The Summer List, page 11
"Uh-huh. Sounds good."
Once she clears the door, I stretch my legs out until my heels reach the end of the bed. It helps a little. I lift the covers, look down at my junk, then let the sheet slowly fall back down, enjoying the cool air.
It's going to be a long day. I think as I slam a pillow over my head and let out a deep growl.
Mackenzie has a few fishing poles and a cooler sitting outside her porch. I threw them in the back of the truck with the chairs and gear I already had in there.
I have no idea how today is going to go. The plan was to start helping Mackenzie get her memories back today. But since I royally fucked up with the text message thing, I have no idea if she will be open to anything I have to say.
Mackenzie hasn't been to the lake house in years. My gut tells me this is the right place to help her. If she doesn't remember all the summers we spent here, I don’t know what will help. This is the biggest trick in my book.
"Sorry, I had to grab a few more things." Mack came out of the house, interrupting my thoughts. She bounces down the steps with her hair haphazardly on the top of her head.
Mackenzie brings the bag to the back of the truck, and I help her heave it over the side. "What do you have in here Turner? Books?" I ask. She ignores me and starts walking over to the passenger side. "You do have books. We're going fishing, Turner. Not the library." I shake my head and smile as I slide into the driver's seat.
I rev the engine and put the truck in reverse. Out of habit, I place my hand on the headrest behind Mack. She shifts her weight and leans into the door. The air conditioning sends a surge of lavender in my direction, reminding me of my dream. I bite my bottom lip to contain my smile.
The drive to the lake was quiet except for the music playing on the radio. I didn't expect Mack to say much. I know part of her is still mad at me, but I catch her eyes on me now and then. At least, I think she is looking at me. Maybe I just want her to be.
“I know you’re still mad.” I blurt out, cutting the silence.
“What makes you say that?” She asks. “Oh right. You know me so well now. I forgot.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“I’m going to need you to stop saying that. I don’t want any more apologies. It’s done. I’m embarrassed enough. Can we move on please?”
“Yeah, sure.” I look over to her, but she is already staring out the window again.
Why is she letting me off the hook? I would prefer her to be angry.
"How far away is this place?" Mackenzie asks, peering out her window as we pass another mile marker.
"Almost there. I promise it will be worth the drive." Mackenzie tucks a strand of hair behind her ear that has fallen loose from the air blowing on her and returns to watching the trees blur by.
The lake house is hidden in the backwoods. It took me a few trips to memorize the route. The roads twist and turn through the countryside. If you aren't careful, you will miss the gravel drive that leads to the Turner's lake house.
Mackenzie sat up straight once we made the turn. After a few miles, the trees start to disappear to reveal the beauty of the lake and mountains just out of reach. I pull up in my usual spot close to the house. It's old and weathered now.
The house needs a new roof, running water, electricity, and the porch is starting to cave in. If I didn't know how special it was, I would suggest tearing it down and starting over.
"Is this someone's private property? Are we trespassing?" Mack asks, taking in her surroundings. "Where are we exactly?"
"Heaven." I know she wants a real answer, but I don't think she is ready for the truth. "The property has been abandoned. Kind of."
"Kind of?"
"No one has been here in years. Except for me, but I never go in the house. I just come to fish. Relax. It's fine. Trust me." I get out of the truck and start unloading our gear. Cooler in hand, I head towards the dock. Mack is sitting in the truck, frozen, focusing on the house. She looks like she is hypnotized or something.
"Hey!" Mack jumps, and her eyes meet mine. Her face has gone pale, and her eyes are vacant. I've never seen her like this before. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah. This place is just a little creepy. It looks like something in a horror film." She climbs down and joins me.
"It's not that scary."
"No. It definitely looks like the kind of place a serial killer would live. There is probably some crazy guy hiding in the woods with a knife right now."
