The Summer List, page 8
9
mackenzie
Troy went from good to absolutely amazing last night. He didn’t say anything about going on a date. He managed to gloss over it completely, and I didn’t ask again. I’m not even mad about it. Well, maybe a little.
We spent another night texting for hours. There were even a few messages this morning when I woke up. I have been in a dream-like state all day. I’m not even living in reality right now. I’m just floating around.
I used to watch those stupid reality t.v. shows and wonder how these idiots fell for each other so quickly. It didn’t seem possible or real. Now I get it. I have been drinking in everything Troy Bishop for the last seventy-two hours, and I am intoxicated.
I can’t explain it. I don’t understand it. But I don’t want it to stop.
"Absolute worst-case scenario he takes a screenshot and sends it to everyone at school," Nat says as she braids my hair. This was an outcome I hadn't thought of. It immediately makes me sick to my stomach.
"So, you think I should ask him again?" I’ve been staring at my phone the last hour debating. Do I risk the humiliation of asking Troy to hang out again or wait for him to make a move? “I’m tired of just texting. I want to be close to him. I want to sit down face to face and have a conversation.”
“Just a conversation?” Nat asks, nudging me in the back with her elbow. My cheeks flush instantly at the thought of physically touching Troy. Just a brush of his pinky would send me over the edge.
“Stop!” I squealed.
“You know he was over here earlier today.”
“And you didn’t text me?” I would have run over here so fast.
“I honestly didn’t think about it. I’m so used to Connor and Troy coming and going.” And not used to your best friend talking to one of them. She didn’t have to say it, but I know that’s what she is thinking.
“It’s fine. I would have said something dumb. This is probably all in my head anyway. Guys like Troy don’t like girls like me.” If Nat weren’t yanking on my head every two minutes, I would believe it was all a dream. But that pain is real.
“You know what your problem is?”
“Please tell me. This should be good.” I wince as she pulls my hair tighter.
“You don’t give yourself a chance. You self-deprecate. You know why Olivia hates you?” I shrug. “Because she isn’t you. She knows how pretty you are. She knows you are better than her. She knows you could snap your fingers and have those guys eating out of the palm of your hands if you had the nerve. So yes! Text that tall glass of water, tell him you’re thirsty and make him take you out somewhere.”
“How am I going to do this without you?" I say, squeezing her arm without disturbing her hands while they braid. I don’t believe for one second Olivia is jealous of me. Who in their right mind would ever want to be me?
Orphan. Mack truck.
My mind slips somewhere beyond this room. Someone is singing or humming behind me. It’s beautiful even if it’s slightly off-key. I’m reading a book, and I can feel their fingers weaving through my hair. Or is it Nat? No, it’s not Nat. Her hands feel different on my hair. Her smell. It’s sweet and citrusy.
The pain hits me. I wince, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
I snap back to reality as Nat tugs on my hair again. The song from my memory is still singing in my head.
"You aren't going to do this alone. You are going to text me every day. Now text him. Tell him to take you out on a date." I try to focus on Nat’s words.
I let out a breath and steel myself. I can do this.
ME: Hey. So, maybe you missed my text, but I think we should hang out sometime. Grab dinner or something. When are you free?
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Now I wait.
“He’ll text you. Relax. He wouldn’t spend all that time texting you each night if he didn’t like you.”
“Or he’s bored. Or he thinks it’s funny. Or he’s sitting down at Birdie’s with Connor and Nate, and they are all laughing at how stupid I am.” Oh, God. What if this is just one big set-up? “Distract me. I’m starting to hyperventilate.”
“No. Just no. No way Nate would let that happen to you.” Not helping. Why would she say that? How does she know what Nate would do for me? “I’m the one who should be freaking out. I am about to leave with my boyfriend on a family vacation. What the hell am I thinking?”
"Are you still nervous?" Dillon will be here in an hour. She is staying at his house tonight, and then they leave first thing in the morning for Missouri.
