“You know you have a mommy. She’s just not well. She needs to get better before she can spend time with you. Daddy’s job is to protect you and unfortunately, your mommy just is not ready to be a mommy. Maybe eventually she will, but it doesn’t mean she won’t someday be better.”

  Jayden nodded. Then he looked away for a moment before turning back to me.

  “You can get me another mommy though, right? I mean my mommy is broke. Sometimes things can’t be fixed, even Mommy’s so if my Mommy is broke and can’t be fixed, I won’t have to be without a mommy forever will I?”

  I hugged him to me and just couldn’t believe where his head was. I didn’t answer him for a few minutes then I thought it was time to see what he thought.

  I struggled in my head on how to talk to Jayden about me dating. After torturing myself for a few moments I just dove in.

  “In order for you to get a new mommy, Jayden, Daddy would have to date women and see if any of them were good enough for you. Plus, Daddy would have to fall in love again. But I need you to know two things. If Daddy were to fall in love again, you would still be the most important person to me and your mommy will always be your mommy. No one can replace her.”

  Jayden looked at me with confusion.

  “But, Daddy, if you find a new mommy for me I can’t be the most important thing anymore. We would both have to be important to you or else my new mommy might feel sad. I don’t want to lose another mommy.”

  Oh this kid. He completely destroys me.

  I hugged him tight and said, “You’re right. You’d both have to be equally important to me. But just because your mommy is sick right now, it doesn’t mean that she can’t get better.”

  Jayden pushed out of my lap and said, “Can we go on another ride, Daddy?”

  Like that we were off on to our next thing. We spent the rest of the day laughing and I watched Jayden go on a few rides before the sun started to go down and Jayden was yawning. I buckled him into his car seat and drove home. Once we were home, there was no way he was getting a bath although he needed one.

  I scooped him up carried him to his room changed him into his pjs and as I covered him and tucked him in he said, “Daddy.”

  I sat on the edge of the bed with him and said, “Yes, buddy?”

  He hesitated for a moment then said, “Is it wrong that I don’t want my mommy to get better and come back? I want a new mommy. One who isn’t broke and who will love me instead of going away.”

  I didn’t know what to say to him. My son felt like his mother could never love him. In some ways, as much as it broke my heart, I think he’s right.

  “No Jayden. You are not a bad person. Someday when you are older, maybe you’ll understand. Right now though, you don’t need to choose a new mommy over your real mommy. You never have to choose. Do you understand?”

  He nodded then rolled over. “Goodnight, Daddy. Thank you for today. I love you to the moon and stars and back again.”

  I smiled and repeated it back to him.

  I went to my room and pondered the things in my son’s head. I tried to make him feel loved and I tried to make up for his mother being a deadbeat. Honestly, if she never came back into his life, it would be too soon. I would never forgive her. The woman just didn’t deserve him. He was too perfect and good for her.

  She would never be good enough for him in my eyes. Not ever. Yes, she very well may reform herself, but in my eyes the past would never be gone from me. She didn’t love her son enough to stop doing drugs and to take care of the life she carried. That to me was unforgivable. I know that drug addiction is a disease, but still this was my son’s life we’re talking about. That was more precious to me than anything else in the world. How could it not be just as precious to her?

  I had just turned off my light and my phone vibrated. I looked at it and found a picture of a leg from the thigh down to a high heeled black shoe. The strap to the thigh high was being clipped into place by a woman’s hand and I read the caption. “How are you feeling about that room situation? Should I be cleaning and changing the sheets in the guest room instead of making sure my outfit for tomorrow evening is a grand slam?”

  Fuck. Me. Running. The woman nearly drove me insane. Two could play this game. My cock was at full mast under my boxers. I slid my hand underneath the waist band taking myself in hand. I took a photo of my hand underneath being sure all that was visible was the V taper leading to the holy land and the visible rise in my boxers.