"You either watch too many movies or read too many books. I'm not sure which is feeding you with these crazy ideas. Either way, it's fine. No one is going to find us out here. This place is basically in the middle of nowhere," I say, handing her the fishing poles and tackle box and walk away.
"See, that doesn't help. If a serial killer is lurking in the woods, I would kind of prefer someone to be able to find us."
"Come on, Turner," I say, laughing at her. "The fish are waiting." The tackle box clatters behind me as Mack rushes to my side.
The dock isn't much to look at. Pieces of wood are either loose or starting to rot. I show Mackenzie where to step to avoid the broken boards. One wrong move, and your foot will be in the water.
The private cove is the real beauty of the property. You are immersed in a sea of trees and mountains, and the lake is serene and vast. Mackenzie drops the fishing gear and drifts to the end of the dock.
"It's beautiful here," Mackenzie says, taking in the view. The mountains and the trees mirror themselves in the still waters of the lake.
"Yes, it is," I say, meeting her gaze. "Ahem. Should we set up here?" I ask, pointing to the middle of the dock.
"Sure. I've never heard you mention this place before." Mack says, opening up one of the camp chairs.
"We don't really talk."
"Right." Mack smiled on one side of her mouth and sat down. “But apparently, we text.” I close my eyes and let out a deep breath.
I am about to apologize again, but she grins mischievously when I open my eyes back up. She is playing me, and I’m scared.
I open up the tackle box and search for a hook and the lure I want to use. "Do you need help setting your bait?" I ask.
"We're actually going to fish?" Mack asks with her nose scrunched up.
"Yesssssss. Why wouldn't we?"
"Nat and I usually just sit and read." She grabbed one of the books from her bag and held it up.
"You're kidding me. Well, not today. Come here."
Mack slants her eyes and lets out a sigh. "Fine, but I'm not touching any worms." She drops her book on the chair and shuffles over to me. "So, what do I need to do?"
She leans in close as my hands struggle to tie the first knot. The hook slips out of my hand, and I laugh off my mistake. Mackenzie doesn't seem to notice. Her eyes stay glued to my hands and how I manipulate the thin line.
"How did you learn how to do all this?"
Your dad.
"Around. The internet." I finish tying off my line and then find a hook for her. "Alright, it's your turn to try."
Mack bites her bottom lip and wipes her palms on her shorts. She ties the first knot, but the hook slips right out. "I'm not very good at this."
"It's your first time. It's easier if you hold the hook in your hand like this." I take her hand and place the hook between her thumb and pointer finger. "You get a better grip this way. Perfect." She ties off the last knot, and a smile sweeps over her face. "You're a natural," I say, smiling back.
"Thanks. You'll do the wormy thing for me?"
"Yes. I'll do the wormy thing." I dig through the bait bucket until I find a worm. Mackenzie's nose scrunches together as I push the worm down on the hook. "You doing okay? You think this little guy is gross?" I held the worm up closer to her face. "I think he's offended." Mackenzie looks away as she starts to gag a little. I don't think I've ever seen someone look so adorable when they are about to lose their lunch.
With the worm attached, I hand over the fishing pole. She grips the pole carefully. She is keeping the worm end as far away from her as possible.
"Now what? Do I just drop it in the water?"
"Not exactly. You have to cast it in. Like this." I flick the fishing pole behind me and let the lure fly out into the water.
Mackenzie pulls the fishing pole behind her, ducking away from the line. When she throws the line forward, she almost throws herself in the lake too. I grab her by the waist and steady her back on the dock.
"You make this look easy."
"It's not that hard when you aren't trying to dodge a worm." Her body bounces against mine as she laughs. I brace myself as I move in closer to help her adjust her grip on the pole. I put my hand over hers and showed her how to whip it back and forth. "You got it. Stop thinking about the worm."
Her line drops in the water, and I rig her pole in her chair like I did mine. Mackenzie sits down and goes right back to her book.
"How long does it take to catch a fish exactly?" She asks.
"Not as long as it would take you and Nat."
