.
“Just say it,” she whispered, watching my face worriedly.
God fucking dammit.
This sucked.
I took a breath.
“I’ve been traded.”
31
Eden
Nothing had prepared me for the news Decker was going to be playing in Florida. He’d been traded to the Lauderdale Knights and had found out only minutes before I’d gotten to his house. I’d felt so many emotions, but the biggest one was fury.
Jared had done this.
I had no doubt in my mind, and it colored everything.
My plans, my heart, even my career.
I really wanted to smack him, even though I knew he’d done it out of loyalty to Daisy and to me.
I’d been so close to forgiving Decker, to giving him another chance, to falling into bed with him, and telling him I’d stay.
His heartfelt apology and proclamation of love had touched me.
I’d planned to take a few days to think, to mull things over, talk to my friends.
And that’s what I was doing.
Except he was gone and wasn’t coming back.
He’d left yesterday morning, taking most of his things and hiring movers to handle the little bit that was left.
If I wanted to be with him, I had to go with him. Away from Daisy, and the new job I was so excited about.
We’d left things up in the air because I hadn’t been able to give him an answer on the spot. It had hurt him, but he seemed to cover it well, telling me I could take as much time as I needed.
But now he was gone, and what I needed was him.
To tell me everything would be okay.
“Go to Florida,” Daisy said as we got ready to go to work. “You can do what you do for the company from anywhere with a computer. It was more fun, and a little more convenient to get up and go to work together every day, but we knew the guys could get traded at any time. It happens, and there’s already a plan in place for that as far as the publishing company goes.”
“That’s only part of it,” I protested. “We’ve just gone through a breakup. It was one thing to forgive him while he was living here, where I could stay with you while we worked things out. It’s something else entirely for me to go to Fort Lauderdale.”
“Why? If things don’t work out, you pack your bags and get on a plane to Vegas. It’s not like he’s going to keep you prisoner there.”
I chuckled. “No, of course not.”
“Do you love him, Eden?”
“I do.” I sighed. “I keep trying to imagine my life without him. You know, staying here with you, buying a house of my own, focusing on my incredible new job, but nothing feels right. And the idea of dating someone else?” I shuddered. “It makes me sick.”
“Then either it’s too soon for dating, or he’s the one. What’s the point of drawing things out? Go to Florida. Be with him. Be happy.”
“I thought we’d have time to get to know each other again,” I whispered. “And I was so excited about spending time with you. Living in the same city. Seeing you every day like we did in college. I’ve missed you.”
She scooted closer to me on the bed and put her arm around me. “I missed you too. We had a lovely holiday together, but let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be the same once it was full-time. Sure, we’d see each other plenty, but I have a lot going on, Jean-Michel and I plan to be gone a lot of the summer, and you’ve got a lot going on whether you’re here or in Florida. Besides, we can afford to fly back and forth. I can come to you; you can come here. Hell, it’s a tax write-off and business expense every time you come here. And, hopefully, if she gets her head out of her ass, you’ll have Zoe there with you eventually.”
“I know.” I rested my head on her shoulder. “So why am I so scared?”
“Adulting is hard. Making adult decisions is even harder. But here we are.”
“I have to go to him,” I said.
“I know. That’s why you should start packing.”
“I just… would you do it?” I asked miserably. “Would you give him another chance and upset your whole life for the second time in weeks to go to Florida?”
“Yes. They were legally separated, which means it’s not cheating. She’s gay. He was protecting a childhood friend who’d been through a lot. He lied to you, but I understand why he was afraid. No one here even knew his real name, much less his family history or marital status. He was protecting the life he’s built. Then, once he realized how he felt about you, he was afraid. Wouldn’t you have been?”
“Did the guys give him a hard time?” I wondered aloud. “On the team?”
“According to Jean-Michel, it was pretty ugly at first. Jared was the worst. But I’ll tell you a secret—and you can’t tell anyone because Mom would kill me.”
“Okay.”
“He tried to stop the trade once he found out the whole story and calmed down a bit. But Florida really wanted him, and the higher ups on the Sidewinders were looking for a young goalie to bring into the organization as the next back-up, because Karl Martensson is probably going to retire in a couple of years, which would make Simon the new starter. But anyway, that’s what happened.”
“Oh. I see.”
This was the life of a professional hockey player.
If I wanted to be with Decker, I would have to get used to it.
And I wanted to be with him.
Despite what had happened, I was willing to give him a second chance.
I loved him.
And I believed he loved me.
“So, are you leaving me and going to Florida?”
Before I could answer, the doorbell rang.
“Christ, who could that be?” Daisy asked, opening the app on her phone to see who was at the door. They were very high-tech here, especially after that nonsense with Lawrence. Jean-Michel took her safety very seriously.
I couldn’t see who was on the screen because she got up abruptly.
“Would you get the door for me?” she asked. “It’s just a delivery. Looks like Jean-Michel sent me flowers. I have to pee.”
“Oh, sure.” I nodded and hurried downstairs, throwing open the door with a smile. “Good after—” My voice cut off abruptly. The massive bouquet of pink roses probably wasn’t for Daisy. But she’d known that.
