The Real Me, page 9
“Damn it, why aren’t you saying anything?”
Trevor rubbed his hand down his face and through the beard on his face, and fuck if that didn’t turn me on.
“Shit, Vanessa. What am I supposed to say? I want to come in more than you know, but I don’t want to rush us into something. This is more than just a hot night, and I know it would be fucking amazing, but neither of us is ready for that.”
I couldn’t help myself, I leaned in and kissed his lips. I meant for it to be a quick touch of lips but his hand came around my face cupping my cheek and pressing my chin up to get a better angle and he took the soft sweet kiss I’d meant it to be, turning it into a four-alarm blaze.
I don’t know how long we kissed but when he pulled back to look into my eyes, I didn’t stop the words from coming out.
“That ball is outta here, straight up, high, long drive out over center field into the stands outta here. Fucking fan-tifically-tastic!”
He smiled at me, “Definitely, but I’m not coming in. I’m taking you home and kissing you good night and leaving you at the door. Tonight! I make no promises about any night in the near future.”
I was relived but also depressed with this news.
I smiled at him and fuck me for saying it but, “Okay. Would you mind stopping at the nearest grocery store, whoever is closest.”
He shrugged, “Sure what do you need?”
“Batteries. Lots of batteries.”
He looked puzzled for a moment then he groaned and said, “No. We’re not stopping. Woman, seriously! You are breaking me right now.”
I laughed and I seriously couldn’t stop. I heard him laughing too and we must have looked like a bunch of crazy fools, pulled over laughing ourselves silly.
Trevor composed himself before I did and he pulled back onto the road as I still laughed beside him. He smiled and shot me side-eyed looks but finally I settled myself. I can’t remember ever having this much fun with any man besides Ben and let’s face it he’s just like Lacie to me. He’s not really one that I would consider in the same league as Trevor. God, I can’t believe how much fun I’m having right now considering the somberness of why we were together today in the first place.
We pulled up at my house and Trevor came to the door. I heard Leo barking.
“You might as well come in so I can put him out. Otherwise he will scratch the hell out of my door and I really don’t want that.”
Trevor hesitated.
“Okay.”
I smiled at him.
“Don’t worry, we’ll stay upright.”
I turned to open the door, and I heard him groan.
I laughed and said, “Sorry, didn’t even think before I said that. That would bring new meaning to a one-night stand. Get it!”
I laughed again, and he said, “Vanessa, stop. This is difficult enough. I want to stay with you in the worse way but I’m trying to remain a gentleman.”
I shook my head. “No funny business. I put Leo out, then walk back here and say goodnight and send you home.”
Trevor nodded, and we went into my house.
Leo was running and barking around our feet. Trevor bent down scooping him up into his arms.
“Hey there little guy. Did you miss us?”
Leo barked and licked his face. Lucky dog! Trevor carried Leo out to the backyard and he put him down. He sniffed around Trevor for a few minutes then darted off to find something else that fascinated him. Trevor laughed as he watched him running the yard.
“He’s a cute little thing.”
I grinned, “Thanks. I rescued him, but really I’m still wondering who rescued who.”
We watched him for a few minutes then he did what he came out here to do so we headed inside. It was just about six and my stomach growled. I realized I didn’t really eat anything today. I asked, “Do you want to order a pizza?”
He groaned and shook his head no.
“I really want to but I can’t stay here with you right now. I want to pull you into my arms and strip you naked so I can find out just how you feel when I slide inside of you.”
I felt the room spin at his words and I whispered his name, “Trevor.”
He started backing up away from me toward the front door.
“I have to go, Vanessa, or I’m not going to.”
I caught him at the front door and backed him into it.
“Would that be so bad?”
I raised up on my tiptoes to align my lips with his and I kissed him. I pushed my lips against his and reached inside his mouth with my tongue to show him how much I wanted him to stay. He didn’t resist me, he growled as he pulled me tighter to him and I felt how hard he was against me. Yes, he wanted this as much as I did.
