The Summer List, page 17
“And that made you sad?”
“Yes and no. I started to cry because Cindy talked about them. She’s never done that before. Not without getting angry, at least.”
“Small miracles,” I say, raising my glass. Mack clinks her glass against mine before taking a small sip. This was a big miracle, and one Mackenzie has been praying would happen for a long time now.
“Tell me a secret,” She says, fumbling with her napkin.
I watch the candle flicker as I dig through my memories of her.
“When I saw you tonight, it reminded me of seventh-grade winter formal.” We rented a limo with Connor and Troy. My mom said if I wanted a limo, then I had to let Natalie use it too. It was the only way. Of course, if Natalie went, Mackenzie did too.
“You and Natalie were taking too long. The guys and I were getting impatient. I remember Connor screaming for Natalie. But then you appeared in that green dress that matched your eyes.” I say, looking into those eyes now. “There weren’t enough adjectives to say how beautiful you looked that night.”
“You never said anything. You didn’t talk to me the entire night.”
“I wanted to.”
“Did you? Because I distinctly remember you kissing Olivia that night.”
I drop my head embarrassed. I didn’t know she saw that. I look back up at her and smile slightly. It’s all I can manage. “We were playing truth or dare. Very middle school of us, I realize. Lily dared me to kiss the girl I liked.”
Anger floods her face. Mack is looking down at her hands as she starts to pick them apart at the nail bed. “I looked for you,” I say, and she freezes, staring at me again. “You were dancing with Daniel Brooks.” Douchebag Daniel. “You were laughing. You were happy. I hadn’t seen you laugh like that in a long time. I didn’t want to ruin your fun. So, I just gave Liv what she wanted and walked away. I spent the rest of the night in the limo.”
Neither one of us said anything for a few minutes. I wish I knew what she was thinking—probably calling me a coward or cursing me out in her head. Maybe wondering how different things would be now if I had the balls to cut in.
“Natalie was a few feet behind him, mimicking his terrible dance moves. She kept doing this fish face thing.” Mackenzie puts her hands up to her face and flaps them like fins. Then she sucks in her cheeks and makes the most kissable fish lips I’ve ever seen. “I know it’s mean. I should have stopped her, but we always thought he looked like a fish. It was our little joke. Add in his weird dancing. It was a recipe for disaster.” Mack starts giggling at the memory, and I join her in the joke.
“There was only one person I wanted to dance with that night, Nate. When you kissed her, I cut you off again for good. I thought that was it. That kiss was the sign you would never be mine.”
I grab her hand across the table. “I have always been yours.”
The waiter comes by with our food. I give him a snarl for ruining the moment. We start to eat and find a rhythm in our conversation.
“My turn to share a secret,” she says and takes a bite of her chicken. I nod, waiting for her to continue. “I talked to your Dad.”
“You what?” I ask, putting my fork down.
“The other day, after the water fight. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t mine to share. I promise. I wouldn’t do that. I just told him I was starting to get my memories back a little. I mentioned how lucky he was to have you and Nat in his life still. Then I told him that you could use his help on the truck if he were free.”
I don’t know what to say. I search my mashed potatoes for the right words. They are as blank as I am. White clouds of nothing.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.” I finally say. I’m not mad I realize. I thought I would be, but I’m not. “I wondered why he offered to help. I figured it was my mom who said something. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she says, ping-ponging between smiling and chewing her bottom lip. I realize how much courage it took her to tell me that. And even more, courage to speak up to my dad.
I can’t even summon enough courage to do that.
She makes me want to try.
"So, what's next?" Mackenzie slaps her knees in excitement. "It's only eight o'clock. There has to be something else to do before we go home."
"Like what? I planned dinner. You pick what's next."
"Okay. Let me think." Mackenzie twists and turns in the car, checking out each strip mall we pass. "There," she says, pointing out the window when I pull up to the stoplight.
"The skating rink? You've got to be joking."
"I wouldn't joke about such a thing. You were the one who suggested it for the list anyway. If it weren't for you, I never would have recommended it." I've never regretted something I've said so much in my life. "Oh, come on. It will be fun. Plus, it's Monday night. How busy can it be?"
"But I'm wearing khakis." Mackenzie lets out a loud belly laugh. "What? The devil invented khakis and collared shirts to make you uncomfortable in church."
"You're funny. And cute. One song, and we can leave."
I flip the turn signal on and pull into the parking lot. "Fine. One song." Mackenzie cheers in excitement then kisses me on the cheek.
The rink is a ghost town. A dozen or so kids are skating back and forth between the arcade and the rink, and a few sets of parents are scattered around; it's empty. Just the way I like it. I was never really good at roller skating. No one needs to witness what is about to happen.
I haven't been roller skating in years. In middle school, this was the thing to do on Saturday night. Mackenzie and Natalie never missed a weekend. Neither did I, unfortunately.
The building is just like I remember with the neon graffiti walls and retro carpet. I don't know why I expected it to look different. It's only been two years.
So much has changed in the past month. I just assumed everything else was changing, too, I guess.
"Do you remember how to skate?" Mackenzie asks, tying her skates up.
