The Real Me, page 27
He followed me inside and Leo greeted us. Trevor scooped him up and carried him outside because he was just so excited to see him that he would not go out without Trevor. I let the two outside and as I came back in I asked, “Beer or wine?”
Trevor said, “Beer please.”
I heard the two come back in and I grabbed plates, opened a beer and poured myself a glass of wine. As I poured the wine I heard Trevor, “Holy Mother of God, what? When? How? Holy shit! Vanessa, you are gorgeous.”
I didn’t need to turn to know he saw the photos.
I carried the beer to him and he took a sizable gulp.
I smiled and said, “Pretty amazing, huh?”
He nodded, “Amazing. Sexy as fuck. Hot as hell. Incredible. Jesus, woman, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
I smiled as I looked up at the pictures. “I do now.”
“I set up the photo shoot for myself for my birthday. I had just started seeing you when I set it up so I didn’t say anything, but the day of the shoot, I couldn’t wait to tell you about it afterward. Ben knew that I was doing it and he stopped to wish me a happy birthday, and to hear about how it went. Honestly, I love Ben, but I really couldn’t wait to tell you.”
I sipped my wine. I looked down at the table where the album lay.
“The whole experience made me see myself differently. I felt incredible, sexy, powerful and in control. I can’t even tell you how empowering this was for me. It had been the best birthday I’d ever had.”
Trevor spoke, “Until I screwed it all up with my jealousy.”
I nodded. Trevor motioned to the photo album.
“May I?”
I smiled and said, “Sure. Go ahead.”
He sat, put his beer down and lifted the album onto his lap to look through it.
I stood watching him. He got to one of the pictures and stared at it then looked at me questioningly.
“Is this my shirt?”
I laughed as I nodded.
“Holy fuck. Are you kidding me right now?”
I shook my head. He continued to page through the album. I turned away from him because I felt a few tears gathering in my eyes. I heard him put the album down on the table and he moved behind me. His hands were on my shoulders and he stood silently at first. Then he said, “I cannot believe how absolutely stupid I am. You deserve so much better than me, but I’ll be damned if I’ll give you up.”
Trevor turned me to look at him and the tears broke free rolling down my cheeks. He reached up and wiped them away.
“I am so damn sorry Vanessa. I can’t even begin to tell you. I will tell you though for the rest of my life, every day, every minute, whatever it takes. I promise you I will make this up to you. Tell me anything. Just tell me what I can do.”
I struggled. I wanted to push him away because damn it he hurt me. He didn’t trust me and he didn’t believe in me, but I loved him more than anything in the world and I just wanted to be happy. Trevor made me happy. Jayden made me happy. They were my family.
I moved away from Trevor and I turned my back to him again.
“The day of my photo shoot, I felt so sexy. I felt so beautiful and I finally saw me. I finally saw the woman that I never allowed myself to see. Part of that was because of the shoot and part of it was because that’s how you saw me. You made me feel beautiful until you didn’t believe in me. I doubted myself and I blamed myself for not telling you about Ben, but I told you we were just friends. When you chose to believe that there was more, even when I told you there wasn’t I let go. If you couldn’t believe in me, then what did we have?”
Trevor moved behind me and said, “Vanessa…”
I turned and held my hand up to stop him.
“Wait. Just listen. While you were looking at those photos, I watched your face. I saw nothing but love in it. No surprise in how beautiful they were. No surprise at how sexy I looked. I realized in that moment that I didn’t believe in me. It wasn’t you that didn’t believe in me, it was me. I used Ben’s secret to keep you at a distance, because I knew you were jealous, but I was scared. Scared you’d see the real me then run, because I didn’t believe in me.”
Trevor stood frozen. He watched me. I looked into his eyes.
“I didn’t believe I was beautiful. I didn’t believe I was sexy. I didn’t believe that doing something like that would have the outcome it did for me. It took that for me to see me. To believe in me.”
Trevor moved toward me again and said, “Vanessa,”
I stopped him.
“Trevor please, just let me finish.”
He nodded and I took a deep breath.
“If I didn’t believe in me then how could I expect you to believe in me?”
Trevor pulled me into his arms and said, “No. No. Don’t say that. My mistake was my own. It had nothing to do with you. It was me. God, Vanessa you have always been the strongest, most frustrating, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I will thank whatever fates there are that threw us together if you’ll just please let me love you again. If you’ll please just love me again.”
I pulled away from Trevor and put my hand on his cheek.
“I can’t.”
I let the tears fall and Trevor looked at me as though he lost everything. He started to drop his head to look downward when I spoke again.
“I never stopped loving you Trevor.”
Trevor’s head snapped up and he looked in my eyes as I continued.
“So I can’t start loving you again, because I never stopped. God that would be like forgetting to breathe. It is something that I have to do and that I don’t even think about. It just happens. Just like loving you. It’s just there. It doesn’t stop. No matter how much I want to be mad at you for not trusting me, I can’t. I just can’t. I love you too much.”
Before another word could be spoken Trevor crushed his mouth to mine and I was breathless when he pulled away.
Trevor rested his forehead on mine and smiled.