"Very funny," she says and starts reading again.
"What are you reading?" I ask as I dig a few drinks out of the cooler. I pass her a soda and sit down beside her.
"Thanks. Sense and Sensibility," she says, holding up the book.
"Never heard of it."
"Jane Austen."
"I have heard of her. What's it about?"
"Um, basically, it's about the love lives of two sisters. One of them represents sense and thinks very logically. The other represents sensibility and bases all decisions on emotions."
"And which one are you?"
"I don't know. I never really thought about it."
"You don't put yourself in the book? Pretend to be one of the characters? I do whenever I read a book."
"I do. When do you read?"
"More often than you think. Now, which one are you? Sense or sensibility?"
"I guess Marianne. The sensibility one. She falls for the guy who is whimsy like her instead of the steady, sensible one that has been true to her the whole time."
"Interesting. Does she ever go for the other guy?"
"Not sure. I haven't gotten to the end yet."
"Hmm."
"I hate it when you do that. You hmm and hmph me all the time. I wish you would just tell me what you are thinking."
"It's funny to me you think you are someone who makes decisions based on emotion. I don't think I've seen you show any emotion ever. Except for anger." Mack scowls at me. "See, you have that one nailed."
There is a pair of jet skiers off in the distance. They are whipping around doing figure eights across the water. They send waves across the entire lake. It's a faint ripple by the time it reaches our dock.
"How much of it was real, Nate?" Mackenzie asks, still watching the jet skis.
“Huh?”
“The texts. I reread them all after you dropped me off.” Shit. Mackenzie lets out a deep breath before continuing. “You said a lot of things. Asked a lot of questions.” Her green eyes are slicing me to shreds.
“I lied about the ice cream.”
“That I knew Captain Obvious,” she says and then takes a sip of her drink. “I’m mad at myself. I should have known it was you. You called me Turner. No one else calls me that.”
“I was afraid you would call me out when I let that slip.”
“Lucky for you, I was too wrapped up in the illusion.” She looks over to me and asks, “Football?”
“I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it.”
“And your other hobby? What was it? Girls?” My cheeks flush.
“If I said fixing cars and trucks, it would have been a dead giveaway. Girls felt like something Troy would say.”
Mackenzie pulled out her phone and started scrolling. “And when you said you had something I could snack on…” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “That was you being you or pretending to be Troy?” Mackenzie narrows her eyes on me and parts her lips just enough to send me to the edge. “You know how much I like snacks. It’s not fun to tease me with yours.”
And I’m over the edge. She pushed me over, and I’m drowning in the thought of her devouring me one nibble at a time. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes up. I take a sip of my drink to try and swallow my shame.
Mackenzie lets out a howl of laughter. Tears are streaming down her face. She is laughing so hard. “You should see your face. Oh my gosh. I’m dying. I can’t breathe.”
Mack wipes the tears from her face and slowly composes herself again.
“That wasn’t funny.” It’s all I could say as I readjust myself in my chair. “You are an evil woman.”
“Oh, come on. Let me have my fun. You got to ask all these questions, knowing it was me. It only seems fair I get to have a little payback.”
“Is there something you would like to ask me? Go ahead. I have nothing to hide.” Lies. I have everything to hide. This girl has me by the balls. I wasn’t lying when I told her she would end up destroying me. I mean it in every sense of the word.
"Hmm..." She glances over at me with a devilish smile. "I want to know about your dad. I know what Nat tells me. It’s not a secret, but you said you hated him. Why don't you talk to him about it?"
"Ahhhh..." I stretch back in my chair and take my hat off. Running my fingers through my hair before I put it back on. I don't want to talk about my dad. Not here. "My dad. He's not around long enough to listen. I'm not sure there would be a point. I've spent my entire life trying to please him. I work hard at school. I play football for him. I'm not going to beg the man to spend time with me."
Mackenzie drops her head and goes back to her book. "What? You want to say something. Just spit it out." I tell her.