Trevor softened the kiss and started to push me back.
“I’m leaving Vanessa. I damn sure don’t want to, but I have to. I’m going to call you in a bit. I need to get home and settled, then I’m calling you. Okay?”
I nodded. He pushed us away from the door so he could open it. Before walking through it he leaned down placing his hand on my cheek. I could seriously melt into a puddle when he did that, and he gently kissed my lips.
“Goodnight sweetheart.”
I smiled, “Goodnight Slugger.”
He chuckled as he walked back to his car. He stopped at the sidewalk, turning and waving to me. I waved back then closed the door and felt like an idiot waving to him. Who does that? Apparently me.
My cell phone rang, and I ran to grab it. It couldn’t be Trevor already. I picked it up, and it was Ben.
“Hey, Ben. What’s going on?”
Ben was instantly wary as I was happy. You have to understand I don’t really do happy.
“What’s going on, buttercup?”
“Ugh, why do you insist on calling me that?”
He laughed. “Because I live to annoy you.”
“Yeah, well live for annoying George instead.”
He laughed.
“What’s going on? What happened after I left?”
I smiled to myself, “Nothing you beast. We sat with Lacie and Jax talking. He just dropped me off.”
Ben continued to grill me about Trevor, only there wasn’t much to tell him. We kissed, he’s hot and I’ve never been kissed the way that man kisses me. That pretty much summed up what I wanted to tell Ben at this point.
“Ben is there a point to this phone call other than grilling me?” I asked him.
“Yes, there is actually Lacie. Look, my sister bailed on me for the ball this coming weekend. Do you think you can go with me? I’ll buy you a dress. Please?”
I groaned.
“Ben, I hate those things. This is the Charity Ball isn’t it?”
He confirmed.
“Ben, really? I don’t do well in social situations. The last time you took me as your date I told someone with too eager hands to fuck off.”
Ben laughed on the other end of the phone.
“That was freaking hilarious buttercup. When I came home and told George, he nearly pissed himself laughing. That old coot had it coming. He’s always handsy with the ladies.”
Ben knew I would go with him, but I needed to sweeten the pot.
“Okay, I’ll go and you are going to pay for my dress, to get my hair and nails done or no deal.”
Ben laughed, “You are too easy. Done. I’ll even make the appointment for you with a friend. It’s Saturday. I’ll pick you up at seven. Let me know when you are free and we’ll go shopping after work one day.”
Before I knew it we hung up and I looked in my fridge to see what I had to eat and luckily enough I had some leftovers from what I cooked for today. I heated some up and sat at the counter in my kitchen eating.
I was lost in thought thinking about how much cooking I’d done the last two days and how I missed my day at the gym because of it. I had been really strict with myself. I’ve always been overweight, and I vowed I was going to change that. I hated my curves. I cursed them at every turn. But I guess this is what I’d been given, so I had to work with it. I still wasn’t giving up though. I’d lost thirty pounds and was still working hard at it. I love food and I try to watch what I eat. Unfortunately with my hours and the schedule I keep, it’s hard to always eat healthy. That’s why I keep a solid schedule at the gym. I go four to five times a week before or after work depending on what my schedule allows for. I work hard. I’m there for a minimum of an hour and a half at a shot, some days when I can splurge, I stay for two hours. Anything over that and I can hardly move afterward, so I don’t push beyond that.
I finished eating and cleaned up my dishes. Leo was sitting at my feet in the kitchen waiting for a cookie. He was spoiled, I know the neighbor fed him and probably gave him a cookie but I loved this little guy so, I went to get him another cookie and he pranced along beside me to the pantry where I kept them. He sat down and waited for me. When I came out of the pantry and looked down at him I smiled.
“You are the absolute cutest little man. Rollover for mama.”
He barked but then rolled over for me and sat back up I swear smiling at me. I reached down and scuffed up his hair on his head then gave him the cookie.