“God that felt good. I want to do that again.”
I smiled at him and nodded. This time when Trevor took my lips he nibbled my lower lip, he sucked it into his mouth then traced my lips with his tongue. He was savoring me and I felt my heart explode in that moment. I pulled him to me and took control of the kiss I wanted.
Deep, hard and needy. I wanted all of him. I wanted him to kiss me and to take me. I wanted him to claim me and make me his. I pulled away from him and said his name on a half moan and half sigh. That was all it took. He turned me pulling my back against his front and he moved us to the side of the sofa. He stripped my shirt off and unbuttoned my pants to slide them down my hips. We both faced the wall with my pictures.
I felt Trevor pull away from me. I heard him pulling off his clothes. When he moved back against me he bit down on my shoulder.
“Do you have any idea what seeing those pictures has done to me?”
I shook my head. He pressed his hard length against my back and said, “Do you feel that?”
I moaned and he said, “That’s what it does. Do you see those pictures? That is you. You are amazing Vanessa and you are beautiful. Sexy as hell. But right now, like this you are more beautiful than ever. When I slide into you and we move together and I see the blush rise up over your body. When you scream my name while I’m making you cum around me, you bring out the animal in me and I can’t stop. Not until you are mine and I can feel me dripping out of you. Mine Vanessa. Mine.”
On that last word Trevor reared back and slid all the way inside of me. He pushed me over the arm of the sofa and took me. It didn’t take long before I was gasping and writhing under him while his name tore from my throat.
Trevor wasn’t done. He continued slipping in and out of me and he was growling because he was holding back. He pulled me up as he thrust his hips deep and hard against me. He held me to him.
“So damn beautiful Vanessa. I want to feel it again and again.”
He reached down and stroked my clit and I could feel myself building again at his touch.
“Shit Trevor, too much. No. I can’t.”
He growled in my ear.
“The hell you can’t. Look at those pictures Vanessa. Look. That woman is sexy as hell. You can do it again. You’ve brought out the beast in me and now you need to soothe it. Cum for me baby, cum again.”
He pressed hard against my clit as he thrust harder and deeper, while I was crumbling. His one hand caressing me to my orgasm and the other squeezing my throat making me more and more excited until the room spun then everything went black as I yelled his name while I crashed over the edge. I heard him swearing,
“Oh shit… holy shit, Vanessa. Fuck, you feel so good. I can’t stop.”
His hips slammed hard and deep. He pulled out and slammed back in. His roar mixed with my choppy breaths, and he collapsed over me as we both toppled over the arm of the sofa then slid to the floor, him cradling me and breaking my fall.
We both laid there and didn’t move. My back still to his front and he had me pulled close and tight to him. He wasn’t letting go and this time neither was I. Then it happened.
“Vanessa?”
I grinned, “Yes?”
Trevor kissed my shoulder and said, “Marry me Vanessa.”
I jerked in his arms and turned to face him.
“What?”
He looked at me and cupped my cheek with his hand.
“Marry me,” he repeated and I shook my head.
“No, Trevor.”
His face fell. “What? Why?”
I looked at him and said, “Because I don’t want this to change. I don’t need a wedding ring to prove I love you.”
Trevor smirked. “Then I won’t give you a ring.”
I slapped him. “Be serious, Trevor. You’d give me a ring, you idiot. But it’s not really the ring. I used that as an example.”
Trevor looked at me. “What are you afraid of, Vanessa?”
Chapter 34
Trevor
Vanessa said no. I asked her to marry me and she said no. What the hell? I asked her what she was afraid of and Vanessa showing her reticent side she dipped her head down so she wasn’t meeting my eyes and said,
“I’m afraid of everything with you.”
I shifted and pulled her on top of me. Her eyes met mine.
“I’m terrified Vanessa that one day you’ll wake up and decide I’m not enough for you. But I’ll never give up on us again because I’m more afraid of taking every breath I have left inside of me without you. Promise me you’ll think about it. I want you and my son to be in the same house, whether it’s here or at my place or hell I’ll even buy a new house, our house as long as you’re in it with us. I’ll ask you over and over again to marry me until you say yes. If it takes me to my last breath, I’ll get you to say yes.”
There were tears in her eyes and she smiled down at me.
“I love you Trevor. I want that too, but I’m sorry right now I just can’t say yes.”
I pulled her lips to mine and kissed her.
“You will baby, you will.”
I held her there until both our stomachs growled and we got up to eat cold pizza naked together.
I took Vanessa to see Jayden and to say he was happy to see her was an understatement. My little man ran to her right past me and didn’t give her time to even bend down. He grabbed her legs in a fierce hug, screaming, “Vanessa’s here!”
She was smiling and the look on her face I wanted to remember forever. It was like she was complete. He wasn’t hers biologically, but he belonged to her. I watched as she bent to grab him and pull him into a hug. His arms and legs wrapped around her and he kissed her cheek.
“I missed you Vanessa. Daddy was grumpy while you were gone. Where did you go?”
Vanessa looked up at me and smiled, “It’s not important where I went, what is important is I’m right where I belong now.”