"I'm not sure I ever learned how to skate, but it can't be that hard.”
"Uh-huh. This should be fun," Mack says, skating away before I finish lacing up my skates.
"Mack, wait up," I say as I attempt to balance on four wheels. My foot slips from underneath me, and I start to do the splits. I catch myself on the bench next to the wall and sit down.
"Do you need a hand?" Mackenzie holds on to the edge of the wall surrounding the skating rink and extends her hand to me.
"I got it. Just give me a minute." I shuffle along the wall until I reach the end of the carpet. I step down onto the wood floor with a vice grip on the wall. I am about to let go when three little kids whiz past me, forcing me to cling to the wall again for support.
Mackenzie is in the middle of the rink waving me over. It's now or never, Harris. You can do this. Just push off the wall and glide over to her. You don't even need to move your feet. Although I think that would help.
My path is clear, and I make my move. I push off the wall and attempt to coast over to Makenzie. I didn't give myself enough momentum, so I pushed off with my left foot. As soon as I lift my foot, I start to lose my balance. Both of my feet are moving, but I'm standing still. Until I'm not standing anymore, and I'm flat on my butt.
"I'm glad I can humor you," I say on my hands and knees. I put one foot on the ground and pushed myself up carefully until I was upright again.
"Hold my hand. Just one time around, and we can go home."
"But we are having so much fun." I joke and take her hand.
Even holding her hand, I'm struggling to stay upright. Mack flips herself in front of me and begins to skate backward. I hold onto both of her hands to counterbalance my weight and keep myself upright.
"I forgot how good you were at this," I say.
"How do you know I was good at roller skating? You were always in the arcade."
"How do you know I was always in the arcade?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
Busted.
We end up skating around the rink for a few songs. By the second song, I was able to skate on my own. It was slow going, but I made it around an entire loop.
Mack is leaning against the wall waiting for me when I finish.
"Have you had enough, Harris?"
Of you? Never. I will never have enough of you.
"I could keep going if you want to," I say.
"Okay. Let's go around again." I drop my head. I was afraid she was going to say that. "I'm just kidding. Come on, let's go home."
"Thank you. I don't think I can take much more."
We take our skates off and wait our turn in line at the return counter. I'm holding my skates in one hand, Mackenzie's hand in the other. It feels good, or maybe it's being on solid ground that is making me feel better.
"Nate, Mackenzie, what are you two doing here?" Mackenzie and I both turn around to see Lily. Her eyes travel from our eyes down to our hands. We loosen our grip at the same time.
"Oh, you know, just hanging out," Mackenzie says with a grim smile. "What about you?"
"Little brother's birthday party. I wish I knew you were here. I would have hung out with you instead of his little twerp friends."
"Next time," Mackenzie says, and I nod in agreement.
It was our turn at the counter. I take Mackenzie's skates from her and take them to the clerk.
"Definitely. Sam can come too. Although I don't think he is much of a roller skater." Mack and Lily giggle together at the thought.
"I don't think Nate would mind if we skipped the skating too," Mackenzie says.
“Definitely not.” I confirm.
"Okay, cool. Well, I better get back to the party. Nate, I'm putting you in charge of setting something up."
"Roger," I say and give her a salute.
"Bye, Mackenzie. Nate," Lily says and skates back to where her family is sitting.
"What just happened?" Mackenzie asks, looking behind her as we walk towards the door.
"No idea."
"She was nice to me."
"I think Lily is nice. She just keeps bad company."
"Are you worried she is going to say something to Olivia?" Mackenzie asks when we get to the car.
I unlock and open her door before answering. "Aren't you?"
"Does it matter if she does?"
"If you are asking me if it will change anything between us, the answer is no," I say and kiss her.
We hit traffic on the way home—one of the many drawbacks of small-town life. There is only one road in and one road out. An ambulance flew past us flashing their lights, and Mackenzie froze. I turn the volume down on the radio. Rain starts to patter on the roof of the truck. I turn the windshield wipers on as the rain gets heavier.
We begin to move forward, and Mackenzie's eyes lock on something in the distance. We inch closer, and the flashing lights get brighter. There are police cars ahead blocking off the right lane. Soon we approach a string of flares forcing us to merge.
Mackenzie's eyes begin to gloss over as we get closer to the crash. There are two ambulances and several police cars with their lights flashing. I can only see one car with its trunk smashed in and another vehicle in the ditch. I don't know if it is worse, but Mackenzie can see everything.
"Mack, don't look," I say and try to get her attention. She is unreachable. Sweat is starting to bead on her forehead despite the air conditioning, and her face has gone white.
Mackenzie’s in the car, but she’s no longer here.
She’s trapped in a nightmare.
23
mackenzie
I should get an award for the worst way to ruin a first date. I snapped out of the nightmare after a few minutes, but I couldn't speak the rest of the way home. I wanted to. I tried to tell him everything, but I was frozen. I could barely breathe, let alone explain to him what was going on.
The flashing lights, the road flares, the rain, it was a perfect storm in my mind. The picture wasn't clear, but I saw my parents. I was waving at them from the window as they got in the car. I watched them drive away until they disappeared.