"Terrified." Natalie yanks at my hair a few times, making me cringe. "But also excited about the possibilities and the adventure."
"But I thought you were going for the education?" I tease, and she pulls my hair harder. "Owww!"
“It’s just a long time to be with him and be without you.” I swallow the lump in my throat. "Done," she says, patting my back releasing me from my seat.
I take a look in the mirror. It's the perfect fishtail braid. The braid is a little wild, but I love it like that. It's the kind of style that looks effortless but takes hours of work. I plop back on the bed, careful not to mess up all Natalie's hard work.
"I’m not going anywhere. You text me, call me, video chat, whatever you need. Focus on the exciting parts. Don’t be like me and think of the worst-case scenario. You aren’t allowed to do that. If we both start acting like that, then who will rescue us from ourselves? What are you looking forward to?"
"Getting out of this town." Her words floated in the air before I felt their weight. She can’t wait to escape this place. "Don't look at me like that."
"I can't help it. It makes me sad to think we are running out of time. We only have two more summers together before you run off to college."
"Who says?"'
"I do. This trip is going to solidify you and Dillon. You will go off to college together, get married, and have cute babies." Natalie is standing by her dresser with her back to me. She grabs a few things from the top drawer and puts them into her backpack. "All I know is, if you aren't staying here, then neither am I."
"We are making a pact." Natalie walks over and takes my hands in hers. "No matter where we are in our lives, we are always going to spend part of the summer together."
"Only part?" I question with a pout. Natalie tilts her head and narrows her eyes. "Fine, but doesn't an entire summer at the lake sound amazing?" Natalie freezes, and her eyes go wide.
"Do you remember?"
"Remember what?"
She hesitates before answering me. "Nothing. Summers at the lake would be incredible."
I need this promise. I need to know that no matter what, I always have Natalie. I don't know what would have happened to me if we didn't start making the summer lists. No one else gets it. Nate has already told me several times how stupid it is, but he doesn't understand. He didn’t lose his parents. I did.
The summer my parents died, Cindy was a wreck. She had spiraled down to the bottom of a vodka bottle and was completely undone. Her grief for her brother consumed her. Cindy went to work then spent the rest of her night drinking until she fell asleep. This was the cycle every day on repeat. If she didn't have to work, she would start drinking as soon as she woke up.
That summer, I remember spending lots of time in my room reading, preparing microwave meals for dinner, and doing late-night channel surfing. I was sad and lonely. My memories of my parents were starting to fade, and I remember feeling lost.
It didn't help that I also lost Nate. When I needed him most, he pulled away. Natalie, however, drew closer. She came up with the idea to list out everything we wanted to do during our summer break. Twelve weeks of doing whatever crazy thing we could come up with. It was the perfect distraction.
"How much longer do we have?" I ask, suddenly feeling a hole starting to form in my heart.
Natalie checks the time on her phone. "A few minutes. He's probably on his way." I’m starting to panic. This is happening. She is leaving.
"You are going to have the best time." I don't know if I'm trying to reassure her or myself.
Nat opens her bedroom door and shoves her luggage into the hallway. Nate is waiting for her on the landing. He brings her bags downstairs for her. Watching them interact made me a little envious. Is it possible to miss a friendship you don't even remember?
"He's here," Nat says, looking at me.
I wrap my arms around her and squeeze until my biceps tremble. I fight off the tears that are starting to bubble to the surface. Before Nat lets me go, she whispers, "You're going to be fine. You've always been the strong one." Nat pulls away, reassuring me.
I open my mouth to say something, but I'm cut short by my phone signaling a new text message. Nat and I look at each other with wide eyes, then sprint back to her room to find my phone.
I stop breathing when I read the message.
TROY: How about the bluffs tonight?
"The bluffs!" We scream in unison.
"What do I do?" I ask, panicking.
"Tell him yes!" Nat says. Nate was watching us with his arms crossed and a clenched jaw. "You better text me as soon as you get home tonight. I want to know everything."