I settled down on the sofa with my favorite blanket and scrolled my social media account and stumbled across a website where they did boudoir photos. Leo came into the living room and barked at me. I reached down scooping him up to nestle beside me. He tucked himself in and we sat together in the silence. I kept scrolling through the photos on the website and they were amazing. There were thin girls, medium build and heavier women, but they were all beautiful. I found myself wondering if I could do something like that. I mean, I have a lot of curves and I’m not what I consider beautiful. I have sass. That’s one thing I got going for me. I stopped analyzing myself and sent a group text to Ben and Lacie.
I attached the website and wrote…
Me: What do you guys think? I was thinking about checking into this. Do you think I’m crazy? I mean, I’m not a model and I sure as hell am not as beautiful as some of those women. It looks interesting though.
Ben: Hell yes you should do it. You are beautiful buttercup. George says you should do it too. He says we’ll buy you the outfits to wear too.
Lacie: Vanessa, you are gorgeous. I think you should go for it. You are amazing and I think this is just what you need to show yourself just how beautiful you are.
Me: I don’t know guys. Seriously? I don’t look so good naked. Clothes hide a lot, besides who would want to see pictures of me half naked?
Lacie: Trevor
Ben: Trevor
I laughed at the simultaneous beep, beep of my phone. They were my BFF’s. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
Me: Okay. I’ll call and see what it’s all about tomorrow on my break. Oh, and Trevor so does not want to see me naked, he only thinks he does.
Ben: As if!!! He so is hot for you and he wants to strip you naked and keep you that way.
Lacie: I agree with Ben. It’s on like Donkey Kong with you two.
Ben: It’s on like Donkey Kong? Seriously, how freaking old are you?
Again, they had me laughing. My phone started to ring, and I answered it on speaker.
“Hello.”
Trevor’s voice came through. “Hey there, sweetheart. What are you laughing about?”
I smiled at the phone.
“I’m currently in a group text with Lacie and Ben. Those two are bickering about Lacie’s phrases.”
Trevor was quiet for a moment.
“You guys talk a lot, huh?”
I thought it was odd, but I answered, “Yep. We are the best of friends. Some days they are the ones who keep me sane.”
Trevor was quiet, and I thought maybe something happened after he left me.
“Is everything okay, Trevor?” He hesitated for a moment then said, “Yes. Sorry, I was distracted for a moment. I’m good now. I wanted to ask you if you’d go with me to an event on Saturday night. I hate going to it myself, but it would be much more enjoyable with you by my side.”
I was reading the group texts as Trevor was talking to me.
Ben: Tell hot lips hi from me.
Lacie: Ben, stop it. Leave her alone.
Ben: What? That guy is fucking hot.
Me: Stop it you two. He is fucking hot.
“I would love to go with you, but I can’t. I promised Ben I’d go with him to some Charity Ball. His sister was supposed to go with him but bailed at the last minute. I get a free dress and a beauty session out of the deal. I’m not overly thrilled about any of it but, that’s what friends are for right?”
Trevor was quiet again.
“Okay, well maybe I’ll see you there. That’s where I was going to ask you to go with me. I’m locked into going and Jax and Lacie are supposed to go too. I guess I’ll just hang with them. I wouldn’t want to intrude on your date. Hey, I’m sorry but I gotta go. I’ll call you later this week.”
Before I could say anything Trevor hung up. That was odd, but I guess something came up. I went back to the group text.
Me: Trevor called to invite me to the Charity Ball.
Ben: You have to go with the hottie.
Me: I’m going with you jackass.
Ben: Oh, that’s right. Well we can all hang out together. Damn my sister for bailing on me.
Lacie: Jax and I will be there. Why don’t you just come out of the closet Ben and bring George?
Ben: Oh hell no! I know you didn’t just make a gay joke to me.
Me: Oh you two, stop your bickering. It’s like two married people going at it.
Lacie: He started it.