  “I got a handle on it for now. Do you think I will enjoy the slide into home plate? Or will you enjoy it more? It’s not how hard you swing the bat that’s the only factor, but also the size of the bat you’re swinging #gotwood?”

  The phone vibrated again and I looked at the response and nearly lost my load.

  Vanessa: Panties, thong or nothing at all? Your choice… or is it? Remember I could surprise you because I’m not really good at following directions.

  Me: Thong, because I can’t even think about you with anything less on under your dress, because I will find a corner and fuck you before getting back to your place if you are wearing nothing under that dress.

  Vanessa: Oh, yummy. Nothing it is. #whogotwood?

  Chapter 17

  Vanessa

  Holy fucking hotness! This man was killing me. Did he seriously have to send me that picture? Now I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned and throbbed and ached. Saturday night couldn’t arrive fast enough. Shit!

  I got up Saturday morning and Ben arrived to take me for a beauty day. He took one look at me and said, “You look like shit! What happened to you?”

  I laughed, “Thanks. It’s called the devil in me got burned.”

  Ben wiggled his brows, “Oh do tell. I love a good singe.”

  I told Ben about the game I’d been playing and how I got played. He laughed to the point he nearly fell over.

  I smacked him.

  “Knock it off! This is serious. I have never wanted to jump someone so bad in my life. I’m screwed Ben!”

  Ben took my hand and pulled me out of the house.

  “Not yet you’re not, so let’s get rid of those bags under your eyes and make sure you do get well and screwed, so you can tell me all about it.”

  I laughed as he wiggled his brows dragging me out of my house.

  After having my nails done, hands and feet. Makeup put on and hair curled with soft seductive curls, Ben dropped me off at home and told me a car would be there to pick me up at eight p.m. The car would also be available to take me and a guest home. I smiled as I went into the house to take care of Leo.

  “What do you think boy? Is Mommy going to stop him in his tracks?”

  Leo barked.

  “Of course I am. Who are we kidding?” I laughed as he danced around my feet.

  I made sure I ate something because my nerves were going to get the better of me and alcohol would be my friend tonight. I knew how these events went. I was just arm candy for Ben. He would use me to go into the party, then once he was in and started socializing he’d forget all about me. I’d be at the bar drinking and wondering why the hell he didn’t just bring George because I sure as hell wasn’t having fun. Although, this night could be quite different. At least I hoped it would be.

  At seven thirty p.m., I put my perfume on. I checked my makeup and put my lipstick on. It was a shade of brown I loved to wear. I slid my dress on and before slipping my heels in place I took Leo out one last time. As I was grabbing my purse, the doorbell rang. I opened it to the driver.

  He smiled. “Miss, if I may say, you look beautiful. Are you ready?”

  I thanked him and said, “I’m ready. Take Cinderella to her ball.”

  The driver chuckled. “Hopefully midnight is just the beginning.”

  He winked and I laughed.

  The car pulled up and Ben was waiting at the curb. The driver came around to open the door but Ben opened it before he got there. Ben normally reached down to help me out of the car but he was stunned speechless. The driver reached out his hand and said, “Miss, allow me.”

  I took his hand and thanked him. Ben looked at me gazing up and down my body and his mouth gaped. He finally recovered and gave me his arm to link my hand on. He kept staring at me out of the corner of his eye. I was starting to get nervous.

  “Fuck Ben. Stop it. You are making me nervous. Say something.”

  Ben stopped and turned me to look at him.

  “Okay. I’m going to say this once but I will deny I ever said it. If I could be straight, you standing there gorgeous as hell, would make me want to give up dick and bury myself inside of you. Shit! I have never doubted who and what I am until this moment. You are gorgeous buttercup.”

  I smiled and felt my face blush. I heard him groan.

  “Shit. You just blushed. Damn! I really do think my cock twitched in my pants.” I slapped his shoulder.

  “Stop, Ben.”

  He leaned down and whispered into my ear, “You think I’m kidding. You look incredible. I can’t wait to see Trevor’s face when he sees you. You know I’m going to make him work for this.”