This is all too much. Natalie is leaving, and I am going to The Bluffs with Troy. I give Nat one last hug and watch her from the top of the stairs as she says goodbye to her mom and dad. I feel a pinch in my heart at the thought that enters my mind. I will never be able to hug and kiss my parents goodbye again. All my goodbyes have already been said.
Natalie looks up at me one last time and waves goodbye before going out the front door. I return a timid wave.
I turn, and Nate is still standing behind me with his arms crossed. He is staring me down as I go back into Natalie's room to get my things.
Nate doesn't want me to go to the bluffs. I'm breaking the deal I made. He doesn't want me to be around his friends, and that will happen tonight. Sorry, Nate, you brought this upon yourself.
"I gotta go get ready for my date. I guess I'll see you later tonight." I say, smiling as I bounce down the stairs to get ready for Troy.
Nate's anger is burning into my back the entire way down the stairs.
10
nate
It was her smirk that pushed me over the edge. Mackenzie skipped down the stairs knowing she broke one of our rules. No friends. There is nothing I can do about it. This was my fault. I gave Troy her number. I didn't think he would actually text her. Let alone invite her to the bluffs. Fuck. What have I done? He doesn't even know her. Mackenzie doesn’t belong at the bluffs.
I find my mini basketball under my desk and slam it against the wall. The bluffs are where kids go to get drunk or high. We play loud music and jump off the cliffs into the river. You don’t bring girls like Mackenzie to the bluffs. There is only one reason to bring a girl out there.
SLAM.
The ball bounces past my face onto the floor.
What does Mackenzie think the bluffs are? A fucking picnic? Troy didn’t say anything about her when he came over this afternoon. He could have told me what he was planning to do. Now that I think about it, he hasn’t mentioned her at all. He’s been secretive about her.
I find the basketball under my bed and fire it against the wall again.
I should have said something to Mackenzie at her house. I tried to tell her he wasn’t who she thought he was, but she didn’t listen. Mackenzie has always been too independent and stubborn for her own good. She hides herself at school, but I remember what she was like before everything happened.
I haven’t forgotten her face from the other day either. Troy is making her happy. Something no one else has been able to do in a long time, except for Natalie, of course. I should let her enjoy it while she can. But that’s the thing. I do know Troy, and he isn’t who she thinks he is.
She will learn the truth about him tonight.
Getting ready, I have the same feeling in the pit of my stomach as I do before a big game. I've been to the bluffs hundreds of times, but tonight will be different. Tonight Mackenzie will be there, and everything will change.
I pull into the clearing and find a spot next to Sam. Troy's mustang isn't in the sea of cars. They aren't here yet. I'm mad at myself for even looking. I take a deep breath and pull in the scent of burning wood, gasoline, and pot. I walk through the cars to the path that leads to the river. The sand and gravel shift under my feet with each step.
The riverbank is lit with several small bonfires. Clusters of people surround each one. I pass the first group and give Kyle a fist bump. He offers me a drink in a red solo cup. Beer. I see the keg hidden behind the rest of the group. I turn him down and keep trudging through the sand and rocks, looking for Sam and Connor.
The sun was starting to set and showing off a thin sliver of orange matching the fires. By dusk, the entire bank will be packed with Willow Park High School's elite. The Bluffs are invite-only, which explains part of Mackenzie's excitement. Troy is the other part. I let out a low growl.
Halfway down the bank, I spot Connor. He is adding more wood to the fire. Olivia and Lily are sitting with their backs to the river. Lily is watching Sam intensely while he tells an animated story. Olivia looks bored, wearing her usual scowl on her face.
"Bro!" Connor yells at me with his arms in the air. I jog up to him and slap his hand twice. "What took you so long?"
"He's right on time," Olivia answers for me. She gets up and stands next to me.
"Hey, Liv." I cringe when she reaches for my arm. If she notices, she plays it off well. Olivia is a beautiful girl, but it's all surface-level. As much as she wants to connect, it will never happen.