Jayden smiled at her and wiggled free of her arms then came to me.
“Daddy, can we do a sleep over again?”
I groaned and roughed up his hair, “We’ll see Jayden.”
My mom stood back, watching us, and smiled.
“It’s good to see you, Vanessa. We missed you around here. Especially this one.”
Mom pointed her thumb at me and I hugged her to me. “Thanks, Mom, for not selling me out.”
My mom huffed. “Selling you out would be telling her what a pain in the ass you are without her around.”
Vanessa laughed and said, “Really, tell me more?”
I held my hands up in surrender.
“I was unbearable. I was miserable and I don’t ever want to go through that again.”
My mom nodded in agreement and Vanessa just grinned. I moved to her and pulled her in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around me and I kissed her forehead. My mom smiled as she watched us.
She said, “It’s good to see you two together. It’s how it should be.”
I pulled back and looked at my mom. I thought I’d try and get her to help me convince Vanessa to marry me.
“Yes we do belong together. That’s why I need you to help me convince Vanessa to marry me.”
Vanessa gasped, “Trevor.”
My mom smiled. “I think that is something you have to work on yourself.”
I looked at my mom.
“Really? You’re not going to help me?”
She shook her head no.
“If I were her, I’d make you work for it too. I mean really Trevor after everything, do you think she’s going to just fall into your arms and ride off into the sunset with you?”
I nodded, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
My mom scoffed at me, “Well then you picked the wrong girl. This one is going to challenge you at every turn and you my boy, are going to love every second of it.”
I grinned at Vanessa and said, “You are right. She will challenge me, and if she just gave in to my proposal after everything she wouldn’t be the woman I thought she was. Challenge accepted, I’ll find a way to make her finally say yes.”
Vanessa shook her head at me.
“It’s not a challenge Trevor. I just never really saw myself wanting to get married. It’s a huge change for me. I need time. It’s not that I don’t love you and Jayden, it’s just that my mind is not there yet. I’m just not ready to see myself as a wife and mother.”
My mom watched us and said, “I like this one. She’s smart. She thinks before she acts and she’s not jumping into something until she’s ready. Trevor, you did good. Make sure she sticks around.”
My mom left the room to find Jayden.
I moved to her and pulled her into my arms.
“My mom is right. You are smart but she left out how beautiful you are, how happy you make me and Jayden and how lucky I am to have you. You and Jayden both lit up when you saw one another. I won’t rest until we have you in our lives.”
Vanessa frowned at me.
“Trevor, you already have me in your lives. I, I just need some time. This is all new to me. A family. A husband, a son and a mom. It’s a lot for a girl like me. I need some time.”
I smiled at her. I forget the life she had before me and the uncertainty she lived with day in and day out. It was easy to forget because she was so strong and seemed like she had it all pulled together, but that was her default. She had to be strong to survive all she did. She had to protect herself and keep people at arm length to survive. I smile at her and say,
“As long as you aren’t going anywhere I can wait. I won’t like it because I want forever to start now with you, but I’ll wait.” She kissed my lips and smiled.
“Okay, Slugger, let’s go take Jayden to the park. I missed spending time with him.”
Months. That’s how long it’s been. Fucking months and the woman still said no to every proposal. Baseball season was over, we were well into football and just cresting over to wait for spring now. Several times I asked, and the answer was still no. We had sleepovers, but she held me at bay. She wouldn’t let me sleep with her with Jayden in the same house. I always had to be in the spare room with Jayden.
Frustrated. Yes. Giving up? Hell no. I tried all sorts of romantic proposals and she always told me no. I could see I was wearing her down, but still she wasn’t ready. Spring. Once spring hit and the weather was nicer, I was going all in. I was going to make this happen and I was sure my newest plan would work.
Chapter 35
Vanessa
I never knew when he was going to ask me, but ask me he did. In so many ways possible. I wasn’t being difficult. I was just being careful. Most men would have given up by now. Not Trevor. I’d forgiven him for not believing me and trusting me with the whole Ben thing. He’s been doing better with that. Ben and I still hung out together and Trevor actually met George now too and he was adjusting. It was hard for him to see me with Ben and I get it, but I only saw Ben the same way I see Lacie. A good friend.
I was out running errands on my day off and I stopped to take Trevor lunch at his office. I’d been there a few times and I adored his secretary. Rae was good for Trevor at the office. She didn’t back down to him and she kept him in line. She smiled when she saw me.
“Hi Vanessa. What brings you by?”
I grinned at her.
“Just out running some errands and thought I’d stop with some lunch for him. Is he busy?”
She shook her head no.
“He’s never too busy for you. I like it when you stop by. His mood always improves.”
I laughed.
Rae beeped him through the phone and said, “Vanessa’s here with lunch. I’m going to run out for lunch. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Rae hung up the phone, and said, “Go ahead in. Enjoy your lunch.”
I smiled at her and said, “Thanks Rae. See you next time.”
With that I went to his door and opened it as Rae grabbed her things to go out.
When I walked through the door Trevor was waiting for me and he pulled me in the door, then immediately pushed it closed, turned the lock and pressed me against it with his body.