  I chuckled, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Ben and I walked into the ballroom and his hand was on my back, just above my dress. He was touching bare skin and I felt the warmth of his hand keeping me calm. My heart, however, was beating wildly. I promised myself I would not look for Trevor and I walked where Ben guided me.

  As we approached Lacie and Jax I saw Jax’s reaction to me and I nearly squealed with delight. If he could look at me the way he did and be completely in love with someone as gorgeous as Lacie, I knew I’d knock Trevor on his ass.

  Lacie grabbed me instantly and whispered in my ear.

  “I want to beat the shit out of you, because my husband is staring at you like he could eat you. You’re lucky you’re one of my best friends or I’d definitely be jealous right now.”

  I smiled, “Nothing to be jealous of, that man loves you. He’s just shocked.”

  We pulled apart.

  “You look gorgeous,” Lacie said.

  Ben smiled and said, “I’m the luckiest man in this room tonight. I think I’m turning over a new leaf tonight.”

  Ben winked at Lacie and I while we both laughed. I leaned against his shoulder and smiled. His grip tightened around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. Shit, he’d never done that before. I looked up at him and he nodded his head toward the door. I looked and found Trevor.

  It was as if Trevor had a tracker on me. Wherever I was in the ballroom, I could feel his eyes upon me. Surprisingly Ben hadn’t left me alone all night yet. This was completely out of character for him. He walked me to the bar to get me a drink and he introduced me to some of his colleagues and he kept his hand firmly placed on my backside.

  Occasionally I would feel his hand almost as a caress on my back. At one point he was staring down at me and I felt his hand grip my hip and pull me against his side.

  “You are one freaking gorgeous woman. I don’t think I ever realized it until tonight. Trevor is a lucky man Vanessa.”

  Ben looked into my eyes and I felt my heart racing. What was happening? I reached my hand up to his chest and held his eyes.

  “What are you saying Ben?”

  He shook his head almost as if he needed to clear his mind.

  “I’m saying you could make a gay man straight. Your body, your mind and your soul. You are the total package. Do not ever doubt that. You know I love you right?”

  I nodded at Ben. He continued, “If he hurts you I will kill him.”

  He bent down and kissed my cheek then moved off into the crowd.

  I was standing there, watching after Ben. My mind raced. I didn’t know what just happened. Ben. He was my gay best friend. He’d seen me practically naked, and he just talked to me and had been acting like he was my true boyfriend tonight. This was all so confusing. I could feel Trevor watching me all night and my heart was racing.

  I needed a drink. I moved toward the bar. I ordered a shot of fireball and a glass of wine. I really wanted a beer but how would that look? I followed society’s guidelines and took the shot back letting it burn all the way down. I moved to pick up my glass of wine when I felt a body press tightly against mine, covering my hand before I could wrap it around my wine glass.

  I felt his hot breath as he leaned into my ear and said, “I’m dying to know what you have on under that dress. Did you put on panties? Or did you come to me naked?”

  I felt his hardness against my backside and I turned my head to look him in the eye.

  “What do you think I have on?”

  He brushed his lips against my cheek and again whispered into my ear.

  “I think you would have me believe that you’re naked under that dress to drive me wild, however, truly I believe that you put a thong on and currently it is soaked and in need of some desperate changing, because you can’t stop thinking about where I’ll be sleeping or not sleeping later. Am I right?”

  I smiled at him as he pulled back to look in my eyes.

  “Well played ball. Got a piece of it and let it land in the hole in centerfield, scoring a base hit. Putting you into position to make it to home plate. It remains to be seen whether sliding in will happen or not, but you certainly made the right call.”

  I winked at him and I heard him groan.

  Trevor picked up my wine glass and turned us to move from the bar. We moved to a high-top table that had no chairs. It was set for people to just stand at and talk or eat hors d’oeuvres. We took the time to stand looking one another over.