Ben: She started it.
I started laughing again.
Me: I take it back it’s like brother and sister fighting. Grow up you two.
Lacie: Well at least we’ll all be together. Maybe if your “date” doesn’t hog you, you could dance with Trevor.
Me: Yeah, well we’ll see. He didn’t seem like himself when I just talked to him. He actually seemed upset with me.
Ben: What did you do?
Lacie: What did you do?
Me: Nothing. He asked me about going with him and I told him that I was going with Ben.
Ben: Does he know I’m gay?
Me: Yes, I mean I haven’t told him. You know I don’t tell people that. I’m sure Jax has told him.
Lacie: I don’t know if Jax actually knows. I’ve never told him either.
Ben: Awe, my girls. You guys keep my secrets better than I do.
Me: Guys, I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.
Ben: Thanks Vanessa for going with me to the Charity Ball
Lacie: Thanks Vanessa for today. You’re the best.
Me: You’re welcome guys. Goodnight.
I took Leo out and I stood there watching him and smiled at him. He really made my heart happy. If I can’t have children, Leo will have to be my son and he is. I love him more than anything. I stood outside watching him and thinking about Trevor. I texted him.
Me: Hey Slugger. I’m sorry about going with Ben to the Charity Ball. Whenever his sister bails on him he asks me. You know there is nothing going on with him and I. We’re not like that. We are strictly friends and we work together.
I saw the dots bouncing around on the screen and then nothing. I called Leo, and he came running to me.
“Who needs a man, Leo, when I got you?”
I scooped him up and we went off to bed. I crawled under the sheets and fell asleep almost before my head hit the pillow.
Chapter 12
Trevor
I’m so fucked. This woman was making me crazy. I had forgotten earlier to ask her to go with me to the Charity Ball and when I picked up Jayden, my mom reminded me that I had it. I figured when I called her tonight I’d ask. Now I really wish I’d remembered and asked her before I’d left her. Damn it. I shouldn’t have hung up on her like I did, but I was pissed.
I got Jayden settled into bed and I couldn’t wait to call her. After hearing that she was texting with Ben and Lacie, I kinda started losing my shit. I mean it was a group text. Lacie was in on it, so it couldn’t have been personal. But shit. Why was Ben so involved in her life? Did she secretly want to be with him? What the hell?
The text came up from her. I read it and started to respond.
Me: I’m sorry I hung up. I don’t like you talking with Ben all the time. It makes me crazy wondering what’s going on with you two.
I backed that out and tried again.
Me: Sorry I had to go earlier Vanessa. I’m hoping we can get through this thing between us, but I’m really not sure how I feel about your relationship with Ben.
I backed that out too and threw my phone onto my bed in utter frustration. No matter what I say right now, I’m the asshole and I look insecure. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and changed into boxers. I picked up the phone and typed.
Me: Sorry for hanging up earlier Vanessa and for not responding to your message right away, but I had to take care of some things. I hope Ben won’t mind if I steal you away for a dance at the Charity Ball. Although I’m truly not looking forward to going, I am certainly excited to see you all dressed up in a gown. You are beautiful in everything you wear but, I’ll bet you’re a knockout in a gown. Ben’s a lucky man to have you escort him to the Ball. I’ll be looking forward to seeing how much more gorgeous you’ll be.
I put the phone down on the nightstand and crawled under the covers. I drifted off to sleep, hoping that Vanessa would see that I cared very much about her. I hoped that she would choose me over Ben. With that thought, my brain shut down, and I fell into a deep sleep that was much needed. I was exhausted from barely sleeping the last few days and I needed to just shut down.
Vanessa didn’t respond to my text. When I woke up my phone was the first thing I’d checked. I got up and headed to work. Why didn’t she text back? It was all I could think about. Jax walked into my office and I was lost in my head.
“Hey man, what’s going on?”
I looked up at him and said, “I’m not sure.”
Jax moved to take the seat in front of my desk.