I give Sam a double low five and nod at Lily. Olivia has already found a seat next to her again.
"How are you holding up?" Sam asks me. I pull my eyebrows together, wondering what he is talking about. "Nat left today, right?"
"Oh, that? Do you mean no more classical music or loud talking? No more of her crap all over the bathroom. Yeah, man, I'm good."
"And no more Mackenzie Turner," Olivia adds. "That has to be the worst." I wouldn't call it the worst.
"T wouldn't call it the worst," Connor says, reading my mind.
"Ask them," Olivia whispers to Lily with her eyes wide.
"No, you," Lily replies. Sam and I are the only ones in earshot, but he is oblivious as usual. “I can't ask because..." Olivia covers her mouth to say the rest.
With a huff, Lily asks, "Uh, why would Troy be happy with Mackenzie hanging around exactly?"
My eyes ping pong between Connor and Sam, silently urging one of them to take the lead and answer the girls. I already know Olivia won't like Troy's interest in Mackenzie. I don't know when or why it started, but she is not a fan of Mack. I can only assume it has something to do with me.
Olivia's eyes went wide, and her mouth gaped open. "You have got to be kidding me," she says cutting into my thoughts. I follow her gaze and look behind me. Troy and Mack are making their way through the mobs. "What is she doing here?"
"Troy invited her," Connor says, gearing himself up for a catfight.
Olivia is having a fit beside me, but I can't hear any of it. All I can focus on is Mackenzie. Her arms are clinched tight to her side as she slides between the mob. She is paying more attention to her feet than all the people around her. If Mack isn’t careful, she's going to tear a hole into her bottom lip.
She's entirely out of her element.
Troy has one hand on the small of her back, leading her forward, and the other is holding a beer and a blanket. My shoulders tense up, and I spin my head around, cracking my neck. Anxiety is slowly starting to build up again in my gut. I already know tonight is not going to end well. At least not in my favor.
"Well, look who decided to show up," Connor says. "And you brought a new friend."
Troy makes his rounds giving Sam and me fist bumps. I indulge him but keep my focus on Mackenzie. He holds his cup up to Connor to cheers. "You guys know Mack."
"Hi," Mackenzie says to everyone offering a timid wave with her arms still crossed, and follows Troy around to the other side of the fire. I greet her with a nod, and she responds with a half-smile.
"We're happy you could make it," Lily says and walks over to where Sam is standing. "Right, guys." She elbows Sam in his gut.
"Uh-huh. Yeah," Sam says to Mackenzie. "You don't have to hit me so hard. You have really pointy elbows," he says to Lily.
I take a seat on one of the empty logs laid out around the bonfire. Sam and Lily do the same. Troy and Connor mess around with fire. They are taking turns pouring gasoline on the logs. They both holler when the flames shoot up into the darkness.
I catch glimpses of Mackenzie in between the flames. Her eyes are darting from the river to the high cliff behind her and then back to Troy. I can only imagine her texts to Natalie tonight. She would tell Nat how the river was hypnotizing with the moon reflecting in the water. Mackenzie would confess how terrifying the bluff cliff looked, but she was intrigued when kids jumped off them into the dark water below without a second thought. Mack would tell her about Troy. About how close he sat beside her. She would replay their conversation word for word.
I wish I could hear what they were talking about. The fire is crackling, and the music down the bank is drowning out their whispers. Or I should say Troy's because Mack isn't talking much at all.
"That is an interesting development."
"Huh?" I ask as Olivia sits down beside me.
"Troy and Mackenzie. How did they even meet? They have absolutely nothing in common." Her tone is sharp. But for once, I agree with her. They are an odd match.
"He ran into her at my house. She was leaving my..." I catch myself before admitting Mackenzie was in my room. I wasn't ready for that interrogation. Especially not from Olivia. "Kitchen."
"Your kitchen? Okay, and what they just hit it off?"
"It was love at first sight Liv." I joke, but she's not amused. Olivia's eyes narrow and target Mack. "He said she was hot-"