  Trevor looked at me and said, “I’ve been wanting to get you alone since I walked in the door. You look gorgeous. Every man in the room had his eye on you. Even your date can’t stop looking at you.”

  I looked in the direction he was looking and Ben was watching us. I turned my attention back to Trevor.

  “Ben isn’t looking at me. He’s watching to be sure I don’t need to be rescued from the likes of you.”

  Trevor grinned. “Baby, you may need the team to clear the benches and rush out to the field to rescue you.”

  We both laughed.

  I watched as Trevor’s eyes roamed my body and I found myself moving closer to him. “Do you need a picture?”

  He looked at me, puzzled.

  “You keep staring at me. I wondered if you needed a picture to keep so you don’t forget what I look like.”

  He smiled at me.

  “That’s a brilliant idea.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled me to him. Someone saw us trying to take a selfie and asked if we’d like a picture taken. Trevor handed his phone over and we stood with our arms around one another. At one point we both turned to look at one another and later when I looked at the picture I realized how much my eyes were giving away to this man.

  We looked through the pictures that the man took for us and Trevor sent a few to me. We certainly looked like a very hot couple. But we weren’t a couple. Where did that thought come from?

  Trevor took my hand, “Stop over thinking everything. Come dance with me.”

  He maneuvered me through the people to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight to him. His body rubbed against mine at all the right places. I felt my heart hammering hard against my chest and I didn’t know if he could feel it or not. He held my eyes and we moved to the slow music playing in the background.

  Trevor watched my lips when I nervously flicked my tongue over them to wet them. All of a sudden I felt completely parched. I felt like I was getting dizzy and could faint right on the spot.

  I felt Trevor tighten his grip on me and he bent his head closer to my cheek as he whispered, “I want to kiss you and I don’t care who sees it. Do you want me to kiss you Vanessa?”

  I held my breath as he pulled back to look in my eyes. I nodded because I couldn’t speak. As if we were in slow motion he moved his lips closer and closer to mine. I swear the room spun and flashed around us then his lips were on mine. Everything around us stopped. All I knew was Trevor at that moment and it was the scariest thing I’d ever felt in my life.

  The kiss was short, gentle and promised a whole lot more.

  Trevor grinned down at me and said, “Let’s go get a drink and cool off. I fear if I continue to press against you I will make good on that promise of fucking you in a corner of this room.”

  I gasped at his words and the picture his words created in my mind. We moved back to the table we had been standing at and I needed to excuse myself to freshen up.

  I headed to the ladies’ room and on my way back to Trevor, Lacie had stopped me.

  “Vanessa, what is going on with Ben tonight?”

  I looked in Trevor’s direction only to find Ben and him in what seemed to be a heated conversation.

  “I don’t know. He’s acting strange Lacie. Since he met me at the car, he’s been saying things and doing things out of character for him. I don’t know what is being said over there but I think I need to break it up.”

  Lacie and I both headed in the direction of the two men. Once we got there Ben backed off and smiled at us.

  “Lacie. Vanessa. Everything is fine. Vanessa, can I speak with you a moment.”

  Trevor growled, “Why?”

  I looked up at him and smiled, “It’s okay Trevor. I’ll be right back.”

  Lacie stayed with Trevor asking him what was going on. I didn’t hear the response as Ben placed his hand on my back and led me outside onto the patio surrounding the ballroom. I stopped and looked around us, when I saw no one was within ear shot I said, “Ben, what the hell is going on with you tonight?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Vanessa, I’ve been your friend for years and I have never thought anything inappropriate but tonight. When I laid eyes on you, I have been having all these feelings.”

  I took a step toward Ben.

  “You’re kidding right? Ben, we’ve known each other for too long. You love George. I’ve never been able to compete with that. I don’t know what you think you’re feeling but you’ve got it wrong. I’ll admit that there were times I wished you could love me because I’m comfortable with you, but Ben, you would never be happy with me.”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30