She closes her book again and twists her body to face me. "It's just...you only have one life. You have one dad. I don't want you not to say something and have regrets." Mackenzie lowers her eyes and begins to pick at her nail beds.
"I'm sorry, Mack. I didn't even think about..."
"It's fine." She turns back in her chair. "Do you want to know why I don't show emotions? I don't know how to without..."
Mackenzie didn't get a chance to finish her thought. Her fishing line starts to jerk around in the water. "Mack, your line. Grab your pole." I yell, pointing at her fishing pole.
"Oh my god! What do I do?" She exclaims, grabbing hold of her fishing pole. Mack stands up as the strength of the fish pulls her closer to the water. "What do I do? Nate, help me!"
"Calm down. Start cranking the handle." I stand up and get behind her. I can’t help but notice how she fits perfectly inside my arms. I help her hold the pole steady while she begins to wrestle the fish in. "You got this. Keep going." I step away and let her do the rest by herself.
Mack looks over at me with fear in her eyes. "Wait, where are you going?" Mack moves back and forth with the force of the fish. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"Just keep reeling him in." I pull out my phone to get a video of her. I want her to have something to remember this moment. I want her to see herself happy. "Here, he comes. Keep going."
"My arms are burning," she says as she furiously cranks the handle. Finally, the catfish pops out of the water. "Holy shit! I did it!!!" She spins the rod around and drops the fish on the dock. "What do we do with it?" She asks as she shakes out her arms.
"Well, we unhook him, take your picture, and throw him back."
"What? Throw him back? After all that work?"
I put my phone down and unhooked the fish for her. "Here, hold him up."
"I don't know about this." I pass her the fish, and she holds it up as far away from her as possible.
"Smile," I say and take a few photos of her while the fish jerks around in her hands. "For your wall." She smiles and tosses the fish back into the lake.
"That wasn't terrible," Mackenzie says, wiping her hands off on her towel. "Kind of satisfying." She opens up the cooler and takes out a sandwich. "Want one?"
"Sure. You've worked up an appetite," I say as she pulls more food out from the cooler.
"Don't judge."
"I'm not. I'm impressed," I say and take a big bite of my sandwich. "So, you've never been here before?"
"To the murderous lodge on the lake? No, I've never been here. Why?"
"This is your family's property. Your dad fished here all the time." Mack stops eating. "Yeah, he, uh, took me here years ago. Back when you and Nat were at your girl adventure thing or whatever it was called. I guess he didn't want me to be left out. And you know my dad..." Mack is staring out over the water. Her face is stone. "Anyway, this place is theirs. Yours."
"You shouldn't have brought me here."
"I thought maybe it would help you remember. Don't you want to remember?" Mack gets up and walks to the end of the dock, and I follow her. "He loved you a lot. They both did. They would want you to remember them. To think about them."
"Stop. Please, just stop," she says, turning to face me. Mack closes her eyes, and a single tear trickles down her cheek. She takes a breath and opens her eyes. "Let's swim," she says, locking eyes with mine. Before I can respond, she slips off her shorts and takes off her shirt, revealing her bathing suit. I don’t even register what’s happening before I take off my tank top and hat in one movement.
Together we turn to face the water, and I slip my hand into hers. Her eyes connect with mine, and in unison, we jump into the water.
Just like we did when we were kids.
13
mackenzie
As soon as Nate slipped his hand in mine, the vision came. It was a split second, but I saw us. We were about six or seven. Natalie was there too. The three of us ran down the dock until we got to the end. With little hesitation, Nate and Natalie each grabbed one of my hands. Then we leaped into the water.
This memory is like a favorite song. I play it in my mind all day. Each time I was trying to recall a new detail. The color of my bathing suit. Purple with white polka dots. The way Nat had her hair. Dutch braids. The person standing behind us as we ran. My mom.
I've fought the memories for so long. It feels weird to let one of them sneak back in finally.