Then the rain started.
It poured and poured until the blue and white lights started flashing behind the curtain of the living room window. That was all I remembered until Nate and I pulled up to the crash site.
I feel a chill roll up my body, thinking about it again. Cindy and I were at the hospital. It must have been the day after. She had fallen asleep from exhaustion, sadness, maybe a little of both. My cartoon ended, and the news started up. They were re-airing a segment about an accident on Perry's Ridge. The reporter was out in the rain. A tow truck was behind her, pulling a car out of the ditch—my parents' car.
I held myself together the best I could. I thanked Nate for a beautiful night and even let him kiss me goodnight. Then I closed the door with him standing on the front porch.
Work is the last place I want to be right now. I already asked George if I could leave at least five times. I told him I had women's problems. He wasn't swayed. Now I'm stuck price-checking books in the young adult section for the rest of the day. Nate will probably be gone by the time I get home.
I want to explain why I went cold. I've never had a vision so clear before. I usually only see a picture flash, but this entire scene was deposited back into my memory bank last night.
The bell on the front door jingles, followed by the sound of girls laughing. I stand on my toes and look over the shelf. Olivia and Lily are browsing the feature table.
"Great," I say under my breath and slam a new price sticker on a book. Just what I need. The universe is against me today. If it was only Lily, I might welcome the conversation, but of course, Olivia had to come too. Maybe they will get bored and leave. I doubt either actually want a book.
"This one looks interesting." I think that was Lily. She doesn't have the annoying nasal thing happening in her voice as Olivia does.
"Sure. Like I was saying earlier," Yep. That's Olivia. Gosh, her voice is annoying. It would be more pleasing to hear someone scratch their nails down a chalkboard over and over. I shudder. "Nate explained about last night."
Last night? Wait, what is she talking about? I stop what I'm doing and listen closer.
"He said they went skating because it was on some list. I don't know." I gasp and cover my mouth.
Did he tell Olivia about the list?
He wouldn’t do that.
Would he?
"Nate said he started hanging out with Mackenzie because he wanted to use her garage. Then Nate thought maybe he could help her. She has so many issues. Poor girl. What a charity case."
Use her.
Issues.
Charity case.
I don't know what Lily is doing, but she isn't talking. "Anyway, he said once Nat is back, everything should go back to the way it was. What a relief!"
This bitch. She will not make me cry.
I push down all the rage and hurt I feel.
Rage at her.
Hurt from Nate.
I've been doing this for years.
There's no reason why I can't do it again.
Lily and Olivia are standing in front of my library cart when I turn around.
"Oh, hi Mack. I didn't know you worked here. How cute. Isn't that cute, Lily?"
I’m going to punch her.
No.
I’m going to pull her throat out.
Then she can’t spread her bullshit around anymore.
"Hi Mack," Lily says almost apologetically.
I know what Olivia is doing. We both do. I wish I knew what Lily told her about last night. Clearly, she said something since she was the only one who saw us.
This is precisely what I was afraid would happen.
"Can I help you with anything?" I ask, trying to stay professional.
"No. We don't need any dusty books." Olivia says with her nose up in the air.
"I better get back to work then. Have a nice day."
The garage door is open when I pull up to the house. All day I couldn't wait to talk to him. All day. Then Olivia happened, and now I want him gone.
How could he tell her about the list?
Why would he do that to me?
I throw my bag on the kitchen table and get the first bag of chips I can find in the cabinet. I need to eat so I don't scream my head off. Nate opens the garage door, and my face turns sour.
"Bad day at work?" He asks and gets a drink out of the fridge.
"What did you tell Olivia?" I blurt out.
"What are you talking about? I don't talk to Olivia." He leans against the counter across from me.
"Funny. She showed up at the bookstore and had a lot to say about a conversation the two of you had last night after our date."
"I didn’t talk to Olivia last night. I haven’t in weeks. She’s trying to get to you. Don’t listen to her. Ignore her like I do.” He smirks. He has the nerve to smirk at me right now.
"So, it's just a coincidence then that she knows about the list? And you aren’t trying to help me with my issues? She just made that up all on her own in that pretty little head of hers." Nate's head drops to the floor.
"Let me explain."
"Oh, please do. This should be good." I stuff a few more chips into my mouth.
"I told Sam."
"You told Sam what exactly?"
"I told him about the list."
"That's it? You just said, Hey Sam, there's this list. I'm going to need more than that."
"Argh..." Nate took his hat off and scratched his head before putting it back on again. "I'm going to start with saying I'm sorry." Pfft. Don't bother. "Sam is my best friend. I tell him everything. He tells me everything."
"Best friend or not, the list was off the table."
"Did you tell Natalie about what we were doing? About us?" He asks.
"No. I wanted to tell her everything in person. I’m glad I didn’t waste my breath.”
Nate stiffens.
Rock-solid.
The Grand Canyon.
"I didn’t have a choice. The guys were making plans. I knew they would start wondering where I was. I asked Sam to help cover for me. He said he would, but I had to tell him why."
